Part 2

The rest of the day passed, amazingly enough, pretty routinely. The ride back to the homestead was pleasant. Quiet, too as Brian had exhausted himself. Sully didn't say much either. Of course, Sully never said very much anyway. Even after all that had happened today, Michaela was still thinking about that kiss at the station. That was no ordinary kiss. It was like he had put his entire soul into it. He had held her so tight that it had taken her breath away! She could feel every muscle in his chest pressed against hers. Even though it was unbelievably pleasurable and she did not want to look a gift horse in the mouth (so to speak), she could not help wondering what had brought it on. Sully was usually not that demonstrative in public. Reserved would be a better description. But not with that kiss. He didn't care who saw it or what they thought of it. Michaela smiled, 'This could be an interesting night.' she thought.

They had a light dinner as their elaborate lunch had stayed with them. Brian worked on his homework for a while and then was off to bed. Matthew did some work in the barn and then he, too, retired. Michaela put Katie to bed and came back downstairs. In the cool of the early darkness, she cuddled up next to Sully on the divan on the porch. He put his arm around her and drew her near.

She looked up at him and asked, "Sully,..."

"Yes." he responded when she hesitated.

"At the station today, when you kissed me....." she was hesitating a lot. She did not know quite how to say this. "I know its been a while, well, between us, but that kiss...."

"What? Did I do it wrong?" he laughed.

"No, no. On the contrary, it was very, very right. That's what has me puzzled. You usually don't kiss me like that, in public I mean."

"What do you mean 'like that'? Can't a man kiss his wife?" he asked.

"Sully, you weren't just kissing me 'hello'. If we hadn't been where we were, I think you would have, ... well ....., lets say you had a little more on your mind than a simple kiss."she explained. She put her hand on his chest, seeking out the opening in his shirt so she could feel his chest.

"Maybe your're right." was all he said.

"What do you mean, 'maybe I'm right'. Is that all you're going to say?"

"No. No, not at all. As a matter of fact I've been dreamin' of our first night together after so long." he said as stared at the moon.

"Sully, what's going on? Its not like you to be that way in public. Not that I don't like it, mind you. What woman wouldn't like to be kissed like that. But its a change and it takes a lot for you to change. What is it?" she asked quietly.

Sully sat up straight and Michaela drew her legs up underneath her. Sully turned to face her and took both her hands in hers, then began his story. He started at the beginning and did what most men don't, he told her about his first love, Abigail, and how her death had affected him. He spoke of his feelings of lack of accomplishment and drifting and how he had been first attracted to her and how he fell in love with her. He explained how the guilt about Abigail's death had bothered him and aggravated his feelings of inadequacy in relation to Michaela's breeding and education. He told her how his absences were sometimes escapes from these feelings and that the trip with Cloud Dancing had been a grasp at coming to grips with them. But when he told her about almost drowning and the vision he had, Michaela's eyes clouded over. Tears slowly ran down her cheeks as she began to understand the depth of the hurt her man had been dealing with. She was terrified she had almost lost him, but held her words as he finished recounting the vision. He had never opened up like this before and she did not want to do anything to jeopardize that. She did not want to give him an excuse to stop to answer something she would say. Occasionally she would pull her hand from his to wipe a tear away, but she would instantly take his hand again. He was speaking so intently that he hardly seemed to notice. It was like this was something he was driven to do. He was baring his soul to her. He was trusting her in a way that every woman wants her man to do. He was trusting her with himself, and that made her cry too, cry through her smile.

When he had finished, she was not sure what she was to do. Anything she said might sound patronizing or belittling. She just said, "Oh, Sully, what a beautiful, sad, wonderful story. I love you so much." and then she put her arms around him and held him.

"I'm sorry, Michaela, so very sorry. It was unfair of me to keep all this from you for so long, but I didn't realize how it all fit together. Now that I do, I had to share it with you. You are the one I want to spend my life with and if I'm to ask you to do that, I want you to know everything. I have to know that you're picking me, not just settling."

She looked at him sitting there. He was her man. She spoke softly and slowly to make sure he knew she was sincerely and from the heart. "I cannot imagine spending my life with anyone else in any other way. What you have told me just reinforces how I feel about you. Not every man would even have the sensitivity to feel such things, never mind let them bother him. Your sharing it with me means all the world to me and it makes me love you even more." She again put her arms around him. She snuggled up against him as he stroked her hair. She could not remember ever being this content. Shecould stay like this for hours.

***************************
The next morning the sun came up full and bright. It was their first day all back together and it just felt right. Sully awoke next to her and as he sat up on the edge of the bed, she ran her hand over his strong back. The scratch marks on it were hers and the memory of how he had gotten them the night before made her smile.

He turned to face her and said, "If that's how you show me you love me, I'm gonna have to be careful what I say or you'll claw my skin off if you love me any more!"

"You haven't seen anything yet, Mr. Sully!" she said with a devilish smile. "I haven't even begun to love you yet!"

"I'll hold you to those words, Mrs. Sully." he replied with a smile.

"Please do." Michaela said.

With that they arose and started the day. The usual routine prevailed. Chores, breakfast, take care of Katie, Brian off the school then off to her practice. Before she had gone to New Orleans, it had been such a dull rut, but now it was comfortable and warm. It was her rut and she loved it.

Michaela was puttering around the clinic trying to get caught up. She was read the notes Andrew had written on the cases he had seen and took stock of her supplies to see if she needed to order anything. She saw several of her regular patients, mainly the ones that came in whether they were really sick or not, and she had enjoyed her chats with them.

She also spent some time reviewing last night with Sully. She had not told him what had happened in New Orleans. He seemed so vulnerable and the feeling was so good that she had not wanted to jeopardize it by bringing up events in New Orleans that might bring about more doubts. Furthermore, she needed to think out how to tell him so as not to hurt him more. He had borne enough for her and she did not want to add to it. She would have to find a way to tell him so he understood that it had been a good thing because it had led her to realize how much she really loved him. That was why she decided to wait for a better time and place.

As she was filing her notes from the conference, she noticed the ones she had taken down from her talks with Allessandro. That seemed so long ago and far away, but before she could think about it too much, Dorothy came in.

"Mornin' Michaela. Been keepin' busy on your first morning back?" she asked cheerily.

"Yes. Fortunately I haven't had too many patients, so I've been able to catch up on what I've missed and do some stock taking." she replied as she stuffed the notes in a drawer.

"Well, I just thought I'd come by and see how you were doing. I was going up to the reservation to speak with Cloud Dancin' and I thought I'd stop by before I left."

Prompted by the name of Sully's friend, she regained some of the enthusiasm she had at the conference, "Funny you should mention Cloud Dancing." Michaela said reaching back into the drawer for her notes. "While I was at the convention I met a Spanish doctor who had done work with the indians in their colonies and he had an interest in their native medicine like I have in the Cheyenne's. We had several conversations together and I learned that much of what the Cheyenne know is remarkably similar to what other natives of the america's know. The Spanish have different terms, of course, but the plants and herbs are the same. Remarkable, really, that I should run into someone with a similar interest so far from home." Michaela ran on.

Noting Michaela's increased animation, Dorothy asked coyly, "What was he like, this, what did you say his name was?"

"I didn't," Michaela replied looking at Dorothy. With some reservation she said, "His name was Allessandro Reynaldo Madira-Fuego."

"My, that's quite a mouthful. What was he like." she asked innocently.

"Oh, he was very intelligent and was from a very good family. They had property just north of the city."

"But what was he like, Michaela?" Dorothy prompted leaning closer.

"Well, he was....he was..." now Michaela was feeling a bit uncomfortable. She didn't know why she had started this. Maybe she had just needed to tell someone, but now she was having second thoughts. Why wouldn't Dorothy leave this alone? She decided that if she tried to hide anything Dorothy would just pry more, so she said, "Actually, he was very handsome and quite charming. There, are you happy."

"It doesn't mean much to me, but judging by your reaction, it did to you. What went on down there?" Dorothy asked very seriously as she sat down.

Michaela sighed. Dorothy could always read Michaela so it was useless to keep a secret from her. Besides, she did need to tell someone and maybe Dorothy could help her find a way to tell Sully. She sat down and proceeded to tell her the whole story from beginning to end. Her feelings of fatigue and boredom, her chance meeting with Alessandro, her discussions with Dr. Abby, her dinner with Alessandro and his subsequent proposal and the way her thought processes were clarified by Dr. Abby. She revealed all as a woman only can do to her best friend.

After Michaela was done, Dorothy just sat there for a moment collecting her thoughts. She shook her head slightly and then said, "All of that in one trip? Michaela, when you travel, you certainly make an adventure of it!"

"Dorothy, don't you understand all I said? This was a turning point in my life. At one time my upbringing, career, family and husband, all of which had been going in different directions, were reconciled. I am now really content with my life." Michaela pleaded.

"Of course I heard you." Dorothy replied. "and I think its wonderful that you were able to work through all those things that were bothering you. But, have you told Sully yet?"

This was the part she was afraid of. "No. not yet."

"Are you going to?" Dorothy asked.

"I meant to do it last night, but it just wasn't the right time." Michaela responded without going into all the details. She could reveal all her weaknesses to Dorothy, but it wouldn't be fair to reveal Sully's without him knowing.

"I don't know if there will be a 'right time', Michaela. I think you should tell him as soon as you can. What would happen if he found out some other way? He'd either be seriously hurt or furious or both and rightfully so."

"I know, I know, and I will tell him, but I have to find the right time and mood. Besides, no one here knows anything about Alessandro except you and I and I know you won't say anything."

"That may be, but what if you get a letter. Or worse, what if he comes visiting?" Dorothy was getting a bit dramatic for effect now. Michaela just looked at her. She continued, "Alright, maybe not a visit. But even if he sent you some medical articles or things, it could bring about an ugly conversation. I know he said you would never hear from him again, but if he was as taken with you as you say, well, you just never know what a man in a state like that will do."

"Alright, Dorothy," Michaela relented, "I'll tell him as soon as I can."

"Good. And don't let that be too long." Dorothy instructed.

"Yes, M'am" Michaela mocked her. Dorothy returned this first with a glare and then a laugh.

******************************
Clutching the list of supplies she needed, Michaela picked her way through the mud to Loren Bray's store. It had been only been raining for an hour, but it had been a heavy downpour and the street was churned to soup by wagons and horses and the puddles were turning into small brown lakes. The rain was dripping down the back of her neck giving her the shivers and she was trying to watch out for traffic and pick her way through the muck at the same time. Almost falling several times, she finally made it safely across and stepped up on the first step of Loren's store. Just then a big freight wagon went by and hit one of those lakes right next to the steps. Michaela didn't even have time to scream before the wave of muck slapped into her legs and dress. She whirled around to see who or what had done this and to give him/her a piece of her mind, but the wagon was already proceeding down the street in a cacophonous jangle of wheels, brakes, harnesses and horses. The driver would have never heard her anyway. She climbed the stairs and tried to clean off what she could, but being mostly on her back, it was difficult to see. While muttering to herself about idiot drivers and unpaved streets, she heard laughter behind her back.

She turned and saw Jake and Hank leaning on the doorway to Loren's store having a laugh at her expense.

"Nice day if it don't rain, eh Michaela?" Hank drawled as he pulled the stubby cigar out of his mouth.

"Is brown the latest color in New Orleans, Dr. Mike? If so, you'd fit right in." said Jake lamely.

Summoning up all her remaining dignity, she straightened her dress and marched past them into Loren's store. They contained their laughter as she walked by, but smiled at each other behind her back.

"Aw, don't mind them, Dr. Mike. What brings you out in this weather?" Loren asked from behind the counter. Michaela could never understand why Loren hung out with these louts. Must be another male thing she didn't understand, nor did she care to.

"I need to replenish my supplies for the clinic, Loren. Here's my list." and she handed it to him.

Loren took the soggy paper, wiped away some mud and tried to decipher it. "What's this one here?" he asked indicating an item smudged by mud and rain.

"That's bicarbonate of soda." Looking at the list, Michaela realized the ink had streaked and run in the rain despite her efforts to keep it dry. "Here," she said testily as she took it back from him, "just let me read it to you."

"Alright, alright. Keep your ......, er...... your,..... well......, slow down anyway. Let me get a pencil." Loren said as he sorted through all the papers on his desk for a writing instrument. Why did this woman always have to be so darned sensitive?

Michaela read him the list and after a few repeats of scientific names, he proceeded to see what he had in stock and what he'd have to order. Michaela shook some more rain off her and turned around to see Hank and Jake watching her. "Don't you fellows have anything better to do than stand around here?" she asked.

"This appears to be the best show in town, Michaela." Hank said through a haze of smoke. "Didn't you miss us while you were gone."

"Well, since you mention it, I did dream about you once." Michaela said. He needed to be put in his place. She was laying a trap for him and hoped he took the bait..

"Hank, you ol' dog!" Jake said. "Dr. Mike's been dreamin' about you!"

"Yes, I was dreaming of coming home and everyone in the town was in the dream. It was all confused with my trip to New Orleans, but you were all there." she paused her for dramatic effect and then continued, "Of course, dreams being the silly things they are, Hank had the body of a jackass!"

With that, Jake laughed loudly and slapped his knee. "Hank, I need to tell ya, you're not gonna get far with women if they see you in your natural state!"

"Go ahead and laugh,"drawled Hank back at him. Turning back to Michaela he asked, "and what did you see Jake as?"

Even Michaela was smiling now. It was obviously so silly. "Well, just before Alessandro made his speech, Loren was selling flour to all the other doctors and ......" she instantly knew she had made a mistake by the looks on their faces.

"Alessandro?" Jake slowly stopped laughing and asked, "Who's Alessandro?"

Michaela fumbled for a moment, obviously at a loss. "Er....He was a...fellow physician I met at the conference." she finally mumbled.

"Oh, a 'fellow physician' was he?" and Jake exaggerated a wink at Hank. "Got to first name basis pretty quick, didn't we, eh Michaela?" he sneered.

"That's none of your business."

"No M'am, its none of our business, but it sure sounds like Sully's business to me. What do you think about that, Sully?" Hank said nodding in the direction of the door.

Michaela's eyes grew wide and she turned to see Sully standing in the doorway dripping wet. She stared at him not believing what she had just said.

Sully took a few steps into the store. He looked around at the now silent men and then settled his gaze on Michaela. "What's all this about?" he asked.

"Its nothing Sully. He was someone I met in New Orleans and..."

"You didn't mention him when you told everyone about your trip yesterday. Who was he? " he pressed.

"He was a doctor from Spain. We shared an interest in native medicines. We discussed it at great length over dinner a few times." and she knew she had blundered again.

"And I suppose you had these dinners in the hotel with all the other doctors?" He took a few more steps toward her.

"Well, no. We met at a restaurant he knew nearby."she said quietly.

"You had dinner with him alone?" Sully was speaking slowly and softly, but it was obvious that something was wrong. "You didn't even know this man."

"It was nothing, Sully. It happens all the time at these conventions. It's a way information is shared more .... informally." she tried to explain.

"Oh, is that what they call it in New Orleans, Michaela? Information?" Hank sneered as Jake snickered..

Sully shot Jake a cold glance that silenced him and said to Hank, "You stay out of this." Hank smiled and raised his hands like he was surrendering. Sully glared at him and turned back to Michaela.

"How many times did you have 'dinner', ...... informally ....." and he drew that word out, "with this fellow?" Sully asked.

"Twice." Michaela answered flatly.

"You had dinner alone with him twice. What else have you left out about your trip?" He was speaking before he was thinking, but he felt hurt and betrayed. "When were you going to share this with me? It seems the rest of the town already knows." And then very slowly he said, "Or maybe I don't want to know."

"Sully!" Michaela said, "No....."

Sully stared at her a moment, then looked at Hank, Loren and Jake and back at Michaela. He shook his head and said, "I gotta get out'a here before I say too much." He turned and went back out into the rain. Michaela looked around the room and was greeted by the blank stares of Loren and Jake and Hank's wry smile. Without saying a word, she ran after Sully. For a brief moment the only sound in the store was the rain on the roof. The men all looked at each other.

"Now see what you went and did." Loren said to Hank.

"What did I do?" Hank replied with his Cheshire cat grin as he pulled on his cigar.

***********************
Sully strode through the mud, rain cascading down off his hat. He had no idea where he was going, he just needed to be on the move. It wasn't so much what Michaela had done, because outside of eating dinner, he didn't know what she had done. It was more the let down he felt. After the elation he had experienced on his trip with Cloud Dancing, he had bared his soul to Michaela. He had shared everything that he is with her. Then, the very next day, he finds that not only had she not told him everything about even a simple trip to a convention, she had been telling others before she shared it with him, if she ever intended to do so at all. He was hurt, confused, disappointed and angry. For so long, to keep from being hurt he had kept everything bottled up. Now, the first time he had really opened up to anyone in years resulted in just that, more hurt. The one person in the world who had reached into his soul to bring him out of himself had let him down. 'What had she been thinking to do that?' he thought, and then more ominously, 'And what had I been thinking to open myself up for this ...... again.'

He stopped in an alley and leaned up against the wet wood of the building. He hung his head for a moment and before he knew it, his tears were mingling with the rain running down his face. He turned his back to the wall and raised his hands to cover his face. He was ashamed, but he didn't know why. He began to sob and he slid down into the mud as his knees went weak. It didn't make sense. All she did was have dinner. He had been through so much worse, but he couldn't help it. It all just came gushing out of him like the rain from the down spouts. There was no thinking anymore, no guilt, no accusations. Only grief. And he cried.

**********************
Michaela ran after Sully. When she emerged from Loren's store, lightning ripped through the clouds and momentarily blinded her. She stumbled until she regained her vision and realized that she had lost Sully. The town wasn't that large, but she could not see him anywhere. Crying out after him, she started looking in every alley and door. She knew that every moment she did not find him, he could be farther away in another direction. Oh God, Dorothy had been right. She should have told him right away, last night, when they were more together than ever before. But now it was too late. Her stupid pride at trying to "get" Hank had led her to say something she shouldn't and now she would pay for all of it. She continued her search, but could not find him anywhere.

*********************
When he had cried himself out, Sully took stock of his situation. He was soaked through and cold. As miserable as he felt, he knew he had to get in out of the rain and cold, but he needed to be alone. He could not face her or anyone else right now. He had too much to work out inside himself first. Almost automatically, he made for the one place he thought no one would be this time of day, the church. It would be quiet there. He would build a fire in the stove and he could be alone to gather his thoughts, and if God wanted to help out, that was alright with him cause he could use all the help he could get right now.

Using the alleys and backs of buildings, he made his way to the edge of town. When he was certain no one was watching, he sprinted the distance over the bridge and to the church. He started a fire in the stove and sat in the pew right next to it. He felt the warmth begin to come off the stove and permeate his body. Soon he was flushed with the heat from the stove and became sleepy. Slowly his eyes closed and he nodded off.

"Sully? Sully? Are you alright?"

He open his eyes and saw the Reverend sitting next to him. He shook the cobwebs out of his head and sat up straight and stretched.

"What's wrong? What are you doing here?" the Reverend asked.

Sully looked at him and thought, 'Well, I said I'd take God's help and here it is. No sense holdin' anything back from God.' and he proceeded to tell the Reverend the entire story right from the beginning, and that took quite a while. When he was done, the Reverend sat back and said,

"Sully, I had no idea all that was going on inside you."

"At times, neither did I, Reverend."

"Well, there's obviously a lot to deal with here and I don't have all the answers right off, but one thing I do know is that Michaela would never do anything to deliberately hurt you." Before Sully could interrupt he continued, "I'm not saying you weren't hurt, I'm just saying that if you were, I'm sure it was not what she intended. It doesn't sound like you gave her much chance to explain and Loren's store with Hank and Jake around isn't exactly a good place to have a personal private discussion."

"But I opened up to her. I told her everything and she........" Sully trailed off when he realized he didn't know what he meant.

"Sully, by your own admission, this opening up was a new thing for you. If it was new for you, imagine how it took her by surprise. She might have had every intention of telling you everything, but you might have thrown her for a loop first with your story. She might have been afraid it would hurt you even more if she told you right then." He paused, stood up, paced a bit, and then added, "And remember, everything that happened to her in New Orleans, happened before you told her anything." He ran his hand over his face and rubbed his chin. He thought a bit and then said, "Heck, Sully. I don't know what she was thinking, but neither do you and you owe it to her, .....and yourself .... to find out." He walked up and put his hand on Sully's shoulder. "She loves you more than life itself, Sully. I know that and you know that. Talk to her. I'll bet you'll find there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for it all."

They both sat in silence while Sully mulled over the Reverend's advice. Then Sully said, "Alright. I'll talk to her and find out what really happened. Like you said, Reverend, I owe it to myself, .... and to her."

The Reverend patted Sully on the shoulder several times. "Good. Good. I know it's the right thing to do and that you'll all work it out just fine."

*********************
Sully paused just outside the clinic door. 'The wagon is still in town, so she must be here.' he thought. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly and then went in the door. She was sitting behind her desk with her head in her hands. When she looked up, he could tell she had been crying. She looked surprised and said, "Sully. Where have you been? I went looking for you but I lost you in the rain. Where did you go?"

"I had to get away. I had to be alone and think." he responded flatly.

"I've been worried sick about you, out in that rain all alone. Where did you go?" she asked solicitously.

"The church. I figured I could light a fire there and dry off while I sorted out my thoughts." he explained as he walked across the room.

Michaela wanted to ask question after question, but she did not think it was her place to do so right now. Sully had come to her, so she would let him say what he had to say. Sully walked over to the window and stared out at the now clearing sky. He spoke into the glass and said, "I never gave you a chance to explain, to tell me what had happened in New Orleans." He turned and faced her and continued, "I want to know. I think I deserve to know."

"Of course you do, and I want to tell you the story. The whole story. I want you to know all of it because it only led me to be closer to you and the children." Then she told him. Told him of her loneliness and fatigue, of the feeling that her medical skills were stagnating and of the subtle but gradual distancing she was feeling from him. She told him of Alessandro and how she reacted to his attentions with confusion and self doubt. She related how her conversations with Dr. Abby had given her insight into her parent's marriage and had helped her sort out what was real and what was important to her, how he made her realize how happy she really was and how important her family was to her. She shared how happy Sully's opening up to her had made her, but at the same time how it made her hesitate to tell him something that might cause him to doubt her or himself. She was afraid that after what he had told her that he might think she had betrayed him, and she couldn't bear that.

As she spoke, she walked around the room. She would idly pick up a book here and place it there, move a chair a few inches or re-arrange the instruments on the examining table. She was nervous and it showed. To her the explanation seemed to ramble and have no real theme. It was all just stream of consciousness. She could only hope that somehow it made sense to Sully.

When she had finished, she was sitting down looking at her hands in her lap. "I am so, so sorry you had to find out about all this the way you did. His name just came out as I was trying to 'get' Hank. As soon as I said it, I knew it was wrong. When I saw you standing there, I was terrified you would assume the wrong thing, but I was so flustered I couldn't think or talk straight. I searched all over town and couldn't find you. I was terrified that after all we had been through that I could still lose you. I came back to the clinic praying that you would come here." She looked up at him and finished, "God must have heard me."

"Well, God did have something to do with it, but it was in the form of the Reverend. He came into the church while I was drying out and he figured out something was wrong. By that point I thought I could use all the help I could find, so I told him my whole story. It was him got my mind straight so I could come here to hear the real story and understand what had happened."

He paused a moment, reflecting on all that she had told him. "From what you've said, it sounds like some of what was going on in me was affecting you. Given how you were feeling, I guess its not surprising you liked that Spanish doctor." He paused and thought some more. "Michaela, I am so sorry for all the hurt and frustration I have caused you with my confusion. I never meant to hurt you. Its was because I love you so much that I got so confused with everything else that had gone on in my life. What your friend, Dr. Abby, told you sounds a lot like what Cloud Dancing said to help me."

"And I hurt you with my self doubts and in not trusting how you would react. It's a good thing we both had help from old friends." Michaela said with a small smile.

"Friends who seem to know us better than we do." Sully answered. He sat down next to her and took her hands. "But that's going to change now. Everything I am, you know. I'll never hold anything back again."

"Neither will I, Sully. Never, never again." She said with all her heart, "I do love you so much."

"And I love you."

With that, he kissed her softly on the lips and cradled her in his arms. They didn't know how long they sat that way with the warm sun shining in on them, and they didn't care. They were together again and would be forever more.

The End