A Dark Secret - part 5

Andrew was standing over a wash basin, cleaning and sterilizing his instruments when he heard a knock at the door. "Come in," Andrew called as he looked up. Michaela opened the door slowly and walked in. "Michaela, is everything all right? Are you still feeling ill?" Andrew asked with concern.

Michaela stood nervously wringing her hands. "Yes, a little. I mean I'm still feeling a little nauseous," she stammered, "and I'm experiencing mild cramps occasionally."

"Are you still getting sick to your stomach," Andrew questioned her.

"Sometimes," Michaela replied softly, "but the bleeding has stopped."

"Well, that's good," Andrew replied and then continuing he asked, "When was the last time you were sick?"

"This morning, after breakfast," Michaela answered sheepishly.

"Well, why don't you let me examine you so we can find out what's wrong," Andrew replied. With his hand on her elbow, he gently guided her to the examining table, and picking up a gown, he handed it to her and said, "Why don't you get undressed and I'll be back in a few minutes."

As Andrew examined her, Michaela stared blankly at the ceiling. Even though she was a doctor, she felt uncomfortable and embarrassed by this procedure. "Oooh," Michaela cried out as Andrew continued to probe.

"Does that hurt?" Andrew asked as he pressed gently down on her stomach.

Nodding her head, Michaela looked at Andrew and said, "Yes, a little," and then anxiously she asked, "Is it the change Andrew?"

Andrew finished his examination and extending his hand, he helped Michaela to sit up. He then walked over to the wash basin to wash his hands. Michaela looked at Andrew and wrapping the gown tightly around her she asked again, "Andrew, is it the change?"

Andrew looked at Michaela and tried not to let his concern show on his face. Walking back to the examination table, he looked somberly at Michaela and said, "No, Michaela, it's not the change. You're pregnant."

Michaela's eyes lit up momentarily. "I'm pregnant?" she exclaimed. And then she noticed the look of anguish on Andrew's face. "What, what is it Andrew, what's wrong?" she cried.

"You are pregnant, Michaela, but there's something else," Andrew explained.

"What, what is it, Andrew?" Michaela interrupted, fear now bubbling in her stomach.

Andrew looked into Michaela's eyes and gently he said, "Michaela, you have a growth, a tumor, on your uterus."

"A tumor?" Michaela whispered. Suddenly the room started to spin and she felt like she was going to throw up again. Everything looked blurry around her. Her hands were shaking and her body began to tremble. Andrew quickly reached for his bottle of smelling salts and swiftly passed it under her nose. The room stopped spinning and everything became clear once more. Michaela looked at Andrew terrified. She was still shaking when she asked, "Andrew, are you sure?"

"Yes, Michaela, I definitely felt a small tumor on the upper portion of your uterus. As you know, the recommended procedure is to extirpate the tumor along with the uterus," Andrew explained in his doctor's voice. "I'm sorry, Michaela," Andrew replied.

"What are you saying, Andrew," Michaela asked, her voice trembling, "are you saying you want to take my baby?"

Andrew took hold of Michaela's trembling hands. "Michaela, I know this is a shock to you, but you must know that your chances of carrying this baby to full term are almost nil. The longer you wait the more danger you put yourself in."

"NO!" Michaela shouted as she jerked her hands away, "you're not taking my baby. I won't let you."

"Michaela, please, listen to me. The longer you wait the greater the chances of you hemorrhaging. The tumor is what's causing your bleeding. You're carrying a low grade fever, which is just another sign of your body rejecting the tumor. You can't ignore this," Andrew pleaded.

Michaela looked calmly at Andrew and said, "I'd like to get dressed now."

Andrew looked at Michaela and saw her eyes stare blankly back at him. "All right, I'll let you get dressed now," Andrew said dejectedly as he walked away.

Michaela stood up from the examining table and grabbed the side of the table, steadying her shaky legs. She took a deep breath and walked over to the dressing room. After dressing she walked out to find Andrew waiting for her. "Michaela, please, listen to me. The longer you wait for surgery the more danger you're putting yourself in. This baby won't survive, but you can, if you let me perform the surgery."

"You don't know that for sure, Andrew. This is my last chance of having a baby and I won't let you take it, I won't," Michaela stated emphatically, her voice beginning to crack and her eyes brimming with tears.

"Michaela, be reasonable. You have a beautiful little girl at home who needs a mother," Andrew begged. "Think of her, think of your other children. You're a doctor and you know as well as I do that the chances of having this baby is almost impossible."

"Thank you, Andrew," Michaela mumbled as she started to leave.

"Michaela, at least talk it over with Sully," Andrew hopelessly pleaded.

Abruptly turning to face Andrew, she looked him in the eye and sternly stated, "This is my decision, Andrew, not Sully's. Do you understand that? It's my decision, not his. I will not let you take my baby." And with that said Michaela turned and walked out the door, never looking back.

She was still in a state of shock. She mounted her horse and headed for home. She knew she couldn't go back into town. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to see or talk to anyone. She was shaking uncontrollably now and she knew she was going to be sick again. She kept going over and over in her mind what Andrew said, but she wouldn't let herself believe it. She had to have this baby, she just had to. It was her last chance.

And then she heard Andrew telling her to talk to Sully. But she knew what Sully would say if he knew about the tumor. "Well," she thought to herself, "I just won't tell him about that. I'll talk to him tonight and try to change his mind about a baby. But he doesn't need anything else to worry about now. He doesn't need to know about the tumor. After all, the bleeding has stopped; Andrew could be wrong," she tried convincing herself again.

Michaela rode her horse into the barn and dismounted. After putting Flash in her stall, Michaela walked towards the door. She stopped as she noticed the backpack still hanging in the corner. Her birthday was in just two days. They were supposed to climb Pikes Peak together. But she knew that Sully would never leave Josh, not now. And she understood that. Now would not be a good time for her to climb a mountain either. She just hoped that Sully would at least plan a special day for just the two of them. They needed time alone together, especially now after all that's happened.

As she walked into the homestead, her thoughts were reeling. Andrew's words kept echoing in her mind. "A tumor..., a tumor..., a tumor... "No, I won't let myself think about that," she told herself, "I've got to keep busy." So getting out her cleaning supplies, she decided to clean the house, starting with the kitchen floor. She got out her bucket and scrub brush and getting down on her hands and knees, she proceeded to scrub the floor.

It was a few hours later when Michaela stood back to view her sparkling clean kitchen. All of a sudden she began to sway, and her stomach began to churn. Holding her hand over her mouth, she ran for the privy. And that's where Colleen found her when she walked in.

Colleen had been wondering where her ma was. It was almost lunch time and she was meeting Andrew for lunch today. "She should have been here by now," Colleen thought. So she decided to go home first and see if her ma was all right. She knew that her ma had been extremely tired lately, and she also knew it would be just like her ma not to tell anyone if she was feeling ill.

Colleen rode up to the homestead and tied her horse to the front porch. As she opened the front door, she called, "Ma, it's Colleen, are you here?", but she received no answer. She looked around the room and noticed how clean everything was and she saw the bucket and scrub brush sitting next to the steps. And then she heard something coming from the corner of the kitchen. As she walked closer, she realized that it was coming from the privy. Rushing over to the privy she threw open the door, which had not been latched, and she found her ma kneeling on the floor, throwing up.

Rushing to her side, Colleen knelt down beside her ma. "Ma, what's wrong? Are you all right?" Colleen asked anxiously. Michaela continued to heave, though her stomach was now empty. Colleen looked at her mother frightened, and putting her arm around her, she held back her mother's hair. When Michaela was finished, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Colleen jumped up and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and a towel. After Michaela had rinsed out her mouth, Colleen asked again, "Ma, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Colleen, I'm fine, really," Michaela tried to reassure her as she leaned back on her knees, wiping her mouth with the towel.

"No you're not all right," Colleen stated, "Do you want me to go and get Sully?"

"No!" Michaela blurted out. "Please Colleen, I'm all right now. My stomach was just upset, that's all. It must have been something I ate."

"Ma, tell me the truth, what's wrong?" Colleen implored.

"Colleen, please," Michaela whispered as she looked at her daughter. It was then that Colleen noticed that Michaela had turned a ghastly white, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes looked hollow. "Ma," Colleen said earnestly as she began to stand up, "I'm going to get Andrew."

Michaela grabbed Colleen's hand to stop her from rising. "No, Colleen, please, I'll be all right," Michaela begged. "I don't need Andrew, really."

Colleen looked directly into Michaela's eyes and said sternly, "Ma, something's wrong. Either tell me or I'm going to get Andrew."

Michaela looked at her daughter and saw the fear in her eyes. She knew she had to tell her something so she blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

Colleen's eyes lit up and she threw her arms around her mother. "Oh, ma, I'm so happy for you," Colleen squealed. Michaela slowly pulled away from her daughter's grip and said, "Please, Colleen, you have to promise me that you won't say anything," Michaela begged. Colleen looked up at her mother with questioning eyes and asked, "Why, ma? Does Sully know?"

"No," Michaela quickly stated, and then she pleaded again. "Please, promise me you won't say anything," But Colleen ignored her plea and asked, "Why haven't you told him?"

Michaela glanced away and looking down at her hands, she spoke in a whisper. "Because Sully doesn't want anymore children."

"But I thought you were trying for another child? Did he tell you he didn't want one?" Colleen asked confused.

"Yes," Michaela choked. "After he found out Josh was his son he told me he didn't want another child now." Michaela felt the tears coming but tried without success to stop them from flowing.

Colleen put her arms around her ma and hugging her she said, "Oh, ma, he didn't really mean that. Once Sully finds out your pregnant, he'll be thrilled. You know how much he loves Katie," she said reassuringly.

Michaela stepped back slightly from Colleen and wiping the tears from her eyes, she pleaded once again. "Colleen, please, promise, not a word?"

Colleen sighed and nodding her head she said, "All right, ma, I promise. But you have to tell Sully. You can't keep this from him."

Michaela felt totally drained and wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep. She looked at Colleen and her voice a mere whisper she uttered, "Yes, I know, but I'll be the one to tell him."

Colleen just nodded her head and then said, "Come on, I'll help you upstairs to bed." As Colleen helped Michaela to stand a sharp pain gripped her stomach, causing Michaela to clutch her stomach and moan. "Ma!" Colleen cried fearfully. Michaela stood still a moment as the pain passed. Seeing the concerned look on Colleen's face, she tried to reassure her. "I'm all right, my stomach is just a little sore. I'm afraid I haven't been able to keep much down the past few days."

Colleen helped her mother upstairs to bed. Once Michaela was in bed Colleen asked, "Would you like me to get you something to eat, or maybe some tea?"

"Some tea would be nice. I don't think I could eat anything right now," Michaela answered her with a smile. "I'm sure by supper I'll be fine and then I'll try and eat something."

Colleen went downstairs and returned a few minutes later with a cup of hot tea. Placing the cup on the nightstand, she replied, "Ma, I'm worried about you. I think I'll stay here with you this afternoon."

"No, Colleen, you go ahead and have lunch with Andrew. It's only morning sickness and there's really nothing you can do. I'll be fine, really," Michaela told her. "I just need to rest awhile, that's all."

"Well, if you're sure," Colleen answered hesitantly, "but I'll come back early to fix dinner. You stay right here in bed.

Michaela smiled at her daughter and replied, "Thank you, Colleen." Leaning over to give her ma a kiss, Colleen whispered, "I love you," and then walked out the door. Michaela snuggled under the covers and trying to block everything from her mind, she finally drifted off to a restless sleep.

**************************
Sully was sitting next to Sheryl on a blanket by the stream as they watched Brian and Josh fish while Katie played nearby. Sully had been unusually quiet throughout the afternoon, deep in thought. Sheryl had noticed this and finally asked, "Sully, is something wrong, you seem very quiet?"

"Oh," Sully answered, somewhat startled, "I'm sorry. I guess I just got a lot on my mind."

"Would you like to talk about it?" Sheryl asked with sincerely. "I mean, if it's personal, you don't have to."

"I guess I was just thinking about all that has happened the past few weeks," Sully answered.

"Anything in particular?" Sheryl questioned.

Sully paused a moment and then said, "Michaela wants another baby, but I told her I wanted to wait. She said she understood, but I'm not sure if she really does."

"What do you mean?" Sheryl asked.

"Well," Sully said hesitantly, "the day you and Josh came to the house, Michaela got her monthly. She was real upset 'cause we had been trying for another baby for a long time now. She said I didn't seem disappointed, and I told her that wasn't true." Sully paused a moment and watched as Josh reeled in another fish.

"Look, Sully, Ma," Josh screamed. They both looked at Josh and smiled.

"Good work," Sully yelled. And then turning back to Sheryl he said full of guilt, "I lied to Michaela that day. I wasn't really disappointed. In fact, I was relieved."

Sheryl studied Sully's face a moment and then asked, "If you were trying for another baby, why were you relieved?"

Sully sighed deeply and then looking at Sheryl he said, "Well, ever since Josh came into my life, and I know how sick he is, I just can't risk losing another child, or Michaela." Sully looked at Sheryl and saw the look of confusion on her face. "You see, when I was a small child, not much older than Josh, I lost my mother. I had already lost my father when I was very young. Then I came out west to Colorado Springs to make a new life and I met Abagail. And then she was taken away from me along with our baby." Sully paused a moment to compose himself. "After that I went to live with the Cheyenne and they became my family, and then they too were all killed at Washita. And during the time I was hiding from the army, Michaela lost our baby. And now Josh has come into my life and I know he's going to be taken away also," Sully spoke softly, his voice trailing off.

"But I'm still not sure I understand, Sully. What does that have to do with another child?" Sheryl asked perplexed.

"When Michaela was pregnant with Katie, she had some complications early on. She almost lost her. And then when Katie was born, I had to deliver her and the cord got caught and I thought I would lose both of them again. I just can't go through this anymore," Sully said defeatedly.. "And now that Michaela is older, well, the thought of losing her terrifies me."

"Sully," Sheryl spoke softly, "I don't think I'm the one you should be telling this to. Have you talked to Michaela about this?"

Sully looked up at Sheryl and replied, "No, because I know what she'll say. She'll tell me that I'm worrying over nothing' and that nothin' is gonna happen to her. We had this same conversation before Katie was born."

"And nothing happened, right?" Sheryl interrupted.

"Not that time, but it seems that every family I ever had has been taken away from me and I just don't want to take any more chances," Sully spoke determinedly. "I just can't go through that again. I couldn't go on if something happened to Michaela."

Sheryl looked at Sully and saw the fear in his eyes, and laying her hand on his arm, she said, "Talk to her Sully. Tell her how you feel. She's your wife, she'll understand."

Sully looked up at Sheryl and smiled slightly, "That's just it, I don't think she will understand. I'm not sure I understand myself. I just have this feeling that if Michaela does get pregnant again, that something will happen. I know that sounds silly, but I can't rid myself of that feeling."

"Sully, you have to talk to her. She needs to know why you don't want anymore children. Don't you think she deserves that much?" Sheryl asked gently.

"I don't know," Sully sighed, "I know how Michaela is, and once she gets something in her mind, she isn't likely to change it. And especially something she wants so much. And when it comes to 'that'," Sully said smiling, "you know, trying for a baby, I can't say no to her."

Sheryl looked at Sully, and she too was smiling. "You're very lucky, you know. To have something as special as what the two of you share. Not many people find their perfect mate, but it's obvious that the two of you have. But I still think that you should tell her."

Sully looked down at the blanket and replied, "I don't know if..."

"Pa, Sheryl!", Brian interrupted yelling, "It's Josh, I don't think he's feeling well again."

Both Sheryl and Sully jumped up and ran over to where Josh was sitting. Josh was looking pale and was holding his stomach. "I don't feel too good, ma," Josh whispered.

Sully was quick to respond. Picking Josh up in his arms he turned to Brian and said, "Brian, gather up the fishing poles and put them in the wagon. Sheryl, could you get Katie for me, please. We'll take him to the clinic." Sully then walked to the back of the wagon and placed Josh up against the backboard, covering him with the blanket they were sitting on. He told Brian to sit up front with him and Katie while Sheryl climbed in the back with Josh. With a snap of the reigns, they took off towards the clinic in a gallop.

As they approached the clinic, Sully yelled, "Michaela!" Sully pulled the wagon to a stop and jumped down, running to the back of the wagon to get Josh. Brian jumped down and then reached up for Katie as Sheryl climbed out of the back. Sully carried Josh up the steps as Brian tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Ma!" yelled Brian as he continued to knock, "Ma, are you in there?"

Just then Dorothy came out of the Gazette office. "Sully, what's wrong?" she cried as she approached the clinic. When she saw Sully carrying Josh, and then she saw Josh's face, she exclaimed, "Michaela's not here, but I just saw Andrew over at the General Store. I'll go get him." And she quickly hurried off in the direction of the store.

Brian looked at his pa and asked, "Sully, do you want me to get the spare key and open the door?"

"Yeah, Brian, that's a good idea," Sully replied. Brian retrieved the spare key from its hiding place and opened the door, allowing Sully to carry Josh in. Sully laid Josh down on the examining table as Sheryl walked to the other side. Just then Andrew came running in, followed by Dorothy.

"Sully, Dorothy said that Josh was sick?" Andrew spoke in a serious tone. "Yeah, we were fishing out by the creek and he just got sick all of a sudden," Sully replied worriedly.

"Well, Josh," Andrew said with a smile, "let's take a look at you and see if we can't get you feeling better, okay?" Josh nodded his head and gripped his ma's hand tightly.

After Andrew had finished his examination and had given Josh some medicine, Sully took him upstairs to one of the recovery rooms. After settling Josh in, Sully then went downstairs to talk to Andrew. "Andrew?" Sully anxiously asked, "how is he, really?"

"He seems to be okay right now. I changed his medication, it may be what was causing him to get sick so much. The new medicine I gave him will help calm his stomach and will probably make him sleepy. But for now, why don't you go over to Grace's and get dinner for everyone. I think if he tries to eat small portions, that may help him also," Andrew explained.

"Thank you, Andrew. I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't been in town. Michaela should have been here. I don't know where she is," Sully stated a little coldly.

"Sully, maybe Michaela wasn't here because..." Andrew said before stopping himself. And then looking at Sully, he said, "Sully, Michaela can't be here all of the time. It's all right. Josh should be fine by morning. I'd like him to stay here at the clinic for the night. I'll stay with him.

"Thanks, Andrew," Sully replied before walking out the door and over to Grace's for dinner.

After dinner had been eaten and Josh was settled in for the night, Brian turned to his pa and said, "Pa, don't you think we better be heading home? Ma will be wondering where we are. You did tell her we'd be home early?"

"I don't know, Brian. Maybe we should stay here and make sure Josh is all right?" Sully replied.

"Sully, you go ahead and take your family home. I'll stay here at the clinic," Andrew spoke up.

Sheryl had just come down the stairs and hearing their conversation she said, "I agree with Andrew, Sully. You need to take your family home. We'll be fine here." And then looking into Sully's eyes, she said softly, "Go on, Sully, you need to go home. Michaela's waiting for you."

Shaking his head he answered, "Yeah, you're right." Turning to Brian he said, "Come on, Brian, let's go home," and then he walked over to the corner and stooping down, he picked up Katie who had fallen asleep on the floor with her blankie and her bunny.

*************************
Michaela had slept most of the day. It was well past 4:00 when Colleen arrived back home. She went upstairs to check on her ma, and finding her still asleep, she went downstairs to prepare dinner.

When Michaela awoke, she could tell by the sky that evening was approaching. She slowly sat up and stretched, the wonderful aroma of dinner cooking filling her nostrils. She slowly rose from the bed, sitting carefully on the edge as a wave of nausea passed. After a few moments she got up and slowly managed to get dressed. After checking her hair quickly in the mirror, she went downstairs where she found Colleen.

"Ma, you're awake. How are you feeling?" Colleen said as she rushed over to Michaela's side.

"I'm feeling much better, Colleen. Is Sully home yet?" Michaela asked.

"No, not yet," Colleen answered, "but supper is almost done. He should be home soon." And taking Michaela by the hand, she led her over to the wingback chair. "Now I've got everything ready, so you just sit here and rest," Colleen told her mother.

"Thank you, Colleen. I hope your pa gets here soon, because I'm starving," Michaela said as she picked up a medical book and began to read it. But when the clock chimed and Michaela looked up to see that it was now past 6:30, Michaela let out a sigh. Colleen noticed and asked, "Ma, do you want to wait a while longer?"

"No, Colleen, let's go ahead and eat. We'll keep the food warm for them," Michaela said dejectedly.

Colleen heard the disappointment in her ma's voice. Smiling at her mother she said, "Well, then, come on and let's eat. You need to get something in your stomach. Maybe something came up that's keeping them," Colleen said a little too cheerfully.

Michaela looked up at her daughter and forcing a smile she said, "Yeah, I'm sure you're right." and then rising, she walked over to the table and sat down while Colleen served her. Sitting in the chair, she looked at the plate of food in front of her. Her stomach began to churn and suddenly nothing looked appealing. Colleen saw her mother's face and said, "Ma, you got to try and eat something. Please, try?"

Michaela nodded her head and answered, "I'll try, but I'm not promising anything."

Michaela managed to eat a half of a biscuit and a few spoons of stew. But after forcing the third bite of stew down, she knew it was hopeless to try and eat anymore. She looked up at Colleen and saw her worried face. "Thank you, Colleen. Supper was delicious, but I don't think I can eat anymore. If you don't mind, I think I'll just go back upstairs and wait for Sully there," Michaela said.

Colleen was worried about her ma, and she hoped that Sully would get home soon. She wondered what was keeping him. She hoped that her ma would talk to Sully about the baby tonight. She didn't know how long she could keep this secret. She looked up at her ma and smiled. "All right, ma, I'll clean up here. You go on and lay down. Maybe I could bring you up some tea or a little snack later on?"

Nodding her head, Michaela slowly rose from the table and headed for the stairs. "Maybe I'll try something later, but for now I think I just need to lie down."

Michaela lay in bed waiting for Sully. It was now almost 8:00 and she really needed to talk to Sully tonight about the baby. He promised that he'd be home early. "I wonder what's keeping him?" she thought. Just then she heard the front door open and Brian's voice. She tried to get up but as she sat up, she thought better of it. She didn't want Sully to see her sick like this, so she just decided to stay in bed and wait for him to come up.

It was about 15 minutes later when Sully opened their bedroom door. He looked tired and drained and she hoped he would be able to stay up and talk. "Hello, Sully," Michaela spoke softly. But what she heard in return startled her.

"Where were you?" Sully scolded as he glared at her, "you should have been at the clinic. Josh was sick and you weren't there."

Michaela quickly flung her legs out of bed and said, "I'll get my bag."

But Sully held out his hand and said, "Don't bother. Andrew was in town and he came to see Josh."

Michaela looked closely at Sully and noticed his creased brow and his harsh tone. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. Is Josh all right?" Michaela asked with sincerity.

Sully's voice quickly softened. "Yeah, he's gonna be fine. This time. But I don't know how much more I can take of this. Never knowing, always wondering when."

Michaela patted the bed beside her and Sully walked over to her and sat down. She took his hand in hers and rubbing his hand slightly with her thumb, she said, "I know this is hard on you Sully. I wish I could do more."

Sully looked into her eyes and smiled slightly, "You're here for me. That's all I need. I'm sorry I was so late again," he apologized.

"That's all right," Michaela said. "Supper's still downstairs. Did you eat?"

"Yeah, I went to Grace's and got something to eat for everyone. Andrew said he would stay at the clinic tonight," Sully answered.

Sully climbed onto the bed and wrapping his arm around Michaela's shoulder, he drew her close. They sat there in silence for several minutes before Michaela brought Sully's hand to her lips and kissed it. "Sully," she spoke hesitantly, "there's something I need to talk to you about." He waited until she went on. Taking a deep breath she continued, "Sully, it's about a baby. I know you said you didn't..."

"Michaela," Sully abruptly interrupted, "I don't want to talk about a baby. Not tonight."

"Sully, please," Michaela pleaded, "I thought you wanted another baby as much as I do?"

Sully pulled his hand away from under Michaela's touch. He looked at her and sternly replied, "I said I didn't want another baby. Not now, or ever. Now let's just drop it."

Michaela's mouth dropped open. "Not ever", she had heard him say. "What do you mean not ever," Michaela snapped. "You can't come in here and tell me something like that and then say discussion over. Don't I have any say in this matter?"

"No. Not this time, Michaela," Sully replied. "Now can we please just drop this subject?"

Michaela's anger was beginning to boil. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Not only did Sully not want another baby, he was telling her that her opinion didn't count in this matter. She had never heard Sully talk to her like that. He always discussed things openly with her. "No, we can't just drop it," Michaela said harshly. "What's gotten into you, Sully?"

Sully turned to look at Michaela with glaring eyes. "That's enough!" he screamed at her. "I have enough on my mind without having to fight with you over something so trivial."

"Trivial?" Michaela whispered. She felt her eyes stinging with unshed tears. "How can you say that?" Michaela screamed back.

"Michaela, please, can't we just drop the subject," Sully begged. After a long minute of silence Sully decided to change the subject. "We're going to look for a house tomorrow," Sully told her.

"We?" Michaela asked.

"Yeah, I told Sheryl that I would take her out to the Willard's place. It's been empty ever since Mr. Willard passed away last winter and I think his son would be willing to rent it out for a while. They can't stay at the boarding house forever," Sully answered.

"So now it's 'we'," Michaela said sarcastically, her voice shaky.

Sully turned to Michaela and staring angrily into her eyes he asked, "What's that suppose to mean?"

"I'm so sick of hearing about Josh and Sheryl, our family doesn't even matter to you anymore," Michaela blurted out in anger.

"I can't believe you even said that," Sully cried in a loud voice. "Josh is dying and you don't even care." Sully had had enough; he quickly stood up and slamming the door behind him, he walked downstairs. Sully grabbed his belt and his coat off of the hook and headed out the door, into the night.

Sully sat on the ground in his old lean-to, staring into the dark night. So many things were whirling around in his head. His heart ached for Josh, and now he was even fighting with Michaela. He wondered what was wrong with her. It wasn't like Michaela to act like this. She had been the one to encourage him to spend time with Josh. He had tried to get her to come along on their picnics, but she always refused, finding some excuse not to come with them. He knew he hadn't spent as much time with her as he would have liked to, but he thought she understood his reasons. Apparently not. He would talk to her tomorrow, after she cools off, he thought. And then his thoughts turned once again to Josh.

Standing up, Sully walked quietly into town and opened the clinic door. It was very late and everyone was asleep. Soundlessly moving upstairs, he opened the door where Josh was sleeping and found Sheryl sitting in a chair, in tears. Sully walked over to her and she suddenly jerked her head up. "Sully, what are you doing here?" asked Sheryl.

Without giving her an answer, he knelt down beside her and said, "Why don't you go into the other room and lay down. I'll stay here with Josh."

Sheryl looked at Sully and realized that he was upset, but decided that now was not the time to ask him about it. She stood up and stretching her arms, she said, "I think I will go lay down. Thank you for staying with him." Sully waited until Sheryl had left the room and then sitting down in the chair next to the bed, he held Josh's hand tightly and quickly fell asleep.

**********************
Michaela sat in bed and watched as Sully slammed the door behind him. Her blood was almost to the boiling point. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. She couldn't believe that Sully was acting like this. He really didn't want another baby, he already had his son. He was so consumed with Josh and Sheryl right now that he didn't even care about her.

But deep down she knew that wasn't true. She knew Sully still loved her and she loved him more than life itself. "Why is this happening to us?" she asked aloud. She knew that Sully was going through a difficult time right now. She wasn't being fair to him, she told herself. Sully needs my support, not my anger. "I'll talk to him tomorrow, but we do need to talk," she said determinedly. "The day after tomorrow is my birthday. Maybe we can spend the day at our special waterfall," she said hopefully.

Michaela laid down in their bed and tried to sleep. She wondered where Sully had gone to. She wondered if he was cold, if he was thinking of her also. Her mind was filled with thoughts of Sully. She had so hoped that this night would have turned out differently. She had so much wanted to tell Sully about the baby. She had hoped he would have been overjoyed with her news and they would have found comfort and joy in each other. But instead, she was laying here in bed, alone. She silently wiped away the tears that were now streaming down her face, and turning to face Sully's pillow, she closed her eyes and waited for sleep to overcome her.

The next morning Michaela woke up bright and early. She slowly dressed, pausing momentarily as a wave of nausea overcame her, and then went downstairs to start breakfast. The thought of food still turned her stomach but she knew she had to carry on with her normal everyday activities. As she walked down the stairs she could smell the coffee pot brewing. Colleen was already up and had started breakfast. "Good morning, Colleen," Michaela said cheerfully. But one look at her ma's ashen face and Colleen knew that breakfast would be a battle for Michaela.

Colleen quickly pulled out a chair at the table for her ma. "Morning, ma," Colleen answered. "How are you feeling this morning."

Michaela looked up at her daughter and attempted a smile, "I'm better," Michaela replied, though she knew she hadn't fooled her daughter at all.

"Where's Sully?" Colleen asked with curiosity.

Michaela quickly averted her daughter's eyes and replied, "Oh, well, he had to go out early this morning," Michaela replied.

Colleen looked closely at her mother and decided not to pursue that issue. Quickly glancing up at the steps to make sure Brian was still asleep, she whispered, "Did you tell him about the baby?"

Michaela unconsciously rubbed her stomach and then looking down at her hands, she answered in a whisper, "No." This was one subject she did not want to discuss with her daughter right now. Quickly changing the subject, she stood and walked toward the front door. "I think I'll go out to the barn and collect the eggs," she called to Colleen who stood watching her ma with concern.

Breakfast was very quiet that morning and thankfully Brian accepted Michaela's answer when he questioned her about Sully's absence. Michaela felt Colleen's watchful eyes on her throughout breakfast, but try as she might, she was only able to eat a few bites of food. Colleen and Brian cleaned up the breakfast table while Michaela got Katie ready for the ride into town.

Once at the clinic Colleen turned to her mother and said, "I'll keep Katie with me this morning. That way you won't have to watch her." Michaela looked at Colleen and instead of protesting and telling her to spend her day with Andrew, she gladly accepted.

"Thank you, Colleen. I really appreciate it. Why don't you bring her back around lunch and I'll treat you at Grace's?" Michaela gratefully replied.

"Sure, ma, that sounds fine. I think I'll take Katie over to Mr. Bray's. I saw Andrew walking towards there as we drove up," Colleen answered with a big smile as she thought about Andrew. Michaela smiled back and then turned to walk inside the clinic.

Sully sat on the edge of the bed trying to comfort Sheryl as much as he knew how. He had left Josh's room early that morning only to hear Sheryl crying as he passed her door. Hesitantly he knocked on the door and when she answered, he slowly walked in. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trouble you," Sheryl sniffled. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Shhh, it's gonna be all right. I know this is hard, but we'll get through this, both of us," Sully whispered.

"Thank you, Sully, and thank you for last night," Sheryl replied. And then remembering how distressed Sully looked last night she looked up into his face and asked, "So, when are you going to tell Michaela?"

Michaela thought she would check on Josh right away. She knew Andrew would be back shortly to fill her in but she thought she would check on him anyways. As she walked upstairs she could hear Brian and Josh's laughter coming from the far room at the end of the hall. As she walked past the first door, she suddenly stopped. The door was open just a crack and she heard Sully's voice inside. As she took a step towards the doorway she saw Sheryl sitting in bed in her nightgown. Sully was sitting on the edge of the bed and suddenly he took Sheryl into his arms.

"Shhh, it's gonna be all right. I know this is hard, but we'll get through this, both of us," Sully whispered.

"Thank you, Sully, and thank you for last night," Sheryl replied.

And then looking up into Sully's face, Sheryl asked, "So, when are you going to tell Michaela."

Michaela's hands suddenly fell to her sides. She slowly backed away from the door and quietly slipped back down the stairs. Once inside the main room of the clinic, she leaned back against the wall to catch her breath. She was still in shock at what she had just seen. That should be her in Sully's arms, not Sheryl, she thought. She wondered now if maybe there wasn't more to this than just friendship. Her hands were shaking and her stomach felt as if it had been turned upside down. With her hand over her mouth she quickly ran out the back door, losing what little breakfast she had managed to eat.

Andrew had returned to the clinic with breakfast. As he opened the door to go upstairs, Sully was coming down the steps. "Sully?" Andrew greeted in surprise, "I didn't know you were here?"

"Uh, well I just came by to see how Josh was doing. Have you seen Michaela?" Sully replied, both unaware that she was just outside the back door.

"Well, no, not this morning," Andrew said with a questioning look. He thought it odd that Sully wasn't with Michaela this morning. They usually came into town together.

Sully noticed the look on Andrew's face but decided to ignore it. "Well, when you see her will you tell her that I'll come by for lunch," responded Sully.

"Sure," Andrew answered, "Good bye Sully." Sully nodded his head and walked out the door as Andrew headed up the stairs with the breakfast tray. Just as he was about to walk up the steps he heard a noise outside the back door. Setting the tray down on the desk, he walked to the back of the clinic and opened the door. Much to his surprise, he found Michaela sitting on the back step, bent over and clutching her stomach. "Michaela!" Andrew cried as he rushed to her side. Michaela quickly looked up at Andrew and opened her mouth to speak but quickly bent over again to throw up. Retrieving his handkerchief from his pocket, he handed it to Michaela and waited until she was done.

After several minutes Michaela looked up at Andrew and quietly asked, "Is Sully gone?" Her face was a ghostly white and her eyes were dull and listless.

"Yes, but..." and then pausing a moment Andrew looked into her eyes and asked, "you haven't told him yet?"

Michaela turned away from Andrew and shook her head. "I tried to," she cried softly, "but he wants nothing to do with a baby now." And then she added in a mere whisper, her voice trailing off, "I'm not even sure if he wants anything to do with me."

"Michaela, look at me," Andrew said sternly. "I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but I do know you have to tell him about this. You can't keep this to yourself any longer. Look at you."

Michaela could only nod her head as another stabbing pain gripped her stomach. Taking Michaela's hand, he looked at her and in a more serious tone he asked, "Is the pain getting worse?"

"Yes, a little," she whispered, again averting Andrew's eyes.

"Michaela, why don't we go inside and let me examine you again?" Andrew gently asked.

"No!" Michaela quickly cried, and then in a more gentle voice she added, "no, please, Andrew, I'll be all right. Just give me a minute. The pain's stopped and my stomach is feeling much better, really."

Andrew looked intently at Michaela as she pleaded with her eyes for understanding. "All right," Andrew spoke slowly and against his better judgment, "but I want you to go home and go straight to bed."

"But.." Michaela started to speak but was interrupted by Andrew.

"No buts, Michaela. I'm not asking you to go home, I'm telling you. It's either that or I go and get Sully," Andrew said sternly.

Michaela stared at Andrew unbelieving before she realized that she had no choice. "I'll go tell Mrs. Cowan that she can take Josh home. But right now you're getting back in that wagon and going home," Andrew told her.

"All right, you win," Michaela replied as she tried to stand. Andrew steadied her a moment as she stood, and then with his hand on her elbow, he walked her to the front of the clinic where the wagon was still waiting. As she climbed into the wagon, she turned to Andrew and asked, "Could you tell Colleen that I won't be meeting her for lunch, and ask her if she wouldn't mind watching Katie a little while longer?"

"Sure, and I'll take care of things here at the clinic," Andrew answered. "You just get some rest and keep your feet up, okay?"

Michaela nodded her head as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Thank you, Andrew, for everything," Michaela spoke softly as she snapped the reigns and the wagon pulled away.

Andrew went back inside the clinic and took the breakfast tray upstairs. Then he went to talk to Sheryl and told her that she could take Josh home, giving her special instructions to keep him quiet for the rest of the day. After they had left the clinic, Andrew began to clean up so he could close the clinic. Then he remembered that Sully was coming to meet Michaela for lunch so he wrote a note. 'Sully....., Michaela couldn't meet you for lunch. Will see you at home tonight.' And then he signed his name at the bottom. Now he would go and find Colleen and take her and Katie with him to the Hotel for lunch.

At lunch time Sully walked over to the clinic from Robert E's, where he had been helping him all morning. He found the clinic closed, but went inside anyways. There he found a note from Andrew. Since he couldn't have lunch with Michaela, he decided to go to Grace's and get some lunch and take it over to the boarding house, making a mental note to go home early tonight and talk to Michaela.

*********************
Michaela had been laying quietly in bed most of the day now. She had done exactly what Andrew had told her to do and had gone directly to bed. The pains in her stomach were becoming much stronger and more frequent, and as she was undressing earlier, she had noticed that the bleeding had started again. As tears streamed down her face, she silently wondered if Andrew may have been right the other day. Would she be able to carry this baby? She was experiencing the same type of sharp, stabbing pain in her stomach as she had the night she miscarried.

One thing she knew for sure, she could no longer keep this from Sully. As much as he didn't want another baby now, she had to tell him the truth. And she had to tell him everything. He was her husband after all, and he had a right to know. And she also knew that if she was going to lose this baby, she didn't want to be alone. She wanted Sully right there by her side.

She was totally exhausted, having gone without sleep the previous night, but as hard as she tried, sleep would not come. Her thoughts were racing, going over and over in her mind what she was going to say to Sully when he got home. Her birthday was tomorrow. Maybe she and Sully could go somewhere where they could be alone, just the two of them. She desperately wanted to feel his arms around her right now, to comfort and protect her. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight until she had talked to Sully.

Sully arrived home just before dinner. Colleen was already home and was almost finished with supper when Sully walked in. Brian had decided to spend the night with Josh and Katie was sitting in the corner playing with her toy blocks. "Hi, Sully," Colleen greeted. "Hope you're real hungry because I made your favorite, fried chicken."

"Smells real good," Sully returned with a smile, "where's your ma?"

"She's upstairs, in bed," Colleen answered hesitantly. Sully looked at her with questioning eyes. "When I came home this afternoon she was in bed," Colleen uttered, "I don't think she's feeling well but she told me she was just tired." Colleen wanted to make sure that Sully was aware of how Michaela was feeling without really telling him anything.

"Yeah, she's been tired a lot lately," commented Sully. "I think I'll go up and check on her."

Sully opened the bedroom door and peered in. Michaela was sitting up in bed reading one of her medical journals. "Hi," Sully greeted softly.

Michaela's head jerked up from her book as she quickly pulled the covers up tightly around her waist. "Hi," she quietly greeted in return.

Sully hesitantly walked over to her side of the bed and sat down. He looked nervously around the room, avoiding Michaela's eyes. Michaela quickly lowered her head to her open book as she unconsciously twirled her wedding band around her finger. "How ya feeling?" Sully asked as he watched her nervously play with her rings.

Without glancing up, Michaela answered, "I'm fine."

"Colleen said you weren't feeling well?" Sully's voice was full of concern.

Michaela looked up at Sully but then quickly glanced away. "I said I was tired, that's all, not ill?" Michaela answered somewhat irritably. And then in a softer voice she added, "I guess I didn't sleep much last night."

Sully cautiously placed his hand over Michaela's and lifting it to his mouth, he kissed it gently. "I guess that's partly my fault," he whispered as he lowered her hand back onto her lap, resting his hand lightly over hers. She smiled slightly at his comment and then quickly lowered her head once again. An uncomfortable silence fell over them.

Sully knew it would be up to him to break the silence. "Michaela, about last night, I'm real sorry," Sully apologized. "I'm sorry that we fought like that. I didn't mean all those things."

Her eyes moist with unshed tears, she looked up into his eyes and whispered, "Me too."

Sully reached up with his thumb and gently wiped the single tear that fell from the corner of her eye. "Listen, Michaela, I realized that I was being totally unfair to you when I told you I didn't want another baby." Michaela's heart skipped a beat. This was what she was hoping to hear, that he had changed his mind about a baby. "I shouldn't have told you that without giving you an explanation," Sully continued. Michaela felt her body tense as she heard him continue. Sully took a deep breath and gripping her hand tightly he explained. "Michaela, I know how much you wanted another baby, but.."

"Sully," Michaela interrupted, "I know you said you didn't want another baby, but the fact is that I'm..."

"Michaela, please!" Sully abruptly interrupted, "please, let me just say this." Michaela looked into Sully eyes and was instantly quieted. "I know how much another baby means to you, and I wanted that too. But things are different now. I've lost so many people I love, and now I'm watching Josh being slowly taken away also. I just can't go through that again," Sully choked, his eyes moist with tears.

Michaela sat there staring at Sully, unable to speak. She saw pain and fear in his eyes. She squeezed his hand tighter as he continued. "I was afraid to tell you that because I knew you would try to talk me out of it. That you would tell me that nothing is gonna happen to you." He looked up into Michaela's eyes and waited for her to protest, to tell him that his fears were unfounded. But she said nothing.

"I know it may sound foolish, but I have this overwhelming fear that if you get pregnant again, that something bad will happen," Sully told her as he quickly swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "You said it yourself, Michaela, that as women get older the risks become greater. I just couldn't stand it if something happened to you. I couldn't go on without you."

Michaela watched Sully as his tears began to flow freely down his cheek, matched by her own falling tears. Picking up both of her hands, he gently brought them to his cheek, wiping away his tears. And then looking deeply into her eyes, his blue eyes pleading for understanding, he whispered, "Please, don't make me go through that again?"

Michaela swallowed over the lump in her throat. Her heart ached for this man that she loved so dearly. How could she tell him now. How could she make him go through that pain again. She locked onto Sully's gaze and whispered in return, "I won't, I promise." She knew at that moment that she couldn't tell him, that she would do anything she could do protect him from that pain.

Sully leaned over to kiss Michaela lightly on the lips and then he lightly kissed each fingertip. There were no more words necessary. He knew it was painful for Michaela but he knew she understood his reasons. He then reached for her and pulled her into his chest, holding her tightly, unwilling to let go. After several minutes he released his grip on her and pulled back slightly. "Supper's about ready. Do you want to come downstairs to eat," Sully asked.

"I'm not very hungry right now," Michaela answered.

For the first time Sully suddenly realized how pale Michaela looked and he noticed the dark circles under her eyes. He raised his hand and lightly felt her forehead, and then he lightly lifted her hair to feel the back of her neck. "You seem awfully warm, Michaela. You sure you're felling all right?" Sully asked worriedly.

Evading Sully's question, Michaela took a deep breath and looking up at Sully she forced a slight smile. "I just want to go to sleep right now, all right Sully. I'll eat something later," she explained.

"Yeah, you're probably right, sleep is what you need right now," Sully answered softly. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "I'm going to go back downstairs and take care of Katie so Colleen can do some studying. I'll come back up later, after I get Katie to bed. I'll bring you up something to eat then, all right?"

Michaela nodded and then slivered down under the covers. Sully took her medical journal and layed it on the night table. He tucked her in snugly and then kissed her soft lips. Michaela reached up and lightly caressed Sully's cheekbone. "Thank you," she whispered.

As Sully walked out of their bedroom and closed the door, Michaela turned onto her side and pulled the covers up to her chin. She absent-mindedly wiped the tears from her cheeks, and silently prayed that sleep would overcome her. But when she closed her eyes, all she could see was Sully's face, his eyes full of fear and pain, pleading for her understanding. How could she possibly tell him now, she thought. How could she bear to cause him that pain again? As the tears silently dropped onto her pillow, her eyelids became heavy and she finally drifted off into a restless sleep.

Sully stoked the fire with another piece of wood. It was late and everyone had gone to bed. As he undressed he watched Michaela as she slept and noticed her tear-stained cheeks. Her sleep was restless and she was moaning lightly. Sully blew out the lantern and climbed into bed. He slid his arm under Michaela and drew her body close to his, her back resting snugly against his chest. He lovingly ran his hand up and down her arm and lightly laid his leg over hers. She woke slightly, still in a sleepy fog. Michaela slowly opened her eyes and looking up at Sully she asked, "Mmm, what time is it?"

"It's almost 11:00," Sully whispered into her ear. "Do you want me to get you something to eat?"

"No, just stay here and hold me," Michaela uttered as she lightly rubbed her stomach. She was still feeling queasy and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep anything down. She felt Sully's gentle touch as he sensually caressed her leg with his and his hand gently cupped her breast. Michaela knew that Sully wanted to love her tonight but she also knew that it would be far too dangerous for her. She clenched her teeth as another pain gripped her stomach. She was glad that Sully couldn't see her face.

Sully felt Michaela tense slightly and he tightened his hold on her. "Michaela, you all right?" Sully asked with concern, his hand still sensually caressing her body.

"Yes, I'm all right," she quietly answered as the pain eased and her body slowly relaxed. Sully slowly moved his hand to the hem of Michaela's nightgown and slowly eased it upwards, his fingers lightly caressing her thigh. He kissed her shoulder and then nibbled at her ear.

"Sully, please," Michaela whimpered softly, "just hold me tonight."

Sully's hand stopped momentarily and his chin rested on her shoulder. He drew her closer to his body and whispered in her ear, "That's all right, I love you."

They laid there for some time listening to the night sounds, Sully gently rubbing Michaela's arm. "Michaela," Sully softly spoke into the silence, "I promised Josh that I would take him and Brian hunting tomorrow. Show him my traps. We're gonna leave at sunrise and probably will be gone most of the day. Brian's spending the night with Josh now. Is that all right with you?" Sully asked.

Michaela's breath caught in her throat. 'Tomorrow' she had heard him say. He had forgotten all about her birthday, all about Pikes Peak. She had known for some time that they wouldn't be able to climb Pikes Peak, but she had still hoped to spend this special day with her husband. Now he didn't even remember. Her heart felt as though it were being ripped in two. "Michaela," Sully's voice penetrated her thoughts, "is that all right with you?"

"Yes, that's fine," Michaela choked as she tried to steady her voice. "Whatever you want, Sully."

"Well, we better get some sleep then, sunrise comes awfully early," Sully stated as he kissed the back of Michaela's head. "Goodnight, I love you," he whispered endearingly into her ear.

"Goodnight," Michaela answered back.

Just then another gripping pain struck Michaela and closing her eyes tightly, she silently gritted her teeth. She felt a small flow of blood, and seconds later, the pain was over. She waited a moment for Sully to say something, but he remained quiet, her pain gone unnoticed. She knew then what she must do. Early tomorrow, she would climb Pikes Peak, alone. This way Sully would never know about the baby. It would be gone by the time anyone found her. This way she could protect him from anymore pain. She had endured this alone before, and she would endure it alone again, for his sake.

Suddenly, like a damn bursting, the tears began to flow. As much as she tried to stop them, the more intense they became. Soon her body was shaking violently and her sobbing became louder. Sully was taken aback by her sudden outburst of tears. But knowing what Michaela had given up for him tonight, the hopes of another baby, he understood the reason for her tears. He tightened his hold on her and lovingly rubbed her tears from her cheeks. "Shh, it's all right. I understand," Sully whispered soothingly into her ear. "Shhh, I'm here.

Michaela lay cocooned in Sully's arms, unable to stop her crying. She cried for her unborn child, a child she would never hold, a child Sully would never know about. She thought of the last few weeks and the pain she had felt when she realized that Josh was Sully's son, and she cried some more. She stayed wrapped in his arms for a long time, feeling his gentle and soothing touch on her face as he gently wiped her tears. "If only he did understand?" Michaela thought sadly before she closed her eyes and finally cried herself to sleep.

*********************
When Michaela wearily opened her eyes the next morning, it was to a still dark room. She instinctually reached for Sully, but he was already up. As she rolled over she noticed a shadow in the corner of their bedroom. Sully was standing over the wash basin combing his hair. She watched him silently for several minutes until he felt her eyes on him. Turning to face the bed, he greeted her with a smile. "Good morning," Sully spoke softly. "It's still real early, why don't you go back to sleep."

Michaela only nodded as Sully walked over to the bed and sat down. He gently caressed her cheek, and bending down he softly kissed her lips. "We should be home before dark. I don't want to tire Josh out too much in one day," Sully replied.

Always the doctor, Michaela replied, "Just make sure he rests often and be sure to take his medicine with you just in case."

"Yes, Doctor," Sully answered teasingly. "Get some rest," he said as he stood up and walked to the door. "Sully," Michaela whispered hoarsely as Sully reached for the doorknob, "I love you." Sully hesitated a moment, sensing something different in Michaela's voice, but when he turned to look at her, she was smiling.

"Me too," he answered before walking out the door.

Michaela could hear the noises downstairs as Sully finished packing. Fifteen minutes later she heard the door shut and all was quiet. She slowly rose, pausing as a wave of nausea overcame her. After waiting for the queasiness to pass, she got up and got dressed. She went downstairs and threw some supplies into a flour sack and then quietly walked back upstairs to Colleen's room. She slowly opened the door and gently shook Colleen. "Colleen, it's me, ma," Michaela whispered.

Colleen opened her eyes as they slowly focused on Michaela standing over her. She noticed that it was still dark outside. "Ma, what's wrong?" Colleen asked.

"Nothing's wrong, Colleen. Could you watch Katie for me and Sully today," Michaela asked.

Colleen rubbed her sleepy eyes and then suddenly remembering what day it was, she smiled, "Sure, ma. Have fun and Happy Birthday."

Michaela bent down and gave Colleen a quick kiss on the cheek, before going into Katie's room. She bent down over her crib and gently rubbed her daughter's back. She brushed a small strand of Katie's blond hair off her face and then leaning over the crib, she gave Katie a kiss and said, "Mama loves you sweetheart." Michaela stood over her crib for a few minutes longer, watching her daughter sleep. Quickly swiping at a tear that was rolling down her cheek, Michaela turned and walked out of the room.

Michaela walked into the barn carrying her medical bag, the supplies and a lantern. Once inside she set them down on the bench. She walked over to Flash and slowly guided her out of the stall. She saddled up Flash and then went over to the corner and retrieved the backpack which had already been packed by Sully over a month ago. She quickly glanced at the contents inside and threw it over Flash, along with her medical bag. Satisfied that she had everything she needed, she mounted Flash and rode out of the barn.

*******************
Colleen had taken Katie into town earlier in the day. She had stopped in to see Matthew and asked him to come for supper. It was ma's birthday, and even though she didn't want a party, Colleen was going to make her a cake. She then stopped at the boarding house to make sure Brian came home with Matthew, but noone was there. After stopping at the General Store for some supplies to make a cake, Colleen and Katie headed home.

It was almost suppertime when Matthew arrived at the homestead. Colleen opened the front door and her mouth dropped open as Andrew walked up the steps. "I thought Andrew might like to have supper with us," smiled Matthew as he saw the look on Colleen's face. "I told him it was ma's birthday and he wanted to help celebrate."

"Of course, Andrew, please come in," Colleen replied shyly. "I hope you like chocolate cake. Katie helped me make it."

"Yes, Colleen, that's one of my favorite," Andrew answered timidly. And then turning to Matthew he said, "I noticed that the clinic was closed today."

Colleen quickly spoke up. "Yeah, ma asked me to watch Katie real early this morning. I think Sully 'kidnapped' her today so they could spend the day together." And then smiling at Andrew she said, "Ma acts like she's real mad when he does that, but I know she really loves it."

"Well, I'm sure they'll have a wonderful time," Andrew replied with relief.

Just then Colleen noticed that Brian wasn't with Matthew. "Matthew, where's Brian? He spent the night with Josh. Didn't he come home with you?" questioned Colleen.

"Well, no. I thought he was already here with you," Matthew replied. Matthew saw the look of frustration on Colleen's face and quickly said, "I'll ride back into town and find him. He needs to be here when Sully and ma returns."

Matthew was about to walk over to the door when suddenly it flew open. Brian ran in holding up several dead rabbits. "Look," Brian yelled proudly, "I trapped these all by myself,"

Matthew and Colleen simultaneously yelled, "Where have you been, Brian?"

Startled by the harsh tone in Colleen's voice, Brian looked puzzled. "I was hunting with Josh and Sully."

"Sully?" Colleen asked in bewilderment.

Just then Sully walked through the front door. "Sully, where's ma?" Colleen anxiously asked. Sully looked around the room and saw everyone's eyes fall on him. He looked over at the table and saw the cake with candles already in it. "What do you mean, where's ma. Isn't she here?" Sully asked. And then pointing to the table, he asked, "What's all this?"

Matthew and Colleen exchanged glances and then looked at Sully. "Sully, we thought ma was with you today. She asked me to watch Katie early this morning. She was gone when I got up," Colleen remarked, fear beginning to seep into her eyes.

Sully glanced again at the table and then suddenly slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Oh my god," Sully exclaimed, "her birthday. It's her birthday and I forgot."

"You forgot!" Matthew exclaimed incredulously.

Brian looked sheepishly at Matthew and softly cried, "I'm sorry, I forgot too."

Matthew looked angrily at Brian and back again at Sully. "I can't believe you both forgot her birthday. How could you forget something like that?" Matthew scolded.

"If ma wasn't with you, then where is she?" Colleen asked, her voice shaky.

"She wasn't at the clinic today," Andrew spoke up. "I went by there this afternoon to see Michaela and Dorothy said it had been closed all day."

Suddenly Sully ran out the front door, leaving everyone looking at him in bewilderment. A few minutes later Sully came running back into the house. "I think I know where she went," Sully spoke out of breath, the lines of fear now evident on his face. Everyone looked at Sully, waiting for him to continue. Sully ran his hands nervously through his long hair. "I think she's climbing Pikes Peak."

"Pikes Peak!?" Colleen exclaimed with alarm.

Sully looked around the room and saw everyone looking at him, waiting for him to explain. "Michaela and I were planning a trip up Pikes Peak for her birthday. I already had the backpack ready. It's gone, along with her bedroll," Sully explained. "I was so caught up with Josh that I guess I forgot all about it, and her birthday," he said, his voice full of guilt.

"But she wouldn't try something like that on her own," Matthew exclaimed unbelievingly.

Sully looked into Matthew's eyes and replied matter-of-factly, "It's exactly something she would do, Matthew."

"Yeah, ma was going to climb it once before by herself, before the other ladies decided to go along, remember?" Brian added.

"But she wouldn't try it in her condition," Colleen burst out, immediately putting her hand over her mouth.

All eyes flew instantly to Colleen. "You know?" Andrew asked astonishingly.

"What condition, know what?" Sully demanded as he turned to Colleen who was standing still, her mouth half open. Taking her by the shoulders, he shook her lightly, "What condition, Colleen, what are you talking about?" Sully asked, his voice rising slightly.

Colleen glanced quickly at Andrew and then back at Sully. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Sully and whispered, "Ma's pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Sully asked in confusion. "She's pregnant. Why didn't she tell me?"

Colleen looked at Sully and softly replied. "She tried to tell you, but she said you didn't want another baby."

Sully turned his back and stared blankly out the window. "Of course I want this baby. How could she have not known that?" Sully muttered to noone in particular.

"I told her that, Sully. I told her you would be thrilled, but she wouldn't listen to me," Colleen said, her eyes now moist with tears. "She said you were adamant about not having another baby."

Sully turned abruptly around, his eyes now glistening with unshed tears, and stated, "I have to go find her."

"I'll go with you," Matthew replied as he walked over to Sully and placed his hand on his shoulder. "She'll be fine, Sully. You taught her everything she needs to know, right?" Matthew said with a slight smile.

"Can I come too, pa," Brian asked. Sully turned to Brian and said, "No, I think it would be better if you stayed here, Brian. I don't know how long we'll be gone and Colleen may need help with Katie and you'll have to take care of things here at the house."

Without argument Brian nodded his head and said, "Sure, pa, whatever you thinks best."

Sully and Matthew turned to walk outside to the barn when Andrew stopped them. "I'd better come along also," Andrew spoke up.

"You'd better stay here, Andrew," Sully replied. "The townspeople may need a doctor while we're gone and you're the only one left."

Andrew looked at Sully then at Matthew, and then back again at Sully. "Sully, I really think I should come along." Andrew answered, a hint of urgency in his voice.

Sully studied Andrew for a moment and then hesitantly asked, "Why, Andrew? Is there something you're not telling me?"

Andrew paused a moment, unsure of how much to tell Sully at this time. But when he looked at Sully and saw the fear evident in his eyes, he knew he had to be truthful. "Well, you were right, Sully," Andrew answered, "under normal circumstances Michaela would have realized you wanted this baby. But.."

"But what?" Sully quickly interrupted.

"But these aren't normal circumstances," Andrew replied. He now had the full attention of everyone in the room. "Michaela came to see me over a week ago. She thought she was going through the change."

"Is that when she found out she was pregnant?" Sully questioned.

"Yes," Andrew replied. "I examined her and found out that she was pregnant, but I also found something else." Sully was holding his breath, waiting for Andrew to continue. He looked at Andrew and nodded his head to go on. Andrew looked directly into Sully's eyes and softly replied, "She has a tumor, Sully, on her uterus."

Sully's face suddenly turned a ghastly white and everything around him seemed to stop. He was vaguely aware of voices around him but he didn't really hear anything. There were gasps heard from the others and he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. "A tumor? What do you mean she has a tumor?" Sully whispered, his voice cracking. And then looking up at Andrew, he asked in a mere whisper, "Is she gonna die?"

"No, of course not, Sully," Andrew quickly replied reassuringly. "As Michaela knows, the recommended procedure is to remove the tumor." Andrew paused a moment and then added, "But she refused the operation, Sully."

With a shocked expression on his face, Sully asked, "What do you mean she refused? I don't understand." Sully walked over to Colleen who was holding Katie. As Sully approached, Katie reached out her hands and went into her pa's arms. Sully held her close to his chest, lightly rubbing his cheek against her baby-fine hair. His gaze went once again to Andrew.

Andrew lightly cleared his throat as Colleen walked over to him and put her arm around his waist. Andrew immediately put his arm around her and squeezed her lovingly. He then looked at Sully who was now staring at him, waiting for him to go on. "Sully, this procedure would require me to remove the tumor, along with her uterus," Andrew explained.

Suddenly Sully realized what Andrew was trying to tell him. Sully remembered Michaela telling him what the function of the uterus was when she was carrying Katie. "Do you mean you'd have to take the baby?" Sully asked as a single tear rolled silently down his cheek.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. But Michaela refused. She told me in no way would she allow me to take the baby. I believe that's why she didn't want to tell you. She was afraid you would want her to have the operation," Andrew stated.

"And she would have been right," Sully whispered, as he swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears.

"I agree, Sully. Michaela needs that operation," Andrew told him, his tone urgent.

Kissing Katie on the top of her head, Sully swiped at his eyes. "Then let's go," Sully stated determinedly as he walked over to Colleen and handed Katie back to her. "Matthew, go out to the barn and get the bedrolls. Add another one for Andrew. Brian, could you gather up some supplies for us from the kitchen while I go out and get the horses ready," Sully shouted out his orders.

"Sully," Andrew called, stopping Sully abruptly, "I think we should go into town first. There are some things I need to get from the clinic."

Sully looked over his shoulder at Andrew and saw the troubled look on his face. Nodding his head at Andrew he whispered, "Sure," before heading out to the barn to get the horses.

In town they met Hank standing outside the saloon. He sauntered over to them when the three of them rode up to the clinic. One look at the three men and he knew something was wrong. "What's up?" Hank asked, just as Jake and Loren walked out of the barber shop. Andrew jumped down from his horse and after Sully unlocked the clinic door, the two of them went inside.

Hank looked up at Matthew, waiting for him to answer. Just as Loren and Jake walked up, Matthew answered, "Dr. Mike left sometime early this morning to climb Pikes Peak. We're going after her."

"Oh, hell, she's done that before," Hank sneered. "Why ya so concerned now?"

Jake and Loren laughed at Hank's remark. "Yeah, you know how stubborn she is. She'll just keep trying 'til she makes it to the top," Loren bickered.

"Just leave her alone," Jake said, adding his two cents worth. "But I am kinda surprised that Dr. Mike would leave without Sully. I thought the two of 'em liked it out there in the woods together." This brought a loud laugh from Hank and a disgruntled moan from Loren.

Just then Sully and Andrew came out of the clinic with a handful of medical supplies. Sully put the supplies in his saddle bag while Jake watched as Andrew mounted his horse. "Hey, wait a minute," Jake sneered, "who's gonna look after the town if we need a doctor here?"

Sully turned around to say something to Jake, when Hank suddenly saw the expression on Sully's face. He knew then that something was terribly wrong. He glanced quickly at Matthew and then to Sully and Andrew, "I'll come too," Hank stated. Jake opened his mouth to speak but one look from Hank and he quickly closed it again. Hank ran over to the saloon and within minutes he was back with his horse and saddlebag, his bedroll tied securely on top of his horse's back. Looking around at everyone Hank shouted with urgency, "let's go." Loren and Jake stood in the middle of the dusty road and watched as the foursome headed out of town.

A Dark Secret continued ....