Part Twelve
The lecture hall was in an uproar. Sully could see that Dr. Mike had not been prepared for William to invite her to speak in his stead. He rose and helped her from her seat as dazed, she went forward and William escorted her to the lectern. Sully was stunned by the reaction of the men around him. He wasn't surprised when Dr. Hanson stalked out immediately -- Dr. Mike had spoken about him -- but that so many others were expressing outrage at this turn of events truly amazed him. Dr. Mike had told him of the attitudes that had forced her to seek to set up her practice elsewhere and he had seen firsthand how Dr. Cassidy had treated her, but to see how deep the prejudice was coming from her own colleagues ... Many were young men, like William -- so why weren't they as open and accepting as he was? But Sully had always suspected William of ulterior motives. His heart went out to Dr. Mike as he saw what she'd had to endure and realized that nothing seemed to have changed. He smiled encouragement at her, hoping she could see him, as she gained the lectern and bravely began to speak, despite the continuing buzz of conversation. The sound swelled when she announced as her topic the use of dandelion root as a liver purgative, taught to her by the Cheyenne Indians. Further derisive comments were leveled at her as more of her 'esteemed' colleagues rose to leave. Sully couldn't believe it. These fellows had all heard how her own mother had been cured by the treatment, but still they dismissed it. "Shh! Sit down an' listen, why don't ya?" he said to those in his immediate vicinity, even going so far as to yank the fellow sitting next to him back down into his seat, giving him a stern look that banished further thoughts of flight. Things settled down at last and, his heart swelling with love and pride, Sully sat back to listen to Dr. Mike's talk.

Michaela stood straight and tall, buoyed by William's confidence in her and by Sully's encouraging smile. She fielded the questions and accusations flung at her by the Boston medical community and commenced reading her paper to the handful of gentlemen who were left. As she spoke, her voice gained confidence as she remembered how much she believed in what she had written and how much she wanted the world of medicine to know about and believe in these alternative cures. She thought of Cloud Dancing, patiently instructing her, of his wife, her friend Snow Bird, who welcomed her and helped her treat the men, women and children of the Cheyenne village. She thought of Chief Black Kettle and his quest for peace and of how he had given her the name 'Medicine Woman'. Proudly, and with her head held high she explained the process of gathering, brewing, dosing, bringing it all close to home with the very recent example of her mother's cure. She put her whole self into the presentation, as well as a little of everyone else who had been a part of her learning and when she was done, those who had remained leaped to their feet, bursting into spontaneous applause. Tears in her eyes, Michaela acknowledged the applause, hoping that this was a beginning -- that these few would carry what they'd heard today back to their practices and that they'd pass this knowledge on to their colleagues who had been too stubborn to stay and hear what she had to say today.

Her heart was filled with gratitude toward William who had believed in her from the beginning and who had risked the respect and esteem of his colleagues to afford her this opportunity. And perhaps, just perhaps, this was only the first of many such opportunities.

Overwhelmed, Michaela turned from the platform as William pulled her behind the curtain. To her chagrin, she found her heart was beating rapidly, as she thanked him for allowing her to present her paper. William was looking at her in a way that suddenly made her feel flushed and somewhat nervous. But she was truly grateful to him and determined to convey that gratitude. "Since Father died," she admitted, "no one has believed in me the way you do. Except Sully" she amended.

William pounced on that. "Do you love him? Has he asked for your hand?" Michaela was nonplused as William pressed on. He loved her. He was asking for her hand. He wanted them to be partners in every sense of the word -- in work, in love -- he needed to know -- did she love him?

Time seemed to stop then, freezing the moment while Michaela tried to take in what was happening. William had just proposed to her. He was offering his love, a career, a life in Boston as his partner. She could be near her family, near all that was dear and familiar to her, there would be endless educational opportunities available to the children, she could practise real medicine ... *real* medicine? A little voice inside her asked the question -- wasn't that what she had just been trying to prove she was doing in Colorado Springs?

'Do you love me?' William had asked. Her mind flashed back over the past month -- the way he had listened to her, without ridicule, without judgement, standing up to Dr. Hanson, his long-time boss ... skulking about the park to pick dandelions and sneaking through the halls of the hospital trying to get the tea to Mother undetected ... sitting across from him at a partner's desk, seeing a light of hope in his eyes ... working with him in the slums of Boston ... dancing in his arms. Was that love she had felt? Right now she felt nothing but confusion and that's what she had to tell him.

His heart in his eyes, he told her, "Take all the time you need. My proposal stands. My vow is forever." And now, even as she looked into his face, for the second time another set of features came to mind. Sully ... Annoyance snapped her out of the trance William's proposal had seemed to cast on her. Just where *was* Sully? Why hadn't he come back here after her talk? Surely he was pleased that she'd been able to speak of the Indian medicine before this august group. But no, true to form he'd apparently just taken off again ... Realizing William was still staring at her, she managed a smile. Promising to give his proposal the consideration it required, she then tried to turn the conversation to less weighty fare.

"I was so shocked when you called me up there just like that!" she said, a bit of reproach in her voice. "When you said you had a reason for my being there, I had no idea you wanted me to speak! You might have warned me," she admonished.

William threw back his head, laughing. "I was afraid if I did, that you would never have come! You'd have probably been on the first train back to Colorado Springs!"

"You're probably righ," Michaela acknowledged as they began to move toward the doors and the sunshine outside. "Actually, I was afraid I'd be speaking only to you. And Sully," She glanced around quickly but he was still nowhere in sight.

"I guess I should have bolted the doors before the meeting began," William quipped as they stepped outside.

Michaela, flushed with her success, basking in the congratulations and requests for written transcripts of her paper that were coming from the departing physicians, stood laughing with William on the steps and decided that for now, she would live in the moment. She would give William's proposal time to sink in, and make her decision after much thoughtful consideration.

Sully stood, applauding with the others, gratified that those who had stayed to listen had learned something and had appreciated what they'd heard. It could be the opening Dr. Mike needed. Maybe now as she wrote down her findings and sent them to the fancy medical magazines, they'd see fit to publish them instead of just tossing them aside because they were written by a woman.

He waited to see if she was going to come back down into the audience to meet him, but she had disappeared into an area behind the lectern. She had invited him here and he really didn't expect her just to go off without him, but when several minutes went by and she did not reappear, he made his way up to the platform, approaching from the side. His mouth tightened as he saw Dr. Mike deep in conversation with William. He was about to approach when some instinct held him back. But he couldn't help listening and in the next instant knew why you were always warned not to eavesdrop. William was asking her to marry him! He didn't realize these Boston fellows moved so fast! He waited for Dr. Mike to say no, to say she had to get back to Colorado Springs, that it was too quick and not proper, that she didn't love him. She'd been telling William that she knew, he, Sully, believed in her. 'Do you love him?' William asked and Sully held his breath listening for her answer. Instead of answering, though, she skirted the question and William was right there declaring *his* love for her and offering *his* proposal. 'Do you love me?' was his next unbelievably forward question and Dr. Mike was no more decisive in answering that one. Yes, no, maybe, sometimes? Dr. Mike, who never failed to speak her mind, quite decisively, at any other time, who was always sure of where she stood on the issues, was suddenly rendered speechless and uncertain. In disgust Sully turned away, heading back into the auditorium. He had little doubt what her eventual reply would be. Ever since he'd known her, Dr. Mike had seemed to have marriage on her mind. Well, here it was on a silver platter. He wasn't about to stand in her way. The pain inside him welled up into anger. He should probably just leave, but he wanted to seek her out and speak to her. Before he left he wanted to hear from her own lips what her decision was going to be

Part Thirteen
Sully stepped outside and squinted in the sunshine. He walked a few steps, then turned back toward the building. There they were chattering away together. Probably forgot he was even there. Composing his features, he strode over to join them. "Oh *there* you are," Dr. Mike said lightly, as if he were a wayward child who had been playing hide-and-seek with the adults.

"Wasn't she grand?" William beamed, gazing at her in a proprietary way.

That did it. Enough of these Boston manners and shilly-shallying around. Sully was going to find out once and for all where he stood and he was going to do it now. Taking Dr. Mike's arm he muttered, "Excuse us," and steered her gently but firmly down the steps and away from the crowd. They faced each other. "Are you gonna marry him?" Sully jerked his chin toward William who was still staring at them from the steps. It came out sounding accusatory but he couldn't help that. He waited for the answer.

Dr. Mike fluttered and played innocent in her best Boston manner. "I beg your pardon?" she said haughtily.

"No beggin' necessary. Just th' truth." Sully wasn't up to playing games.

Seeming somewhat shaken by his manner, Dr. Mike replied, "You were obviously eavesdropping ... "

Unwilling to be sidetracked, Sully repeated, "Just the truth!"

A moment passed, then Dr. Mike drew herself up and looked him in the eye. "Well, it's none of your business!"

Almost unbelieving, Sully stared at her. None of his business? After all they had been through together, after all that had been said and done between them? Why did she think he'd gotten all dressed up, eaten snails and listened to opera -- been a perfect 'Boston Sully' for the past few days? Why did she think he'd even *come* here in the first place? What more did he need to say or do to prove his feelings? And Dr. Mike getting married and maybe never returning to Colorado Springs was none of his business?

"Is that right?" he asked, hurt and anger evident in his voice.

Dr. Mike lifted her chin, piercing him to the heart with her look. "That's right!" Her tone brooked no argument.

That was all Sully needed to hear. He had his answer. He turned and stalked away, not looking back, flinging off the damned constricting too-hot suit coat as he went.

Michaela looked back at William in apology and helplessness as Sully dragged her down the steps and away from the crowd. A moment ago he'd finally decided to emerge from the building where he'd been doing goodness-knows-what since her talk ended. She wondered why he hadn't approached her inside. Was he upset because William had called her up to read her paper? She couldn't imagine why. Anyway, here he was with a hand tightly gripping her arm, looking decidedly grim. What he had to say, however, was the last thing she expected. "Are you gonna marry him?" indicating William with a toss of his head, disdain evident in his voice.

Trying to regain her composure, Michaela replied, "I beg your pardon?"

"No beggin' necessary -- just the truth," Sully said with a bluntness he usually reserved for negotiating with soldiers at the reservation.

So that's what he'd been doing ... listening in on her private conversation with William. Marjorie was right. He had no idea of civilized behaviour. "You were obviously eavesdropping" she accused.

"Just the truth." My, he was persistent.

Suddenly Michaela felt angry. Who did Sully think he was? When the Reverend had proposed to her Sully was right there with his 'Do you love him?' and 'Is marriage all you want?', and back before that, when she had been treating photographer Daniel Watkins late one evening, he'd been there when she exited the clinic, asking 'What's going on between you two?' Questioning, always questioning her about her male patients and whether her interest in them went beyond professionalism. She'd even had the feeling he'd been jealous of her dancing with Ethan Cooper that time, even though he had made no move himself to ask her to dance. Now he was asking about William. It made her furious. How long had she known Sully? A year and a half? But never once had he said, 'I love you', never once had he even hinted that their relationship might move beyond friendship, even though she'd given him every opportunity, done all she could to show that she was willing. But no, quite the opposite -- Sully wasn't 'ready', he cared about her but they were 'too different'. He didn't want to move on in the relationship, but he didn't seem to want her to have other relationships, either. And now William, whom she'd known only a month, had come forth with a declaration of love and a proposal, something Sully had shown no intention of doing, ever. Yet here he was, like a jealous lover, whining 'Are you marrying him?' Enough. Looking him in the eye, she declared, "Well, that is none of your business!"

Shock, hurt and then coldness seemed to pass over Sully's face like a breeze and he said with a deathly calmness, "Is that right?"

Though aching inside, Michaela steeled herself and replied, "That's right!" This was beginning to resemble a playground fight. She wondered who would 'say uncle' first.

Instead, Sully just stared at her a moment, then nodded and turned and walked away, jerking off the expensive suit coat as he went. She watched him go for a moment, then returned to William. Let Sully go off and sulk. That was what he always did when things became too difficult for him to handle. William had invited her to lunch with him. Afterwards, when she returned to the house, Sully should have cooled down a bit and perhaps then, he would be willing to converse about this as a rational adult instead of a spoiled child.

"Is everything all right?" William looked down at her in concern as she approached.

"Everything is fine" she replied, more belligerently than she meant to. She couldn't believe that Sully could make her so angry, spoiling all the good feeling she'd had from the morning's activities. Determined to allow him to upset her no longer, she smiled up at William. "Shall we go have lunch?"

William smiled back, offering his arm. "Excellent idea."

As she took his arm, Michaela resolved to banish Sully from her thoughts for the next hour or so.

Part Fourteen
Sully strode back to Beacon Hill, his thoughts dark and stormy. The phrase 'none of your business' kept echoing and re-echoing in his head. After all the time and money he'd spent ... after finally admitting to himself what his true feelings for her were to be just cut off from her life, dismissed like that ... the worst part was, he would do it again. The truth was, he still loved her.

Reaching the house he paused on the threshold to compose himself before knocking for Harrison to admit him. Another Boston thing, he reflected. Even Michaela knocked. He tried to imagine folks knocking at their own doors in Colorado Springs. Of course back home it wouldn't do any good. There were no snooty servants to open the door.

Once inside he headed straight for the stairs. "Sully!" Colleen and Brian were standing in the doorway to the parlor with Mrs. Quinn. He hesitated a moment, then continued resolutely up the stairs. He saw Mrs. Quinn's hands tighten on the kids' shoulders, but as he hurried up the stairs, they broke free and followed him. Matthew slipped into the room behind them. The children watched with wide eyes as he began throwing things into his pack.

"How was the lecture, Sully?" Brian asked with forced cheerfulness. Colleen elbowed him sharply in the ribs and Matthew gave him a dirty look.

"You ... you ain't leavin, are ya, Sully?" Colleen asked in a small voice.

"What's it look like?" Sully began, then added more gently, "Yeah, I'm leavin'. Got no more reason t' stay here. It's time t' go home."

Brian and Colleen cast worried glances at each other and then looked back at Sully. "Couldn't ya wait a couple days?" Brian begged. "I was hopin' we could all go home together!"

Matthew looked at Brian in exasperation. "When ya gonna get it through your head, Brian ... Dr. Mike ain't never goin' home -- least not t' Colorado Springs. Far as she's concerned she *is* 'home'." Turning to Sully he said, "That don't mean I gotta stay here. I wanta come back with you."

Sighing, Sully said, "I can't take ya with me, Matthew. I can't be responsible. Ya gotta clear it with Dr. Mike, first."

"Well, I'll be comin'. Soon. You tell Ingrid I'm on my way. Soon's I tell Dr. Mike." Matthew was determined.

Brian, meanwhile, was in tears, brought on by Matthew's harsh words. "Please, Sully, pleeease ... don't go yet. Stay an' talk t' Ma. She'll go back if *you* ask her to!!"

"Nobody makes Dr. Mike do what she don't want t' do" Sully repeated the words he had said to Matthew just the other day.

Colleen put a comforting arm around Brian. "At least wait 'til Dr. Mike comes home for lunch" she begged. "She'd wanna know you were leavin ... she'd wanta say good-bye to you!"

Sully pulled the last of his bundles together and turned to Colleen. "She knows where t' find me" he said shortly. Bending down he hugged Brian close. "I'm sorry, Brian" he said, his voice breaking. "This is somethin' I gotta do. I'll write ya and we'll see each other again. I promise."

Brian flung his arms around Sully's neck. "I love you, Sully" he cried.

"I love you, too, Brian" Sully gave him another squeeze and turned to Colleen.

She looked at him, her eyes part sorrowful, part accusing. "You an' Dr. Mike had disagreements b'fore ... y' always worked them out ..."

"This is different, Colleen" Sully told her regretfully. Colleen threw herself into his arms, laying her head against his chest.

"I'll miss you" she said through her tears.

"I'll miss you, too" Sully said briefly, unable to trust his voice. He turned to shake hands with Matthew. "I'll give Ingrid your love " he promised, "an' I'll tell her you're comin'."

"Thanks, Sully" Matthew said.

Sully pulled Matthew to him in a swift hug, then gathering his things, headed down the stairs, the children following like a funeral procession.

Elizabeth was waiting downstairs. "Mr. Sully" she said as he descended.

"I want to thank you, ma'am, for your hospitality," he said. "You've been very generous ..."

"Not at all, Mr. Sully. It was a pleasure to entertain someone who has been so kind to my daughter. I appreciate what you have done for her while she's been living out west." She paused, looking toward the dining room. "The train to St. Louis isn't due in for more than an hour. Won't you stay and have lunch with us before going to the station?"

Sully hesitated, then shook his head regretfully. He didn't want to risk running into Dr. Mike again. "Thank you, but ... I'd rather wait at the station." He held out his hand and Mrs. Quinn shook it warmly.

"Do come and visit us again if you're ever in the area" she said, perfect hostess to the last.

Sully nodded, allowed Brian and Colleen to cling to him for a moment more, then gently broke away, nodding to Harrison as he saw him out.

Michaela enjoyed her lunch with William, dismissing any discomfort she felt from his references to the rosy future he envisioned for them. She deftly turned the conversation in new directions each time he seemed to be trying to press her for an answer. At the same time she found herself wondering at her coyness. Why couldn't she just say yes? What was holding her back? He cared about her, he could give her and the children a good life, she could move back to Boston, be near her family, and whole new worlds of medicine would be open to her. William had promised her "a whole life waiting for her" right here in Boston. Why, then, was she hesitating? She wasn't getting any younger -- she knew she was well past the ideal age for marriage. This led her to wonder briefly why William had remained unmarried. He'd been out of school and practising for ten years. She guessed that, like her, he had just been too busy. In any event, here was the golden opportunity being offered to her ... why then was she so hesitant? Why couldn't she bring herself to accept?

William had tried to press her about what Sully had wanted when he pulled her away, afraid, she guessed, that he represented some sort of competition. That certainly didn't seem to be the case, the way he had stormed off. Well, she intended to have it out with him when she got back to the house.

Deciding she had been away from the children long enough, she thanked William profusely, promised to see him tomorrow, and allowed him to see her to her door. As she lifted the brass knocker, she wondered what Sully had been up to all this time. He probably wondered the same about her ... why she hadn't come right after him this morning. Well, it served him right to have to cool his heels for awhile. She walked inside, thanking Harrison automatically, then saw the children standing by Mother in the door to the parlor. They looked as if they'd been crying, but refused to meet her eyes. She took in their unhappy faces, the troubled atmosphere, Matthew standing on the stairs looking angry. She wondered what in the world Sully had told them. Removing her cloak, she sighed audibly. "All right. Where is Sully?"

"Gone," Matthew said in an angry voice.

Typical Sully. Whenever he got upset, he headed for the hills rather than staying and facing the problem. Impatiently she said, "Did he say when he'd be back?" She'd been looking forward to having it out with him, rehearsing what she was going to say.

"Never," Brian quavered.

In answer to Michaela's questioning look, Colleen said, "He's gone home."

"To Colorado Springs?" Michaela was incredulous.

"Yeah, remember it?" Matthew was sarcastic.

Michaela's anger, which had abated somewhat during the lunch with William, resurfaced. How dare he just leave without speaking to her, without saying good-bye. How dare he take off without allowing her to have her say! Ascertaining how long he'd been gone, she wheeled abruptly and headed out the door, ignoring her mother's cries of 'Michaela!' behind her.

Part Fifteen
Sully made his way to the train station and found a place to sit, apart from the other folks gathering to await the train. Pain coursed through every part of his being. He had shut himself off from loving again because of the pain it caused. Having finally opened himself once again to the possibilities, here was fresh pain. He wondered if he could bear it. He thought about what he would do when he reached home. He didn't think he'd want to be staying around very long, that's for sure. He couldn't even really think of it as home. Maybe he'd rejoin the Cheyenne for awhile, or maybe just strike out on his own again -- press on north, or west ... The train arrived and resolutely Sully gathered up his things and boarded. He worked his way down the corridor, looking for an empty compartment. A few people who saw him looking made as if to make room for him, but he waved them off. He needed to be alone. Finally, finding a place to settle, he set down his pack and removed his tool belt. He sat down and then pulled the shade closed, the dimness better suiting his dark mood. He sat sideways on the bench, curling up into a ball of misery. It was going to be a long way home.

Michaela willed the carriage to move faster on its way to the station. The children had said Sully had left an hour ago. She wasn't sure when the train was leaving but she knew it had to be soon. She hopped out as soon as the cab stopped at the station and ran to the first porter she saw. He pointed out where the train was boarding and inquired about her luggage, but she was already running to the train. The engine was thrumming and every once in awhile there was a toot of the whistle.

It occurred to her that people might think she was a bit mad as she hurried down the corridor, looking into every compartment she passed. And suddenly, there he was. He was sitting sideways on the seat, looking dejected, but as soon as he looked up and saw her he swung around and sat up straight.

"What are you doing?" she asked with quiet fury.

"That's pretty clea,r" he equaled her venom.

"You're just leaving?" she said indignantly.

"There's nothin' t' stay for." The words stung.

"Without even saying good-bye?"

"Good-bye," he said in a mocking tone that belied the well-wishes of the word.

"Why did you even come here?" Michaela cried. Had he come just to break her heart?

"I told ya!"

Rebecca was right. He wouldn't have come all the way to Boston just because he was 'worried'. "What's the real reason?"

"What do you care?" Sully flung at her.

Oh, he was infuriating. Why couldn't he just say what he was feeling? "I care!" She almost screamed at him.

Leaping to his feet he accused, "Well it sure didn't look like it back there at that meetin'!"

Talk about not caring ... Sully was the one who ignored her after her talk -- he was the one who got so angry afterwards ... Oh, why was she wasting time -- the train was about to leave ... "I asked you a question!"

Sully remembered. "Why'd I come here?"

"Yes, why?"

"Because." He sounded like a small child.

"Because?" she pressed.

The anger fell away from his face and was replaced by vulnerability, and pleading , and ... "Because I love you!" As the train lurched suddenly, he stepped forward and grasped her by the shoulders, whether to steady her or to pull her to him, she wasn't sure.

She looked up at him in shock and wonder, placing a hand on his chest to keep her distance. As the train lurched again, preparatory to departure, she knew she had to get out of there, and breaking away, she turned and fled.

As the train chugged away, Michaela stumbled out of the station, gasping for breath, her hand to her heart. She leaned up against a post for a moment, breathing deeply, trying to regain her composure. She made her way over to a bench and sat down, feeling confused and strangely bereft. Her eyes were filling with tears and she was groping for a handkerchief when she felt someone sit down beside her. It was Rebecca.

"I stopped by the house and Mother told me what happened ... Is he gone?" Rebecca gazed at her in sympathy.

Michaela nodded wordlessly.

In a conversational manner, Rebecca continued, "Mother says it's probably for the best."

Nodding again, Michaela added, "Yes. She would."

"Is that what *you* think? That it's for the best?" Rebecca wondered.

Michaela looked at her helplessly. "He says he loves me!" she cried, her voice breaking.

Rebecca smiled. Impulsively she leaned forward and grasped her sister's hand. "Would you like to know what I believe?" At Michaela's nod, she continued, "I believe that your souls -- yours and Sully's -- were knit together in Heaven -- and now that you have met here on earth, there is nothing that can keep you apart. I think you both recognised this -- recognised each other -- from the moment you first met." She gave Michaela's hand a squeeze and waited for her reaction. Michaela's tears had spilled over and she was unable to speak. Rebecca looked at her fondly. "Almost anyone who had seen you two in the same room together can sense it." She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Even Mother. Though she is *not* happy about it!"

Michaela looked at her sister. Rebecca was not given to whims and fancies, so she took what she said seriously. Still, "William is a good match. He's proper, he's a gentleman, he's ... safe. He respects me ..."

"It seems to me that Sully does too," Rebecca replied.

"Sully ... he makes me feel all kinds of things I never felt before. I'm not sure ..."

Rebecca stilled her with a touch, reiterating the advice she'd given her days ago. "Just follow your heart."

Rebecca departed, leaving Michaela to ponder these words. As she thought about them, she was suddenly overwhelmed by the strangest sensations. She had a feeling of being far away -- of loneliness and loss, regret and sorrow. These feelings pierced her deeply, yet she was not sure they were her own ... She looked down toward the tracks whence the train had departed. One thing she *did* know -- her heart was on its way back to Colorado Springs. She rose and headed back to Beacon Hill to tell the children.

Sully leaned out the doorway to the train compartment and watched Dr. Mike scurry off, then he bowed his head in defeat. He had been too late and now he had lost her. He couldn't believe he had practically yelled those words that were meant to be said quietly and tenderly. It was not at all the way he'd imagined conveying his feelings to Dr. Mike. He curled up on the seat once more, lowering his head to his knees. Tears stung his eyes as he thought of what might have been. Now he might never see her again. How could one woman affect him this way? His relationship with Abigail had seemed so simple, so uncomplicated. His feelings for Dr. Mike were so confusing ...

It made it hard to put words to them. He should have tried to tell her how he felt sooner ... at dinner, or on the way home from the opera ... But would he have come out looking the fool? Would things have been any different? Maybe he should have gotten off the train, gone after her ... As he took his seat and the train sped westward, he thought of Dr. Mike as he'd last seen her. Why hadn't she stayed with him? If she cared for him, wouldn't she have? He was suddenly overwhelmed with unfamiliar feelings of shock and confusion, mixed with a whisper of apprehension. He breathed deeply. His body was on the train, but he knew he'd left his heart back in Boston.

The entire trip home passed in a blur. He ate little and slept a lot, his waking hours plagued with self-recrimination, regret and 'what-ifs'. He hopped off the stage coach before it reached town, making his way through the woods to his lean-to. The place that was home to him, a safe haven, seemed suddenly empty and cold. He threw down his pack and flung himself to the ground. Tomorrow he would seek out Robert E and collect Wolf. He wasn't sure what to do about the homestead. He knew he couldn't stand to be there right now, but he didn't want to ask Robert E to look after it indefinitely. If Dr. Mike and the kids stayed in Boston ... Well, Matthew was coming back. He would find a way, even if it meant defying Dr. Mike. Love would always find a way ... The thought made him feel choked up again. Maybe Matthew could live in the homestead with Ingrid.

Aching inside, exhausted from his trip, Sully, without building a fire or eating, fell into a deep sleep.

Part Sixteen
The train rattled across the prairie and Michaela's thoughts rattled in her head as they had for days. Returning home after Sully's departure, she had encountered Mother who had once more tried to sing William's praises. "I don't love him, Mother" Michaela had declared, realizing that this was, and had always been, true. Strangely enough, Mother seemed to understand her daughter's need to return home -- home to Colorado Springs. Michaela wondered how differently her mother's life might have turned out if she hadn't felt so restricted in her choices, if she truly had known her own mind. She felt a new respect and love for her mother and resolved that the next visit would, indeed, be 'soon'.

Speaking with William had been much briefer and that much more difficult. He had looked up eagerly as she'd walked into his office, but her face had betrayed her and his countenance fell as he guessed what she had to say. Why did things always have to be so difficult? She was grateful to William for all he was and for all he had done for her, but she knew she could never marry him. It all became quite clear as Sully's train left the station with Sully -- and her heart -- headed for home.

She broke the news to Colleen, surprised to find her ambiguous about leaving Boston. Life was certainly easier for a young girl here than it was in Colorado Springs. But she happily broke the news to her brothers who were, of course, elated.

As they rode along, Michaela did her best to keep up a cheerful front before the children who were watching her anxiously as she became more and more nervous the closer to home they got. Once, when they were freshening up, Colleen broached the subject. "Dr. Mike? If ya don't mind my askin' ... what happened b'tween you an' Sully -- when ya went to th' station?"

Remembering the scene on the train, Michaela felt tears welling up, overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions. She shook her head as Colleen looked on with concern. Then, managing a smile, she found her voice saying, "He just decided it was time to go home -- that he'd been away long enough ..."

Colleen narrowed her eyes as she regarded Michaela. "Is that why we're goin' back? Does he love you?" she asked bluntly.

Michaela caught her breath at Colleen's perceptiveness. Years of deeply ingrained taboos against discussing such matters with children battled against her need to talk with someone on this long, lonely journey. Discretion won out and she said with a false brightness, "We'll talk to him when we get home, won't we?" Then she turned away, hoping Colleen had not seen the fresh tears that had gathered in her eyes. She hoped she'd have another chance to talk with him. She wouldn't be surprised, though, nor could she blame him, if they returned to find that he had gone.

They switched to the stage in St. Louis and it seemed the closer they got to their destination, the more animated the children, especially Matthew, became, and the more apprehensive Michaela felt. At the final way station she freshened up the best she could, taking special care with her appearance. She knew she shouldn't have on a white dress for such an arduous journey, but it was one of her nicest. Colleen helped her arrange her hair and fix her hat firmly on top of her head and giving her coif a final pat, whispered, "Ya look beautiful, Dr. Mike ... an' Sully'll think so too!"

Blushing, Michaela ignored her and returned to the coach to finish out the journey in nervous anticipation.

It was almost as if no time had passed as Sully sat once more with Cloud Dancing, sipping tea and staring into the fire. Cloud Dancing regarded his friend, aware of his pain, knowing how he must feel, but also sure of some things about his friend, Dr. Mike.

"Has she said that she will marry this man?" he asked at last.

Sully shrugged. "Not that I heard. He told her t' take her time t' make up her mind. But ... she'll say yes. Why wouldn't she?"

"Because it is you she loves, my friend. I have seen this and so have you, I think."

Sully took a shuddering breath, then shook his head. "Didn't seem like it in Boston. Besides, I can't offer her what this William can. A medical practice in Boston, a chance t' be near her family, money, opportunities ..."

"Has Dr. Mike said she wants all this?"

"N ... no. But her ma ..."

"She worries about what her mother wants?"

"She wants t' please her. They don't always see eye to eye ..."

"But she came here in the first place. She became the town's doctor and has begun to be medicine woman to the Cheyenne, as well. You told me she understands the importance of telling the world about the Cheyenne medicine."

For the first time Sully smiled. "You shoulda seen her, Cloud Dancin' -- there in that hall with all them stuffy Boston doctors -- most of 'em just got up an' walked out when they saw she was gonna talk. But the ones that stayed got an earful -- an' they learned somethin' too. They all stood up an' clapped when she was done ..."

Cloud Dancing smiled back at his friend. "The Spirits have told me you must return to your dwelling. You must eat and sleep and you must wait for them to guide you."

Sober again, Sully replied, "Cloud Dancin', I don't know if I ..."

Cloud Dancing held up a hand to silence him. "You have seen before the wisdom of what the spirits have to say. If you receive no guidance within two days, come to me again. Until then, look to the Spirits for your answers." He stood, as did Sully and they grasped arms. "Ah-ho, my friend."

"Ah-ho" Sully returned the greeting. Then, calling to Wolf, he turned and disappeared into the woods.

It was hard following Cloud Dancing's directive. It was hard to free his mind of the images that danced there, tormenting him -- Dr. Mike listening raptly to William talk at his medical lecture, Dr. Mike and William dancing the night away at Mrs. Quinn's birthday ball, Dr. Mike gazing into William's eyes as he pledged his life to her. He fell into a sleep fraught with dreams where he ran to her and she disappeared, where he tried to find her to tell her how he felt but she was always just out of reach and in the end he couldn't find her at all. He awoke, shaken, with his cheeks wet with tears.

Pulling himself together, he headed for the stream to bathe, then forced himself to eat a good breakfast. Sitting in the clearing, waiting on the Spirits, he was able to think calmly for the first time. He knew he loved Dr. Mike and loving her, he wanted what was best for her. Maybe she'd be better off with William. They certainly had plenty in common. If she'd never really wanted to leave Boston, if her heart had remained there, here was her chance for the life she'd always wanted. William could make that possible. He would miss her, but he had to let her go. He had to let go of the hurt and the anger, the jealousy and the pain. But he knew he could never let go of the love. He felt calmer and happier than he had since he'd left for Boston and that night he settled into a deep and dreamless sleep.

The sound of two hawks keening as they circled above him wakened him late the next morning. He was watching their sky dance when into his head came a certain knowledge. She was coming home. She would be here. Today. He was overwhelmed with a sense of urgency. Calling to Wolf, he took off for town at a run.

As the familiar countryside flashed by, Michaela found herself thinking "Home ... home... home..." more grateful to be here now than she had been to arrive in Boston more than a month ago. She felt a flash of concern at how dry and yellow the grass looked, how wilted the trees, but then the stage rumbled over the road into town and her stomach twitched nervously. Would he be there? Did he still care? Would she have the opportunity to tell him how she felt?

The coach circled the town center as the townspeople gathered to greet it. There were Jake and Hank, Horace loping over for the mail, Loren peering up into the windows. Ingrid was there and the wheels had barely stopped turning before Matthew was out the door and into her arms. Watching them, Michaela felt a pang. She exited more slowly, but couldn't help looking around as she did. She didn't see him. Colleen alit and they stood, waiting for their luggage to be handed down. Michaela risked a look over her shoulder before returning her attention to the coach roof. Nothing. She knew she was being silly. He couldn't possibly be aware of their arrival. He might not even be around anymore ... She chided herself -- practical things first -- get their baggage unloaded, get home and get settled. Then it would be time to see to other matters. She pointed, indicating which box she wanted lifted off first, when she felt Colleen's gentle hand on her shoulder and, turning, Michaela followed her gaze.

Sully got to town and stood in the shadow of the buildings as the stagecoach pulled into the town center. A few people spoke to him, remarking that they hadn't seen him an awhile, but he was barely able to acknowledge their greetings. It did occur to him that before Dr. Mike came, no one would have even noticed his absence. But now his entire concentration was on the vehicle thundering down the street. She was there. He could feel it -- could actually feel it. She had come home, but, he swallowed, did he dare to hope that she had come home to him? The wagon stopped, the door burst open and Matthew flew out into the arms of Ingrid. His heart swelled as he watched their reunion. Looking back, he saw Dr. Mike emerging carefully, looking around, trying to appear like she wasn't. She hadn't seen him. She stepped down and gave another quick glance around, then turned her attention to their baggage on the roof. He moved out of the shadows and Colleen spotted him. Her eyes widened and her mouth parted. Not taking her eyes off him she touched Dr. Mike on the shoulder. Sully waited while Dr. Mike looked first at Colleen, and then followed her line of vision until she was looking at him.

Their eyes met. Michaela stared as all background noise faded. She was aware of nothing and no one but him. Sully smiled tentatively. He wanted her to know it was okay. He was there. But he would wait for her next move. Someone -- was it Colleen? -- whispered "Go on, Dr. Mike!" She took a step. He stood waiting, his heart thumping wildly as she broke away from the crowd standing around the stage coach. It was just the two of them there, standing facing each other. She took another step, trying to read his face. Ever so slightly, almost imperceptibly, he opened himself to her -- and waited. It was inevitable. One step followed another until she broke into a run. The townspeople, Mother, Boston propriety, the children... none of that mattered now. It was just Sully, waiting there with his arms held out. She fell into them. He felt her pressed up against him and she was wonderfully, blessedly real. He wrapped his arms around her, feeling the realness, and whirled her around as their lips met in what had to be one of the sweetest kisses ever. She clung to him for dear life, amazed at the joy she felt, then they drew back, gazing into one another's eyes. "I love you too!" She spoke the truth of her soul, and the joy echoed in his own heart. She knew -- he knew -- that life would never be the same again.

The End