Part 2

The group talked of the devastation and the efforts to save any of the people from the train. Michaela was obviously shook up and needed to rest. Sully forced her to sit down away from the bodies and take some water. Dorothy and Cloud Dancing rejoined them shortly. The contingent from Colorado Springs was all together talking about the accident. The spirit of the group was not joyous in all that devastation but the fact that Dr. Mike and Dorothy were alive and well was enough to give them the strength they needed to help the people from Denver and the travelers on the train.

Horace rode out to the homestead early that morning. He was calling to the kids and Grace as he rode up.

"They are all right. They weren't on the train. I just got a wire that was supposed to be sent yesterday from Dr. Mike and Dorothy. It says that they missed the train and would be on the afternoon stage."

"They were not on the stage Horace." Grace's voice of reason threw a wet blanket on Horace's good news. Colleen was able to bring it back.

"She is probably helping with the injured people." Everyone nodded and slowly the news sank in. There were smiles and hugs and peals of joyous laughter as they realized that Dr. Mike and Miss Dorothy were safe.

Sully and Michaela had taken a moment to be alone. He took her over to the sunny side of the river to help her clean up. She forced him to let her tend to his wounds. He smiled at her pushiness.

"What are you smiling at?" she asked coyly.

"You." His grin was widening.

"Why?"

"No particular reason. I love you and everything about you." They kissed.

"Really - everything?"

"Everything!" Michaela smiled faded to a sad regretful look.

"Sully I am so sorry that we - that I let things get so - wrong between us. I never wanted--."

"Hey, Hey, there are two of us in this marriage. There are enough misunderstandings and hurt feelings to go around." He held her in a warm embrace for a long moment and then whispered in her ear, "Michaela I need you and I am sorry for not being there for you. You were the one person I hoped I would never disappoint."

"You haven't. You couldn't. It is I who have let you down." She pulled away enough for her to see his eyes. "The feelings I have for you are stronger than I ever believed possible." She wanted to say more. She wanted to talk about the epiphany that she had during this time away but thought that they each needed a good night's sleep and a quiet place to be alone to talk. Instead, she said, "I am lucky to have you to share my life with and I will never forget that again."

"We are both pretty lucky." They both realized that luck had a hand in their sitting together that morning.

"Sully - I am so torn. I would have been on that train. I can't tell you how disappointed I was when I realized that we missed it. I wanted to get home to you as soon as possible. Now I feel guilty that I am glad that I wasn't on it." Sully did not know what to say so he pulled her to him and held her very tightly. He started to stroke her hair.

Dorothy joined them. This time Michaela did not pull away from Sully nor look embarrassed. Dorothy's smile was uncontainable. Dr. Mike and Sully were the fantasy come to life. Seeing their relationship bloom and survive through adversity was enough to strengthen her faith in that ideal of true love.

"Michaela, we ought to be getting home?"

"Home - what a wonderful sound that is." She nestled deeper into Sully's embrace.

"Our bags are probably in Colorado Springs by now. They should have been on the stage yesterday."

"It is a long ride home - the paths are very bad because of all the rain we have had, but we could make it by late afternoon." Sully's voice of reason was as usual comforting.

"I am all for that, but -." Dorothy was laughing. "I am so tired right now that I don't think I could hang on to a horse for that length of time." Cloud Dancing joined them.

"It would be an honor if you would allow me to escort you home." Miss Dorothy blushed and looked down and away.

"We will need to get word to the children."

"We will wire them from Castle Rock." They all agreed and walked toward the others. Dorothy looked at Michaela with a quizzical look and Michaela smiled and shook her head. Sully did not notice but Cloud Dancing did. The women had a secret.

The Colorado Springs contingent met again and decided that it was time for them to return home. Matthew offered to ride to Denver to check on their luggage and the wire the children. Denver was closer than Castle Rock. Andrew, Robert E, Hank and Jake decided to stay for a couple of hours to continue to lend a hand. They would be back in Colorado Springs by dinner. Dorothy and Cloud Dancing waited by the fire while Sully went to get the horses. Michaela checked in with the doctor from Denver and to take her leave.

"Dr. Madison - I am headed home."

"Thank you for your help. I am sorry that your journey home was not as you expected it to be." He was aware that she was supposed to be on that train. Michaela was very professional with this man and did not comment on his remark.

"If you ever find yourself in Colorado Springs please stop by the clinic. Please come to our home for dinner. I would like to discuss your ideas with you at greater length and I think I have a few things I can show you using herbal remedies." Sully joined her leading Shadow. Sully saw that Madison was a doctor about Michaela's age and very handsome and clearly interested in Michaela more than as a doctor. He felt his jealousy start to built. Michaela took his hand and let their fingers entwine. "Dr. Madison, may I introduce my husband, Byron Sully." His jealousy faded.

"A pleasure to meet you Mr. - Sully?" He was surprised at the difference in names. "You have a very accomplished wife." Sully just smiled and nodded. She and Sully turned to leave when the doctor called after them. "Dr. Quinn will you be attending the conference in Pennsylvania?" Sully squeezed her hand but said nothing and his expression showed no sign of his opinion one way or the other. Michaela did not look at her husband but returned the press of his fingers.

"No, I will not be going that far away from my family so soon or for that length of time. If you discover anything interesting I hope that you will forward it on to me."

"I will. Thank you again. It has been an honor to work with you, Dr. Quinn."

"Thank you. The honor was mine." She started to turn away but turned back. "Dr. Madison, I am using my full name these days - Quinn Sully." The doctor looked past her at Sully who was now watching his wife closely. The doctor smiled and gave one nod to the man that he had no hope of replacing.

"Quinn Sully - well Dr. Quinn Sully, I am sure we will meet again." She reached her free hand out to take the doctor's and they parted.

Michaela had turned away from the scene behind her and was walking hand in hand with Sully toward Dorothy and Cloud Dancing. Sully had still not said anything - he did not know exactly what to say.

They met up with Cloud Dancing and Dorothy and set out for home. Sully had helped Michaela on to Shadow - who seemed to know that all was well - and pulled himself up behind her. He wanted to make sure that she did not slip off during the long ride home. He reached around her to take the reins and gently signaled to Shadow that they should be off. Shadow set an even pace ahead of Cloud Dancing's horse. Sully did not need to direct him or urge him on any faster than Shadow had chosen for himself. This allowed Sully to pay attention to Michaela. She had leaned back into him and was lost in her own thoughts. For a long time neither one of them said anything. Nothing needed to be said at this time.

The distance between the two couples increased. This allowed Sully to speak with Michaela without being over heard by the other two.

"Are you asleep?"

"I know I should be, but my mind is still racing from the events of the past day." She paused and stroked his hand resting in her lap. She then added, "And the past couple of weeks and months."

"We have some talking to do don't we?" Sully's comment was more of a statement but there was no anger or tone in his voice. It was as if he were talking about a repair to the barn or the buckboard.

"Yes, yes we do." Michaela's tone matched his. They each had recognized that they had to fix something but neither was concerned that it could not be mended. "And we will. If you want to talk now we can."

"No, I am contented just holding you and feeling you breathing in and out."

"I'm liking that part too." She turned her head toward his and kissed him lightly on the jaw.

"The breathing in and out?"

"No - well yes, but no I meant resting here with you." He tightened his hold and kissed the back of her neck. "I could ride like this for days."

"It is a good thing we won't have to." They fell back into silence but curiosity was getting the better of Sully. "Michaela, I do have one question - have you changed your mind about taking my name?" Typical Sully direct and to the point and usually stating the obvious. Michaela took a deep breath slowly and let it out slowly.

"Is that alright?"

"It's fine with me, but you were so set against it before the wedding. You know you don't have to for my sake."

"I know. I am not doing it for you - although I had hoped that you would be pleased." He kissed her cheek. "I am partly doing it for Katie, but I think it is more for me. It is who I am: Michaela Quinn Sully, MD." She curled back into him as if she had said the most profound thing in her life.

"So who are you Michaela Quinn Sully, MD?" Sully was clearly not sure how to take her new found self-confidence and decided to keep it light until they reached home.

"That is a much deeper discussion for you and I to have at a time when we are alone." Michaela's tone turned playful. "I can tell you very easily WHAT I am and that is HUNGRY." She smiled and he pulled her close to him. Sully slowed Shadow down with just a movement of his leg and waited for Cloud Dancing and Dorothy to catch up.

"I have a hungry rider here - anyone else for a short rest and some food?" They all agreed and pulled up by the edge of the river - normally a creek - which ran by the rails.

There was much celebrating when the travelers arrived home. The first stop was the homestead. Loren, Grace and the children were all waiting there. For a short time they all talked and were thrilled to have the women home but it was clear that they needed rest. Grace promised a great celebration the following day and everyone seemed to think it was a good idea, except for Sully. He wanted to be alone for a couple of days with his wife.

Leave taking commenced and everyone went off in different directions. Loren took Grace home. Cloud Dancing borrowed Sully's wagon and took Dorothy home. Shortly Matthew came, - he had ridden from Denver at a pace that nearly killed his horse. They stayed for a while but Michaela started to look like she needed a night's rest. He told her that he was going to take Brian to his house for the night so that she could get some sleep and that Colleen would take Katie to her home.

"It was all planned before Ma." Brian was always too quick with the truth.

"What do you mean?"

"Pa said that you two needed to be alone so we are getting out." She looked at Sully and he looked a little embarrassed.

"And don't worry about the clinic," Colleen said. "Andrew and I can handle it for one or two more days at least." Michaela felt herself starting to be upset that all these plans were made for her with out her knowledge but then she relented.

"I could use a day or two of rest - if you don't mind Colleen?" Colleen shook her head. "Bring Katie by in the morning and she can stay with us." Colleen shook her head again.

"You need to rest. She'll be fine with me." Colleen put the water on to heat for Michaela to take a bath and packed up her sibling's belongings. Sully held Michaela in a warm embrace as they watched with mixed emotions their children ride away from their home. Soon she and Sully would have no more excuses to avoid talking. Neither was sure about what they would say. Five days ago, they had nothing but bad feelings toward each other. It seemed like a long time ago now, but would they be able to reverse all the damage that had been done?

"I would like to take a bath." Michaela said as they reentered the house. She was nervous.

"I'll get it ready for you - you go change and I'll come get you." Sully's tone was warm but it was clear that he was nervous too.

"You don't have to wait on me." Her protest was not because she did not want him to help her, rather she did not want to take advantage of the situation.

"I'd like to." He wanted to tend to her needs but felt that she would rather be left alone.

"You must be tired too." They were falling back into being polite. "I can do it." Sully sank down into a chair at the table and put his head in his hands.

"How could this have happen?" Sully was speaking to himself more than to her. He was sad and defeated. "We are strangers. After three years of marriage it is harder for us to be with each other than is was before." She sat down caddy corner from him.

"Sully?"

"I feel like I don't belong here and what is worse I feel like you don't want me to be. I have ruined everything and destroyed the only thing that held any meaning for me."

"Sully, you have not ruined anything and nothing has been destroyed."

"This is not the life I wanted for us. I never wanted this to happen - I never thought that it could."

"Are you are sorry that you married me?" There were tears in her voice. Michaela started to panic. She felt that their relationship was moments away from being torn completely apart. She tried to maintain her calm but it was hard to control.

"Oh God, No. NO!" He was looking into her eyes and he put his hand on her arm.

"I don't understand."

"I have failed you and this family. Something I swore I would never do. I don't know my daughter and Brian, Colleen and Matthew are leading separate lives. You and I can barely find anything to talk about much less agree upon. When was the last time we made love - hell when was the last time we slept in the same bed?" She took his hand in both of hers and pulled it to her lips.

"Do you - Do you want - What do you want to do?" She was afraid to ask for fear that he might answer something that she would not like.

"I want to turn back time to the first day we met and do it all over again - better." She tried to smile though her tears. He reached his hand up and wiped them away.

"Sully - with a few exceptions - I would not change a thing."

His eyes narrowed and he tried to read her expression. "I believe you mean that," he said.

"I do. These last few years have been the best of my life. Yes there were some horrible events, experiences I would not wish on anyone and injuries that we will have the scar of forever, but there was always us."

"Everything is changing to fast - I can't keep up. As hard as I try I just can't seem to accept all that has happened and is continuing to happen."

"Do you mean with Cloud Dancing and the Cheyenne?"

"And the town, and land and the people and --." He looked down at their hands. "And our baby." He was silent for a moment and she let him find his next thoughts. "This is not why I came west. This is not how I wanted to live and raise our children. Everything is so complicated and there is no justice." Michaela was quiet for a moment looking down at their fingers entwined.

"Sully do you still love me?"

"Of course I do. That will never change. It is the only constant in my life. I nearly lost you today - I don't know what I would have done if you had died on that train." She brought his hand to her lips and held it there for a moment.

"You would have gone on. You would have raised our children with love and you would have survived. You would and still will, continue to look for justice and you will fight for it. I would expect nothing more and nothing less."

"You have more faith in me than I do."

"I learned that faith from you."

"How can you still believe in me? I have done nothing but fail since the day we got married."

"That is totally untrue. You have helped me through some of the darkest times in my life. After I was shot I don't think I would have survived if it were not for your support. As for Cloud Dancing and the other Indians on the reservation - you did not fail them. You did all that you could including putting you own life in danger - often. God knows more often than I care to admit. Some things in life are just unfair. Losing our child is something that should not have been. I can find a hundred platitudes to ease that pain but none last for very long. In the end it does not matter why he was taken before he had a chance to live, it just happened. We cannot forget our other children and we have to go on for them as well as for our selves."

"Do you know that I used to be the one to dissuade your fears. You have become so strong and independent."

"If I am it is because of you. Sully my love for you is the strongest thing I have ever known. I have always tried to trust that you felt the same way. Our connection and our faith in each other would see us through anything. These last few months have been the hardest for me because that faith was tested over and over again and I felt powerless to stop my own fears. When I saw you standing there this morning - among all the death and destruction - it was as if I received a sign from ---- whoever. The sign said that in spite of all the chaos in our lives - you and I would always make it through."

"I would like to believe that is true."

"Then do. Believe it. Take your strength from me - I have enough for both of us." She leaned in and kissed him.

"How can we find what we lost?"

"We have not lost anything we just stopped seeing it. I think that scared both of us and we said and did things that were destructive."

"I am so sorry."

"So am I." Michaela was feeling stronger. "We will find our way back through this thing too. As long as I know that you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you - I will do what ever it takes."

"I do want to be with you." Sully kissed her. "What ever it takes - you and me Michaela ...." He breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "What do you say we try this again? May I draw you a bath Dr. Quinn Sully?"

"I would like that very much Mr. Sully." They kissed again. Sully left the table and went to tend to the bath for his wife. The conversation was not nearly over but the first round proved to be positive. At least they were talking again.

Sully was bedding down Shadow and tending to a few things outside. Michaela changed out of her dirty clothes. She pulled a small black velvet bag from her pocket and let something drop into her hand. She held it very tightly and closed her eyes. She looked like she was praying or asking for guidance from the Spirits. She put it back in the bag and placed it in the nightstand by her bed. "Oh Sully - what will you say?" she said softly too the night air. She shook her head. Now was not the right time to bring this up. She retired to the bath.

The water was warm and relaxing. She felt the tension of the last 36-hours melt away. She took particular care to wash her hair thoroughly. Sully left her in peace as she bathed. When she reentered their room, she noticed that Sully had started the fire and set out her nightgown. She smelled the flowers that were left on the bureau. The skins and blankets were spread out near the hearth. She slipped into the nightgown and settled down in front of the fire to work through the tangles in her hair. This was how Sully found her when he returned. He had changed his shirt and washed his hands but he still needed a bath. The glow from the fire lit her face. Sully entered quietly. She caught his eye as soon as he came in but no words were exchanged. He took off his belt and with much pain knelt down in front of her. She stopped struggling with her hair and let the comb rest in her lap. She reached out to caress his face and let her fingers gently touch the healing wound on his forehead. He smiled and pulled her palm to his lips for a long kiss.

"Dr. Quinn-." Sully started but was cut off by the slow shake of Michaela's head. "I am sorry but the doctor is unavailable at the moment. She is spending time with her husband and does not wish to be disturbed."

"He's a lucky man."

"She, I believe is the lucky one." She sat up on her knees and leaned down to kiss him. Her kiss was different. At the beginning of their relationship, it had been timid and shy, after she discovered the joys of being intimate with her husband her kiss - at times - was nothing short of bold. Sully had called it "enthusiastic." Even after 3 years of marriage, she would still usually wait for Sully to initiate. This kiss was different all together. There was no urgency or uncontrollable passion nor was there the usual shyness or reserve. It was full of love and appreciation, confidence and resolve. While it aroused both of them, it was not meant to necessarily lead to love making. She sat back down and leaned into him. Without a word he picked up the comb and started gently pulling the tangles out of her hair. They were silent for a while content to be in each other's presence.

"I remember the first time I brushed your hair." Sully rested his hand on her shoulder as he whispered in her ear. "It was the first time that you relaxed when I touched you." He resumed his detangling.

"I am not sure if 'relaxed' is the right word for it." She smiled and remembered the first time they had ventured out into the woods. That was the first time she believed that something might happen between them.

"You were awful quiet. I thought you enjoyed it."

"I did. Sully you have always --- effected me. From the first moment I met you until right now - you cause my blood to race." He tucked his hand inside her nightgown and felt the quickened beat of her heart. "You showed me how to trust and love and live." He slid his hand up to her neck and pulled her to him for a sweet kiss.

"Can you honestly say that after all we have been through - particularly these last few months?" She turned toward him to see into his eyes and tried to read his expression.

"Yes I can. You still effect me in ways that I could never hope to understand -- or want to for that matter. I have no regrets about our life together. Just recently I realized exactly how rare what you and I have is. It is a special gift and should not be treated casually; as I have done these last few months. Being with you in the most intimate way two people can be together is ----." Sully leaned down and kissed her intensely. He pulled back but remained very close.

"---is that -- " She smiled and he kissed her again. "But THAT is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the connection I feel to you, even when we are not together - geographically or other wise."

"Our spirits are one."

"Yes - I will grant you that even though I am still not quite sure what that means. The hardest part of the last few months was not talking like this with you. It was as if there were some wall between us made of glass. I could see you trying and I could see my own reflection trying to break though but I never could."

"I was not here for you. I did not --."

"Did you ever stop loving me? Did you ever stop believing in me or us?"

"No - actually it was something far worse than that. I stopped believing in myself."

"Sully?"

"I stopped believing that I could make a difference to anyone. I stopped believing that I had any kind of impact on the world around me. Most of it came from what happened with the Cheyenne but the feeling invaded every part of my life." He was silent for a moment collecting his thoughts. Michaela waited patiently. "Ya know, I never thought I wanted the position as Indian Agent. I resisted it in every way." He paused for a moment and Michaela took his hand. "I only took the job because of you."

"Because of me?"

"You have such a passion for your work and your desire to help people is nothing short of infectious. How could I ever hope to keep your love and admiration if I did not accept that position?"

"Oh Sully - I am sorry."

"Please don't be sorry that is just what I told myself. It is not the truth. The truth is that I would not have been able to live with myself if I had not tried to help. I could not turn my back on those people - not on Cloud Dancing - not after Washita. They helped me in a time when I was good for no one. They taught me about tribal responsibility." He paused for a moment and looked down. His mood changed and he became very remorseful.

"I was never really a member of their tribe. I never allowed myself to be accepted completely. That was made very clear these last few years. I respect them as a people and admire their convictions. Cloud Dancing is closer than a brother to me but--." He fell silent for a moment. "When I was forced to realize that there was nothing I could do to help them - in fact I was doing more harm than good - things started spinning out of control. I nearly got everyone killed including myself. I felt that I had to do something - anything. The survey work, the uprising, the dam - all of it was just me trying to do something to make a difference. The world was changing and I could do nothing to stop it or even change its course. Then you were shot and our baby--." He looked away and then back again. "When I found out about our baby - it took everything I had to keep going. I had failed everyone. I had failed you. I had failed our child."

Michaela had grasped his hand and held it firmly in both of hers. Sully took a deep breath and continued. "After Abigail died, I honestly believed that I was not meant for happiness. Her death made me walk away from any hope I could have at finding it. That was fine with me. I expected to live alone the rest of my days. The Cheyenne helped me to find a place among people. They kept me from turning into someone like McBride." He reached out to touch her face and smiled. "But then - without warning - you rode into town. I was a few days from riding away from Colorado Springs forever when you arrived. After what happened with Chivington I was ready to go, but then there was you. I fooled myself into thinking that I rented you the old homestead because I did not want it to go to ruin. I actually did leave and did not intend to come back after Black Kettle was shot. I had made it as far as Nevada when I decided to return that Christmas. You taught me to love again and believe in the possibility of hope. And the rest as they say is history." He tried to smile and let all the painful memories go. Michaela leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He buried his face in her neck and inhaled deeply. The smell of her soapy clean body made him realize that he needed to bathe too. "You smell great. I am going to go wash up." He kissed her and struggled to his feet. His muscles had stiffened from their injuries and sitting on the floor.

"Sully?" She rose to stand before him. "Do you still?"

"Do I still what?"

"Do you still believe that you are not meant for happiness?" Her voice was even and clear. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked down at his feet. He was shaking his head as he lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"No. Cloud Dancing often says that joy is a state of mind; not a state of the world. The happiness I have found with you is rarely easy and occasionally bittersweet, but it fills me more than I ever knew love could." He kissed her. He stepped back and pulled his shirt off. She let her fingers gently touch the cuts and bruises on his shoulder and arms.

"Stay here with me." She said softly. "Be with me - now." He was about to object and pursue his bath but was overwhelmed with her direct request. He took her hand and led her to the bed, untied the laces of her nightgown and let it fall to the floor. He laid her across the quilt and in the soft glow of the firelight, they made love.

Sully woke again, as the first light of the morning was stretching across the meadow and sneaking in their bedroom window. He felt the warmth of her body against his and slowed his breathing to match hers. He had awoken several times during the night. His mind was full of their conversation. Sully hoped that they were finally on the right track to finding their way back to each other. The intimacy they shared - both spiritually and physically - was deeper and more gratifying. She seemed different. She was more confident and secure with herself and with him. It was as if she had reached another level. Sully was not sure that he was as confident or secure. He was the one that was off balance now.

Michaela stirred slightly and he inadvertently tightened his hold on her. She nestled back further into him, took his hand up to her lips for a brief kiss and rested her cheek in the roughness of his palm.

"Good Morning," she said. "Have you been awake long?"

"Not long." He kissed her cheek. "How did you sleep?"

"Very well! I believe that I dreamt all night that you were holding me just as you are and I was safe."

"It was not a dream. You were never more than an inch away from me all night."

She turned to look at him. "You did not sleep as well."

"What do you mean?"

"I felt you get up to open and close the windows a couple of times, to stoke the fire or to grab the blanket from the closet." She was teasing slightly but knew that he had a restless night's sleep.

"I was worried because you seemed to be warm one moment and cold the next."

"You are very good to me." She kissed him. "I suppose you are not used to sleeping in a bed and in a room either." He looked away. "I just liked knowing that you were here. Each time you came back to bed my heart filled a little more."

"Michaela - I will - against any odds - always come back to you, for you, because of you and in spite of you. You need to know that you will never lose me in anyway." He smiled and she did too. They kissed and settled back into their embrace.

After a few moments, Sully broke the silence. "One thing has been troubling me."

"What is that?" She was a little nervous.

"I suppose 'troubling' is not the right word but-. How did you miss the train? I just want to know to what I am grateful." She let out a heavy sigh and looked a little worried.

"The reason I missed the train is a little complicated to explain. I could tell you the condensed version of the story but...."

"We have no where to be this morning or this day." She turned to face him and took another deep breath.

"Alright - It started - well to the point it started the morning we decided to come home. Needless to say, I was thinking about you and us for the entire time I was gone. I was so distracted, I don't think I could tell you what was said at any of the lectures I attended. I knew that I wanted to be home but I did not have the words or the strength. That morning, I woke to the sound of your voice calling me and asking me to come home." She stopped and looked at him. "Does that sound strange?"

"No - I did call your name and I did ask you to come home." He did not seem surprised.

"Really? Well anyway, all the things I had been turning over in my head since we had parted seemed to fall into place. Like a picture puzzle. I finally realized what the puzzle looked like and now it was just a matter of getting all the pieces together. I knew that I had to be with you. I told you that I was feeling alone, abandoned and unloved when you got home for St. Louis. All those feelings were gone - as if by magic. I knew I loved you and that you loved me. This is all so odd to talk about. I can not put the feelings into words. It was as if I had an epiphany and knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. It was all so clear. The only thing that was unclear was what your reaction would be."

"Were you really unsure?"

"Sully, I knew and know that you love me but our timing has been off for months. I had resolved that morning that I would hold on or speed up or do what ever it took for as long as it took for us to re-sync."

"I believe that that morning - so many miles apart - we did." He kissed her. "I make the same resolve that same morning." They kissed again. She was silent for a while thinking about how close they were and how far apart they had been. Sully pulled her from her thoughts. "Michaela? The train?"

"Oh Yes. We got our tickets with a couple hours to spare so we went to get some breakfast. On our way, back I saw something that caught my eye in a shop window and I decided that I had to get it. It was for you."

"You bought me something in Denver and that made you late to the train?"

"There is more to it than that. It is not a present in the strictest sense of the word and you may not even like it. I spent so much time debating on whether I should or shouldn't that --- yes we were late for the train."

"What is it?" She took another deep breath and searched for the right words.

"If I had seen it at any other time I would not have noticed it - but it seemed to call to me - like you had that morning." She took another deep breath. "It is a ring." She kept her eyes steadily looking into his. He was uncomfortable but was not about to get angry- yet.

"A what?"

"It is a ring - a gold band - a wedding ring."

"I see." He was tensing up.

"Before you get upset and before you go off on how you are not going to wear a ring can I tell you why I got it?" He nodded but it was clear that he was uncomfortable. "I will start-off by saying that I knew that you probably would not chose to wear it but I had hoped to convince you to keep it with you in someway. I will accept your decision what ever it is and I will understand. I am not trying to change you or to turn you into something you are not. OK?" He nodded again and relaxed a little.

"Ok. I saw it in the corner of the shop window. It was tucked back away from direct view. It was the only thing caught my eye. I wanted you to have something from me that represented the promises we made to each other."

"Michaela I carry you in my heart. You fill me."

"I know. You see a ring is something tangible that does not alter with - misperceptions or anger or hurt or distance." She took a deep breath and reorganized her thoughts. "I used to believe that the wedding ring was an outward symbol, one that the world could see and respect. That it would show everyone that we had made a promise to each other. But when I notice my rings - which is most often when you are away - they feel private."

"I don't understand."

"To me they represent all our most private moments, our dreams, our past, our present and our future. They represent all the things that we never had to say to each other. In the last couple of years when I was going through some very difficult times, the rings reminded me of the life we agreed to share in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer forsaking all others until death parts us. When I really take time to look at them, I hear your voice and I feel you with me. It is as if I had you right there with me." Sully pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed her ring finger just above the rings. "I know that you might look inside yourself for that kind of reminder."

He then pulled her to him and kissed her. "I do, but I like the idea of us having something kept just for us. We have never been alone - not really alone. There have always been the kids to consider."

"Sully, I did not set out to find you a ring. In fact, if I had not seen this particular ring on that particular morning I never would have thought about getting you one. It seemed like it was meant for you."

"Why?" Michaela pulled the small velvet pouch from the drawer of the nightstand and turned back toward him.

"It is a good thing that I did not put this in my luggage." She pulled the strings and let her palm catch a small glittering object. She picked it up carefully and handed it to Sully. The ring was a thin gold band that had been buffed and engraved to look like an eagle's feather. It was stunning - even in Sully's eyes. She could not read his reaction and felt that it must not be good. "Like I said Sully you don't have to wear it. Maybe you could put it in your medicine pouch -or not. I can keep it."

"No. No. Don't be silly. I suppose I owe this - ring" the word stuck in his throat "a debt of gratitude. This is just very sudden and I will need a little time to think about it." She smiled and took the ring back from him and dropped in back into the bag. "Are you disappointed?"

"No - not at all. Like I said I got it knowing that you might not chose to wear it. I understand completely." Her tone let him know that she really was not upset. That she really did understand. "We have been very distant with each other of late and that always tends to make me feel insecure. I guess I wanted you to have some thing from me."

"Are you still - insecure?" The conversation was becoming very serious again. Sully was concerned that he might have set them back.

She smiled and curled her self into him. "If I said yes?" Her mood had completely changed and she had a hint of mischief in her eyes.

"Then I would have to convince you that you need not be unsure - especially about me or us." Sully relaxed and followed her playfulness and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply. They spent the morning in each other's arms making love.

Shortly after noon, Sully awoke to the sound of a carriage driving up to the homestead. He very gently pulled his arm out from around Michaela and dressed. She stirred in her sleep and did not wake up. By the time Sully had reached the door she was already riding off. It was Grace. She had left a basket of food on their doorstep with a note that said that the celebration would be put off until the following day. Sully stood for a moment on the porch looking out over the trees to the hills and beyond. He still felt restless.

"Sully?" Michaela had joined him on the porch. The sun was bright in the chill of the fall afternoon. "Did some one come by?"

"Grace. She brought us some food."

Michaela wrapped her arms around him from behind and shivered a little. "That was very sweet."

He nodded slowly and placed his hands on hers. "We have some wonderful friends."

"Yes we do." She noticed that he was looking out over the hills. "Why don't we take this basket and go out to Hidden Valley for a picnic lunch?"

"Are you up for that?" He turned to look at her. "Aren't you still tired?"

"A little - but a picnic lunch alone with my favorite person in the whole world who also happens to be my husband is too much of an opportunity to let pass." He smiled, pulled her to him and ran his hands up and down her arms trying to warm her. "What do you say?"

"I can refuse you nothing. I'll get the horses ready and you - go put something warm on." She smiled and kissed him.

Michaela watched Sully disappear into the barn and let her eyes survey the grounds. The corral had been repaired, her garden had been weeded and several new raised beds had been added full of herbs and flowers. Enough wood had been chopped and stacked to last them through the winter. She smiled thinking about how hard Sully must have worked while she was away. He did his best thinking when he worked like that.

She reentered the home and climbed the stairs to their bedroom. She had not noticed the night before that the stairs did not creek. The lock had been changed to their bedroom and the key was lying on her nightstand. She lay her nightgown and robe across their unmade bed and changed into her riding clothes. She pulled a flower from the bunch that was sitting on the bureau and tucked it into an open buttonhole. She ran a brush through her hair and decided to leave it loose.

Upon entering the living room, she was struck with an over whelming feeling of serenity. She was seeing the room with a new vision. Less than a week before it had felt like a prison now it seemed like a living tribute to the lives she was a part of. She loved the feeling that she got from the things that they had collected over the years. She noticed the present that she had received from Snow Bird before her death. It still hung over the fireplace in a place of honor. The piece of leather and collected beads and feathers touched her heart and filled her with joy and sadness at the same time. The wolf Sully had carved for Abigail was resting in the corner of the room on the desk. The love and care he took making that piece was so clear to her it made her proud to know such a man. Her father's books took a position of importance in the room. She missed him everyday but felt that he was never far away. Brian's recorder was lying on the table in the kitchen. She could almost hear the song he would play remembering No Harm echoing through the house. Matthew had left his gloves by the door and Colleen had forgotten her journal. She was so proud to be included in their lives. A small quilt sewn by the women of the town for Katie was tossed across the cradle that Sully had carved for their daughter. The room was alive with her families' memories, hopes and dreams. The light from the sun shone through the beveled glass of the front door and cast a bright yellow haze on the room. She clutched Katie's blanket to her face and took a deep breath. There was nothing like the smell of her child, she could pick it out anywhere. Michaela had never really loved her life as much as she did at that moment, but she felt that her life was about to change again - and she was ready for it.

"You are ready for this?" Sully's voice took her by surprise. She walked into his open arms and held him very tightly. He returned the embrace. "What is all this?" There were tears in her eyes when she lifted her head - tears of joy. His expression turned to concern.

"I love my life and I love you." She kissed him and held him very closely for a long moment. "And I'll show you how ready I am." She broke free of his embrace and led him out to the porch. She kissed him quickly again and mounted Flash. With a gentle nudge, Flash took off at a break neck speed. Shadow looked confused as to why Sully had not mounted him. Sully watched Michaela for a moment. Her hair was loose and flying through the air. When she had reached the top of the hill, she turned back to see where Sully was. She waved her arm and called to him. "Come On!" The distance was great but Sully believed he could see her eyes and her smile. She was happy and that made him happy. He jumped on Shadow's back and in a moment they were riding side by side toward Hidden Valley.

They set up their picnic in the shade of a tall Oak tree and talked about little things. The crisp in the air and the hint of the leaves changing color made the scene seem like something out of a novel. It had been a long time since they had spent a day together literally doing nothing but enjoying their time together. The conversation lagged and Michaela noticed Sully gaze turn back to the hills.

"Sully - can I ask you a question but have you answer me as honestly as you can?"

"I would never lie to you."

"Even if you thought you were doing it to - protect my feelings?"

"What are you getting at, Michaela?"

"Sully are you happy?" She stopped his immediate response by holding her hand up. "No - please take a moment to think about it." He didn't.

"Yes I am happy." He looked away as soon as he answered and then looked back. "If you are asking if my life turned out the way I expected it to - the answer would be no. But I never could have expected to love anyone as much as I love you. I could never expected to feel about those kids - all of those kids - the way I do." He paused again and she was still watching him. "Where is this coming from?"

"I have been doing a lot of thinking of late. I guess I just wanted to be sure."

He took her hand in his and kissed it. "Be sure." She just smiled.

"You did an awful lot of work on the homestead this last week."

"I was not sure you noticed."

"I did not have much time - but yes I noticed."

"I was trying to keep busy." They continued to talk about their friends and family until just before sunset. They decided to beat the sun home and watch the colors change from their own porch.

At home, Sully sat on the steps and Michaela sat behind him with her arms wrapped around his shoulders. The sun slipped behind the hills with out any conversation and they remained in silence for a few minutes longer. Michaela had something on her mind and was trying to find the best words before she spoke. Not finding them she forged ahead regardless.

"Sully do you remember, before we were married, when I was confused about my feelings for you and David?"

"Yes." His tone let her know that this was not the conversation he wanted to have after spending such a wonderful day with her. "Why bring that up now?"

"You came to me and told me that I should chose whomever would make me happy and that you would support me regardless." He nodded. "You meant that."

"I did."

"What would you have done if I had chosen David?"

"You didn't. Where is this going?"

"I want to make you the same offer."

"I don't understand."

"Sully, when we found out that the Railroad was coming to town - you wanted to leave. You wanted to get as far away as we needed to - to 'preserve our way of life.' I believe that is what you said?" He turned to look at her. "I made you a promise that night that if I ever saw your heart breaking and that you could not take it anymore that we would pack up. So I ask you now - chose what we - as a family - will do. I will support what ever decision you make." She picked up his hand and held it in both of hers. "You are the most important person in my life. You have given me the space to be everything I am. Because of your love and support - I am a better woman and I am happier than I ever thought possible. I feel I have not been as generous with you. I ask so much of you and you ask for so little."

"Michaela - what are you saying?"

"I am saying that I want you to be happy. If that means packing up the family and moving to Oregon or Mexico or Canada or into the Red Rocks - then I will - no I want to go. I need you to be happy and I want us to be together."

"What about your clinic?"

"Andrew and Colleen will run it - or they will wire for a new doctor."

"What about your doctoring?"

"Sully I will always be a doctor. I can be a doctor anywhere. I can start a new practice. All I need is you."

"Our friends?"

"We will miss them and maybe we will visit."

"Do you know what you are saying? You would give up everything you - and we - have worked so hard for - for I don't know what?" She nodded. "Colleen and Matthew?" She nodded.

"We are not giving the children up - Colleen maybe moving to Pennsylvania - we can miss her from Oregon as easily as we can from Colorado Springs."

"Brian's schooling?"

"Sully, I have not thought about each and every particular, but we can. You and me - we can figure this out. I can teach Brian and Katie when the time comes." His arguments were issues that she had considered but they were not what she wanted to discuss then. "I have seen you so unhappy and so restless in the past months - nay years. It hurts me too much to know that we could change that but we aren't. I know that you have roots here too - but...."

"This is a big decision. I have not seriously thought about moving from here since just after Katie was born. It had never occurred to me that we would or could."

"Think about it. I love you. I have known you for a little over 6 years and loved you for almost everyone of them."

"Almost?" He smiled.

"There were a few months in the beginning when I was not sure about you. In all the years I have known you - I never pictured you living like this."

"What do you mean?"

"--In a house with a mortgage and a job. --Worrying about money or - the army. I have always pictured you living very close to nature and teaching our children and me what that really means. There is no denying that I am a city girl - but I have come a long way in 6 years. I too feel the changes that are being brought by the railroad and the growth in the town. To tell you the truth - I left Boston for many of the things I see happening here. Progress is inevitable and change is constant but I think that we can come to a better compromise than we have."

Sully was shocked. He never expected such an offer from her. When he had brought up moving from Colorado Springs in the past it had always been met with resistance. He would have felt sure that the clinic was something that she would never give up. "I will need to think about this." She leaned down and kissed him. Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of horse hooves. "I guess we will have to finish this later." He kissed her before he turned to see Brian riding up. Brian had come to pick up his fishing pole. He and Matthew were going to go night fishing. Michaela tried to get him to stay for supper but he would not. He stayed long enough to let them know that Katie was fine with Colleen and Andrew.

Sully woke just after dawn. It was a clear crisp spring morning. The rain had finally stopped after days of torrential storms. The winter had been much warmer than usual. He knew that he was alone in bed but he let his hand edge over to her side to be sure. It was still warm. He turned on his side to face the vacant space. He had felt her get up to tend to a nightmare Katie was having but fell back to sleep before she had returned. He pulled her pillow close to his chest and let his thoughts focus on the coming day. It was the day they had planned for all winter.

Last fall, after the train accident, Sully and Michaela continued to discuss the idea of moving. They had mentioned it in passing to Brian and Colleen, but no decisions were made. On a whim Sully had written to Nathaniel Langford, who had been appointed the Park Superintendent of Yellowstone, to inquire if there were still a need for surveyor and possibly a doctor. He had expected a reply, but did not expect an aid to Mr. Langford to show up on their doorstep two weeks later to interview them. Yellowstone was very much in need of a doctor (even a woman) and could of course use Sully's experience in any number of capacities. The word got around town before Michaela and Sully had had a chance to discuss it. They had to make a very private decision in the public eye. The strain brought them closer together as a couple and as a family.

By Christmas, they had decided to move to Mammoth Hot Springs and work for Langford at Yellowstone. Brian was thrilled at the prospect. Colleen and Andrew had decided to stay at the homestead and run the clinic - vowing that if the Sully's wanted to return the house and clinic would be theirs. Colleen would pursue her education in Denver and commute. Matthew was torn. He did not want his little brother or his family to move that far away but could think of no reason to stay him self. He decided to make the trip to Yellowstone with them and would stay if he decided he liked it. Cloud Dancing was asked by Michaela and Sully to join them and he accepted. Dorothy was about to lose her best friend and a man that she had come to care for very deeply, but she could not make the decision to leave. At the going away party the day before, Dorothy tried to keep her spirits high but there were still many tears.

Michaela slipped back into their room, tossed her robe across the foot of the bed and slid under the covers into Sully's open arms.

"Katie alright?" He said as he warmed her chilled body.

"She's fine. I think it all the excitement. She just wanted to talk. Sometimes I wish she would stay a just as she is right now."

"How are you?"

"I'm cold." Sully pulled her closer and tucked the blanket around her.

"That is not what I meant. Are you having any second thoughts?"

"No." She leaned up on her elbow to see his face. "Are you?"

"A few. I am glad Cloud Dancing and Matthew decided to travel with us."

"Do you think Matthew will stay once he gets there and sees how beautiful the land is?"

"I don't know. Michaela we could still change our minds. We don't have to leave."

"Don't be silly. I am looking forward to a little adventure with you. I am also looking forward to opening a new practice. But there is one thing that I will insist on." Sully nodded for her to continue. "I will expect you to include me in every other expedition." He smiled and kissed her. "I think Yellowstone is just what the doctor ordered."

"Michaela, I am serious. I don't want you to tell me what you think I need to hear."

"Sully - we have discussed this many times. I have told you everything. Yes I will be very sad to leave Colorado Springs. I have made some wonderful friends here. Knowing that I will have to leave behind Colleen, Dorothy, Grace and the rest is very sad. This town is full of memories. I made a life here - pretty much on my own. I would like to see Colleen continue her education and become the doctor I know she can be. I would like to help her. I would also like to see her through a pregnancy. I will miss all that and yes, I am sad. Is that the reason that we should stay here? I don't think so. I am not alone in this decision. I am part of something much larger and much more important. We are a family and everyone needs to be considered. Why are you having second thoughts?"

"Brian. Katie. A Baby?"

"A baby? Well I am not pregnant now so why don't we think about that when it happens. You and I have handled a baby before and we will again - hopefully someday. As for Brian, I think this is going to be wonderful for him. He is almost grown now and he will be leaving to make his own life. A few years in Yellowstone will give him one more option to consider. Finally, Katie. She has more of her father in her than she does her mother. I am thinking that she is lucky to be part of something as important as Yellowstone. She will be given an education like no other child." He smiled.

His fears were fading and he was again becoming excited about the move. Ever since they had made the decision he was very anxious to get started. On the morning of the move he was concerned that Michaela might be less committed than she led him to believe.

"There are a few things I will miss that I won't ever forget."

"What are they?"

"This house, this bed and the little clearing up in Hidden Valley where I asked you to marry me."

"Would you do it all again?"

"Do you mean if I knew then what I know now, would I ask you to marry me?" He nodded. She leaned back on the bed and let her eyes look toward the ceiling. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't know." She paused and Sully was shocked. A broad smile spread across her face, "but there is one way to find out." With that she leapt out of bed, threw on her robe and was out the door before Sully had any idea what was going on. He heard her talking to Brian as he was pulling on his pants. When he heard the barn door open, he watched from their bedroom window until he saw Michaela emerge on Flash - bareback. She stopped just below the window. "I thought you wanted an answer." She smiled and rode off. Sully of course followed on Shadow and caught up with her long before they reached Hidden Valley. It took them a moment to catch their breath. They rested in the open field letting the sun warm them. Sully decided to play her game.

"So what brings you out here?" The words he had said to her nearly 4 years before.

"I want to tell you how much I appreciated what you did."

"What's that?"

"You ... You shared your life with me. You are a father to the children. You gave me Katie. You never gave up on me, you or us. You loved me. You give me strength that I did not know I had. You are the past and the present. We are the future. If you'll still have me?" Sully was silent. "Will you Sully? Will you marry me all over again? Will you leave a place that we have called home to carve out a life for us in the wilderness of Yellowstone?"

"There is no one in the world I could do this with but you. Thank you Michaela - for all the things you just said and more that I can not say. I love you."

"Then answer the question."

"Yes, Michaela I will marry you again and we will always have a home as long as we are together."

They stood in the clearing letting the morning sun warm them. They faced each other holding hands and recited their wedding vows again. To each it felt like a beginning to a new and better life. They had never been closer in spirit and sealed their renewed vow by making love amid the spring flowers.

Sully and Michaela arrived back at the homestead. Brian and Katie were eating breakfast and Cloud Dancing and Matthew were loading up the wagon.

"Where have you two been?" They tried to hide their secret. "You are not even dressed Dr. Mike."

"We had something to take care of and it could not wait. I'll go get dressed." She took Sully's hand and kissed him. She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I love you." He repeated it back to her.

Within a few hours everything was packed. They were leaving almost everything behind for Andrew and Colleen. The people from town were coming out to say goodbye. Grace had brought lunch for the trip. She was overcome with emotion and could barely keep herself from crying. There was a lot of commotion but Michaela noticed that Dorothy was not there. She thought about riding into town but Sully convinced her that Dorothy needed to find her own way. Cloud Dancing was disappointed as well.

The time had come. "I will take one more look around the house." She was struggling with her own tears. She went into the house and was overwhelmed with memories. The images were clear in her mind. -Sully carrying her across the 'imaginary' threshold before the house was built. -Sully working on their bed. -Colleen, Brian and Matthew playing baseball with the cookie dough. -Colleen placing Katie in the cradle. -Making love with Sully in front of the fire in their bed room. The faces and feelings started coming more quickly she felt herself falling. Sully pulled her from the images.

"Michaela? Are you all right?" The tears of sadness and joy were streaming down her face. She smiled weakly.

"I am fine. We have a lot of memories in these walls."

"We will still have the memories."

"Yes we will - and so many more. I am ready now." She walked over to the fireplace and took the token that Snow Bird had given them. "She said that it would bring us joy."

"She was right." They embraced and closed the door behind them as they left their home for the last time.

Cloud Dancing was sitting on the porch and noticed what Michaela was carrying. He took it from her and looked at it closely. He smiled and allowed Michaela to embrace him. He handed it back to her. "Snow Bird still fills me."

The final good-bye's were said.

"Dr. Mike, the town is going to miss you. I am going to miss you." Jake was holding Theresa's hand but let it go to shake Michaela's. "Thank you." She smiled and realized that she would miss him too.

"We can't believe that you won't be around anymore. We owe you so much Dr. Mike." Michaela hugged both Myra and Horace. She was happy to see them together again and with another child on the way. "Please come back for a visit real soon." Michaela nodded.

"Well Michaela, this is it." Jake was not his usual self this day. "What can I say?" He shrugged his shoulders and surprisingly quickly hugged her. "Can't say as I'll miss your telling me what to do - but it won't be the same around here with out you." She smiled as her role in the community was applauded.

"Dr. Mike it has been a pleasure knowing you. Your effect on this town and me will live on." There were tears in the reverend eyes. She returned the sentiment "I hope we will meet again and may God bless your journey."

Loren's good-bye to Brian was in silence. Loren handed Brian several bags of candy - candy that Brian had given up eating years before. Brian accepted the gift as if it were gold. Brian hugged him and then shook his hand. Loren thought that time was going to quickly. He wiped his dry tears and turned away.

Colleen, Matthew and Brian had spent the previous night together alone. They had talked about their mother and father and the effect that Dr. Mike and Sully had on their lives. The siblings were closer than they ever had been. Even though Colleen was married and making a new family with Andrew she still felt like the responsible sister with her brothers. They promised to write often and visit. Their good-bye this morning was a silent affirmation of the things they had said the night before.

Michaela refused to say good-bye to Colleen. She promised that she would write and that they would as close as they were. She also promised lots of pictures of Katie.

Sully, Matthew, Cloud Dancing and Brian all rode and Michaela drove the wagon with Katie. They had just started to ride off when the sound of horse hooves came from the direction of town. It was Dorothy. She was dressed to travel and had a bag strapped to her saddlebags.

"Michaela? Sully? Cloud Dancing?" She called to them as she rode up. "Do you have room for one more? Yellowstone sounds like a great setting for my next book."

"The Gazette?"

"Sold it this morning that is why I am late."

Michaela and Sully's eyes met. They each nodded to each other and Cloud Dancing joined in. "Absolutely." More good-byes were said and Loren and Dorothy took a short moment. Dorothy took Michaela's place in the wagon and Michaela rode Flash. Colleen smiled through her tears and held Andrew's hand firmly. Grace and Robert E with their new born son watched their friends ride off with mixed emotions. Loren silently promised himself that he would sell the shop and follow them.

Cloud Dancing, Matthew and Brian rode out front, followed by Dorothy and Katie in the wagon. Sully and Michaela were following behind. At the crest of the hill Michaela looked over her shoulder and gave a final wave. She turned again to see Sully stopped looking back over their land and the valley. She rode back to him.

"Sully?"

"Just taking one last look."

"We are looking forward now Mr. Sully."

He broad smile came across his face. "That we are Dr. Quinn-Sully." She reached her hand out to him. He took it and she noticed that he wore the ring. She smiled and leaned over to kiss him. The two rode off hand in hand into the afternoon sun each leaving a piece of their history in Colorado Springs but all with their eyes on the future.

The End