A Dark Secret - part 7

After several minutes of silence, Hank looked at Michaela, her eyes still closed, and in a low voice he stammered, "I'm real sorry 'bout your operation, 'bout the baby."

At the mention of her baby, Michaela's eyes began to swell with tears, but she kept them closed, unable to speak. The last thing she wanted to do was to talk about her lost baby with Hank. Hank watched at the tears trickled down her cheeks. And then boldly he spoke up. "Michaela, I know this ain't none of my business, but it seems to me that you're being awful hard on Sully."

Michaela slowly opened her eyes and stared blankly at Hank. Pain and anger radiated from her eyes and it sent a chill down Hank's spine. In a much too calm voice, Michaela uttered, "Sully didn't want this baby. He should be happy, he got what we wanted. He has his son," and then lowering her eyes she quickly added, "never mind, it doesn't matter anymore."

"You know that ain't true, Michaela. Sure, Sully still has Brian, but all he ever wanted was for you to be safe," Hank said to her. He hesitated a moment but when she didn't answer him, he continued. "You're not the only one hurtin' Michaela.. I know you suffered a terrible loss, but Sully lost something too." He looked up at her to gauge her reaction, and he noticed that her eyes were more alert and she watched him intently.

"Do you know what happened during the operation?" Hank asked, but without waiting for a reply he continued. "Sully was helpin' Andrew with the operation, but when Andrew started to take out the part that carried your baby, the uterus I think Andrew called it, he got sick and had to run into the woods to throw up. I had to take over for Sully." Hank glanced at Michaela and for an instant he saw her eyes soften and the anger disappear.

"You may have been the one who actually lost the baby, but it was Sully who made that decision to kill his own child. You each made a choice that day. You chose to have the baby live, but what choice did Sully have. He had a choice of letting you both die or doing whatever it took to save your life. And now you don't want nothin' to do with him. What do you think that's doing to him?" Hank remarked. Hank looked into Michaela's eyes and said, "Just thought you might like to know."

Hank picked up the cup of soup and scooping up a spoonful, he lifted it to Michaela's mouth. "Try an eat some more." With tears streaming down her face, Michaela silently obeyed, letting Hank feed her the soup, all the while avoiding his piercing eyes. Hank knew he had given Michaela something to think about. After a few more spoonfuls, Michaela lifted her hand to indicate she was through.

"I'm tired now, I want to sleep," she quietly spoke. Without another word, Hank set the cup back down and carefully slid Michaela back down onto the blanket, covering her snugly. He then picked up the cup and walked back to the campfire.

As Hank walked away Michaela carefully turned over onto her side and closed her eyes. Her stomach felt queasy and her head was pounding, but her heart was in such a turmoil. On one hand she wanted to reach out and comfort Sully, to take away his pain, but on the other hand she was still feeling the hurt and betrayal from the past few weeks. She knew she hadn't been fair to Sully, and it was true, she hadn't looked at it from Sully's point of view. Like Sully had once said, she hadn't walked in his moccasins. Closing her eyes, she prayed that sleep would come quickly, that she wouldn't have to bear the pain and hurt anymore

. Sully and Daniel had just returned from the woods when Hank returned with a half-eaten cup of soup. Matthew, Andrew and Robert E were already sitting around the fire drying off. They had gone down to the stream to explore and had decided to take a evening swim. Seeing the cup of soup in Hank's hands, Sully asked, "Did you get her to eat anything?"

"Yeah, she ate some. Said she wasn't hungry, but I told her I was more stubborn than her and could wait her out," Hank said teasingly.

Sully smiled at that and nodded, "Thanks, Hank." Sully knew that as much as Hank tried to act hard, he had a soft streak, especially when it came to Michaela.

"Hey, Sully," Matthew remarked, "the stream's not far from here and the water's real warm. It's even deep enough to swim in. Maybe if Dr. Mike's feeling better in the morning she may like a bath."

"Thanks, Matthew, I'll ask her but right now I think I'm the last person she'd want to go with," Sully sadly replied as he glanced over at Michaela.

The sky was clear and the moon was shining brightly, and the light from the fire cast an eerie shadow over the sleeping men. It had been a tiring day for all, and shortly after nightfall, everyone had decided to go to bed and get an early start in the morning. Everyone but Sully that is. He continued to stare up into the bright sky, wondering where things had gone so terribly wrong. He watched as his wife restlessly slept only a few yards away, yet afraid to go to her and comfort her. Afraid of being rejected again. She was slipping further and further away and he didn't know how to reach her, and it frightened him.

It was late into the night and overcome by exhaustion, he was almost asleep when he faintly heard his name being called. His eyes popped open and he listened again. Suddenly he heard a strange noise and throwing the blanket off, he jumped up. "Michaela?" he whispered aloud.

"Sully!" Michaela called quietly as she tried to sit up, but it was too late. Her stomach was churning and without warning she threw up. Sully rushed to her side as Michaela leaned forward. He scooped her up into his arms and with one hand he gathered her hair and held it back behind her head. Michaela continued to vomit, her body shaking uncontrollably. Even after her stomach was empty, her body continued to heave. Sully looked toward the campfire and noticed that Daniel had woken and was now waking up Andrew.

Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Andrew stumbled over to where Sully held Michaela. He knelt down beside Sully and placed his hand on Michaela's forehead. "She's awfully warm. I believe she's running a fever again," Andrew said, his face etched with worry. Michaela continued to heave as Sully stroked her back. Just then Daniel appeared with a cup of water and a small towel and handing them to Andrew, he asked, "Is she gonna be all right, Andrew?" Andrew took the cup and towel from Daniel but did not answer his question. He turned his attention back to Michaela, who was now shaking violently. Daniel took one final glance at Michaela, and then went back to his bedroll.

"Sully," Michaela whispered as she collapsed back into his arms, physically drained. Sully looked into her eyes and leaning down, he brushed a wisp of hair away from her face.

"Sshh, I'm right here, Michaela," Sully whispered soothingly. But once again her body reacted and with help from Sully, he leaned her forward as she continued to experience what Andrew later told him was called 'dry heaves'. This continued for another twenty minutes and when it was over Michaela found she didn't even have the strength to wipe her mouth.

Sully picked up the towel and gently wiped her mouth for her. Then he lifted her head slightly and tipping the cup up to her lips, he let her take a few sips before setting the cup back down on the ground. Sully held her tightly in his arms as her body slowly relaxed. Andrew watched as Sully lovingly comforted his wife. After a few more minutes, when Andrew was sure that Michaela was over being sick, he looked at Sully and said gently, "Sully, I think she's over the worst part. Why don't we wash her up and get rid of that blanket," Andrew said as he pointed to the blanket, now covered in vomit.

By now everyone that had been asleep was now wide awake. They lay still on their bedrolls, not really knowing what they could do. And in reality, there was nothing they could do. Sitting up slowly, Hank looked around and realized what the noise had been that had woken him from his sleep. Running his hand through his long hair, he mumbled, "Guess we're not going to be gettin' any sleep around here tonight." Robert E flashed an angry look at Hank but when he saw the concerned look in Hank's eyes, he realized that Hank was just as concerned for Michaela as the rest of them were.

Matthew had gotten up and had put a pot of water in the fire. He figured it would be a long night and coffee would be welcomed. As Andrew walked towards the fire, Matthew stood up and nervously wrung his hands. "How is she, Andrew?" Matthew asked anxiously.

"She's doing all right, for now," Andrew replied as he looked around the campfire at all of the men. "She is running a fever so we'll have to watch her closely, but for now she's resting." And then turning to Matthew, he said, "I need a pot of warm water and a clean towel so we can clean her up."

"I've already got the water on," Matthew replied as he walked over to the fire and took the kettle off. He poured a small amount of hot water into a pot and then added some cold water from his canteen. He handed this to Andrew along with a clean towel. Andrew thanked him and taking the items, he went back to Sully and Michaela.

Andrew knelt down beside Sully and placed the towel and pot of warm water on the ground. Pointing to his bedroll close by, Sully said, "Andrew, go get my bedroll and I'll lift Michaela up while you put a clean blanket under her." Andrew did as Sully instructed and then looking at Sully he said, "I'll need to check her stitches, make sure she hasn't broken any open."

"All right," Sully replied, "but first, let me take her camisole off. She got some on it too."

As Sully started to lift the camisole, Michaela's hand weakly gripped his. "Sully," she whispered. Sully looked down into Michaela's eyes and suddenly he knew why Michaela had stopped him. Even in her state of being, she was conscious of others nearby and her shyness and inhibitions were apparent. Sully bent down and with his eyes full of understanding, he whispered in Michaela's ear. "How 'bout if I take off my shirt and let you wear that. Would that be okay?"

Michaela looked up at Sully and weakly nodded. Sully quickly pulled his shirt off over his head and then turning her so that her back was to the campfire, Sully removed her camisole and threw it aside. With Andrew's help, Sully carefully pulled his shirt over Michaela's head and then gently laid her back down on the blanket.

Sully glanced towards the campfire and saw Hank and Daniel watching them. When they saw Sully look at them, they both quickly looked away, but Sully knew they had seen him. At first Sully was angry that they would be watching his wife in her state of undress, but then, after a moment's thought, he realized that he couldn't blame them. Michaela was a very beautiful woman and if it were him, he probably would be watching too. He knew that neither Hank or even Daniel would ever do anything inappropriate where Michaela was concerned.

Andrew carefully and discretely lowered Michaela's pantaloons so that he could examine her incision. He too was aware of the others watching. Thankfully, no stitches had been broken, though the incision was still seeping and was puffy and red. Michaela moaned as Andrew pulled her pantaloons back up and carefully placed the blanket back over her. "Try to sleep now," Andrew told her as he stood up and gathered the soiled laundry.

Sully watched as Michaela slowly closed her eyes. He waited a few minutes until her breathing had become slow and even and he was sure that she was asleep. Still feeling the hurt of her earlier rejection, he gently lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it. Then he laid her hand back down on her stomach and then slowly pulled his hand away. But as he started to stand, Michaela opened her eyes and in a mere whisper, she pleaded, "Stay with me, please."

Sully immediately knelt down beside her and held her hand. "Michaela?" Sully questioned softly. She turned her head slightly so that she was looking into Sully's deep blue eyes.

Her own eyes filling with tears, she weakly squeezed his hand and cried softly, "Don't go." Sully sat down next to her and carefully lifted her head onto his lap.

"I won't," Sully whispered back as he softly caressed her cheek, "I'll be right here. Sleep now."

"I'm sorry, Sully," Michaela choked, her voice barely audible.

"Sshhh," Sully crooned as he continued to stroke her flushed cheeks, "there's nothing to be sorry about. You just get better, all right?"

As the tears continued to run unchecked down Michaela's cheeks, she reached up to touch his chin. Her voice trembling, she looked into his eyes and said, "Hold me, Sully, please." Sully carefully lifted her head off of his lap and slowly slid down so that he was laying next to her. With one arm under her he gently pulled her into the crook of his arm so that her head was resting on his chest. He pulled the blanket up over both of them and then he gently kissed her forehead. He could feel the heat emanating from her body as he lay next to her. Tightening his hold on her and gently wiping her tears, he whispered into her ear, "I love you, Michaela. Go to sleep now." Minutes later he felt her grip on his hand slowly loosen, her body relaxed and her breathing became slow and even.

**************************
Sully looked up into the sky once more and silently thanked the Spirits. He noticed that the night sky was just starting to turn to a lighter gray but the sun had not yet started its rise over the mountain tops. He knew that the sun would be up soon and another day would be upon them. He fought the urge to close his eyes, but his mind and body were exhausted and giving in to the temptation, he slowly drifted off to sleep.

The sun was already high up in the sky when Sully opened his eyes. He turned his head slightly to face Michaela and noticed that Andrew was kneeling over her, listening to her heart. "Good morning," Andrew said when he saw Sully awake. "Her fever broke this morning and she's been resting peacefully ever since." Sully slowly sat up and looked around him.

"Where is everyone?" he asked.

"After her fever broke, Hank and Robert E decided to go on ahead and let the town know that Michaela was all right. We knew Colleen and Brian would be real worried about her. Matthew and Daniel went off a little while ago to catch us some lunch. I thought it would be best to stay here for today, especially after yesterday and last night, to let Michaela, and you, get some rest," Andrew explained.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I don't think Michaela could take another day like yesterday," Sully said as he reached over to touch Michaela's cheek, to see for himself that her fever had indeed broken.

"If she rests today, I thought she might be able to make it home tomorrow without the aide of morphine. I know she doesn't want it and frankly, I would rather not give it to her anymore unless absolutely necessary," Andrew stated plainly.

Michaela felt Sully's strong arms held tightly around her waist. She felt somewhat lightheaded after today's events. The music was softly playing and Sully was twirling her around, like she was the only person on the dance floor. But to him, she was. After all, this was their wedding day. The music seemed to go on and on, and Michaela seemed to float along with each of Sully's steps. She looked into his deep blue eyes and she saw such love and adoration looking back at her. She felt his arms tighten around her and his lips lightly brushed hers.

She closed her eyes momentarily and when she opened them, she was laying in their bed, swaying lightly with the gentle movement of the train. Sully was leaning over her, his broad muscular chest touching her damp skin, and she felt his every breath against her cheek. His fingers roamed slowly down her side and back up to her breasts. She gasped at his touch and then looking into her eyes, he asked softly, "Ready?" She took a deep breath and closed her eyes once more. Michaela could still hear the soft music playing in the background. As she slowly opened them, she suddenly realized that she way laying outside, on the ground. As her eyes came into focus, she remembered where she was and she realized that she had been dreaming.

As she tried to shake the cobwebs from her mind, she again heard the sound of music floating in the air. She turned her head towards the sound and saw Daniel sitting next to the fire, playing his harmonica. Sully was sitting close by carving a piece of wood, while Matthew seemed to be helping Andrew clean fish. Unnoticed, she watched the four men for several minutes, until suddenly the music stopped, and she realized that Daniel was watching her.

All eyes suddenly turned her way and she cast them a slight smile. Sully jumped up and ran to her side, kneeling down beside her. He looked into her eyes, but was hesitant to reach for her hand. He was still unsure of how she would respond to him. She had pushed him away so many times in the last few days, and he was reluctant to reach out to her now. Michaela noticed his hesitation, and she understood why. She slowly reached her hand out to him and whispered hoarsely, "Sully." He immediately took her hand in his and touched his face, kissing each of her fingers lightly.

He picked up a cup of water sitting nearby and slowly raised her head. "How ya feeling?" he quietly asked, his voice full of concern, as he raised the cup to her mouth.

Taking a few sips, Michaela felt the cold water trickle down her parched throat. "Like I was run over by a train," Michaela answered honestly as Sully laid her head back down.

"Yeah, I bet you do," Sully replied, as a single tear ran unchecked down his cheek. Michaela reached up and wiped his tear away with her thumb.

Michaela looked deeply into Sully's blue eyes and her own eyes filling with tears, full of guilt she choked, "I'm sorry, Sully. I'm so sorry I blamed you. I know it wasn't your fault."

"Sshhh, let's not talk about that now," Sully whispered as he brushed a wisp of hair behind her ear. "All that matters is that you're gonna be all right."

Nodding slightly, Michaela closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She waited a few moments before opening them again, trying desperately to control the flow of tears that continued to run down her cheeks. As she opened her eyes, she noticed for the first time that she was wearing Sully's shirt. She looked up at Sully with a slight smile on her face, "Your shirt?" she said softly.

"Uh huh," Sully spoke, "I put it on you last night, remember?"

"Yes, I remember. Thank you," Michaela replied shyly.

"Your camisole should be dry by now. Would you like me to get it and put it on you now?" Sully asked.

"No, that's all right," Michaela answered and then looking up at him and giving him her crooked smile, she said, "I like wearing it."

Sully's face suddenly lit up and leaning over he whispered, "And I like seeing you in it. You're so beautiful." He lightly brushed her lips with his and for the first time in days, Michaela responded to his kiss.

Michaela looked up at Sully, her eyes still heavy with sleep, and said, "I feel so tired. I can't seem to keep my eyes open," Michaela apologized.

"That's all right. Andrew says sleep is good for you," remarked Sully as he watched Michaela fighting the urge to close her eyes. "Is there anything I can get you?" Sully asked.

Michaela quickly glanced towards the campfire and then back again at Sully. "I could use a bath," she said timidly.

Sully smiled down at her and then said, "I think we could manage that. The stream's not far from here and Matthew said the water's real warm." Michaela smiled slightly and nodded her head. "I'll be right back," Sully whispered softly.

Sully gathered a few items needed for Michaela's bath and then quickly returned to her side. "Michaela?" Sully whispered as he knelt down beside her. But when she didn't answer, he realized that she had fallen back asleep. Leaning over her, he kissed her lightly on the cheek and pulled the blanket up around her shoulders. "I love you," he whispered.

As Sully walked back over to the campfire, Andrew was just returning from washing up. Being raised in the city Andrew had never had the pleasure of cleaning his own fish before. As messy and disgusting as it may seem, Andrew found it exciting. He sat down on a log next to the fire and glanced over at Michaela. "How is she?" Andrew asked.

"She's still real tired Andrew," Sully answered. "She wanted to take a bath, but she fell asleep before I came back with a clean towel."

"That's normal Sully," Andrew reassured him. "She'll regain her strength back in time. But rest is good for her right now."

"Yeah, that's what I told her," Sully remarked. "I'll take her down to the stream when she wakes up again." And then suddenly feeling as if he should get Andrew's okay, he added, "That's all right isn't it?"

"Yes, that would be all right," Andrew answered. "And the water is unusually warm. Matthew thought that a hot springs may be nearby and feeding into the stream."

Sully looked at Andrew and then down at the pile of fish now ready to be cooked. "Looks like you did a real good job with supper. Guess I'll go and wash up," Sully replied as he stood up and headed for the stream.

Sully walked down to the stream to wash up before supper. "Hey Matthew, Daniel," Sully said as he approached the water.

"Sully," Daniel greeted in return and then picking up a rock he threw it into the water.

"Hi, Sully," Matthew greeted somewhat more cheerfully. "How's Dr. Mike doing?"

"She's sleeping again, but Andrew says that's good for her," Sully replied as he splashed water on his face.

"Once we get her home Sully, Dr. Mike will be her old self again, I'm sure of it," Matthew said reassuringly. "Well, I'd better get back there and help Andrew cook those fish. He was so proud of his catch today, and I think he actually liked cleaning them."

"Yeah, I think your right," Sully said with a smile. "But he might need help cookin' 'em too. I think that's a first with him also."

As Matthew walked away, Sully turned to Daniel and said, "I really appreciate you coming up here like ya did, Daniel. It really meant allot to me."

Averting Sully's eyes, Daniel answered, "It was no trouble."

Sully suddenly realized that Daniel was being very aloof and a thought suddenly struck him as to why. Standing up he dried his face and hands and then slowly walked over to where Daniel was standing. "Look Daniel, I know you and Hank was watching Michaela last night and I just want you to know that I ain't mad or anything." Daniel turned his head to look into Sully's eyes, expecting to see the hatred and anger he had seen in them once before, but instead he saw Sully extending his hand. Daniel slowly reached out and took Sully's hand.

"Really?" Daniel asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, really. At first I was kinda angry, but then I realized that you didn't mean any harm, you was just lookin'. I know if it was me laying on a bedroll and a beautiful woman was half-undressed laying close by, I'd probably look too, Sully replied. "Though Michaela wouldn't like it," he added.

Suddenly Sully's face broke into a smile as his mind flashed back to the time Michaela was sick with influenza. He had gone up to her room to see how she was but when he got there Emily and Miss Olive were sponging her down, her bare back completely exposed. He had stayed hidden in the doorway watching her until Brian had interrupted him. And then there had been the time when he and Michaela had gone after a water sample from Harding's mill. Their first night in the woods alone together Michaela had unbuttoned the top few buttons of her blouse to wash up before going to bed. He remembered how hard it had been for him to keep his eyes off of her. She had caught him glancing at her often throughout the night.

Daniel let out a sigh of relief and then said, "I didn't want you to think it was anything like last time, Sully. I swear to you, it wasn't like before. I gave you both my word, that I'd never do anything to come between you, and I meant it. Hank and I just glanced that way and there she was. Kinda hard not to look."

"It's all right, Daniel, really. Can't say that I blame you. I have trouble keeping my eyes off her too, though just don't make it a habit," Sully said teasingly, his eyes twinkling. "Not, let's go eat. I'm starving."

About an hour later Michaela began to wake up again. Sully saw her begin to stir and came to her side, taking her hand in his. Slowly she opened her eyes and seeing Sully, she managed a slight smile. "Hello beautiful," Sully whispered to her as he lovingly stroked her cheek. He lifted her head slightly and held up a cup of willow bark tea. After taking a sip, she again closed her eyes. "That's all right, don't talk, just rest," Sully spoke softly as he laid her head back down.

After several minutes, Michaela slowly opened her eyes again. "Sully, I have to go..." Michaela whispered shyly.

"I understand," Sully replied "would you like to take a bath now also?"

Michaela nodded her head slightly and then said, "Sully, my head, it hurts so much."

"I know, I'm sorry it hurts," Sully said as he soothingly rubbed her forehead. "Your head is probably hurtin' 'cause you haven't eaten in days and 'cause you've been so sick. Do you want me to get Andrew, have him give you something stronger?"

"No, I don't want any more morphine, please Sully," Michaela begged quietly, "Let's try the bark tea for now."

"All right. Andrew said he really didn't want to give it to you anyway, unless it was absolutely necessary. But if the pain gets to bad, promise me you'll tell me, okay" Sully beseeched.

"I promise," Michaela replied as she reached up to rub her temples lightly.

"I'll be back in just a second, and then I'll take you down to the stream," Sully told her as he stood up to retrieve his backpack.

Sully quickly returned with his backpack slung over his shoulder, along with several towels. He stooped down and sliding his arms under her, he carefully lifted Michaela with ease. Tucking the blanket tightly around her, he carried her down to the stream.

Lifting the blanket off of Michaela he let it fall to the ground, along with his backpack and towels. He carefully took his shirt off of her and then removed her pantaloons before quickly slipping out of his buckskins. Slowly he waded into the stream until the water was up to his waist. "I'm gonna put you down now. Do you think you can stand if you hold onto me?" Sully asked.

"I'll try," Michaela replied softly.

Sully lowered Michaela until her feet were touching the bottom, her body facing his. He placed her arms around his neck and then said, "Don't worry, I gotcha, I won't let you fall." She smiled back at him and tightened her grip around his neck. Her legs were wobbly and she felt her knees would buckle, but as Sully released his grip on her, she managed to stay standing.

With the bar of soap he had managed to get out of his backpack, he slowly began to wash Michaela's arms and neck, moving slowly down her back. He felt her shiver slightly and wondered if it was because of his gentle touch or if she was just cold. He looked down and noticed that her nipples were hard and smiling he asked, "Are you cold?"

Noticing Sully's gaze, Michaela shyly replied, "Yes, a little." Sully pulled Michaela closer to his own body and held her tightly.

"Better?" he asked.

"Mmmm," she replied.

Sully held her like this for several minutes as he continued to wash her back and then pulling slightly apart, he moved his hands to the front of her and began to wash her chest. He felt Michaela tense for just an instant and then slowly relax as he lowered both of them further down into the water. "Let me wash your hair now," Sully spoke softly as he gently tilted her head back into the water. "Just relax," he whispered.

The water was indeed unusually warm and it felt heavenly to Michaela's aching body. She closed her eyes and tried to relax as Sully washed her hair. His touch felt warm and soothing to her skin and she concentrated on his loving ministrations. She didn't want to think about the last few days right now, she only wanted to relish this moment alone with him. She missed his gentle touch, his strong arms holding her tightly, his lips brushing against hers.

But as much as she tried, images of the last few days constantly flashed through her mind. She remembered the pain of losing another child and she remembered her harsh words to Sully. And suddenly she felt overwhelmed with guilt. She swallowed hard as she tried to fight back the tears but they unwillingly fell down her cheeks.

Sully watched Michaela as she slowly relaxed in his arms, her hair floating on top of the water, a slight smile barely perceivable on her lips. He bent down and brushed his lips lightly over hers. As he continued to look at her beautiful face, he suddenly noticed a change in her expression and a tear slid silently down her cheek. "Michaela?" Sully whispered as his hold on her tightened. Michaela turned her head away from Sully's gaze. Sully cupped her chin with his hand and gently turned her head back to him. "Michaela? What's wrong? Are you in pain?" Sully asked worriedly.

Michaela looked up at Sully and nodded slightly. "No, I'm all right," she sniffled. "It's just..."

Sully gently lifted Michaela back into his arms. "What, what is it, tell me?" Sully implored as he wiped away her tears.

Michaela looked deep into Sully's eyes and taking a deep breath, she choked, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all of the things I said to you. They weren't true. I know it wasn't your fault and I'm so sorry I blamed you."

Sully placed his finger to her lips to quiet her. "Sshhh. It's all right, Michaela. You don't gotta apologize to me. I know you were hurtin'," Sully replied, "and I understand."

Michaela paused a moment and taking a deep breath, she softly spoke. "I didn't think about what you had to go through. What you must have gone through during my operation." Sully looked at her questioningly. Michaela reached up and gently caressed his cheek. "Hank told me about what happened during my operation. I didn't realize how hard that must have been for you."

Sully reached for Michaela's hand and held it tightly in his. "When I first saw you laying there I was so terrified that what had happened to Abagail was gonna happen to you too. I couldn't let that happen, Michaela. And then during the operation it hit me that there was a baby in there, our baby, and I was the one telling Andrew to end its life. And that thought turned my stomach. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that you were gonna live. Nothing else mattered to me then," Sully told her.

"Did you really want this baby?" Michaela softly asked before once again lowering her eyes.

"Michaela, look at me," Sully said gently as he waited for her to look into his eyes. "When Colleen told me you were pregnant, I was thrilled with joy and then within minutes my world was turned upside down when Andrew told me about the tumor and that the baby wouldn't live. There isn't anything I would have loved more than to have another baby, but not if it meant losing you. For me, there was never any choice. I can't go on without you. Don't you know that by now?"

Michaela was so overwhelmed by Sully's loving words that she found it difficult to speak. "I love you," she managed to whisper before laying her head against Sully's shoulder and squeezing him tightly.

After several minutes of silence, Sully finally spoke. "I'm sorry that I forgot your birthday and our trip to Pikes Peak. I was so caught up with Josh that I lost sight of everything else," Sully replied, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.

Michaela raised her head slightly off of his shoulder and looked deeply into Sully's eyes. "That hurt me, Sully," Michaela spoke, her voice cracking, and then laying her head back down on his shoulder, she whispered, her voice trailing off, "This isn't how our trip up here was supposed to be."

"I know, and I'm sorry that I hurt you, Michaela. I wanted our trip up here to be special also," Sully replied woefully.

Again Sully held Michaela in silence as they both tried to come to terms with their loss. As Sully ran his fingers through Michaela's wet hair, he looked down into her tear-stained face. He was reluctant to ask Michaela his next question. He was afraid of pushing her too far in her still fragile condition. But it was a question he had to ask. So taking a deep, cleansing breath, he reached down and touched her cheek. She opened her eyes and looked into his. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" he asked gently.

Michaela immediately turned her head away from his gaze and quickly muttered, "I'm cold now, Sully. I want to get out." Sully gently placed his hand on Michaela's chin and turned her head back to look at him.

"Don't Michaela," Sully spoke tenderly. "Don't pull away again, please." And then looking deeply into her eyes, his eyes searching hers, he asked again, "Why couldn't you tell me?"

Lowering her eyes, Michaela muttered softly, "You said you didn't want another baby."

Sully bent down and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Michaela, I'm sorry I said that but you know how much I love you, you must have known that I would have wanted our baby, no matter what."

Michaela looked up at Sully and her voice trembling, she said, "I tried to tell you but you became so angry when I even mentioned a baby. And you had been through so much before when you lost Abagail that I wanted to protect you from that pain again."

Sully remembered all too well the night he became angry when she had tried to talk to him about a baby. Looking back, he realized he should have known that something was wrong. There had been harsh words between them and he had walked out of the house. He cringed now as he remembered that night. "I'm sorry Michaela. I didn't know. But you knew you couldn't keep something like this from me forever, didn't you?" Sully asked.

"I suppose so," Michaela replied as she nervously bit her lower lip. "I tried to tell you again the next night, but you begged me not to make you go through that again. I couldn't tell you then, knowing that I was probably going to lose the baby anyway. I wanted to protect you from that pain again. And then, when I realized that you had forgotten my birthday, I...I.."

"Is that why you came up here, because you were angry with me?" Sully questioned her.

"That was part of the reason," she answered hesitantly. Sully looked at her puzzled, and with his eyes he encouraged her to go on. "I guess I thought that if I came up here, you wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing another child. I just thought that it would be like the last time, that it would be over quickly, and you would never have to know," Michaela replied, her eyes again filling with tears.

Sully reached up and wiped her tears with his thumb. "Oh god, Michaela, it tore me up inside when I found out that you were alone the first time you miscarried. You know I'd never let you go through that alone again. Why didn't you tell me? How could you keep something like this from me?" he pleaded despairingly, his eyes searching hers.

Michaela quickly glanced away, unable to face the hurt she saw in Sully's eyes. The hurt that she knew she had caused by not telling him about the baby. "I'm sorry, Sully," she began slowly, deliberately, and then taking a deep breath she continued. "I think I knew from the moment Andrew told me about the tumor that I wouldn't be able to carry the baby, but I wouldn't accept that, I couldn't accept that. I suppose I was afraid to tell you because I knew what you would say. I knew that you would want me to have the operation and that you and Andrew would do everything you could to make that happen. And I knew what the consequences could be if I didn't, but I wanted a baby so much, I wanted to give you a son, that I convinced myself that everything was going to be all right, that nothing was gonna happen to me."

"But Andrew said you were experiencing bleeding and severe nausea. You had to know something was wrong, Michaela," Sully told her.

"I was able to control the bleeding for a while, and I told myself that the nausea was due to being pregnant. When I finally realized that things were going wrong, I..." her voice trailed off as that night replayed itself vividly in her mind.

Sully gently ran his fingers through Michaela's hair, choking back the tears that fought to consume him. "Michaela, you've always been able to talk to me about anything, Where did things go so wrong, when did we get so out of balance that you thought you couldn't talk to me about this?" Sully choked, his voice slightly cracking.

Michaela suddenly tensed and her breathing became slow and deliberate. Loosening her hold on Sully's neck, she whispered, "Sully, my head hurts. I want to get out now."

Sully felt Michaela's body tense and she suddenly became very still in his arms. Sensing that something else was wrong, he pleaded gently, "Michaela, what is it? Something's bothering you. Tell me, please?"

Michaela continued to look down at the water and softly she muttered, "Please Sully, take me out now."

"All right, we'll get out now," Sully spoke dejectedly. Heading towards the water's edge, he suddenly shifted her in his arms. Michaela winced in pain at the sudden movement. Sully immediately stopped walking and looking down at her he anxiously asked, "Michaela, you all right?" He noticed that her eyes were tightly closed, her forehead was creased with lines of pain and she was holding her breath. "Yeah, maybe we should get you out now," he muttered to himself.

Michaela exhaled slowly as the pain began to fade away. She opened her eyes to see Sully watching her anxiously. She quickly lowered her head to avoid Sully's gaze. Even though Michaela's arms remained wrapped around Sully's neck, he could sense her pulling away from him emotionally and he tried once again to get her to talk. "Michaela, tell me what's bothering you?" Sully whispered. But receiving no response, he sighed heavily and placed a kiss on the top of her head. He knew that whatever it was that was bothering Michaela, she wasn't ready to talk about it now.

Reaching the water's edge, Sully gently laid Michaela down on the blanket, bringing up one side to wrap around her. Picking up a towel he quickly wrapped it around his own waist and then used another towel to wrap Michaela's hair in. Using the last towel, he quickly dried off Michaela and then began to dress her. "You're shivering. Let's get you up to the fire and get you warm," Sully spoke softly as he quickly slipped into his buckskins and shirt.

Sully slipped his arms under Michaela and lifted her up, carrying her back to the fire. Reaching the campfire, he gently laid her back on her bedroll and then reached for another blanket to throw on top of her. "Better?" Sully asked softly as he gently caressed her cheek. Michaela nodded her head and then slowly closed her eyes. "Andrew will want to dress your wound again," Sully told her. "I'll go get him."

Andrew knelt down beside Michaela with his medical bag in hand. Lowering the blanket Andrew examined the wound and said, "The incision looks much better but I still want to clean it again and put a proper dressing on it. Are you in much pain, Michaela?" Andrew asked.

"My head really hurts," Michaela answered through squinted eyes.

"Well, you haven't eaten in days," Andrew replied. "I'll give you some laudanum for now, it will help you sleep."

"Thank you," Michaela quietly answered.

Andrew pulled the blanket back up and gave Michaela the proper dose of laudanum. "We'll start for home again tomorrow morning. Try to get some sleep now," Andrew told her.

"Andrew," Michaela weakly called, "please, I don't want any morphine tomorrow. I'll make it without it, all right?"

"Michaela, I won't make you any promises. I'd prefer not to give you any more morphine and I'll only use it as a last resort. But I will give it to you if the pain becomes unbearable as it did yesterday," replied Andrew as he closed his medical bag. Nodding her head in response, Michaela slowly closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

As soon as Andrew stood up, Sully took his place beside Michaela. With a cool, wet cloth he laid it over Michaela's forehead. "That feels nice," she whispered, her eyes remaining closed.

"Matthew's got supper ready, would you like to try and eat something?" Sully asked.

"No," Michaela answered, "I just want to sleep."

Picking up Michaela's hand, Sully pressed it to his cheek. "All right, you go ahead and sleep. We should be home sometime tomorrow, then we'll talk," whispered Sully.

Michaela turned her head away and her muscles tensed slightly. "Home," Michaela thought to herself. "Tomorrow we'll be home. And everyone will be there. Including Josh and Sheryl." Taking a deep breath, Michaela slowly turned onto her side as a single tear escaped down her cheek.

Sully watched as Michaela turned away from him and he noticed the tear running down her cheek. Without a word, Sully gently wiped the tear away and then laying down next to her, he carefully pulled her into his arms. She gladly welcomed his embrace and slid her body closer to his. Within minutes she was asleep.

*******************
To everyone's relief the remaining journey down the mountain was much easier. The path was much wider and was not nearly as steep. Andrew was able to manage Michaela's pain without the use of morphine, but they continued to stop often, to let Michaela rest. Even with their frequent stops, they would be home before suppertime. But the closer they got to home, the more Michaela seemed to withdraw from everyone.

Sully was becoming more and more concerned as the day passed. Though she didn't pull away from his touch as she had before, she remained distant and unresponding to him and to everyone else also. She continued to stare blankly into space and refused to eat anything. Andrew explained to Sully that Michaela was experiencing something the doctors called 'melancholia' and that it was not uncommon after the loss of a child, especially after what Michaela had gone through over the past few days.

After almost six hours on the trail, they finally reached the bottom and the wagon that Hank had left there for them. Although Andrew had continued to administer the laudanum, Michaela was clearly in pain now. Sully lifted Michaela off of the liter and placed her on a blanket in the back of the wagon and then climbed in beside her. Daniel climbed up in front to drive them home.

Matthew turned to Sully and with a quick glance towards Michaela, he said, "I'll go into town and let everyone know we're back and then I'll bring Colleen, Brian and Katie out to the homestead."

"Matthew, I'm gonna take Michaela home and put her to bed. Maybe it would be a good idea to wait a couple of hours before bringing the children home; let her get some rest," Sully said. He turned to Michaela expecting a protest, but when he looked at her face he noticed that it was scrunched in pain and a small moan escaped her lips.

"I think that's an excellent idea," Andrew spoke up quickly. "I'll go into town with Matthew and see if there's anyone needing any medical attention. I'll come by your homestead later and check on Michaela. And Sully, don't hesitate to give her more laudanum if she needs it, okay?"

"I'll come by later tonight and bring the kids with me then," Matthew said as he and Andrew headed for town and Sully and Daniel headed for the homestead.

Daniel dropped Sully and Michaela off at the homestead and then he returned to town with Hank's wagon. Now clearly in pain, Sully had given Michaela another dose of laudanum and then had carried her upstairs to their room and placed her on the bed. Covering her with the quilt, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Michaela, can I get you anything? Maybe something to eat?" he asked hopefully.

With her eyebrows still creased in pain and her eyes closed, she muttered, "No, I just want to sleep. Everything hurts and I'm so tired."

"That's all right," Sully gently spoke, "the medicine's making you sleepy. You just get some sleep now." Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he began to stroke Michaela's arm lightly, lulling her to sleep. Soon her breathing was slow and even and the lines gradually disappeared from her face as she fell into a healing sleep.

Michaela slowly opened her eyes and suddenly realized that she was laying in her bed at home. She looked out the window and noticed that the sun was just beginning to set behind the mountains. As she tried to sit up she was halted by a sharp pain in her stomach. Slowly she eased herself back down as the pain gradually subsided. As she looked around their bedroom, her eyes stopped when she saw Katie's crib, still set up in the corner of the room. Even though they had moved Katie out of their room months ago, they had left the crib standing, ready for their next child. Tears sprang up in Michaela's eyes as she remembered there would be no more babies.

Desperately she tried to choke back the tears, but without success. She tried to think of other things, about Katie and Brian, but she was consumed with thoughts of her baby, of a baby she would never have again. She felt such a deep emptiness inside, an overwhelming sadness weighing her down, that she didn't how she would carry on.

Michaela suddenly heard laughter downstairs and a minute later she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Sully opened the door to find Michaela awake, but tears running down her face. Hurriedly he walked to the side of the bed and sat down, taking her hand in his. "Michaela, what's wrong? Are you hurting, do you need more laudanum?" Sully questioned, his voice full of concern.

Shaking her head no, Michaela turned her head away from Sully. Sully gently turned Michaela's head back to him, and looking into her eyes, he whispered, "It's all right, Michaela. It's okay to feel sad." He leaned down and lightly kissed her cheek. "The children are downstairs. Would it be all right if they came up to see you?"

"All right," Michaela answered as she wiped the tears away. "Could you help me sit up? I don't think I can do it on my own," she said dispiritedly. Giving her a slight smile, Sully helped ease Michaela into a sitting position, propping a few pillows behind her back. .

"I'll go get the kids," Sully told her as he headed for the doorway.

Michaela took a deep, cleaning breath and quickly ran her fingers through her tangled hair. She wiped the remaining tears from her face and putting on a smile, she waited as her children came running up to her.

Brian opened the door first, hesitantly walking toward her with Colleen and Katie following behind as Sully stood back in the doorway. "Hi ma," Brian greeted as he leaned in for a hug, "how ya feeling?"

"I'm better," was all Michaela could manage to say as she hugged Brian tightly to her chest.

"Mama, mama," Katie squealed as she ran towards the bed. Brian lifted her onto the bed and she threw her arms around Michaela's neck.

"I missed you," Michaela cried as the tears once more rolled down her cheeks, but this time she didn't try to stop them.

"Mama sad?" Katie asked as she wiped a tear from Michaela's cheek. Suddenly Michaela's tears turned into crying sobs as she tightly held onto Katie. "Don't cry, mama," Katie whispered into Michaela's ear. "me luv you."

Sully quickly came to the side of the bed and reaching for Katie, he said, "I think your ma's had enough for now, maybe we should go back downstairs."

"No, please," Michaela choked as she tried to control her crying. She held tightly onto Katie and looking at Sully, she said, "I'm okay Sully, please let them stay." Sully looked into Michaela's eyes and slowly released his hold on Katie. Realizing that Michaela needed her children with her right now, he nodded his head and stood back from the bed.

Colleen walked over to the side of the bed and sat down beside her ma. "I'm sorry about the baby, ma?" Colleen spoke, tears evident in her eyes.

Michaela reached for her hand and whispered, "Thank you, Colleen, and thank you for watching Katie." And then looking around the room, she asked, "Where's Matthew?"

"He said he would be out a little later, he had some things to do. Daniel brought us out," Colleen replied.

Suddenly there was a knock on the front door and looking at his family, Sully said, "You stay here with your ma, I'll see who's at the door." Several minutes later Sully came back up the stairs and walked into the bedroom. "Uh, Michaela, there's some folks from town that came to see how you're doing. They're all downstairs but I told them you probably weren't up for company."

Michaela straightened her shoulders and swiped at her tears. "Of course I'll see them, Sully. They came all the way out here, we can't send them away. But I'll see them downstairs, not up here like this," she said, indicating her state of disarray.

"Michaela, you don't gotta see everyone now. They'll understand. You just stay here in bed," Sully stated pleadingly.

"Nonsense, Sully. If you'll just help me up so I can get dressed, you can tell them I'll be down in a minute," Michaela said determinedly. Knowing that look of stubbornness creeping into Michaela's eyes, Sully reluctantly agreed.

"All right, if you're sure it's not too much for you," Sully told her and then turning to Brian he said, "Could you take Katie downstairs while Colleen and I help your ma get dressed. Tell everyone your ma will be down shortly."

"Sure pa," Brian answered as he lifted Katie from Michaela's lap. "Come on, Kates, let's go downstairs and see who's all here. Ma will be down in just a minute."

Throwing back the covers, Sully gently swung Michaela's leg off the side of the bed. "You tell me if you get dizzy or anything, okay?" Sully said to her as he helped her to sit on the edge of the bed.

Nodding her head, Michaela turned to Colleen and asked, "Colleen, could you get one of my everyday dresses out of the closet and get my hairbrush for me. I'm not going downstairs like this."

Colleen retrieved Michaela's green dress and her hairbrush and brought them over to the bed. With Sully's help, Michaela stood up to put on her dress but a sudden, sharp pain caused her to sink back down on the bed. Holding her breath, Michaela closed her eyes and waited until the pain began to ebb. When she opened her eyes again, Sully was watching her, his eyes full of anxiety. "You all right?" he whispered as she slowly let out her breath. "Maybe we should just try your robe for now. Would that be okay?" Sully asked hopefully.

"Maybe the robe would be all right. I guess I didn't realize how difficult it would be to get dressed," Michaela answered. Sully picked up her robe and bringing it over to her, he gently helped her slip her arms into it. Then kneeling in front of her, he buttoned the robe and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

As she started to reach for her hairbrush, Colleen picked it up and asked, "May I brush your hair, ma?"

Sully carried Michaela downstairs and sat her in one of the wingback chairs. Grace and Robert E were there, along with Dorothy, Loren, Hank, Daniel and Andrew. Grace came over to where Michaela was sitting and handed her a cup. "I made ya some soup, Dr. Mike. You need to eat. It's mostly broth so it will be easy on your stomach and I put it in a cup so you can just drink it. Now drink," Grace told her smiling.

"Thank you, Grace," Michaela replied as she took the cup from Grace.

"How are ya feeling, Dr. Mike," Robert E asked.

"Better," was Michaela's reply.

After short visits from Loren, Hank and Daniel, Dorothy pulled up a stool and sat down next to Michaela. "Michaela, how are you doing?" Dorothy asked.

"I'm a little tired," Michaela replied.

"Well, that's to be expected. But you have to eat to get your strength back," Dorothy told her, pointing to the cup Michaela held in her hand. Michaela nodded her head and slowly tipped the cup to her mouth, taking a sip of Grace's soup. Dorothy looked into Michaela's eyes and noticed that the sparkle that usually shone from Michaela's eyes was gone, replaced by a coldness that seemed to stare right through her. Dorothy shivered slightly, and then quickly she shook herself and putting her hand on top of Michaela's, she spoke softly, "Everything will be all right, Michaela. You and Sully will get through this and if you ever need to talk, I'm always here to listen."

"Thank you, Dorothy," Michaela uttered softly, her eyes moist with tears. After taking a few more drinks of soup, Michaela leaned back against the wingback chair and closed her eyes momentarily.

"I think I'll go and help Grace with the food," Dorothy said as Michaela sat in silence. Giving Michaela's shoulder a slight squeeze, Dorothy stood and walked away.

Michaela slowly looked around the room and watched as her friends engaged in conversation. Grace and Dorothy were busy setting out the food for everyone to eat while Colleen and Andrew stood in the kitchen talking, a smile always present on Colleen's face. Robert E and Daniel were standing by the front door talking to Sully, whose eyes never strayed far from Michaela. Brian was playing with Katie on the living room floor while Hank and Loren stood by the mantle talking jovially.

While Michaela watched the laughter and chatter of their friends, a dark cloud loomed over her. Suddenly the front door burst open and Josh came running in. Seeing Sully, he threw himself into him arms. "Sully," Josh cried loudly, "I missed you so much."

Sully hugged his son tightly to his chest and then said, "I missed you too, Josh. Where's your ma?"

"She's right behind me," Josh said and just then Matthew walked in followed by Sheryl.

"I didn't think you would mind me bringin' 'em out here," Matthew told Sully as he entered the homestead.

"Of course not, Matthew. I'm glad you brought them," Sully replied. Just then Sheryl walked up to Sully and gave him a light hug, and Sully returned the friendly gesture. "I'm glad you came, Sheryl. How's Josh been?" Sully asked with concern.

Hank had been watching Michaela out of the corner of his eye while all of this was happening and he noticed the sudden change of expression on Michaela's face when Josh came running in. He eyed her quizzically and then watched as Sheryl gave Sully a hug. He turned back towards Michaela and noticed that her face was pale and drained of all color and her hands were now trembling.

Andrew had also been watching and noticed the sudden change of color in Michaela's face and immediately came over to her. Michaela looked up to see Andrew standing next to her and she whispered urgently, "Andrew, please, take me back upstairs."

Andrew leaned down to Michaela's eye level and taking her wrist in his hand, he began to take her pulse.

"I'll get Sully," he said gently.

Michaela looked at Andrew and in a frantic voice she said, "No, please, just help me upstairs now."

"Here, I'll take her," Hank interrupted as he put his arms around Michaela and gently lifted her up. Andrew nodded his head and they headed towards the steps. They were almost to the top step when Sully suddenly noticed that Michaela was gone. His eyes quickly roaming the room he saw Andrew at the top of the steps, his medical bag in hand and Hank ahead of him carrying Michaela.

Sully bolted up the steps, calling Andrew's name. "Andrew, what's wrong?" Sully asked frantically. Andrew stopped at the top of the stairs and turning around to face Sully, he put his hand up.

"Sully, she's okay. Hank's putting her to bed."

"Why is Hank carrying her? Why didn't you come and get me?" Sully asked angrily.

"Calm down, Sully. Michaela wasn't feeling well and just needed to get away from everyone, quickly, and Hank was standing right there," Andrew explained.

"What do you mean, is she sick?" Sully continued with his questioning.

"I'm going to check on her now," Andrew said and then pausing he said, "we'll both check on her, all right."

Hank laid Michaela down on the center of her bed and then picked up a quilt to cover her. As he was leaning over her with the quilt he looked into her eyes and said quietly, "Why don't you just ask him about her?" Michaela's eyes flew to Hanks. "Why don't you just ask Sully about Sheryl, if that's what's bothering you." Hank repeated. He then covered Michaela with the quilt and turned to walk away just as Sully and Andrew entered the bedroom.

Sully looked at Hank and mumbled "Thanks" before rushing to Michaela's side. Tipping his head, Hank left the room and closed the door behind him.

As Andrew listened to Michaela's heart, Sully knelt at her side, her hand held tightly in his. "Are you still feeling queasy?" Andrew asked as he removed the stethoscope from his ears. The color had returned to Michaela's face and her hands were no longer shaking.

"I'm feeling better, Andrew," Michaela answered.

"I knew I shouldn't have let ya go downstairs," Sully whispered, angry at himself for allowing this to happen. "I knew you weren't ready for this yet."

Michaela looked at Sully and saw the anguish in his eyes. "I'm fine, Sully, really," she whispered.

But Sully still was not convinced. "Well, you're staying here in bed now and I'm sending everyone home."

Michaela started to protest but Andrew interrupted. "I think Sully's right, Michaela. This was too much for you and I agree with Sully, everyone needs to go home now."

Michaela could feel the tears begin to well up in her eyes again and unable to speak, she gave Sully a nod. "I'll go down and send everyone home and then I'll come right back up, all right. You just get some rest," Sully told her as he gently kissed her cheek.

As Sully left the bedroom, Andrew said to Michaela. "While I'm here I'll check your incision." Andrew lowered the quilt and after examining her wound looked at Michaela and said, "It looks real good. It seems to be healing fine now. But I still would like Sully to clean the wound often, just to make sure. I'll leave instructions with him, okay."

"Yes, thank you Andrew," Michaela replied. Putting his stethoscope back into his bag and closing it shut, Andrew left the room.

It was almost an hour later when Sully opened the bedroom door and quietly walked in. After taking off his shirt and buckskins, he slid under the covers and reached for Michaela. He carefully pulled her into his embrace, her head laying against his chest. He lay quietly listening to her breathing while gently rubbing her back. He suddenly felt Michaela's body jerk lightly and felt the wetness of tears falling on his chest. Looking down he noticed that Michaela was silently weeping.

"Michaela?" Sully gently whispered. When he received no response, he tried again. "Michaela, do you want to talk about it?" Michaela only tightened her hold on Sully and buried her head deeper into the crook of Sully's arm.

Sully once again had the feeling that something more was bothering Michaela, but knowing he couldn't force her to talk about it, he only held her tighter. "Sshhh, it's all right, I'm right here. I'm not leaving you," Sully crooned softly. He held Michaela for a long time, letting her cry, until finally there were no more tears left. He looked down into her tear-stained face and gently brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes. Bending his head down he lovingly kissed the top of her head.

"Michaela," Sully spoke softly into the silence. She stirred slightly to let him know she was still awake. "I told Josh that I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with him right now. I'm staying right here with you until you're better." Sully leaned down and lifting Michaela's chin up, he lightly brushed his lips against hers. "I love you," he whispered. "Go to sleep. I'll be right here."

************************
It had been two weeks since Sully brought Michaela home that day and although her incision was healing nicely, she still remained weak and tired. She still had no appetite and a dark cloud seemed to loom over Michaela's head. She cried constantly and often found it difficult just to get out of bed and get dressed. She ached for her lost child and the thought that she could never give Sully a son.

Sully kept his word and stayed by her side almost constantly. Even though Michaela slowly returned to her normal routine, Sully knew that she was only going through the motions. Often during the day Sully would find Michaela sitting alone in a chair crying. At night Sully would draw Michaela into his embrace and hold her, but she never responded to his touch. He tried often to talk to her, but she had built a wall around her that noone could penetrate, not even him.

With Michaela's insistence Colleen reluctantly returned to college. Since Sully seldom went into town, Matthew would bring Josh and Sheryl out to the homestead each night for supper. After supper Sully would sit down with Josh and Brian and play a game of checkers or tell them a story, while Sheryl watched or played with Katie. Michaela would sit in a chair and watch, but never joined in or participated in the conversation.

Tonight Michaela sat in the wingback chair and watched as Sully played a new game of cards with Josh, Brian and Matthew. Sheryl sat in the other chair, bouncing Katie on her lap. Josh had been unusually quiet tonight and Sully had to call his name several times when it was his turn. "Josh, are you feeling okay?" Sully asked after calling his name for a third time.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired, that's all," replied Josh. And then glancing at Brian, Josh asked hopefully, "Sully, do you think you could take me and Brian fishing tomorrow? It's Saturday and Brian doesn't have school."

Sully looked quickly up at Michaela and noticed that she was again staring into space. Turning back to Josh, he said apologetically, "I don't know Josh. I'd really like that but I don't think I should go anywhere just yet."

Brian also glanced up at his mother and then leaning over towards Josh he whispered, "Sully doesn't want to leave ma right now."

Out of the blue, and to everyone's surprise, Michaela suddenly interrupted. "No, Sully, I think you should take Brian and Josh fishing tomorrow. You don't need to stay here with me. I'll be fine."

Sully looked up at Michaela curiously and then said, "I don't know Michaela. I don't feel right leaving you here all by yourself just yet."

"I'm not helpless Sully, and in all honesty, you're beginning to smother me," Michaela replied harshly.

Sully looked up at Michaela shocked and hurt by her words. "I'm sorry," he said dejectedly, "I didn't mean to smother you."

Seeing the hurt expression on Sully's face, Michaela immediately regretted her words. In a softer voice she looked at him and said, "No, I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I appreciate everything you've done for me, Sully. It's just... well, I think you should take the boys fishing tomorrow. I'll be fine, really."

Sully watched Michaela closely as she attempted a smile, but he knew that she was only trying to reassure him and everyone else. But maybe he was being a little over-protective of Michaela, he thought to himself. Maybe she did need a little space without him constantly eyeing her. He smiled back at Michaela and then turning to Josh, he said, "All right boys, fishing it is." And then glancing towards Michaela, he added, "but we can't be gone for too long, okay?"

The next day Sully got up bright and early to take Brian and Josh fishing. Before leaving he made sure that Michaela had eaten breakfast, or at least a portion of breakfast, and then gave her strict orders to rest quietly. Sully had wanted to take Katie with them for fear she would overtire Michaela too easily, but she rebuffed that idea immediately. She told Sully that she and Katie needed this time alone together and that they would be fine. Reluctantly Sully agreed and he and Brian bid them farewell, telling her they would be home after lunch.

After spending a pleasant morning of fishing, Sully, Brian and Josh headed back towards town. They would go to the boarding house first and pick up Sheryl and then they were going to have lunch at Grace's. As they passed the clinic Sully suddenly remembered that Michaela had wanted him to pick up a medical journal for her to read. He turned to the others and said, "Sheryl, why don't you and the boys go on ahead. I'll join you in just a minute."

"Sure, Sully," Sheryl replied and she led the boys over to Grace's.

Sully opened the door to the clinic and was surprised to find Andrew inside. Andrew quickly looked up from Michaela's desk and seeing Sully walk in, he quickly jumped up. "Oh, Sully, I wasn't expecting anyone," Andrew said awkwardly.

"That's all right, Andrew. Michaela said you have been keeping an eye on things here," Sully replied and then pointing to her chair Sully said, "Please, go ahead and continue what you were doing. I only came by to get a medical journal Michaela wanted."

"How is Michaela?" Andrew asked sincerely.

"She's doing better," Sully replied automatically before realizing that it was Andrew he was talking to. As Andrew turned to sit back down, Sully hesitantly walked over to Michaela's desk and then blurted, "That's not exactly the truth." Andrew's head shot up and he waited for Sully to continue. "She's healing all right, I suppose, but she still gets tired real easy and she cries all the time. I don't know what to do, Andrew." Sully told him as he nervously ran his hand through his hair. "She barely eats anything at all and I have to practically force her to get out of bed sometimes. I've tried talking to her but she just shuts me out."

"Sully, Michaela's been through a horrible ordeal, you both have. It's only been two weeks since she lost the baby. You need to give her time," Andrew told him reassuringly.

Unnoticed by Andrew and Sully, Hank had been standing in the partially open doorway listening to the two men. He had seen Sully walk towards the clinic and had decided to pay him a visit.. Knocking on the opened door, Hank peered his head in and said, "Hope I'm not interruptin'."

"Hello, Hank," Sully replied. "What brings you here?"

"Well, actually, you did. I saw you heading over here and I wanted to see how Michaela was doing," Hank said with sincerity.

"She's doing better," Sully replied, "thanks for asking."

Hank took a step inside the clinic and closed the door behind him. Looking at Andrew and then back to Sully he flung his long, shoulder-length hair back behind his shoulders. "I wasn't prying or anything but I couldn't help hear what you were saying to Andrew. And I know it ain't none of my business....."

"No, it ain't," Sully interrupted coldly.

Hank looked long and hard at Sully and then said, "I know we ain't always seen eye to eye on allot of things, but just hear me out Sully." Sully nodded his head and Hank continued. "I think I know what may be bothering Michaela." Andrew and Sully looked at Hank with questioning eyes. Turning to Sully Hank said, "I guess you don't know much about women."

"Oh, and you do," Sully replied sarcastically.

"Well, more than you I suppose," Hank retorted.

Andrew looked at Hank and then said, "Please, Hank, go on." "Well, I think Michaela's upset about Sheryl being here. I think she's jealous of her," Hank stated frankly.

At the mention of Sheryl's name, Sully's eyes flashed towards Hank. "And what makes you think that?" Sully asked bitterly.

"Well, a couple of things actually. Remember the night we were up on the mountain and I fed her some soup?" Hank paused and looked at Sully. Shaking his head yes, Hank continued. "Well, that night Michaela said something to me that I didn't understand then. She said that you didn't want a son because you already had yours, but I thought she was talking about Brian. And the night you all came home and we were out at your homestead. I was standing next to Michaela when Josh came running into the house and threw his arms around you. Her whole expression changed and then when Sheryl walked in just after that and you gave her a hug, Michaela turned white and that's when I took her upstairs." Hank looked at Andrew and then back at Sully to gauge his reaction. Hank saw the look of disbelief on his face and then added, "She wasn't talking about Brian that night. She was talking about Josh."

"That's ridiculous," Sully blurted out, not wanting to believe what Hank was telling him.

"Sully," Andrew interrupted. "I think Hank may be right. I too was watching Michaela that night when Josh and Sheryl arrived and I noticed her reaction also. And there's something else, something that I just remembered."

Sully turned to face Andrew and leaned up against the desk. "I found Michaela outside the back door of the clinic one morning. It was several days after she had found out about the baby and the tumor and she was getting sick to her stomach. I asked her if she had told you about the baby yet and she told me that you didn't want a baby and then she said that she wasn't even sure if you wanted her anymore. I didn't understand what she was talking about then, but now it makes sense."

Hank turned towards Sully and looking him in the eye he asked, "Did you even talk to Michaela about Sheryl; did you ever tell her what happened that night?"

"No," Sully said dejectedly. "She told me everything was fine, that she was okay with Sheryl and Josh being here and she didn't want to talk about what happened in the past." Rubbing his hands across his face, Sully let out a deep sigh. "I can't believe I didn't see it. How could I have been so stupid."

"Ah, Sully, don't be so hard on yourself. She didn't want you to know," Hank answered. "We know there's nothing between you and Sheryl, but I don't think Michaela believes that." Hank looked at Sully and with a twinkle in his eye he snickered, "After all, you did do the wild thing with her."

Sully shot Hank an angry look but then just as quickly his face softened and extending his hand he said, "Thanks, Hank, I owe ya." Hank took Sully's pro-offered hand and shook it before nodding his head towards Andrew and walking out the door.

Sully walked over to the bookcase and retrieved the book Michaela had requested. Turning around to face Andrew, he said, "Thanks again, Andrew, for everything," and then headed out the door towards the cafe.

Sully walked slowly towards the cafe, thinking about all that Hank had said to him. He still couldn't believe that what Hank and Andrew suspected was true. Could Michaela think there was something more between Sheryl and him? Could that be what has been bothering her all of this time? Spying Sheryl and the boys at a table on the far side of the cafe, Sully strolled over to them just as Grace was taking their orders.

Brian and Josh talked aimlessly about their fishing trip, telling Sheryl every last detail of Brian's big catch. Sheryl noticed that Sully was being unusually quiet and when the boys had finished their meal, she suggested that they take their catch over to the boarding house to clean.

"Sully, is everything all right?" Sheryl questioned after the boys had left. Sully looked up at Sheryl and hesitated.

"Well....I heard something this morning that kinda got me upset," Sully started out.

"Yes," Sheryl replied as she waited for Sully to continue. Sully proceeded to tell Sheryl what Hank and Andrew had told him. When he was through he looked at Sheryl to see what her reaction was.

"Sully, I think Hank and Andrew are correct in their assumptions. I've felt for sometime now that Michaela was uncomfortable around me. And I believe that, yes, she may even be jealous." Sheryl paused to look up at Sully and then she continued. "And even though she has no cause to be, if I were in her shoes, I would probably feel the same way."

"But that night, the night she found out about Josh, she told me everything was all right," Sully told her. "I wanted to talk about it then, but she told me she didn't want to talk about what happened in the past, that we had to think of Josh now."

"Sully, of course she told you she didn't want to talk about it. Any woman would have said that, but in reality any woman would want to know about their husband's past. Wouldn't you have wanted to know if it were someone from Michaela's past that suddenly showed up, and with a child no less?"

Sully suddenly remembered the time when Michaela's old finance had showed up when he was presumed dead. He remembered how angry he had been and suddenly he saw everything in a new light. "I can't even imagine what Michaela must have been thinking all of this time. I have to go talk to her," Sully stated.

"Sully, why don't you go ahead and go home and Matthew can bring me and the boys out later," Sheryl said. "Josh needs to rest after this morning anyways and that will give you and Michaela some time to talk."

"Thanks, Sheryl," Sully replied as he stood up and reaching down into his pocket he pulled out some money and laid it on the table.

A Dark Secret continued ....