A Dark Secret - part 6

Michaela had been hiking for almost eight hours. Her body was exhausted but something, she didn't know what, kept her going. She stopped frequently, the pain sometimes bringing her to her knees. But each time she would wait for the pain to subside, and then she would continue. She had already passed the spot where she and Sam had spent their first night, and she knew that soon she would reach the spot where Sam was buried. She didn't know why, but she felt compelled to reach that spot.

She was on her knees once again, but this time it wasn't from the pain. She had tried to eat something earlier, and that was a mistake. After emptying the contents of her stomach, she felt somewhat better. So she stood up, her feet unsteady at first, and taking a deep breath, she slowly trotted on.

It was two hours later when she came upon a small open area. Off to one side was a mound of rocks. Walking over to the rocks, Michaela slowly knelt down and ran her hand over a smooth rock. Her eyes welled up with tears as she lifted a small rock and looking underneath, she found a dried out stem with one single petal still intact. Her thoughts flew back to the time when she, Dorothy, Myra and Grace had made this same trip together. They had reached the top, but she was unable to go any further because of an injury she had sustained from a fall. They had stopped at Sam's grave on their way up and she had placed a small bouquet of flowers under a rock. Now all that remained was one single petal that had been preserved under the rock.

Michaela lifted the petal and gently rubbed it against her cheek. Then carefully putting it back down, she laid the rock back on top. She lifted her backpack off of her shoulders and set it on the ground. Then she rolled out her bedroll and laid it several feet from Sam's grave. She would spend the night here, she told herself. Somehow, being this close to Sam, gave her comfort. She could almost feel Sam's presence, and she could feel Sully's presence also. She decided she would build a fire later, but now her body ached and she was exhausted so she decided she would try to rest. Laying on her bedroll she turned slightly towards Sam's grave, "It's not supposed to be like this, Sam" Michaela whispered as she wiped away a tear and closing her eyes, she finally fell into a fitful sleep.

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After leaving their horses at the bottom of the mountain, the four men had hiked on. They had been going non-stop for the last six hours. Finally, after watching Andrew fall to his knees for the umpteenth time, Hank called, "Sully, I think we need to stop and rest, just for a few minutes." Sully looked over his shoulder at Andrew and finally conceding, he stopped and lifted his backpack off of his shoulder. He walked over to a large rock and leaned back against it, sighing heavily. After everyone had taken care of their business, they joined Sully against the rock.

Eyeing Sully carefully, Hank slowly asked, "So, what's the matter with Michaela?"

"She's pregnant," Matthew quickly spoke up. He didn't want Sully to have to explain to Hank what was wrong with his ma.

"Congratulations, Sully," Hank said cheerfully. Sully returned his gesture with a slight smile but his face quickly clouded over with worry. "Yell, well women get pregnant all the time, so what are we doing up here?" Hank asked curiously.

This time it was Andrew who spoke up. "She has a tumor Hank, and this tumor could affect the baby," Andrew said somberly.

"A tumor," Hank asked "what kind of tumor?"

Andrew looked over at Sully and saw the anguish in his face. He decided to be as honest with Hank as possible, without telling him too much. "She has a tumor on her uterus. That's the sac that the baby grows in," Andrew explained.

"Yeah, I know that," Hank replied. "Emma had one of those, didn't she Matthew?" Matthew shook his head and then suddenly remembering, Hank added, "She couldn't have kids after she had that operation."

Sully turned to Andrew and taking a deep breath, he asked, "Andrew, what are the risks to Michaela right now. What's the worst. I wanna know."

Andrew paused a moment but when he looked at Sully and saw his eyes full of pain and guilt, he decided to be totally honest with him. "Sully, I don't believe that Michaela can carry this baby. As the tumor increases in size, the pressure on her uterus will become greater. She's already experiencing bleeding, and that's one of the first signs of a miscarriage. She's also been having pains in her stomach, which is another sign that something's wrong. If she doesn't have the operation, the bleeding will continue and she could start hemorrhaging. That's my greatest concern, that if she starts to miscarriage, she may also start hemorrhaging."

Sully's eyes widened with fear. Quickly standing up he slung his bedroll over his shoulder and looking at everyone, he said, "Let's git going," and then quickly started up the path, leaving everyone behind. Without saying anything, the remaining three gathered up their gear and followed Sully up the path.

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Michaela's eyes shot open as another pain gripped her stomach. She slowly looked around in confusion, unsure of her surroundings. And then eyeing the grave next to her, she remembered. She must have fallen asleep because it was now very dark, and very cold. She shivered slightly as she tried to sit up, but a sharp pain from her stomach quickly forced her to lay back down. She clutched her stomach as the pain riveted throughout her body. Clenching her teeth, she waited for the pain to subside.

She felt the wetness between her legs and knew that the bleeding had increased. She clutched her stomach again as another torturing pain gripped her. She clutched at her stomach tightly, clinging to her unborn child. "Please, God," she whispered through her tears, "don't take my baby."

Michaela didn't know how long she had been laying there. The ground was cold and she was freezing and she knew she should build a fire, but she was to weak to even sit up. The pain was almost constant now, and she knew she was bleeding heavily. She tried to reach for her medical bag, but she knew there was really nothing she could do now. All she could do was wait, wait for the inevitable. "But at least Sully won't have to go through this again," she thought to herself.

It was barely daylight when Michaela became conscious of someone kneeling over her. "Michaela... Michaela, it's me, Sully, can you hear me?" Sully called to her. She tried to open her eyes, but they felt like they were weighted shut. "Michaela, come on, wake up," she vaguely heard another familiar voice call to her.

And then the same voice said, "Her pulse is weak, she's lost a lot of blood." She felt a hand patting her cheek and then call to her once again. "Michaela, Michaela wake up. Can you hear me? I love you Michaela, now wake up," Sully desperately cried.

With every ounce of fiber she could muster, she concentrated on the voice that persistently called to her. She slowly opened her eyes. "Sully," she whispered, her voice dry and hoarse.

"Sshhh, I'm here," Sully whispered, the tears freely flowing down his cheeks.

As consciousness slowly came back to Michaela, she remembered where she was and why she had come here. "No, Sully," Michaela weakly cried, "You're not supposed to be here. I didn't want you to know."

"Sshh, it's all right, I'm here now," Sully crooned, "I'm not gonna let you go through this alone." He gently caressed her cheek and pushed a wet strand of hair back behind her ear.

"We need to build a fire, get her warm, and get more blankets" Andrew instructed as he set the other two men in motion. Then turning his attention to Michaela, he looked at her and said, "Michaela, I'm going to examine you now, all right?" Michaela nodded her head as Sully removed her lower clothing.

Michaela moaned in pain as Andrew pressed down on her stomach. Sully gripped her hand as Michaela squeezed it tightly. Andrew looked up from examining her and Sully could see the lines of worry. "Michaela, you're bleeding heavily and you've already lost a great amount of blood. You need to let me operate," Andrew pleaded with her.

"Did I lose the baby?" Michaela choked. Andrew looked at Sully and then down at Michaela, "No, you haven't lost it yet, but..."

"No," Michaela interrupted, her voice choking, "you're not taking my baby." With pleading eyes, she looked up at Sully and sobbed, "please, don't let him take it, please don't let him take our baby, Sully."

Sully didn't know what to say to her. So he didn't say anything, he just continued his gentle stroking and lightly kissed her forehead. Michaela suddenly turned to Andrew and said anxiously, "you could cauterize the uterus, stop the bleeding that way."

Andrew looked at Michaela and replied, "Michaela, that procedure doesn't always work, and you're already bleeding too much."

"No!" Michaela cried as her tears fell onto Sully's hand. "It will work. It has to."

Sully looked up abruptly at Andrew. "I could try that, but I don't think it would be successful under these circumstances. I still believe the best treatment is to remove the tumor," Andrew implored.

"No," Michaela cried weakly, "I won't let you."

Andrew looked directly into Michaela's pain filled eyes and then giving in, he whispered, "All right, we'll try cauterizing the uterus, but I won't promise anything." Andrew then stood up to retrieve his medical bag and the supplies they brought from the clinic.

"What do you want us to do?" Matthew asked Andrew. "Just keep the fire going, and make sure there's plenty of hot water. Sully can assist me with Michaela."

Michaela screamed as another excruciating pain ripped through her stomach. She gripped Sully's hand as she waited for the pain to pass. She looked up at Sully and could see the fear in his eyes. "Sully, promise me, please, you won't let him take our baby," Michaela begged.

Sully quickly turned his gaze away from her and squeezed her hand tightly. "I can't promise that Michaela, I can't," Sully weeped. Just then Andrew returned with his instruments. He held out a cloth for Sully and indicated for him to place it over Michaela's nose. Sully turned to Michaela and looking down into her eyes, he whispered, "I'm sorry." Before she could speak again, Sully placed the cloth over her nose and she slowly closed her eyes.

Andrew quickly spread Michaela's legs and tried to stop the flow of blood. Using his instruments and the procedure that Michaela had suggested, he tried in vain to stop the bleeding. But it was no use, as he had known all along, the procedure wasn't going to work. Looking up at Sully he pleaded, "Sully, it's not working. She's starting to hemorrhage. I need to operate, Sully. I need your permission."

Sully looked helplessly at Michaela and back to Andrew. His thoughts flew to earlier when Michaela lay there begging him not to take their baby. Running his hands through his hair he cried, "I don't know what to do." Andrew's sharp voice quickly brought him back.

"Sully, you have to tell me now. She may not be here in another ten minutes. I have to operate now or she'll die." With tears flowing freely down his cheeks, he looked over at Matthew and then back at Andrew as he nodded his consent.

"Scalpel," Andrew called out as he stretched out his open hand. Taking the scalpel from Sully, Andrew started the operation. "Clamp," Andrew said again. And then "another clamp, Sully." Sully watched as Andrew cut into his wife, beads of perspiration on his forehead. "The first thing we must do is stop the bleeding," Andrew said, "and then we'll remove the uterus." After several minutes of silence, Andrew called, "There, there's the tumor," he replied, pointing to an object on her uterus. "It's still relatively small, that's good," Andrew said, more to himself than to anyone else.

Sully watched closely as Andrew tied off the bleeding. "There's an awful lot of blood," Sully spoke in a whisper. Andrew glanced up at Sully and replied, "yes, there is, but she's strong, Sully. We'll just have to pray that she hasn't lost too much." Andrew continued to work silently. "Now we'll remove the uterus," Andrew stated as he called for another instrument. Sully looked at Andrew and then quietly asked, "She won't need that for anything else," and then sadly he added, "other than she won't be able to have any more children." Andrew looked over at Sully and replied, "No, she'll be able to live normally without it." And then seeing the questioning look on Sully's face, he turned slightly red and quickly added, "it won't affect... you know... her being with you at all, Sully." Sully looked at Andrew and a slight smile crossed his face. Just as Andrew was about to remove the uterus, Sully placed a hand on his and whispered, "Our baby's in there." Andrew paused momentarily and then said, "It never had a chance, Sully, but Michaela does." Sully quickly withdrew his hand and nodded for Andrew to continue.

As Andrew lifted the uterus out of Michaela's body, Sully suddenly felt flushed and everything began spinning around. Andrew quickly glanced up at Sully and saw the color drain from his face. "Matthew, Hank," Andrew yelled. Matthew and Hank came running over and immediately saw the condition of Sully. "Matthew, you take Sully and Hank, I'll need for you to assist me," Andrew ordered.

As Matthew led Sully away from where Michaela lay, Sully quickly glanced over his shoulder at his wife. His face appeared even whiter than before and before Matthew knew what was happening, Sully bolted for the trees, and falling to his knees, he threw up. Matthew gave Sully the privacy he needed and went back over to Andrew. "How's she doing?" Matthew hesitantly asked.

"She holding her own," Andrew replied somberly as he prepared to stitch Michaela up. "How's Sully?" Andrew asked. They followed Matthew's gaze to the trees and saw Sully still on his knees. "There, all finished," Andrew replied. "Now I'll just clean the incision and bandage it and then we'll just have to wait."

Sully slowly stood up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He walked over to where Michaela lay on the ground. Andrew had just finished putting a bandage over her incision and was about to clean up when Sully placed his hand over Andrew's and said, "I'll take care of Michaela." Andrew nodded and he, Matthew and Hank gathered up the soiled linens, along with Michaela's clothing, and put them in a pile to be washed later.

Sully gently sponged the blood off of Michaela and then pulled the blanket up to her chin. He sat by her side, constantly stroking her cheek and whispering words of endearment into her ear. It had been several hours since they had found Michaela, laying semi-conscious on the ground. When she had first come into their view as they hiked up the trail, Sully's heart had stopped momentarily. He saw her laying listless and he had feared the worst. Now he sat by her side, silently praying to the spirits that she would pull through. And he prayed that she would forgive him for taking their baby.

"Sully," Matthew's voice penetrated his thoughts. "You need to get some rest. Why don't you lie down next to ma. She'll know you're here."

"No, I'm all right, I couldn't sleep anyway," Sully replied wearily. "I have to be awake in case Michaela wakes up. You go ahead and get some sleep." Matthew knew there was no use in pleading with Sully. He knew he wouldn't sleep until he was sure Michaela was going to be all right. They had been up all night and he was bone tired. Hank was already asleep and Andrew was resting up against a rock only a few feet away.

"All right," Matthew replied, "but if there's any change, wake me."

"Sure," Sully replied without looking up, his concentration fully on Michaela.

The sun was just starting its descent behind the mountains when Michaela began to stir. Sully abruptly sat straight up, holding her hand tightly. Andrew noticed her movement and came to her side also, while Matthew and Hank quickly came over and stood behind Sully. "Michaela," Sully whispered, "can you hear me?" She moaned slightly and her eyes flickered open. She felt a heavy fog around her and felt her eyes close shut again. "Michaela, wake up. It's me, Sully." She felt drawn to that voice and with every ounce of her being, she concentrated again on the voice that was calling her. She slowly opened her eyes once again, blinking several times to bring her eyes into focus.

"Sully," she hoarsely whispered. Sully gently lifted her hand and raised it to his mouth for a gentle kiss. "I'm here," Sully spoke softly. Michaela suddenly noticed Andrew and Matthew and Hank.

Andrew took her other hand and placing his fingers over her wrist, he began to take her pulse. "Your pulse is stronger, that's a good sign," Andrew said as Michaela turned her head to him. She suddenly remembered why she was there and looking up at Andrew she asked in a mere whisper, "Did I lose the baby?"

"I'm sorry, Michaela, but the cauterization didn't work. I had to operate," Andrew said sadly.

Michaela's eyes widened and she quickly turned her head to Sully. "He took our baby, Sully. You let him take our baby?" Michaela cried. Sully tightly squeezed Michaela's hand and said softly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice, you were hemorrhaging."

"Noooo!!" Michaela screamed as she tried to sit up. "You let him take our baby," she sobbed as she thrashed her arms out at Sully. Suddenly she collapsed back down on the blanket, clutching her stomach. She screamed again as the pain became unbearable. Andrew was immediately at her side holding her down. Michaela continued to scream, fighting Andrew and Sully as they tried to hold her down.

"She's going to rip out her stitches," Andrew spoke quickly, "I'll get some morphine. Matthew, hold her down," he ordered as he quickly went to retrieve a syringe. Matthew and Sully held her down but she continued to scream and thrash about.

"Get away from me Sully, don't touch me, get away," she sobbed just as Andrew arrived and gave her an injection of morphine. Minutes later she fell quietly back to sleep. Sully's grip loosened and he sank back on his knees, Michaela's words reverberating in his ears.

Matthew looked at Sully and saw his anguished face. Placing his hand on his shoulder he said, "Sully, Dr. Mike didn't mean it. She doesn't know what she saying right now." Sully slowly stood up and looking down at Matthew, he nodded his head slightly and then turned and walked away. Matthew looked down at his sleeping mother and gently rubbed her arm. "Andrew, is she gonna be all right?" Matthew asked, lines of worry creasing his brow. Andrew looked somberly at Matthew and replied, "I don't know Matthew. We'll have to watch closely for infection, and keep her calm so she doesn't cause any more damage to her incision. But her heartbeat seems to be getting stronger, and that's a good sign."

Hank had watched Sully walk off into the woods, and after several minutes he followed him. He found him sitting by a small stream, staring at the rippling effects of the water as it trickled over the rocks. "Hey Sully," Hank said as he sat down on a log next to Sully. Startled, Sully quickly looked up.

"Oh, Hank, it's you," Sully returned. After a few minutes of silence Hank spoke up, "Sully, you know Dr. Mike didn't mean nothin' back there. She's just hurtin' right now, that's all."

Sully barely raised his head and in a low tone he replied, "Yeah, maybe."

"Sorry 'bout the baby," Hank said with sincerity. "I know that had to be hard on you, too." Sully sniffled slightly and turned his back to Hank, swiping at his eyes as he did so. "Well, I'll leave you alone now," Hank replied as he stood to leave.

Sully turned his head slightly and in a low voice he said, "Hank, thanks."

Sully stayed by Michaela's side throughout the night, only leaving when necessary. His body was exhausted and his eyes were heavy but his mind refused to sleep. He sat leaning against a rock, his hand tightly holding hers, as he lovingly stroked her cheek. Hours later as the morphine began to wear off, she awoke again. She was moaning and turning her head from side to side. As her eyes slowly opened she saw Sully sitting next to her, holding her hand. "Shh, don't talk, I'm here," Sully whispered.

As Michaela's eyes came into focus she saw Andrew, Hank and Matthew sleeping by the fire. As she stirred slightly, another torturous pain ripped through her stomach. She cried out as Sully gripped her hand tighter. And then suddenly without warning she pulled her hand away from Sully. As the tears trickled down her cheek, she cried, "Leave me alone Sully. I don't want to see you."

"Michaela, please" Sully whispered as he reached for her hand. Turning away from him she began crying hysterically and with a piercing scream she yelled, "I said get away from me. You had no right, you had no right to take my baby," she sobbed. By this time the other three men were wide awake and Andrew scrambled to her side. "Calm down, Michaela," Andrew pleaded, "before you break open your stitches."

Michaela continued to scream as Andrew tried to hold her still. "Go away," she cried as she struggled against Andrew's hold, "make him go away." She clutched at Andrew's arm as another pain hit her.

"I'll give her another shot of morphine," Andrew said and then looking up at Sully, he gently said, "Sully, maybe you should leave her right now. I'll take care of her."

Sully was torn between staying there with his wife, or doing what Andrew told him. But as he looked down at Michaela, thrashing about in pain, he quietly stood and walked away, making sure he was within ear shot if she did need him. Andrew administered the morphine and Michaela slowly relaxed. She was vaguely aware of the people around her as her mind floated in and out of consciousness. But as the morphine took its desired effect on her, her eyes slowly closed and she fell into a fitful sleep.

Andrew must have dozed off because suddenly his head jerked up and his eyes flew open. Something must have woken him. He looked around him and saw Hank and Matthew still asleep and Sully sitting a few yards away against a tree. Then he looked down and saw Michaela tossing about and then suddenly raising her head, she lurched forward and began to vomit. Sully was at her side instantly, gathering her hair and holding it back behind her head. With his other hand he soothingly rubbed her back. His eyes flew up to Andrew and with his voice full of fear, he said, "Andrew?"

Andrew looked at Sully and said reassuringly, "That's a normal reaction to morphine," and then added cautiously, "Sully, maybe you shouldn't be here."

"No," Sully shouted softly. "I'm not leaving her. She needs me, Andrew." Looking at Sully, Andrew nodded his head. Andrew grabbed some clean towels from behind him and handed them to Sully. Sully quickly wiped Michaela's mouth and then began to wash her face and neck. "I'm here, Michaela," Sully whispered softly as his tears fell onto her cheek, "everything's gonna be all right. I love you."

Several minutes later Michaela collapsed into Sully's arms, her body drained of any remaining strength. Sully gently laid her back down and kissed her forehead softly. Andrew handed him a glass of water and said, "We need to get as much liquid as we can into her. We can't let her get dehydrated." Sully gently lifted Michaela's head and tipped the cup slightly to her lips. She took a few drinks and then Sully laid her head back down. Sully continued to stroke Michaela's forehead as she slowly went back to sleep. As Michaela's eyes fluttered open one last time, Andrew watched as she reached for Sully's hand and bringing it to her chest, she held it tightly against her heart.

Matthew had watched as Andrew and Sully tended to his ma. It hurt him to see the two of them like this and he couldn't bear it to watch his ma in so much pain. Even though Dr. Mike said she didn't want Sully around, deep down Matthew knew his ma needed Sully there with her. He watched as Sully continued to stroke Michaela's hand, long after she had fallen asleep. He looked over at Hank and noticed that he too was watching Sully. Standing up, Matthew shook out his bedroll and then said, "I think we could all use a good breakfast. I'm gonna go get water for the coffee."

Hank looked at Matthew and then replied, "Sounds like a good idea. I'll start breakfast."

It was late morning by the time Hank and Matthew finished up the breakfast dishes. Michaela was sleeping peacefully while Sully slept beside her. After breakfast Andrew and Matthew had pleaded with Sully to get some sleep. He refused at first, saying he needed to be there if Michaela woke up. But after much talk they had finally convinced him to climb under the blanket with Michaela so he could be close to her if she needed him. So Sully had lifted the blanket and gently sliding in beside her, he carefully pulled her into his arms and swiftly fell asleep.

After breakfast Hank had decided to return to town to let everyone know that they had found Michaela. He knew that Colleen and Brian would be worried about their ma. So he figured the best way for him to help would be to go back to town and let everyone know what had happened. "I'll be discreet, Matthew," Hank told him when Matthew chided that the whole town didn't need to know Dr. Mike's and Sully's business. "I'll just tell those that will be worrying," Hank had assured him.

Before he left Hank turned to Andrew and asked, "How long should I tell them you'll be up here?"

"We won't be able to move her until she's more stable," Andrew had replied, "maybe another couple of days, as long as there are no complications." Hank nodded his head and mounted his horse and then taking one quick glance back at Michaela, he rode off.

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Colleen paced anxiously around the clinic, trying her best to stay busy. She had finally sent Brian off to help Dorothy and Katie had cried herself to sleep only minutes ago. She was terribly worried about her ma, and she knew Katie was extra fussy because her ma was not there to hold her and rock her. It had been three days since Sully and Matthew had left the homestead. With each passing day she became more frightened. Dorothy had stopped by several times to check on them as had Loren and Horace. She was glad that Andrew had insisted he go along with them. During her studies at college she had read about tumors and she knew the risks that Dr. Mike faced, and even more so since she was carrying. But she knew that Andrew could handle anything that might happen. She turned suddenly as the door flew open.

Hank entered the clinic with Brian and Dorothy close behind. They had rushed out of the Gazette as soon as Hank had rode up. "Hank!" Colleen exclaimed, "where's ma?"

"Is ma all right?" Brian frantically asked.

"Where's Michaela and Sully?" Dorothy questioned.

Hank held up his hand and said in a loud voice, "Hold on, now. One at a time." He looked around the room and realized that he had everyone's attention. "We found Michaela that night but she was bleeding allot so Andrew had to operate. She..."

"Did she lose the baby?" Colleen interrupted. She grabbed Brian's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Yeah, sorry," Hank replied with sincerity. "Andrew said she lost allot of blood but she should pull through, as long as there aren't any complications."

"When will she be home?" Brian asked as Dorothy came around him and placed her arm on his shoulder.

"Andrew said they couldn't move her for a couple of days yet so we shouldn't expect 'em home before then," Hank replied. Turning to Brian, Hank said, "I'll go out to the homestead and tend the animals so you can stay here in town."

"Thanks, Hank" returned Brian.

"Forget it," Hank said as he tousled Brian's hair and walked out the clinic door towards the saloon, "but first, I need a drink."

After Hank left the clinic Colleen turned to Brian and Dorothy and said, "Someone should probably tell Sheryl and Josh about ma and Sully."

"I'll go and tell 'em," Brian said softly, as tears welled up in his eyes. Quickly wiping the tears, Brian headed for the door, "I'll go an tell 'em now."

**********************
As Sully slowly opened his eyes, he looked up into the sky and realized that it was almost evening. His mind was still groggy from lack of sleep, and he was still having trouble fully waking up. Sully could feel the heat beneath the blanket as he lay next to Michaela. He reached up and felt her forehead and was alarmed at how hot it was. "Andrew," Sully cried loudly. Andrew rushed over to where Sully and Michaela lay. "She's burning up," Sully told him.

Andrew touched Michaela's hot cheeks and then quickly retrieved his stethoscope. He lifted the blanket and placed it against her chest and listened intently. "She's running a high fever. The incision must be infected," Andrew replied in his doctor's voice. "We need to get her temperature down."

"What should I do?" Sully cried softly.

"Matthew, bring me a pot of cool water and some towels. We'll try bathing her in cool water and hope that brings her fever down," Andrew replied.

Sully took the pot of water from Matthew and began sponging Michaela down. He gently washed her face and neck and lowering the blanket slightly, he began to sponge her chest and arms. Without ceasing, for the next thirty minutes Sully continued to sponge Michaela down. Andrew took his thermometer from his bag and placed it in Michaela's mouth. After a few moments, Andrew looked up at Sully and said, "105 degrees. Her temperature is dangerously high. If we don't bring her fever down quickly she could go into convulsions."

After a moments thought, Sully wrapped Michaela up in the blanket and scooped her up in his arms. "Sully, what are you doing?" Andrew asked.

"I'm gonna get her temperature down. We can bathe her in the stream," Sully quickly replied. "That's a good idea," Andrew said and then turning to Matthew he quickly called, "Matthew, we'll need blankets to dry her with." With Michaela in his arms, Sully carefully made his way down to the water's edge, Andrew and Matthew close behind.

Michaela was delirious now, her words jumbled and confused, her head tossing back and forth, and this frightened Sully tremendously. As he reached the water's edge, he lifted the blanket off of Michaela and dropped it on a rock. He then carefully waded out to the middle of the stream and slowly sat down, Michaela held securely in Sully's arms. With Sully in a sitting position he slowly lowered Michaela between his legs, submerging her in the water up to her shoulders. He held her tightly in one arm, and with his free hand he gently cupped the water and let it fall onto her face and head.

He sat like this for almost twenty minutes when finally Andrew looked at Sully and said, "I think it's working, Sully. Her fever seems to have gone down substantially. I think it's safe to take her out now."

Sully sighed in relief and with Andrew's help, he stood with Michaela still in his arms and slowly waded towards the bank. Matthew was there immediately and covered her with a dry blanket. Michaela moaned as Sully shifted her in his arms. Taking another blanket from Matthew, he carefully dried her hair and then slowly made his way back to the campsite.

With great care, Sully placed Michaela back down on the blanket and covered her with another dry one. He stroked her cheek and brushed back her hair, kissing her lightly on the forehead. Looking up at Andrew, his eyebrows creased with lines of worry, he asked, "What if her fever goes up again?"

"Then we'll take her back to the water. We'll keep doing that until her fever breaks," Andrew answered.

Throughout the remainder of the night Andrew and Sully kept a close watch on Michaela. Her temperature continued to fluctuate but only once did they have to take her back to the stream. By early morning her fever had broken and she finally fell into a restful sleep. "I believe she'll sleep for some time now, Sully," Andrew spoke softly. "Why don't you try to get some rest."

Sully shook his head and replied, "No, I probably couldn't sleep right now anyways. Why don't you git some sleep, Andrew. You've been up all night yourself."

Andrew looked at Sully and knowing how stubborn he could be, especially when it came to Michaela, he walked over to his bedroll and sat down. "All right, I think I will try and get some sleep. But if there's any change, wake me," Andrew replied.

Matthew had managed to get some sleep that night, waking frequently whenever Dr. Mike moaned or when they had to take her back into the water. But he did feel somewhat rested and so he decided to try and catch some lunch. He watched as Sully gently caressed Dr. Mike, frequently placing kisses on her cheek and forehead. As he stood he turned to Sully and said, "I think I'll go down to the stream and see if I can't catch some trout for lunch. Try and get some rest, Sully."

As Sully watched Matthew disappear behind the rocks, he turned his full attention to Michaela. He carefully lifted the blanket and lightly ran his hand over her stitches. The incision was big, probably 6-7 inches in length. She stirred and moaned slightly as his fingers touched the incision. He quickly withdrew his hand and covered her tightly with the blanket. "Michaela," Sully whispered, his eyes moist, "I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted this baby but I couldn't lose you, I just couldn't. You can't leave me, Michaela. I need you so much. Brian and Katie need you, too." Finally giving in to his pent up emotions, Sully buried his head into Michaela's hair and wept.

Michaela was wavering half between sleep and consciousness. Her eyes fluttered open briefly but they would not yet focus. She could smell the smoke from the fireplace and as she shivered slightly she realized that Sully must have started a fire. But there was another aroma that she could not put her finger on. Then she heard a low cry in the distance and realized that Katie was crying for her. Her eyes shot open but as she took in her surroundings, she suddenly remembered where she was.

She slowly looked around her and saw Andrew laying on the ground, asleep by the fire. As her eyes moved past him, she suddenly came upon Sully, sitting indian-style in front of the fire. He was meditating and chanting softly, his words soothing to her ears. He was burning some type of herbs and she realized that was the smell that had awoken her. She looked further around the campsite but could not find Matthew.

Michaela turned her head back to watch Sully. He continued to chant softly as he prayed to the Spirits. As she stirred slightly an incredibly intense pain gripped her stomach. She clenched her teeth tightly as the pain slowly passed. She reached under the blanket and slowly moved her hand down her stomach until it reached her incision. She gently moved her hand the length of the incision and was surprised at how large it was. As she thought of her lost baby, the tears came. She turned her head away from Sully and silently wept for her lost child.

As she continued to give in to her emotions, she remembered her anger at Sully. She blamed him for their lost child. Michaela knew she wasn't being fair to Sully, but all of her anger and resentment that had been building since Josh's arrival was now fueling her anger even more. "Sully never wanted this baby. If he hadn't spent so much time with Josh, and yes, even Sheryl, then maybe he wouldn't have forgotten my birthday. Maybe this wouldn't have happened, maybe I would still have my baby, our baby," she thought. "It was Sully who let Andrew take my baby. He had no right, it wasn't his choice, it was mine," she cried. Her heart ached for her lost baby and even though Sully was near, she felt so lost and alone.

Michaela's tears had fallen unnoticed until Matthew, returning with a string of fish, walked by and saw her crying. He immediately set the fish aside and knelt down on the ground.

"Dr. Mike," Matthew whispered softly, gently rubbing her arm, "are you all right?" Michaela reached for Matthew's hand and clutched it tightly as her tears continued to stream down her cheeks. "I'll get Sully," Matthew quickly replied.

"No," choked Michaela but it was too late. Sully was already by her side, gently stroking her hair. Matthew gave Sully a slight nod and picking up the string of fish, he walked away, leaving Sully and Michaela alone.

Sully gently lifted Michaela's hand and pressed it to his lips. Michaela turned her head away, unable to look into Sully's eyes. "Michaela, are you all right? Are you in pain?" Sully anxiously asked.

"No," was all Michaela would say.

"Michaela, please, let me help you through this," Sully pleaded with her, but to no avail. Michaela refused to turn her head to look at him and when Sully gently began caressing her arm, she pulled away.

"Sully, don't, please," Michaela whispered. Sully was taken aback by her sudden actions and trying again he gently began stroking her arm. "Sully, please," choked Michaela in a mere whisper, once again pulling her arm away from Sully's touch.

Sully's feelings were hurt by Michaela's actions, but deciding now was not the time to discuss this, he reluctantly stood up. "I'll have Matthew bring you some food. You need to eat," Sully said softly before turning to walk away.

Matthew watched as the scene played out before him. He knew that his ma was angry with Sully, and his heart ached for him. He knew that Sully would move heaven and earth for his ma and that he would never knowingly do anything to hurt Michaela. He saw the hurt look on Sully's face and wished that he could do something to help. But deep down he knew that this was something that Sully and Dr. Mike would have to deal with. As Sully approached his bedroll next to the campfire, he looked at Matthew and said somberly, "Would you mind taking some soup to your ma. Maybe you can get her to eat something."

Matthew looked at Sully and trying to reassure him he said, "Don't take it personally, Sully. Dr. Mike just ain't herself yet. She's angry at everyone right now."

"I don't know, Matthew. It's more than just losing a baby. I took something from her that she'll never get back. After she had her miscarriage, at least she could look to the future and hope for another child. But now, she'll never have anymore children, and I'm afraid she blames me for that," Sully remarked.

Matthew walked over to the kettle and spooned a small amount of soup into a bowl. "I know she's upset right now, but give her time, Sully. Dr. Mike will realize that you did what you had to, that you saved her life," Matthew replied.

"I hope you're right, Matthew," Sully replied softly. "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her.." his voice trailing off.

Matthew walked over to Sully and put his hand on his shoulder. "Let's just get her well right now and then I'm sure everything will work out," Matthew told him. "I'll take her some soup now. Maybe she'll eat something."

Sully nodded his head and whispered "Thanks, Matthew."

"Dr. Mike, I brought you some soup," Matthew spoke softly.

"I'm not hungry," was Michaela's curt reply.

"I know you don't feel much like eatin' Dr. Mike, but you gotta keep up your strength if you wanna get better. Please, eat something," Matthew pleaded with her.

"I said I wasn't hungry, Matthew," Michaela jeered as she turned her head away. "I just want to sleep now." Michaela could feel the tears threatening to overflow again and with great effort, she turned onto her side, away from the campfire. The sudden movement caused her to groan in pain, and she clutched at her stomach. Matthew immediately became alarmed but when he tried to comfort her, she pulled away from him too.

Matthew rose slowly and walked over to where Sully was sitting. "I tried Sully, but it looks like she's going to be as stubborn as usual," Matthew replied with a slight grin.

Sully shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Like you said, Matthew, it's gonna take time. We just gotta give her time to heal."

***********************
Brian walked slowly over to the boarding house, his head hung low. He couldn't believe that his ma and pa had lost another child. He remembered vividly the last time she lost a baby, when Sully had been in hiding. He remembered walking past her door at night and hearing her crying and how sad she had been for weeks afterwards. And he had felt so helpless because there wasn't anything he could do for her. And now she had lost another baby and she was fighting for her life. He couldn't bear it if something happened to his ma.

He knocked on the boarding house door and waited for Widow Stephens to let him in. He walked up to Josh's room and knocked on the door. Sheryl answered the door, surprised to see him. "Hello, Brian," Sheryl greeted but when she saw the saddened look on Brian's face, she immediately asked, "is everything all right?"

"We thought you should know," Brian started, "Hank just came back with news about ma." Brian paused a moment and took a deep breath. "Hank said she lost the baby and Andrew had to operate. She lost a lot of blood but hopefully she'll be all right. He wasn't sure how much longer they would be gone. They were afraid to move ma so soon after the operation."

Sheryl grabbed Brian's hand and pulled him into the room. "I'm so sorry, Brian," Sheryl said sincerely. She hugged Brian to her chest and then said, "Would you like to have dinner with us?"

Brian looked up at Sheryl and smiled, "Sure, that sounds good. But I better tell Colleen that I'm eating with you so she doesn't worry about me."

After dinner Josh and Brian went up to his room to play a game of checkers. Josh had been quiet most of the evening so Brian decided to ask him if something was wrong. "Josh, what's wrong," Brian asked, "you've been real quiet all day."

Josh looked up at Brian and after hesitating a moment, he said, "I just don't understand why Sully left like he did. I thought he wanted to spend time with me. Why did he have to chase after Dr. Mike."

Brian looked at Josh incredulously, "I can't believe you even said that, Josh," Brian scolded. "My ma's up there on that mountain and she lost a baby. Sully needs to be there with her."

"But I'm the one who's sick, I'm the one who's dying. Sully said he wanted to be my pa, and a pa doesn't leave you when you're sick, at least my other pa wouldn't have left me," Josh cried, tears evident in his eyes.

"Sully does want to be your pa, and he loves you just the same as me," Brian stated loudly. "But Dr. Mike needs him more now, so quit being so selfish."

"I'm not being selfish," shouted Josh. "But if Sully really loved me like he said, he wouldn't have left me. He should be here with me and ma."

Brian was becoming very angry now and he couldn't believe that Josh didn't even care about his ma. "Sully's married to my ma, not yours," Brian chided "and a husband is supposed to be with his wife, that's just the way it is."

"Yeah, but Sully knew my ma before he knew Dr. Mike. He shouldn't have left my ma that night. He should have stayed so he would have known about me," Josh yelled.

"I can't believe you're acting like this. You're nothing but a spoiled brat, Josh," Brian yelled back.

"Boys!! That's enough," came a stern voice from the hallway. They both turned their heads to see Sheryl standing in the doorway, her hands on her hips. Both boys looked sheepishly down at the floor.

"Sorry, Mrs. Cowan," Brian said apologetically.

Looking at both boys, Sheryl pointed to the bed and said, "Both of you, come here and sit down." Both boys got up from their chairs and walked over to the bed, carefully sitting on the edge. "Do you boys know what you sound like?" Sheryl asked sternly.

"No, ma'am," Brian said weakly.

"Well, I'll tell you then," Sheryl replied. And then with a slight smile, she said, "You sound just like brothers." This illicited a smile from both boys and they looked at each other and smiled.

"Now, Brian, I don't think Dr. Mike or Sully would like you calling your brother names, would they?" asked Sheryl as she watched Brian's face.

He looked at Sheryl and timidly replied, "No, ma'am, they don't allow me to call anyone names." Then he looked at Josh and with a slight smile, he said, "Sorry, Josh."

"That's all right, Brian. I know you didn't mean it," Sheryl said. Then she turned her attention to Josh and said, "Josh, we've had this talk before. Sully is married to Dr. Mike and he should be with her now. That doesn't mean that he loves you any less, it just means that right now he has to be with Dr. Mike. And Josh, you have to understand that it wasn't just Dr. Mike that lost a baby, Sully lost a baby too. So he's gonna be real sad also."

"I'm sorry ma. I guess I didn't look at it that way. I was just sad 'cause he was gone and he promised to take me fishing again," Josh replied. Then he looked at Brian and said, "I'm sorry too, Brian. I hope your ma gets better soon."

"Yeah, me too," Brian stated, "and Josh, if you want, I'll take you fishing."

"Thanks, Brian," Josh replied, "I'd like that."

"Well, I'd better be going. I told Colleen that I would help with Katie tonight," Brian said as he stood to leave.

"Brian," Sheryl said as Brian opened the door, "please be sure to let us know if you hear anything." "Sure," Brian said and then walked out the room.

*********************
It was supper time when Andrew woke up. He slowly sat up and looked around him, seeing Michaela still asleep a few feet away. Sully was leaning up against a tree, his head resting on his knees. Matthew was next to the campfire cooking up something that smelled delicious. "Smells good, Matthew," Andrew said as he threw his covers off of him and stood up.

"Trout," Matthew replied. "I thought we all could use a good dinner tonight."

"Has Michaela woken up yet?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah, she woke up a earlier but she wouldn't eat anything," Matthew answered. And then he looked at Andrew with a worried expression on his face and said, "She didn't want me or Sully around. She just cried allot but wouldn't let either of us help her and she refused to eat."

Just then Sully came over to where Andrew and Matthew were standing. He listened as Andrew explained to Matthew. "Matthew, your ma lost not only a baby but the ability to ever have one again. It's very common after such a procedure for a woman to feel like she's lost a part of her womanhood, that she's lost a part of herself." And then turning to Sully he continued. "Sully, I know I told you that the operation wouldn't affect her 'being' with you, and physically it won't" Andrew stated, his cheeks slightly flushed, "but it may affect how she feels about herself. She may not feel that she's attractive to you anymore or that you even 'want her' anymore."

"That's ridiculous," exclaimed Sully. "She knows how much I love her and want to be with her."

"That may be true, Sully," Andrew said, "but the fact is that many women who go through this feel like they've lost part of their 'womanhood' and no longer feel sensual or attractive. Many women go through a period of depression, but most recover quickly."

Sully looked up at Andrew and then said sadly, "So, what can I do to help her. She won't even let me touch her right now."

"I know this is hard on you Sully, but right now what we need to do is get her well enough so we can go home," Andrew said.

"And how do we manage to do that if she refuses to eat," Matthew asked as he glanced over at his ma.

"Well, for one thing we need to get her up. She needs to start using her muscles again and the only way to strengthen them is for her to use them. So we'll start with maybe a few minutes on her feet at a time and then build from there," Andrew stated and then looking from Matthew to Sully he replied, "And we'll just have to make her eat."

"I'll do anything you say, Andrew," Sully replied, "you just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Whatever it takes to get her better."

"That goes for me too," Matthew said.

"Good," replied Andrew, "but right now I'm famished and that trout sure smells good. I think I'll go wash up and come back and eat."

"Sounds good to me," Matthew replied. "it's almost ready."

As Andrew headed towards the stream to wash up, he suddenly stopped and turned towards Sully and said, "And that goes for you, too, Sully, you need to eat something if you're gonna help her."

It was about an hour after they had eaten and the dishes had been washed in the stream that Michaela began to stir. Every slight movement hurt and she moaned softly in pain. Andrew knelt down beside her and called her name. "Michaela, it's Andrew." She slowly opened her eyes and as she looked around her, her face clouded over. "How are you feeling? Do you want me to give you some more morphine," Andrew asked.

"No, no more morphine, Andrew. The pain's not that bad," she lied. But as she shifted slightly another pain gripped her stomach and she quickly brought her knees up to her chest in a fetal position, clenching her teeth until the pain passed. Andrew quickly stood up and said, "I'll get you something for the pain. If you don't want the morphine, I'll give you some laudanum." All Michaela could do was shake her head.

Afraid to say anything to Michaela for fear she would withdraw from him, Sully sat quietly on the her other side and gently rubbed her arm. "At least she hasn't pulled away from me," Sully thought to himself. Andrew came back and as Sully lifted Michaela's head, Andrew tipped the cup to her mouth and she slowly drank the liquid. Sully gently placed her head back down on the blanket which had been rolled up as a pillow. "You okay?" Sully whispered to her.

Michaela looked up shyly at Sully and whispered, "Sully, I have to go, you know.."

Andrew looked down at Michaela and said, "That's a good sign, Michaela. But I think it's time that you get up on your own now. Sully and I will help you."

"No," Michaela responded with tears in her eyes. "Please, Sully, just take me."

Sully knew how embarrassed Michaela felt about someone helping her with something so personal. And he knew that she was probably feeling uncomfortable laying under the blankets without any clothes on. Sully looked up at Andrew and nodded his head and seeing Michael's embarrassment, Andrew complied. "All right, Sully can take you now, but when you get back I want you to try to get up and walk for just a minute or two. You need to start using your muscles again."

Sully smiled down at her and gently slipping one arm under her back and his other arm under her legs he carefully lifted her. He walked over behind the rocks and held her in a squatting position as she relieved herself. As Sully lifted her up to take her back he noticed the tears in her eyes. "Sshh, it's all right. Would you like to put some clothes on?"

"Yes, please," Michaela answered softly through her tears. Sully gently put Michaela back down on the blanket and then looking at Andrew he whispered, "I think Michaela would feel more comfortable if she had some clothes on. Is that all right?"

Clearing his throat lightly, Andrew replied, "Well, yes, of course. But maybe you shouldn't put everything back on. I'll still need to clean the incision frequently."

"Would her camisole and pantaloons be okay?" Sully asked and both Andrew and Michaela nodded their heads. Sully stood up to retrieve Michaela's clothes while Andrew reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of carbolic acid and some clean bandages. "I need to clean your incision now, Michaela. I'm sorry, I know this will hurt." Andrew pulled the blanket down off of Michaela and began to cut away her bandage. "It's still very red and puffy," Andrew said as he examined her incision. "We'll have to watch it closely. Ready?" Sully returned with Michaela's clothes and knelt down beside her. He took her hand in his and whispered, "Just squeeze my hand. I'm here."

Michaela jerked as Andrew poured the carbolic acid onto the incision. Sully could feel Michaela's nails digging into his flesh and her body became tense and rigid. She gritted her teeth and squeezed Sully's hand until her knuckles turned white and her face turned an ashen gray. As the burning sensation slowly disappeared, Michaela slowly relaxed and released her grip on Sully's hand.

Sully waited until Andrew had finished putting another bandage over Michaela's stomach and then Andrew excused himself. Sully gently pulled the camisole over Michaela's head and then helped her put her arms through. Then he slipped her pantaloons over her feet and lifted her slightly as he pulled them up. He folded the waist down below her bandage so it wouldn't rub against her incision and then he pulled the blanket back up to her chest. "Better?" Sully asked and Michaela gave him a slight nod.

Sully looked down into Michaela's pain filled eyes and he felt as if he had been kicked in the gut. He lifted her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her fingers lightly. He felt an urgent need to say something to her, to apologize to her. "Michaela, I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday," Sully began but was quickly interrupted by Michaela.

"I'm tired now, Sully. Please go away," Michaela uttered as she pulled her hand away and turned her back to him.

Rebuffed, Sully slowly stood up but his eyes never left Michaela. He watched as a single tear slid down her cheek, but he resisted the urge to stoop down and gently wipe it away. Instead, he walked over to the fire and sat down next to Matthew. Andrew and Matthew had both watched as Michaela turned Sully away. Andrew looked at Sully and said, "I think we should try to get her up now. Maybe Matthew and I should do it."

Sully glanced at his wife and then looking at Andrew and Matthew and knowing his wife's stubbornness, he whispered, "good luck."

"Michaela," Andrew spoke softly as he knelt beside her, "it's time we got you up and about. Matthew and I will help you."

"No, I don't want to," Michaela answered and she turned her head further away.

"I know you don't want to, but it's for your own good. You have to get up now," Andrew replied.

"Come on, ma," Matthew begged.

"I said I don't want to," Michaela replied curtly as she pulled the blanket tighter around her.

"Michaela, I know what you said, but you're going to get up." Andrew boldly stated.

"Why can't all of you just leave me alone?," Michaela cried loudly.

Andrew had had enough of her stubbornness and jerking the blanket down, in a loud voice he sternly shouted, "Now listen Michaela, we can do this the easy way, or if you want to fight me, we can do it the hard way. It's your choice, but either way you are getting up."

Sully and Matthew looked at Andrew in horror and then they exchanged glances between themselves. They were both surprised and shocked that meek little Andrew would be so bold in talking to Michaela that way. Then their gaze fell on Michaela, who was laying there staring at Andrew, her mouth partly open as to speak, but totally silent. Andrew stared back at Michaela and once Michaela saw the look in his eyes, she knew that he wasn't going to back down on this.

Slowly Andrew and Matthew helped Michaela to stand, all the while she clenched her teeth as the pain coursed her body. Once they had gotten her on her feet, they paused momentarily so she could catch her breath. Her knees felt wobbly and weak and Matthew immediately put his arm around her waist to keep her from falling. She leaned heavily on him for support as she willed her feet to move. Slowly she took a few steps, but with each step the pain seemed to ricochet throughout her body. Ignoring the pain, she slowly walked around the campsite. But after a few more steps the pain became unbearable and with tears flowing freely down her cheeks, she cried, "Andrew, please stop, it hurts so much."

Sully had been standing back watching as Michaela painfully walked around the campsite. His heart ached as he watched his wife in so much pain, knowing there was nothing he could do for her. But when she cried out, he immediately rushed over to her and giving Matthew a glance, he slipped his arm under hers as Matthew moved away. "All right, Michaela, I think that's enough for right now. We'll take you back," Andrew replied in answer to her plea. Giving Sully a quick nod, they slowly helped Michaela take the last few steps back to her bedroll and Sully gently helped her back down, covering her with the blanket.

Michaela immediately turned her back to the two men as her tears turned into silent sobs. "Andrew, do something," Sully pleaded. "The laudanum isn't working. How much longer will the pain be like this?"

"I'm sorry, Sully, but it's too soon to give her anything else. As the incision heals the pain will lessen," Andrew answered. "If she's still in a lot of pain later, I'll give her the morphine again."

Sully looked down at Michaela and noticed her trembling slightly. He gently sat down next to her and with some hesitancy, he placed his arm around her waist. He held it there for a moment and when she didn't pull away, he slowly pulled her closer to him and held her tightly. Somehow Sully knew that even though Michaela was still angry with him, she needed his comforting touch. Slowly Michaela's breathing became slow and even and Sully glanced over her shoulder and noticed that she had fallen back asleep. He stayed with her for a while longer and then he joined Matthew and Andrew by the campfire.

Andrew could see the pain and frustration in Sully's eyes as he sat down. He knew it was tearing Sully apart to see his wife in this state. "She's asleep," Sully spoke softly as he sat down and leaned back against a log, running his hands through his hair.

"That's good," Andrew answered, "sleep is probably the best thing for her right now. She needs time for her body to heal."

"It's been three days Andrew, shouldn't she be gettin' better by now," Sully choked as he tried to fight the tears.

"Sully, you must remember that Michaela just had a major operation and these things take time. But with each day her body is healing. The infection has abated and the incision is healing nicely," Andrew replied.

"I'm sorry, Andrew. I know you're doing everything you can. It just hurts me to see her like that and I feel so helpless," Sully answered.

"When do you think it will be safe for us to take her home?" Matthew asked.

"Well, I was hoping that she would eat something tonight, but we'll wait until morning. If she can keep something in her stomach, I think maybe tomorrow we could try to move her, to start back home," Andrew replied.

"Good," Sully remarked, "Colleen and Brian are probably worried about us. We'll need to build a litter to take her home on."

"I've already taken care of that, Sully," Matthew spoke up. "I've been working on it the last couple of days. Just finished it earlier."

Sully cast a smile at Matthew and said, "Thanks, Matthew." Then he turned to Andrew and said, "It's gonna be rough gettin' her back, Andrew. The trail gets real narrow and steep in some places. We may even have to pass her down from one person to the other."

"Yes, I've thought about that myself," Andrew replied. "I know Michaela said she didn't want any more morphine, but I think it would be best if I gave her an injection right before we leave. We'll take it slow and easy to minimize the movement, but it will cause her some discomfort. We'll stop if the pain becomes too much."

"Andrew, you know how stubborn Dr. Mike can be. You may have to shout at her again to get her to take the morphine," Matthew said smiling.

Clearly embarrassed, Andrew looked at Sully and said, "I feel I must apologize for my earlier outburst. I shouldn't have yelled at her like that."

Sully's face broke into a wide grin. "That's all right, Andrew. I think for the first time in Michaela's life she was speechless. But you made your point with her, that's for sure."

"Well, let's just hope she not as stubborn tomorrow," Andrew smiled back.

"Wishful thinking," Matthew joked, and turning to look at Michaela, they all laughed.

They all sat around the campfire in silence, listening to the sounds of the coming night. Breaking the silence, Matthew pointed to the mound of rocks close by and quietly asked, "Sully, do you think ma came here for a reason?"

"Yeah, I do. She felt a special bond with Sam and I think maybe she just wanted Sam close by when this happened," Sully replied softly, his voice shaky. Standing up, Sully turned to Matthew and Andrew and said, "I think I'll get some sleep," and then he walked over to where Michaela lay.

Michaela lay on her back starring up into the sky. The moon was almost full and the thousands of stars seemed to light up the night. She felt Sully's body next to hers and his hand lay lightly on her leg. His breathing was deep and even, and like Matthew and Andrew, he had fallen into an exhausted sleep. As she watched Sully's chest rise and fall, the tears began to fall once again. She didn't know why, but as much as she tried, she couldn't stop crying. She tried to think about other things, about Katie and Brian, but everything reminded her of her lost baby, and she cried more.

Sully slowly opened his eyes, sensing that something wasn't right. He looked around him and he realized where he was. Matthew and Andrew were asleep by the fire and he was sleeping under the blanket with Michaela, his hand resting on her leg. There, he heard the faint cry again. Turning over onto his side, he saw Michaela shaking, and he realized that she was the one crying again. He carefully slid his arm under her waist and pulled her body close to his, her back against his chest. He soothingly rubbed her arm and whispered in her ear. "Sshhh, don't cry."

But the tears only came faster and harder than before. "I'm s.. sorry," she sobbed.

"Sshh, it's all right, Michaela, it's all right, go ahead and cry," Sully whispered back, tightening his hold on her.

"Hold me, Sully, just hold me," Michaela cried, her body shaking uncontrollably with wracking sobs, "it hurts so much." And this time Sully knew that Michaela wasn't talking about the physical pain, but the pain of loss, the pain of losing another baby.

"I'm here, Michaela," Sully whispered as he fought back his own tears, "I'll always be here." And suddenly he felt his own tears begin to fall and burying his head into her hair, they both cried for their lost child.

Sully stayed like that for a long time after Michaela had cried herself to sleep. "At least she's talking to me," he thought to himself, "at least she didn't push me away."

Michaela felt the warm sun shining down on her face as she slowly opened her eyes. She carefully turned over to reach for Sully but realized that he was gone. As she scanned the area around her, her eyes suddenly fell on the mound of rocks off to one side. Her eyes stayed fixed there for a moment until she suddenly noticed another mound of rocks laying next to Sam's grave. This mound was much smaller in size with only 5 or 6 rocks laying on top. Suddenly she felt Sully's hand on her shoulder. "I didn't think you would mind, but I thought our baby deserved to be buried, and next to Sam seemed like the right place," Sully whispered, his eyes moist with tears.

Suddenly Michaela felt an overwhelming sadness surround her and she wanted to shut herself off from the world and from her memories. "It just hurts too much to remember," she thought. Without a word to Sully she quickly rolled over, turning her back on him and on the tiny grave nearby. But the quick movement hurt, and she grabbed her stomach and moaned. "Michaela?" Sully called softly. But Michaela refused to answer him, only scooting farther away.

Sully gently tried to turn her towards him, but she pulled away from his grasp and whispered, "Leave me alone. I just want to be alone." Sully tried once more to call to her but his words fell on deaf ears.

Deeply disappointed, Sully stood up to walk away when Andrew approached with a bowl of soup. He looked at Sully and then holding out the bowl of soup to him, he asked, "She needs to eat something, Sully. Do you want to try?"

Sully looked down at his wife once more and then shaking his head he answered somberly, "Maybe you better try. She doesn't seem to want me around right now."

Andrew placed an understanding hand on Sully's shoulder and then knelt down beside Michaela. Setting the bowl down on the ground, Andrew placed a hand on Michaela's shoulder and said, "Michaela, I want you to eat something now. I'll help you to sit up." But Michaela only pulled away from his hand and continued to stare into space. Andrew glanced up at Sully and then in a stern voice he said, "Michaela, you have to eat." But again he received no response.

Deciding that a more gentle approach might be the way to approach Michaela in her state of mind, Andrew spoke in a softer tone. "Michaela, you have to eat. I told Sully last night that if you would eat something this morning that we could start for home. Don't you want to go home and see Brian and Katie?" Andrew suddenly noticed the change of expression on Michaela's face at the mention of Brian and Katie. Andrew quickly looked up at Sully.

With much apprehension, and after a pleading glance from Andrew, Sully knelt down beside Michaela. As he placed his hand gently on her back he could feel her muscles tense instantly. In a low but gentle voice Sully pleaded, "Michaela, please eat something, for me. You have to get better. Katie and Brian need you. I need you."

Michaela turned her head and looking up at Sully, her eyes cold and blank, she said, "I'm not hungry, Sully. Please, just go away and leave me alone, all of you."

Sully's eyes met Michaela's and the coldness in her eyes frightened Sully. He had seen that cold stare once before, right after the massacre of Washita and it chilled him to the bone. It was as if she had lost all hope again. He tried to look deep into her eyes, to reach into her soul, but she seemed to stare right past him. Slowly she blinked several times and then turning away from Sully, she laid her head back down and closed her eyes.

Sully stood up and looking at Andrew, his eyes filled with worry, he asked, "What do we do now Andrew?"

"Why don't we go ahead and start for home. We'll have to stop often and we'll try getting her to eat then. Now, I think what she's needs is to be at home," Andrew replied.

"Matthew and I'll start breaking camp," Sully told him.

"I'll change Michaela's bandage before we leave and give her something for the pain," Andrew said while reaching for his bag. Andrew cleaned and dressed the incision and then reached for his syringe. But as he pulled it out of his bag a hand suddenly stopped him. "No, Andrew, I don't want morphine, it makes me sick," Michaela whispered, her voice dry and hoarse.

Putting the syringe back inside his bag, he reached for his bottle of laudanum. "All right, Michaela, as you wish. We'll try the laudanum, but if the pain gets to bad, you have to tell me, okay," Andrew replied. Michaela nodded her head as Andrew prepared the laudanum.

Sully walked over to Andrew and knelt down beside him. "We're all packed, are you ready here?" he asked.

"Yes, we're ready here," Andrew replied. Sully put his arms under Michaela and lifted her, surprised at how little she now weighed. He carried her over to where the litter lay and gently put her on top, covering her with a blanket. He smiled down at her but she quickly averted his eyes.

Loading up their gear, Sully and Matthew each lifted an end of the litter. They would carry Michaela down the mountain this way, taking turns between the three of them. As they lifted Michaela up and started towards home, she turned her head towards the grave and watched as the tiny mound disappeared out of sight.

They started down the mountain at a slow but steady pace, Andrew in the lead while Sully and Matthew carried Michaela. They stopped often to give Michaela a rest and to take turns in carrying her. When the path ended and they had to actually climb down the rocks, Sully would carry Michaela or they would pass the litter down from one person to another.

The trail was often steep and rocky and it made for difficult footing. There were many rocks and roots along the path and carrying the litter often made it difficult to see them. Along a particularly narrow path Andrew's foot caught in a tree root and he stumbled, causing him to fall to his knees and to drop his end of the litter. Michaela bounced as the litter hit the hard ground and she cried out in pain. Sully set his end of the litter down on the ground and was immediately at her side. He grabbed her hand and she squeezed it tightly until the pain subsided. She slowly opened her eyes and seeing Sully, she slowly pulled her hand away. "I'm all right," she whispered.

"Oh God, Michaela, I'm so sorry," Andrew apologized as he knelt at her other side.

Michaela turned her head and smiled slightly. "That's all right, Andrew. I'm okay," Michaela replied, her voice dry and raspy.

"Do you want something stronger for the pain?" Andrew asked.

"No," Michaela answered, her voice barely audible, and then she slowly turned her head and closed her eyes.

Andrew looked at Sully and his eyes pleading for forgiveness he said, "Sully, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the root. I'll be more careful, I promise."

"That's all right, Andrew. She's okay. I should have told ya the tree root was there. You couldn't see it," Sully somberly replied. "It's my fault too." After a short stop and a drink of water for everyone, they continued down the path.

It was late afternoon and they had been hiking for almost six hours when Matthew, who was carrying the back end of the litter, suddenly yelled for them to halt. "Sully" Matthew yelled. Sully stopped and turned to look at Matthew, who nodded his head towards Michaela. Sully looked down at Michaela and taking one look at her face he knew that something was wrong. "Andrew!" Sully yelled as they placed the litter on the ground. Andrew had been ahead of them and he quickly turned around, running back to kneel next to Michaela.

Michaela's face was drained of all color, and her knuckles were white from clenching the sides of the litter. Her face was etched with pain and she was moaning slightly. "Michaela," Andrew called softly to her. She didn't respond but continued to hold tightly to the litter, her body trembling slightly. Andrew looked up at Sully and said, "I think we'd better stop for the night. The pain's become too unbearable."

Looking at his wife's anguished face, Sully felt totally helpless. "We can't stop here for the night. We're too close to the ridge," Sully explained as he choked back the tears. "There's an open area not far from here. Can she make it there?"

"She'll have to," was Andrew's reply. "Let's hope it's not much farther."

They had hiked almost a mile when they came upon an open area suitable to set up camp. They could hear the trickling of the steam and knew that water was close by. They set down the litter close to the line of trees and Matthew disappeared to collect firewood. Andrew retrieved his medical bag and knelt down beside Michaela, Sully already by her side. Andrew pulled back the blanket to examine her incision. As he pulled off the bandages, Michaela continued to moan in pain, her eyes tightly shut.

"The incision is puffy and red," Andrew explained to Sully. "All of the bouncing around has caused the stitches to pull and to rub against the bandage. We'll have to watch carefully for any signs of infection and I'll have to clean the incision again."

"She's in so much pain, Andrew," Sully pleaded. "Can't you give her something stronger?"

"She won't let me give her morphine, Sully, and the laudanum is the next strongest medicine I have," replied Andrew.

"Please, Andrew, just give her the morphine. I can't bear to see her like this," Sully said, his voice cracking slightly. Seeing the pain in Sully's eyes, Andrew conceded and retrieving his syringe from his bag, he administered a shot of morphine. As Andrew administered the shot of morphine Michaela opened her eyes, but not having the strength to object, she slowly closed them again.

Then looking up at Sully, Andrew said, "The morphine should take effect within minutes." Nodding his head, Sully began slightly caressing her arm and within minutes her body began to relax. After several minutes her breathing became slow and even and Sully realized that she had fallen asleep. He stayed by her side a while longer, making sure she was resting peacefully.

Matthew and Andrew were setting up camp when suddenly they heard noises coming from the trees below. As they waited cautiously, the noises turned into distinct voices. A moment later Hank, Daniel and Robert E rounded the bend. "Hank, Robert E," Matthew exclaimed, "Daniel, what are you doing here?"

Andrew and Sully stood up and walked towards the three men. Robert E embraced Sully and Daniel extended his hand. "Colleen was worried, well, the town was worried, about Michaela so we decided to come and see if everything was all right," Daniel explained.

"How's Dr. Mike, Sully?" Robert E asked. Suddenly Sully had to fight back the tears.

"It's been real rough, but Andrew says she's over the worst. We had to stop 'cause the pain was just too much for her," Sully choked, genuinely moved by their concern for Michaela.

"I've given her a shot of morphine so she's resting peacefully now," Andrew interjected. "but today's journey was very hard on her."

"She's strong, Sully," Daniel remarked as he placed a soothing hand on Sully's shoulder, "she'll be okay."

"That's right, Dr. Mike's a tough woman and she'll get through this, Sully," Robert E said and then looking into Sully's eyes he added, "you'll both get through this, together."

Sully nodded his head and quickly swiped at his eyes. "Thanks, all of you," Sully said as he glanced at Hank who was standing in the background, "I appreciate you all coming up here. It really means a lot to me, to both of us."

"Well, now that you're all here, why don't you help me get supper started," Matthew said. "It's bean soup again, unless you guys have something better."

Smiling that devilish grin so common to Hank, he said, "Hell, Matthew, we sure ain't eatin' your bean soup again. Anything will be better than that."

"Grace loaded my backpack with all sorts of good foods. I'm sure we can find something in here to fix," Robert E added. "How 'bout me and Hank cook us up something tonight?"

"Me!" grunted Hank, "why me?" But when he turned to glare at Hank, Robert E saw his huge grin and just smiled.

"Dinner was real good, Robert E," Matthew said as they all sat around the campfire finishing off the stew. Michaela was still asleep and Sully was sitting close by. He had joined the men in their after dinner chatter but was close enough where he could see or hear any change in Michaela. He occasionally glanced over at her, but seeing her still asleep, he turned his attention back to the men around the campfire.

The sun was just beginning to set when Michaela began to stir. As she lay there, half between sleep and consciousness, she heard the sound of voices, yet they were not the familiar voices of Matthew or Andrew. She slowly opened her eyes and turned her head toward the sound of the voices. Through the dancing flames of the fire she could make out dim shadows but no faces. She lifted her head slightly to get a better look when she suddenly moaned in pain, quickly laying her head back down.

Sully heard her moan and rushed to her side. Lifting her hand, he placed it against his lips and kissed it lightly. "Michaela," Sully anxiously called, "you all right?" She turned her head towards him and with a questioning look in her eyes, she nodded towards the campfire. "Daniel, Hank and Robert E are here. The town was real worried about ya so they came looking for us," Sully answered, his eyes full of concern as she again moaned in pain.

Michaela waited a few seconds until the pain passed, then glancing quickly at Sully she said, "Oh," and then she turned her head away from him and pulled her hand from his grasp. Sully was hurt by Michaela's constant pulling away from him. He wanted to help her through this, but he didn't know how to get through to her. "Michaela," Sully called softly, "please, don't pull away from me. Let me help you through this."

Michaela's hand instinctively went to her stomach and she once again vividly remembered that morning when Sully found her. As she thought of her lost child, the tears welled up in her eyes and she felt an overwhelming sadness pulling at her. Michaela turned her head to look at Sully and he once again saw the coldness in them that had frightened him before. "Help me? Can you take this pain away, Sully. Can you take away any of my pain," Michaela angrily cried. "No. You can't help me, so just go away. I wish you'd never even come here."

Sully desperately wanted to comfort her, to hold her in his arms. He gently stroked her arm and pleaded once again. "Michaela, please don't do this. Please don't push me away. I know you're hurtin' but you have to let me help you."

Michaela slowly rolled onto her side, away from Sully, and pulled back from his touch. "You didn't even want this baby, Sully. You didn't want my baby," Michaela cried and then in barely a whisper she said, "go back to 'your' son." After several more futile attempts, Sully finally gave up and sulking, he stood and walked away. Unbeknownst to Sully and Michaela, Hank had been watching them the entire time.

As Sully disappeared into the woods, Andrew slowly stood up and walked to where Michaela lay. Kneeling down next to her, he held her wrist between his fingers and thumb and took her pulse. "I'd like to examine you again, Michaela. We need to make sure the incision doesn't become infected." Nodding slightly, Andrew carefully rolled Michaela onto her back. A concerned look crossed Andrew's face as he examined the incision. "The wound is seeping and is still very red and puffy. I'll need to clean it again," Andrew told her. And then apologizing he said, "I'm sorry, this will hurt."

Michaela clenched her teeth as Andrew poured the carbolic acid onto her wound. He then carefully dressed it and pulled the blanket back up over Michaela. "I'll have Matthew bring you something to eat. You have to at least try and eat something," Andrew said softly. Clutching her stomach, Michaela slowly turned onto her side, her back facing Andrew. Andrew stood up and walked over to the campfire where Matthew and Hank were still sitting. He turned to Matthew and said, "Matthew, why don't you try and get your ma to eat something again. I know she doesn't want to, but she's got to eat."

As Matthew was beginning to stand, Hank placed his hand on his shoulder and said, "Do you mind if I try, Matthew?"

Matthew looked over at Hank, somewhat surprised, and said, "No, go ahead, Hank." Hank stood up and walked over to the large pot of soup sitting at the edge of the fire. Using a towel he picked up the pot of soup and poured a small amount into a cup. Picking up a spoon he walked over to where Michaela lay.

"Michaela," Hank called softly, but when he received no answer, he walked to the other side of her and knelt down so that he was looking into her face.

Michaela slowly raised her eyes to meet Hanks, but they seemed to stare right past him. He set the cup down on the ground and then said, "I brought you some soup. Andrew says you gotta eat."

Michaela continued to stare, her eyes not really seeing, and whispered, "I'm not hungry, just go away."

More persistent this time, Hank tried again. "We came all the way up here 'cause we was worried 'bout you. I know you don't feel like eating but you got to anyway."

In a whisper, Michaela pleaded, "Please, go away and just leave me alone."

"Michaela," Hank spoke a little more loudly this time, "I ain't leaving 'till you eat something. I know you can be real stubborn, but so can I. So if you want to get rid of me, you're gonna have to eat." Michaela looked at Hank and for the first time really seeing him, she gave him an imperceptible nod. "That's better," Hank said quietly. Michaela slowly turned onto her back and tried to sit up, but she found that she was too weak to raise herself up. "Here, let me help you sit up some," Hank replied as he slightly lifted her up into a sitting position, her head and back being supported by several bedrolls. He could tell by the expression on her face that just sitting up was painful for her.

Hank began to slowly feed Michaela, waiting between each small bite for her stomach to get used to solid food. After several bites Michaela's stomach began to turn and she turned her head away. Hank watched as her face turned an even paler shade of gray and setting the cup of soup down, he asked "You're stomach feeling upset?" Michaela nodded her head and then closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. "We'll try a few more bites a little later," Hank said.

A Dark Secret continued ....