For personal use and select distribution only © by Judith A., October 2006
No Greater
Burden
By Judith A.
Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five
Katie's book landed in a heap when Josef, who, in a frenzy, was looking the wrong way, tripped on a tree root and landed right on top of his sister.
"Joey!" Katie said, annoyed at being disturbed. She pushed her brother off her, sat up and rearranged her dress, which became rumpled in the collision. "Ugh, look what you did!" Reaching over to pick up her book, she shook the dirt from its binding and smoothed the pages that were bent and wrinkled from the turbulent landing.
"Sorry," Josef said, gasping for breath.
"Where were you?" She noticed the bark and crumpled leaves all over his hair and clothes. "And why are you so dirty?"
Josef stood up, still struggling to catch his breath. "I was…I was p-playin' in a…tree and…and…." He stopped for a moment to swallow and push his sweat soaked hair away from his face. "I was just playin' and…and out of nowhere a…a big cat came right at me! It would've got me, Katie, if Wolf didn't chase it away!"
"Really?" Katie widened her eyes in amazement.
"Yeah! I had to run all the way back so it wouldn't get me."
"No, Joey. You're fibbin' and I'm gonna tell Mama."
"No, I'm not! I really saw it."
"Oh yeah? Then what did it look like?"
"It had big yellow eyes and the longest body I ever seen." Josef stretched his arms out as far as they would go to show Katie the size of the cat. "And…and…it growled and made a really loud noise, like it was screaming. Then, it flew down from the rocks at me," Josef said, still winded from running out of the woods. Towering over his sister, he threw his arms in the air to imitate the leaping cat.
Katie wrinkled her brow, her disbelief in Josef's tale resurfacing. "Cats can't fly Joey," she said matter-of-factly.
"This one did," he insisted.
"Where's Wolf now?" Katie asked. Her eyes searched from one end of the campsite to the other.
"He'll be back soon," Josef assured, finally beginning to breathe at a normal rate. "He's makin' sure the cat won't come back here and get us."
Katie jumped up and brushed the dirt from her dress. "Let's go tell Mama about the cat. Maybe she knows what it is." Before waiting for his response, she dashed off in the direction of her mother.
"No, Katie! Wait!" Josef called, chasing after her.
"Mama," Katie called out. "Joey saw a really big cat in the woods!"
Michaela turned around at the sound of her children's racing footsteps behind her. "There you are. Now that you're through playing by the woods I could use your help with supper."
"Joey saw a really big cat and Wolf chased it away," Katie repeated.
Michaela turned to her son who filed in behind his sister. "You did? What kind of cat?"
Josef's uncomfortable silence prompted Katie to continue with the story. "It was really big with yellow eyes, sort of like a monster. Right, Joey?"
"Uh…well sort of," Josef said.
"A monster was it?" his mother replied, amused at her children's imaginative tale.
"Why don't you tell us all about this monster," Dorothy said with a wry grin.
"He saw it coming right at him and Wolf, Mama. And it was gonna eat them if Joey didn't out run it! But, then Wolf chased it away. Right, Joey?"
Josef didn't answer. He looked to his sister then his mother and finally Dorothy before quickly dropping his eyes to stare at his feet.
"It was gonna eat you, wasn't it?" Katie persisted. "Tell her, Joey."
"Eat you? My, that must have been quite a large cat." Michaela played along.
Josef stood frozen in guilt, unable to look his mother in the eye. He knew he wasn't supposed to have wandered off. She had told him to go no further than the fallen log. If his mother knew he followed the animal tracks into the woods, he'd be in trouble. Worse, she'd tell his father and he'd be punished for going off alone. And the last thing he wanted was to have his play privileges taken away on this trip. "I was playin' with Wolf by the path into the woods," he began with his eyes wandering everywhere, except his mother's face, "And a big cat came at us. It was gonna come into the campsite if Wolf didn't chase it away," he finished, his voice quivering.
Michaela heard the fear in Josef's voice and felt an uneasy feeling form in the pit of her stomach. "The cat approached the campsite?"
"Uh, yeah. Wolf chased it away."
Michaela didn't know whether to believe him or not. While the children were playing, she had been busy with the laundry. Still, she knew where they were. Katie had been reading under a cottonwood tree and Josef had been playing near the deer path into the woods. At one point she lost sight of her son, but she found him moments later playing on an old fallen log. Only a half hour ago she reminded him not to venture any further than the tree. During that time, had she gotten so caught up with the chores that a wild cat could have come near the camp, close to the children? It was possible she missed seeing a cat wander toward the campsite, but she didn't understand how she missed Wolf running off. Surely he would have growled and barked in alarm before giving chase. She asked herself why a cat would approach the camp. They were solitary creatures that shied away from human contact.
"Josef, did you walk any further than that fallen log I found you playing on?" Michaela asked.
Josef couldn't meet his mother's eyes. "Uh…no."
"Where is Wolf now?" she asked the children.
"He's not back yet," Katie replied. She once again looked in the direction Josef had been playing.
Just then a faint screech echoed in the distance, followed by a yelp, then silence.
"Michaela, is that what I think it was?" Dorothy asked.
Michaela knelt to meet her son eye to eye, the situation turning deadly serious at this point. She gently placed her hands on his shoulders. "Josef, please be honest with me. Did you really see the cat or are you pretending?"
"I uh…I really saw it and Wolf went after it," the little boy replied, his heart tightening as he looked into his mother's worried eyes.
"Michaela, why would a cat come near the campsite?" Dorothy asked.
Fear gripped Michaela's heart. "The only reason I can think of is if it's rabid or sick," she replied, as memories flooded into her mind of her encounter with the rabid bear, the mountain lion she and Sam faced at Pike's Peak, and Ingrid's death from Pup's bite.
"Mama, that wasn't Wolf was it? What if he's hurt?" Katie asked, concerned.
What if he's hurt, Josef wondered. Until this point, that thought hadn't truly crossed his mind. Could the family pet he'd seen numerous times warning off strangers and barn animals twice his size, really be in trouble? Josef grew concerned and anxious about Wolf. "You gotta go after him, Mama!" he pleaded. He was worried that Wolf still wasn't back and alarmed by the sounds coming from the woods. They were the same sounds he'd heard behind him as he ran back to the campsite. Together, guilt and fear welled up within the little boy. If Wolf was hurt, Josef knew it was his fault.
"Josef, I'm certain Wolf is all right," his mother reassured.
"Michaela, let's wait for Sully.
He'll know what to do," Dorothy said sensibly.
"You're right." She turned toward her son. "When your
father comes back he can go look for Wolf. I think it's best if we remain
here."
"No! What if Wolf's hurt? You gotta help him," Josef pleaded. At that instant he did what he had seen his mother do hundreds of times. He grabbed her medical bag and rushed off in the direction of the woods. "Come on," he called back to his mother. In his fear and excitement Josef became confused, and he couldn't remember the exact spot where he'd entered the woods and found the fallen tree. As he searched frantically for the log, his mother caught up to him.
"Josef, come back here," Michaela called to him.
The little boy froze, trying to get his bearings. He searched the forest around him. Then he pointed off into the distance to the fallen log that had been his field of play that afternoon. "Over there!" he exclaimed, taking his mother's hand and earnestly pulling her behind him. The sight of his tracks in the dirt made him nervous, so he quickly pointed in the opposite direction. "Wolf chased it that way."
Just then another loud yelp and a screech echoed through the campsite causing Michaela's heart to turn over. With adrenaline pumping through her veins, she lifted her son into her arms and raced back to the campsite while he adamantly protested the whole way.
"We gotta go help Wolf," the little boy cried into his mother's hair, wiggling to free himself from her tight hold.
Michaela lowered Josef to the ground and hugged him. "You stay here with Dorothy and I'll go find Wolf."
Josef grew silent. Katie walked over to her brother and looked up at her mother. "Help him Mama, promise?"
"I'll find him sweethearts. Don't worry." Michaela hurried to the wagon to retrieve the rifle Sully had placed there before the trip. When her fingers touched the cold exterior of the gun, she hesitated, staring at it for several long moments wondering if she would be able to use it if she had to. Normally, she abhorred guns, but they had brought it along for just this type of situation. If the animal were rabid, she would have to shoot it. Since she didn't know what she might find in the woods, the prudent course of action was to bring the rifle along. It might be necessary to use it to protect herself, and her children. Tucking the weapon under her arm, she turned to face Dorothy. "Please watch the children for me."
"Michaela, you shouldn't go out there alone. We don't know what animal Josef saw. You should wait for Sully."
"If Wolf really is hurt," she paused, lowering her voice for the children's sake…"if he's hurt, and if that animal is dangerous, then there isn't time to wait for Sully."
"Don't go, Mama," Katie pleaded, frightened.
Michaela knelt down in front of her children who cowered by the campfire. "You both stay here and promise me you'll listen to Dorothy. I'll walk into the woods a little ways to see if I can find Wolf." Michaela turned and headed back towards the woods, raising her hand in acknowledgement of Dorothy's cry to be careful just before she disappeared into the thick forest.
Making her way to the fallen log that had entertained her son all afternoon she spotted his tracks heading off in several directions. His footprints, scattered and playful, circled around the various massive limbs of the tree, its trunk, and the surrounding foliage. Confused as to where to begin, she looked closer until she noticed Wolf's noticeable trail heading off toward the right. She walked deeper into the woods following Wolf's tracks.
The sounds of the birds, squirrels, and other animals of the forest replaced the yelps and screeches that died down in the wake of her search. As Michaela trekked a short distance past the log through the thick, overgrown forest, she gasped.
"Oh, no!" she cried out. "Wolf, please no!"
* * *
"I'm starved. I hope Ma's got supper ready," Brian told Sully as he guided his horse toward the campsite after a full day of scouting out alternate land for the lumber mill.
"Yeah, it's been a long day," Sully said, as he rode along side him at a leisurely pace, enjoying the scenery on the trail. "At the next town we pass, I'm gonna wire the government ta see if they can convince the lumber mill ta buy the other land we found an' protect the forests they planned ta build on." His voice held a modicum of pride at having found a viable strategy for protecting the forest and the nesting areas of over a dozen different species of birds. At the same time, he knew the taste of victory would be bittersweet, for to save one area, it meant condemning another area to destruction, and certain death for other populations of animals and birds.
"Do you think they'll agree to move sites?" Brian asked.
"They should, 'specially when I tell 'em the land they chose is too steep for lumberin'."
"Then this trip was a success, huh?"
"I suppose it depends on how ya define success," Sully replied, his tone subdued. Taking note of Brian's confused expression, he continued. "It's hard havin' ta choose which land ta develop and which land ta protect. I wish we could leave it all alone. There's trees that'll be destroyed no matter what land they choose and species of birds that'll have ta find new places ta nest. Somethin's gonna die no matter what we do."
"But it seems we found a good compromise," Brian said, unwilling to accept Sully's pessimism. "More people are coming out west. The towns are growing and, who knows, someday we might have cities the size of Boston right here in Colorado. None of this could happen without lumber and without jobs. The way I see it, your solution gets the best of both. We can protect the oldest and most varied trees and people still get the lumber they need to build towns and cities."
"I wish so many folks weren't movin' out here," Sully said softly.
"Why is it all right for us to live out here, but no one else?" Brian challenged.
"That ain't what I'm sayin'," he replied, surprised at Brian's confrontational tone. "All I'm sayin' is it's gettin' crowded an' it's changin' our way o' life. Before too long, all the reasons I came out west are gonna disappear."
"I thought you came out west to mine silver. Even you, once destroyed the land," Brian pointed out.
"That was before."
"I know, but you can't stop change and progress Sully. I read it's like a drumbeat to which we all must march."
"The only thing people are marchin' to is greed," Sully retorted. "There's no honor in followin' the herd. A man's gotta find his own drumbeat. Then he's gotta have the courage to march to it when everythin' around him is goin' the other way."
"Not all progress is rooted in greed, Sully. Some of it is going to change our way of life for the better. Who knows, even you might find some use for electricity," he said with a light laugh. "And as for the land, how do you know other people won't come out here and see the beauty of the land like you did and try to protect it?"
"That ain't likely," Sully muttered.
"Why not? If a silver miner changed, why not other people?"
Sully tensed, but he chose not to respond. Brian knew the reasons he had changed. He knew it was from living with the Cheyenne. Sully wondered why he was goading him this way, when it was clear that most people weren't going to take the time to learn from the Indians, if there were any left to instruct them. Lately, nearly every conversation with Brian had turned into a challenge of his way of life.
This turn of events confused him, because until recently Sully believed Brian thought as he did about almost everything. In most respects they were still as close as a father and son could be, but something was bothering Brian and Sully didn't know what it was. He knew Brian was growing up, trying to become his own person, but lately that meant Sully had to endure increased scrutiny of his life and his choices. It was as if his life had been placed under a microscope and it was being picked apart like birds pecking at the flesh of dead animals.
For the most part, he had left Brian alone to find his own way, but that was becoming harder as the questions and debates grew more frequent. He felt like Brian was condemning his choices and his life. The constant feeling of disapproval emanating from his son was beginning to wear him down. Relief washed over him as they approached the perimeter of camp putting an end to a debate Sully was certain he couldn't win, at least not now.
* * *
Katie looked up at the sound of horses and noticed her father and Brian riding into the campsite. "Papa's back," Katie said. She jumped to her feet from her place at Dorothy's side, certain that now everything would be all right. A subdued Josef trailed on her heels.
"Hey, where's Ma?" Brian asked, not seeing Michaela at the campsite.
"I dunno," Sully replied. The horses came to a stop and the two riders began to dismount. "She's probably off gettin' some fixin's for supper."
As Sully tethered the horses, he could hear his children's approaching footsteps behind him. Their excited faces at the end of a hard day always brought him joy. But, as he turned to face them, he noticed something different in their stride, and as they grew closer and their features became clearer, their distressed expressions set off alarm bells inside him. By the quiver in her lower lip, he could tell Katie was frightened, yet relieved to see him. Josef's steps were sullen and slow, and his tear-streaked face startled Sully. Dorothy followed behind the children, appearing distressed herself.
"Oh, Sully. Brian. Thank goodness you're back," Dorothy exclaimed.
"What happened? Where's Michaela?" Sully asked Dorothy with concern.
Katie threw her arms around her father. "A big cat came after Joey and Wolf."
"A cat? What kind of cat?" Sully asked, gently stroking the back of her head to calm her as Brian stooped to intercept an approaching Josef.
"We was just playin', but Wolf didn't come back," Josef added, as he hugged his brother.
"You better start from the beginning. What cat?" Brian asked.
"Mama went to find Wolf," Katie said. The children were too distressed to offer more than stuttering bits and pieces of information.
Though Sully couldn't follow their story, he knew they were upset. He still didn't understand why Michaela had gone after Wolf. "Where did Wolf go?"
"A big cat got him," Josef added.
Still confused, he looked toward Dorothy for some kind of explanation.
Dorothy stepped closer to Sully and the children, prepared to fill in the gaps. "Josef said a cat of some sort approached the campsite and Wolf chased him away. Then we heard the sounds – roars and yelps – like animals fighting. Michaela went to see what happened."
"Don't worry, sweet girl. Wolf can take care of himself," Sully reassured, as he stroked the back of Katie's head. Then he met Dorothy's eyes with concern. If there were a wild cat out there, he would have preferred Michaela had not gone looking for it. "Which way did she go?"
Dorothy pointed in the direction Michaela took off into the woods. "She took the rifle with her," she added in a whisper, warning Sully of the possible danger.
"I'll get your bow and arrow, Pa," Brian offered.
"Thanks," Sully said, hurrying toward his horse. He untied it, and mounted in one swift, smooth movement. Before lifting the reins, he turned to the children. "I need you ta stay here and listen ta Dorothy and Brian, while I go find your ma. Everythin's gonna be all right," Sully reassured.
"Is Wolf gonna be okay?" Josef asked in a tiny voice.
"He'll be fine. Don't worry."
"Promise," Katie pleaded.
"I promise. Now, I gotta go."
As Sully nudged his horse forward, Dorothy gasped. "Look!" Everyone turned in the direction Dorothy yelled, their eyes searching the edge of the woods as Michaela emerged with Wolf in her arms. They could see her legs shaking under the weight of the heavy animal as she trekked out of the forest, her hair flying around her like a windswept scarf, and her clothes splattered with blood. Whether from a rush of adrenaline or sheer force of will, she drew on an inner strength she didn't know she had to carry Wolf back to his family.
At the sight of Wolf's limp body, his gray fur matted with blood, Sully froze. It was as if someone had knocked the wind out of him, and he struggled to remain atop the horse, his body rigid and his mind a riot of warring thoughts. As he took in his wife's physical state, an uneasy feeling rose up inside him.
"Stay here 'til I can see what's goin' on," Sully said, the seriousness of the situation becoming evident. He motioned for Brian to stay with the children. Then he dismounted and rushed toward Michaela.
Michaela, weak from carrying Wolf through the woods and suffering from the toll it had taken on her emotions, wavered as she staggered to meet Sully. Tears streaked her cheeks as she struggled to control her steps, her petite frame shaking from the exertion. At the first sight of Sully, her body swayed and suddenly her legs gave way under her. Holding tight to her precious bundle, she dropped to her knees. In an instant, Sully was by her side, easing her to the ground, and together they laid Wolf on the soft dirt.
"Michaela?"
She pushed the sweat soaked hair away from her face and looked at her husband with tears streaming down her cheeks, almost speechless. "I'm…I'm so sorry, Sully."
Shock flashed across his face. He stroked the animal's head and ran his hands over him to assess the wounds, not registering Michaela's words. In a moment of stunned disbelief, it was as if everything around him stood still. He couldn't comprehend what he was seeing or what she was saying.
"I tried…I tried to save him…" Her voice trailed off.
"How'd this…what happened?" Sully cradled Wolf's head in his lap and continued to stroke his head and scratch behind his ears, desperate to understand something other than the truth.
"I don't know. He was bleeding profusely when I found him. I couldn't stop the bleeding. There was nothing I could do."
Despite Dorothy and Brian's attempts to hold the children back, Josef wiggled and broke free from Dorothy's grasp to run toward his parents.
"Wolf!" the little boy cried. "Wolf!" Josef reached his parents and dropped to his knees. He threw his arms around the animal's body trying to help him up, but he was too heavy. "Do something, Mama. You gotta help him." He spoke into Wolf's ear. "Don't worry, boy, Mama'll fix you."
"There's nothing more I can do sweetheart," Michaela gently explained.
"What do you mean? He's bleedin'! You gotta wrap him up and stop it! You have to save him."
Michaela pulled Josef into her arms and hugged him tight, her heart breaking at the sight of her son so distraught. She looked to her husband for help in explaining this situation to her son, but realized Sully was lost in his own thoughts, searching for his own explanation. "There was nothing I could do sweetheart. I can't help Wolf now."
He squirmed in her arms as though to escape. "But, you're a doctor."
"Wolf's injuries were too severe."
Josef broke away from his mother's embrace, and he threw his arms around the animal. "Wolf…please…get up! Wolf..no!" Josef choked out his pleas as Katie, Brian, and Dorothy solemnly joined the group.
"Papa, is Wolf gonna be okay?" Katie asked.
"No," Sully breathed, finally able to gather his thoughts, finally able to realize the heartache before him.
Michaela wiped the tears from her face with the back of her wrist and reached out with her other hand to bring Josef once again into her arms. Katie hugged her father and Dorothy reached for Brian's hand.
Brian was waging a battle with his own emotions. Ill with grief, he took several deep breaths, determined to remain strong and in control for the sake of his siblings. As he watched the scene before him, he almost expected Wolf to leap to his feet and lick Josef's face. But he didn't move. Slowly and in silence, Brian let go of Dorothy's hand and approached the animal. He had grown up with Wolf and couldn't imagine him no longer with them.
"Go get your bag. Please. Give him some leaves or medicine. Please fix him Mama," Josef said, weeping into his mother's shoulder. "You can sew him up like you did me, lots of times, remember. Please."
Brian knelt down to help calm his little brother. "None of that is gonna work, Joe. It's too late. Wolf. He's…he's…"
"He's dead," Sully uttered. The blunt honesty of his words left them all mute with grief.
Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six
After the shock abated, activity in the campsite returned to some semblance of normalcy. Everyone kept busy with chores, though, in their grief, they moved a little slower, taking longer to do even the simplest tasks. Everyone that is, except Sully, who had gone off to track the cat.
When no one was looking, Josef crept back to sit beside Wolf, whose body had been placed on the left side of the campsite, far away from the center of activity. Tears fell in rivulets down the little boy's cheeks as he stroked the bloodstained fur of his beloved companion. In low, soothing tones he spoke to him. "I'm sorry, Wolf," he whispered into the animal's ear. "I didn't know." Sobs wracked his body as he lowered his head and rested it on the animal's chest.
As Sully emerged from the woods, the sight of his son hovering over Wolf's body rattled him, causing him to stop in his tracks and attempt to regain his own composure. He drew a long, uneven breath, as if trying to draw strength from some hidden reserve, before returning to the campsite.
The pain emanating from his son seared through him like a red-hot poker. He knew Josef was a sensitive child, with a strong attachment to Wolf, but something about this incident bothered him in a way he hadn't completely sorted out. Unable to take his eyes off his hurting child and distracted by his own sorrow and grief, Sully was uncharacteristically inattentive to his surroundings. He didn't see the low hanging branch until he walked straight into it, rearing back from the impact. The pain from the blow was dulled by the numbness he felt over the loss of his longtime friend and companion. Wiping the blood that trickled down his forehead with the back of his hand, he continued toward his son.
From across the campsite, Michaela was on her way to her son's side when she noticed Sully exit the woods and head in Josef's direction. Startled by his pain-darkened eyes, she intercepted him. "Did you find anything?" she asked, eager to learn if he had been able to track the animal.
He turned in the direction of her voice, stepped closer, and placed his arm around her shoulder to lead her a few paces away from the others. "It was a cougar," he whispered, then swallowed hard before continuing. "I followed Wolf's tracks to a cougar's den. I saw cubs, but no sign o' the mother. From the amount of blood on the ground it looked like the fight happened right outside the den."
She reached up to touch the red scrape on his forehead. "Do you think the mother is rabid?"
"No. I think she was just protectin' her cubs. She was probably hurt in the fight, too. I didn't stay long 'cause if she saw me near her cubs, she would've done the same ta me as she did ta Wolf." Sully sighed in frustration and glanced in the direction of his son, still clinging to Wolf. "What I don't got figured out is what Wolf was doin' there. Wolf wouldn't have gone chasin' after that cougar for no reason, Michaela. And Joe knows better than ta go runnin' off in the woods alone, or ta get near an animal like that cat. I just don't understand what he was doin' out there. Did Josef say anythin' else?"
"He didn't go running off into the woods alone, Sully. He went no further than that fallen log I showed you right near the clearing. He could still see the campsite from there when the cougar came at him. That's why Wolf went after it. He chased it away to protect Josef and the rest of us here at the camp."
"And that makes sense to you?" Sully asked.
Michaela registered his accusing tone. "No, not if the mother isn't rabid or ill. But, Josef doesn't lie, Sully. Why would he tell us a story about something this serious?"
"I don't know," he said. I just don't understand how…why…."
Sully's thoughts trailed off in his frustration at being unable to come up with a logical reason for Wolf's death. He thought he saw footprints in the dirt near the den other than Wolf's, leading him to believe that Josef was there as well, but he wasn't sure. He didn't see those other tracks on the way to the den. If the other tracks belonged to Josef, he wondered how he got there and why didn't he see his tracks alongside Wolf's? And why didn't Josef say anything? If he was there, what would the two of them be doin' outside a cougar den? He couldn't dismiss the possibility that Josef was with Wolf when the cougar attacked, but he couldn't be sure either. Until he knew, he would let those thoughts work around in his mind a bit more before revealing them to Michaela.
From his prolonged silence and the remoteness in his eyes, Michaela sensed Sully retreating from her. She longed to draw him back from the far, dark place he had gone so she gently touched his forearm as a gesture of comfort and support. "Sully, are you all right?"
At the sound of her voice, Sully realized he had drifted away from their conversation. He met her worried gaze. "Yeah, I'm just tryin' ta work out what happened. Did you have your eye on Joe the whole time I was workin'?"
"I knew where he was playing the entire time, yes," she replied, taken aback by the insinuation that she had not been paying attention to the children. "I told him to stay between the fallen log and the campsite and he did."
Sully was reasonably certain he saw Josef's tracks by the cougar den. At the same time, his son had never wandered off before, or lied to them. With his whole heart he wanted to find some other explanation for what he saw, anything other than the possibility that Josef wasn't telling the truth. He knew he wasn't thinking clearly when he followed Wolf's tracks. He wondered if he could have missed something important. "Well, somethin' don't make sense. I'm gonna talk ta Joe."
"Sully." Michaela called him back, grasping his hand.
"Yeah." He stopped in his steps and turned to face her.
"We need to bury Wolf."
Sully glanced at Wolf then back at Michaela. "We'll leave him where he fell."
Michaela hesitated as she tightened her grip on his hand. "Sully, if it were only you and I, I'd agree. We could leave him there as the Cheyenne would have, but we need to consider the children. Wolf needs to be buried for them."
"I'll explain it to 'em. They'll understand." Sully left Michaela standing alone as he walked toward Josef. When he reached his son's side, he knelt down and placed his hand on his back. "I know it hurts son. Wolf was a good friend to us."
Josef raised his head to his father. "I don't want him to be dead," he choked out.
Sully felt tears sting his eyes. "Me neither, but sometimes bad things happen. We can't stop 'em from happenin', as much as we wish we could" he said, knowing the truth of those words from his own painful past. He pulled Josef into his arms and held him, leaning forward and back. After a few moments, his eyes sought out Katie, who was being comforted by Brian under a nearby tree. "Katie, Brian, come here. I wanna talk to ya." Brian took hold of his sister's hand and they walked to Wolf's side. "I'm gonna take Wolf's body over to the ridge and we're gonna leave 'em there so he can give back to the earth. That's the way we're gonna honor Wolf's life. Do ya understand?"
"Aren't we gonna bury him?" Katie asked, bringing her hand across her face to wipe away her tears.
"No. The Cheyenne believe that those who die in battle should be left where they fell so they can give back to the earth. It's the same with animals. The tribe takes what they need and they leave the rest for the birds and other animals to give them life."
Brian understood what Sully was trying to say, but he also knew his siblings wouldn't react well to this idea. In a gesture of reassurance, he drew Katie into his arms to listen to Sully's explanation.
"How?" Katie asked, leaning into Brain.
"Well…" he paused, trying to come up with a way to explain Cheyenne beliefs in a manner they would understand. "He'll provide food for the coyotes, eagles, and other animals and they'll scatter his body over the earth. That way Wolf's death will give life to others."
"No!" Josef screamed, pulling away from his father.
"You'd let animals eat Wolf?" Katie was stunned by what she was hearing.
"It's how we'll honor Wolf." Sully realized this would be more of a struggle than he thought.
"No!" Katie said. "Wolf's a part of our family. Would you leave me or Joey to be eaten by animals?"
Her shocked expression combined with the pain in her voice stunned Sully. Next to him, Josef clung to him hard, so hard that the sobbing convulsions of the small child's body shook his father to the core. This wasn't going well and Sully began to realize that Wolf did indeed need to be buried for the sake of the children.
Sully held Josef tight to his chest. With his other arm, he brought Katie into his embrace. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset ya. You're right. Wolf needs ta be buried. Brian, will ya help me dig a hole?"
* * * * *
The majesty of the Rocky Mountains towered in the distance; their peaceful and imposing presence gave comfort, appearing to offer a promise of protection. A full complement of nature's bounty flourished in the sun-kissed, fertile soil. At the bottom of the ridge stood hundreds of deciduous and evergreen trees in harmony with a creek that flowed past as gently as a dove. At the top of the ridge, the forest opened and the mountain dropped away, down hundreds of feet of gray granite wall. The ground was a carpet of florid splendor. Wildflowers, in full bloom, with their heads turned up to bask in the warmth of the late day sun. Here, at the top of a ridge facing north toward Colorado Springs was Wolf's burial site.
As the last rays of daylight offered a goodnight kiss to the land that was its mate, the haloing glow of the falling sun cast the mountains in a somber shadow. Under the solemn sky, Sully and Brian dug in silence. Hard at work, they each took turns digging up the earth, knowing that soon they would return something more precious to her gentle care. Sully thrust his shovel into the ground in turn, heaving his mound of soil onto the pile beside him. Each thrust of the tool, each shovel-full of clay added to the pile, represented the slow rise of his emotions, buried deep within, that would soon come to the surface.
Now, though, he needed to feel the peacefulness of the moment, he needed to say goodbye in a setting that had spoken to his heart when he first set eyes on it. In this spot, he could almost see Wolf perched on the edge of the ridge standing guard, his body regal, with his nose in the air, waiting for Sully to catch up. Sully found peace in the thought that high on this ridge, close to his creator, Wolf's spirit could soar among the eagles that nested nearby.
Sully chose this spot for its serenity and because it afforded Wolf the pleasures of all four seasons. At this time of year, spring flowers would decorate his grave with a brilliant show of color. Soon leaves would fill out the trees, shading and cooling the ground from the intense summer heat.
In the fall, he would be covered with vibrant red and gold leaves. Then, when the skeletal trees retreated into their winter slumber, his grave would be blanketed with snow. A faint smile graced Sully's lips as he remembered how much Wolf loved snowy Colorado winters. With the first snow of the season, he would romp in it, almost as if laughing with boundless energy.
Their work complete, Sully paused, leaned against the shovel and wiped the sweat from his brow. It was then he noticed Michaela walking up the ridge holding Katie and Josef by the hand. Though her head was bowed down, Sully knew Katie was crying by the way she brought her free hand up to wipe the tears from her eyes. Josef's body was rigid and Sully watched with concern as his son stared blankly ahead. Dorothy trailed several feet behind them, at a comforting, yet unobtrusive distance, a grave expression on her face.
Against the stillness of the dawning dusk and the vanishing light, they gathered around the hole and watched in tearful silence as Sully lowered Wolf's body into the grave. The children clung to their mother in grief. Their experience with death was still so brief that they clung as well to the naiveté of life that the gift of youth bestowed upon them. Brian, no stranger to death's unwelcome visit, stepped forward to retrieve the shovel once more and began covering the hole.
An eagle flying overhead seemed to pause in flight above Wolf's grave acknowledging the solemnity of the event below him. Brian looked up and remembered that eagles carried prayers to the spirits. Perhaps this eagle was here to carry their prayers for Wolf's tender care up to God.
Brian's eyes returned to the grave in disbelief. He couldn't believe Wolf was gone. He had seemed invincible, a constant in their lives that would never change. But, life had taught him that nothing was constant, and that no one was ever prepared for the death of a loved one. In his experience, death came on suddenly, and without warning, leaving the survivors to mourn and carry on. He only had to remember his mother, Ingrid, and Anthony to know the truth of death's poor timing. After spreading several scoops of dirt over the body, he handed the shovel to Michaela.
With her vision blurred, Michaela stepped closer to the grave and filled-in the hole. She mourned the companion she had come to love. Only three short days ago, Wolf had been lying in the sun on the front porch of the homestead. He shouldn't have died this way, she told herself. Seeing the pain etched across her husband's face, it reminded her of the losses Sully had suffered throughout his life. Wolf was the last connection to his life before her and the children and she couldn't help think that Wolf's death was bringing up painful reminders of Abigail, Hannah and his Cheyenne family. She wiped the tears from her face and handed the shovel to Katie.
"Why do we all have to do it?" Katie quietly asked, speaking the first words in this somber occasion.
"You don't have to sweetheart, but I believe it helps us say goodbye to the ones we love," her mother explained.
Katie wiped her tears and tentatively reached for the shovel out of a desire to appease her mother. She doubted that filling the hole with dirt would make her feel any better about Wolf's death. This was her first experience with death that she could remember. Her grandmother had died when she was little, but she had only a faint memory of that event. She wondered if Wolf would be lonely all alone out here. It would have been better if they could have brought him home and buried him beside the house. She stepped closer to the grave, and with all her might, she thrust the shovel into the pile of dirt, throwing some over Wolf's grave. When she finished, she cried, her shoulders rising and falling in a steady rhythm. She let the shovel fall from her hands and walked into her mother's open arms. For a few silent moments Michaela rocked her daughter back and forth in an attempt to ease her grief.
Brian picked up the shovel and handed it to Josef. The little boy shook his head, refusing his turn. Josef stared straight ahead, his eyes glassy and his face pale. He didn't cry. He didn't show any reaction at all as his mother drew him close to her and held him. He was numb with guilt, sadness, and an overwhelming desire to start the day again and erase this horrible nightmare. Sully glanced at Michaela and their eyes locked, both of them sharing a silent concern for their youngest son. Then he nudged his head for Brian to offer the shovel to Dorothy.
Dorothy felt out of place at this family ceremony and she awkwardly reached for the shovel. When she finished, she handed it to Sully who completed the job in silence.
As he tossed soil over the grave, he reflected on how much Wolf had given him, and how he had started him on the road to healing from Abigail and Hannah's deaths.
With heads bowed and eyes moist, moments passed in silence as all six of them contemplated their own private thoughts and memories of Wolf. They thought about the many times this brave and loyal animal came to their aid and the unconditional love he gave them. They wondered if they had adequately repaid him for his many gifts. Brian had been waiting for Sully to say something in memory of Wolf. He glanced at Sully, but noticed that he remained with his head bowed in silent contemplation. Brian's eyes drifted toward his mother. She acknowledged his unanswered question with a slight nod.
Brian cleared his throat and began speaking. "The earliest memory I have of Wolf was when I was about six and I ran away to live with the Cheyenne like Pa." He paused to look at Sully. Meeting Sully's eyes and seeing a faint smile on his lips, he continued. "Wolf tracked my scent and found where I fell. He led Ma and Pa to me so they could save my life." Brian blinked several times to stop his tears from falling. "Another time when Colleen and I ran away to avoid going with Ethan, Wolf found us. I was mad at the time because I thought we'd have to go away, but Colleen was real sick and if Wolf hadn't found us, she might not have gotten better. Wolf was always looking out for us," he finished with a quivering voice.
"I have so many fond memories of Wolf," Michaela began. "After an encounter with a bobcat, he became one of my first patients after I arrived in Colorado Springs. In addition to helping us find Brian, he helped Sully track me when I was abducted by Dog Soldiers. Wolf had an uncanny way of knowing who to trust and who not to trust. He was fiercely loyal and I'll always remember his bond with Sully," she paused to glance at her husband and could see his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Out of his love for Sully, he adopted all of us as his family and cared for us and protected us. I love you Wolf and I'll miss you."
As Dorothy's turn to speak came she grew uncomfortable. "I…I don't know what to say. I suppose what I remember most about Wolf was that he was always with Sully. They looked out for each other and when Sully got involved with Michaela, he looked out for her and the children, too."
Michaela turned to the children. "Do you want to say something about Wolf sweethearts?"
"Wolf always watched out for us. Thank you for playing with me and sleeping in my bed when I was scared at night. Um, bye Wolf. I love you," Katie said, her voice breaking.
Josef remained silent and still like a statue. He didn't even blink.
"Josef, do you want to say something?" Michaela asked.
Josef stood frozen in place. He just shook his head and stared at the grave. For the first time he understood what dying meant. Nothing would ever be the same. Wolf was gone forever. He wanted to cry, but the tears didn't come.
"It's all right. You don't have to say anything," Michaela reassured. "As long as we remember the wonderful friend Wolf was to us, he will live on in our hearts and minds forever." Sensing that her husband needed time alone, she placed her arms around the children and led them away from the grave. Dorothy and Brian followed close behind.
Sully remained alone at the gravesite. After several long moments just staring out at the horizon toward the mountains, he knelt down and brushed his hand over the ground. Slowly he took his knife from its belt and cut a small piece of hair and placed it under a rock on the grave. He rested his hand over the rock, bowed his head and closed his eyes, letting a torrent of memories wash over him. After some time in silent reflection, he opened his eyes and rose to his feet. He stared at the grave for a few moments longer before speaking. "I'll miss ya boy. You were a good friend. Rest easy."
* * * * *
From a deep sleep, Michaela began to rouse. She reached her hand out to feel the comforting presence of her husband, but instead of the warmth of his body, all she found was empty air. Confused, she sat up wondering if she had overslept. The camp was still and the sky was dark. It wasn't near morning yet. Gradually, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she made out his figure standing a few yards away gazing into a dying fire. She rose to her feet, draped a shawl around her shoulders and approached him.
"Are you all right?" She rested her hand on the small of his back.
Sully welcomed the physical warmth of the gesture. "Yeah," he replied, as he wrapped his arm around her. He drew her close, resting his cheek against the top of her head and pressed a kiss to her hair. He felt a profound sense of loss over the death of Wolf, but he also felt immense gratitude for his family, especially this amazing woman who was his wife. He was grateful he no longer lived alone in the woods with only Wolf for a friend.
Michaela could feel the sadness emanating from her husband. "I tried to save him Sully." She looked up at him, her face full of longing for the reassurance that he knew she did everything she could.
Sully pulled her closer. "I know ya did. This ain't your fault Michaela. It's no one's fault." He let the silence draw out between them then he inhaled a shaky breath. "Was he dead when ya found 'im?"
"No. He was gravely injured, but he was trying to make it back to camp. I followed his tracks into the woods and after a few minutes I saw him hobbling toward me. He collapsed on the ground. I ran to him and immediately tried to stop the bleeding, but I knew it was too late. I think Wolf knew it, too." She drew in a long breath and wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. "I held his head in my lap, petted him and told him we loved him. I thanked him for taking such good care of you," she added, her voice catching with emotion. "Sully, he looked right at me, as if he could understand what I was saying, before he closed his eyes. At that moment he was gone. Though I don't know how I managed it, I knew I had to bring him back to camp. That's when you saw me."
Sully found comfort in knowing Wolf hadn't died alone. "When Wolf was younger, he could've handled himself against a cougar. He was just too old. By the amount of blood on the ground near the cougar den, I'd say he fought hard though." He held Michaela's hand in the darkness, his fingers tightening around it firmly, as though he were afraid of losing it. "I can't believe he's gone. I keep expectin' 'im ta show up wantin' a scrap of food or ta be scratched behind the ears. It's hard to remember a time when he wasn't with me."
"I know. When I picture you when you're away, it's always with Wolf by your side."
"Now, I got you by my side." He leaned forward to place a soft kiss on her temple.
"Always."
"I wouldn't wanna go back to those years when it was just me an' him, but it's hard ta think of the years ahead without 'im. He kept me outta danger more times than I can remember. He didn't deserve ta go like that."
"He took good care of you…of all of us."
"He did." They both fell silent for several long moments.
"You never told me how you found Wolf."
"He found me actually," Sully recalled.
"Oh?"
"When I left the old homestead for the woods…after Abigail, I wandered around in circles for weeks, lost and angry. I didn't eat or sleep. I was mad I was alive when they were dead. I was angry at myself for not doin' more ta save 'em." Sully felt Michaela squeeze his hand. "One night I fell asleep by an abandoned cave and when I woke up, I found a wolf pup pressed against my back for warmth. I looked around for its ma, but there was no one there. The way I was feelin', I didn't want nothin' ta do with it, but he was so small, not fully weaned. I was worried he wouldn't make it without his ma so I spent the mornin' lookin' for her. Had nothin' better ta do. When I found 'er, she was dead, a bullet in 'er chest. A dead pup was next ta her, probably died of exposure."
"What did you do?"
"At the time, I could hardly look after myself. I didn't want anythin' ta do with 'im, but I couldn't leave 'im either. I figured I could keep 'im with me 'til he joined up with another pack."
"But he didn't join another pack, did he?" Michaela asked, already knowing the answer.
"No," Sully laughed lightly at the memory. "I couldn't get 'im ta leave. Once, when he was gone overnight, I figured he got adopted by a wolf pack so I moved on deeper into the woods alone. I was relieved. I didn't want nothin' dependen' on me. Then one day, I woke up ta find a bear standin' over me. I didn't try ta get away. Part o' me wanted ta die an' hoped it'd be quick. Then all of a sudden Wolf, just a little pup, started growlin' at the bear and got it to chase 'im. He came back a few hours later. From then on we looked out for each other. A few days later, the weather turned cold and since I hadn't been sleepin' much or eatin', I got real sick. I had a high fever and I was sure I was gonna die. I found out later that Cloud Dancin' had followed Wolf and found me unconscious and near death. He had seen the dead wolf and had been lookin' for any orphaned pups. Wolf got 'im ta follow 'im and that's when he found me and took me in. Somehow Wolf knew I needed someone to help me."
"I'll always be grateful to him for taking such good care of you. Wolf was the first living creature you cared for after Abigail. I believe you started healing with him."
"I had a long way ta go yet, but yeah, he touched somethin' in me that I thought was dead. Then Cloud Dancin' and the Cheyenne filled up the empty places, givin' me a reason ta live. Knowin' the comfort Wolf gave me after I lost Abigail was the reason I brought Brian Pup that first Christmas after Charlotte died."
"It was the perfect gift."
Sully sighed heavily. "The kids are takin' this hard."
"Especially Josef. Sully, do you think it's wise for us to leave in the morning as planned? Perhaps we should spend more time helping the children come to terms with what's happened."
"We best be movin' on. There's nothin' ta be gained from stayin' 'round here. We can explain things ta the kids on the way." Sully remained silent for a few moments before continuing. "Michaela," he hesitated. "Somethin' about Josef's story don't add up."
"What do you mean?"
"A cougar's not gonna come near folks unless it's rabid or sick."
"Perhaps she was looking for food for her cubs. It was a harsh winter," she said, trying to come up with another reason.
"Maybe." He paused to consider his next question. "Are you sure you knew where Joe was all afternoon?"
"Of course I did. He was near the deer path, and then he walked to the large fallen oak and played."
"Ya sure he didn't wander off?"
"Josef knows better than to wander off. I'm certain he played right where he said he did. What are you suggesting?"
"I'm not sure yet." He decided to ask her one more question to ease his mind. "Did ya happen ta notice where his tracks went?"
Michaela thought back to earlier in the day. "Josef ran ahead of me into the woods before I brought him back to camp. His tracks were going off in all different directions. I remember not being certain which way Wolf's tracks went at first, but then I saw a distinct trail going off in a different direction from Josef's. Sully, what's all this about?"
"Probably nothin', but I can't let go o' the feelin' that Joe's not tellin' us everythin'. Maybe he left somethin' out."
"Sully, I know this is hard for you to accept, but you're searching for something that's not there. We all loved Wolf and he loved us. I would have preferred he lived to a ripe old age, spending his last years curled up on our front porch letting the children play and trample all over him. But, he died protecting our family instead. I shudder to think about what might have happened to Josef had he not been there."
Sully weighed Michaela's words heavily against an unyielding struggle that was brewing within him. "You think that's what happened? That the cougar found Joe at the log?"
"Why wouldn't I think that? It's what Josef told us happened. Sully, he's never given us any reason not to trust him. Don't you trust him now?"
Sully breathed deeply, wanting with all his heart to believe Josef had told them the truth. He wanted to believe that, in his shock and grief, he was confused by what he thought he saw. "Of course," he responded. "I…I trust him, too."
Josef had woken earlier from a nightmare and now he sat with his head outside the tent, listening to every word his parents spoke. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He had never seen his father so sad and he knew if his parents ever found out the truth, that he caused Wolf's death, they would never forgive him. Josef didn't know how he was going to live the rest of his life knowing that Wolf's death was his fault. If only I hadn't followed those tracks. What could I ever do that would be good enough to make things right again? He wanted to go back and fix this, but he couldn't. Why can't we go back and fix the bad things we did? Why?"