For personal use and select distribution only © by Judith A., October 2006

No Greater Burden
By Judith A.

Chapter Twenty-Nine | Chapter Thirty | Chapter Thirty-One

When Michaela and Sully arrived at the far edge of the reservation where the Cheyenne were holding the tribal council, they found it already in progress. Chief Strong Bow sat in the middle of seven men and one woman smoking a pipe. All eight members of the council sat with impassive faces listening to the charges leveled against Running Wolf. Cloud Dancing, who was seated to the chief's left, did not look up or in any way acknowledge Michaela and Sully's arrival.

Despite the stifling heat of this July day, a small fire burned in the center of the clearing. The smell of the smoke had been sweetened by sage and fanned over all those in attendance as a means of purifying and protecting the tribe from the heinous crimes committed. More than thirty Cheyenne had gathered to witness the council. Most seemed strangely subdued and contemplative, though several wore expressions hardened by anger. The council would hear all sides. At the conclusion of the charges, they would listen to arguments in Running Wolf's defense, and then render a verdict deciding his fate.

Running Wolf sat directly across from the chief, his legs and arms crossed in front of him, as if he was folding into himself. Night Crane was beside him, her hand resting lightly on his knee, her baby in her arms. This was the first time she had seen her husband since he had been taken into custody, and she knew that it was up to her, and her alone, to prevent it from being her last. Eyes Like the Sky was seated alone behind his mother. When Night Crane noticed Michaela arrive without her children, she knew that her friend had struggled with the same internal debate, as she had, about whether the hearing was appropriate for them. For Night Crane, it came down to a desire for her son to know that his mother had done all she could to save her husband, and to see how much she loved him. Whatever Running Wolf's fate, she hoped, in time, Eyes Like the Sky would find comfort in having witnessed her commitment.

At seeing Eyes Like the Sky, Michaela experienced a moment of doubt in her decision to keep Katie away from the proceedings. The boy looked so scared and alone as he sat with his shoulders slumped and his head bowed down. Her daughter's sensitivity and compassion would have brought him comfort and support. Taking Sully's hand, she guided them toward their friends. After taking a seat beside the boy, she placed her arm around his shoulder in a maternal gesture.

Sully let go of her hand and remained standing for a moment as his eyes searched the faces of the council members for any sign of their disposition. Their expressions gave nothing away as they listened to the angry words of Eagle Nest who had been speaking since they arrived. Sully made several attempts to make eye contact with Cloud Dancing, desperate for a sign that his friend's anger had receded since their heated words; the words that threatened to tear apart their friendship. Instead, his pleading eyes were met with cold, blank stares as Cloud Dancing concentrated on the hearing. Crushed, he lowered himself to the ground next to his wife. He reached for her hand and held it, needing to feel connected to his one safe place.

Eagle Nest continued to describe Running Wolf's crimes to the members of the council. He spoke in Cheyenne. It was a loud, booming voice animated by wild hand gestures that reflected his rage. He told of seeing Running Wolf with a known Osage scout following the trail of Black Kettle's band. He recounted their fight and his belief, at the time, that he had killed Running Wolf. Eagle Nest explained how, though injured, he got away in time to warn Black Kettle to move the camp. In a subdued voice, with his head lowered to the ground, he told of Custer coming into the camp on the Washita and slaughtering nearly everyone. When he saw Running Wolf again, he knew his failure to kill him that day had led to the betrayal and death of the Cheyenne.

Though he had only seen Running Wolf scout once, Eagle Nest charged him with every Cheyenne death at the hands of the white Army, from Sand Creek to Little Big Horn. To Eagle Nest, it didn't matter. As far as he was concerned, by working for Custer, Running Wolf was culpable in each and every massacre. As his speech came to an end, he urged the council to take his life as retribution for the Cheyenne lives he had aided Custer in taking. His remarks were met with whoops and hollers of agreement from many of the Cheyenne in attendance.

At hearing the charges that had been leveled against him, Running Wolf remained in place, his dark eyes fixed straight ahead, appearing unmoved. He sat like a lone rock in a raging river, letting the cold, hateful words rush past him, as he kept perfectly still, his face blank. An internal tornado ripped apart his insides as he heard his crimes embellished into lies. He didn't see any point in attempting to separate the truth from the lies. The truth alone, that he scouted for Custer, was enough to bring about his execution.

Throughout Eagle Nest's speech, Sully quietly translated for Michaela. His version only provided the charges against him, omitting the vengeful rhetoric. When Eagle Nest finished, Sully reached across, placing a hand on Night Crane's shoulder. "Let me tell 'em how he helped us," he whispered into her ear.

She shifted slightly to meet his eyes. "I need to do this alone," she replied, turning her face back to the council.

"It might help if more people spoke on his behalf," Michaela gently stressed in a hushed tone.

"Cloud Dancing knows what my husband has done if he chooses to make it relevant," Night Crane replied softly, her back to them. Shifting in her seat again, she focused her dark brown eyes intently on her friends. "These are my people. The Cheyenne need to hear about Running Wolf from me. I appreciate your support, more than you know, but this is my fight. I need to do it alone."

Sully placed his hand on Running Wolf's shoulder in a silent gesture of support. After hours upon hours of silent contemplation, he had come to the conclusion that Running Wolf was as much a victim of Custer and the white westward expansion as the Cheyenne. They had all been casualties of a war they never wanted to fight. However, this understanding had not yet brought him to forgiveness. Caught in a private internal struggle over whether forgiveness meant betraying the Cheyenne, the only conclusion he had drawn, with certainty, was that Running Wolf did not deserve to die. Sully believed the outcome that would do the most good for the Cheyenne, was one that allowed Running Wolf to find the redemption he had sought when he came to live with the tribe. In his gut, he feared the prospect for a second chance was slim, given man's inherent thirst for revenge, especially among those who have had their own hope extinguished. Though he had faith in Night Crane's ability to make the best case for her husband, he wondered if it would be enough to spare his life.

"Are you ready to proceed?" Strong Bow asked Night Crane. His tone was neutral, without judgment.

"Yes," she replied in Cheyenne. Taking a deep breath, she stood, handed New Promise to Michaela, and slowly made eye contact with each member of the council. Murmurs could be heard in the crowd calling her a traitor to her people. The chief quieted the group assembled and asked that they show her respect. When silence was restored, he nodded for her to begin.

"My name is Night Crane from the band of the Cheyenne led by my uncle Black Kettle," she began, her voice shaking. "I am also a survivor of both Sand Creek and Washita. I have seen the cruelty of the white Army toward our people. But, I have also seen the compassion of individual white men, including soldiers. Over the course of my thirty winters I have learned that rarely are any people all good or all bad." Before continuing, she directed a brief sidelong glance toward Michaela and Sully, finding strength in their reassuring eyes. "My husband, Running Wolf, is such a man." Night Crane went on to describe her husband's upbringing as a Crow warrior, the deaths of his father, brother, and wife, and his capture by the Army, which led to his agreeing to scout for Custer. "Though it doesn't excuse his joining with Custer against the Cheyenne, he only agreed to scout war parties, not villages with women and children. He did not tell Custer that warriors were camped with Black Kettle. In truth, Custer already knew that Black Kettle was camped along the Washita. Running Wolf tried to stop him from attacking the village."

"Liar!" a Cheyenne man cried out.

"Murderer!" another man yelled.

"It is the truth," she implored, her voice rising with her conviction. "When he saw what the Army had done at Washita, he walked away, making himself a target of Custer's revenge. By agreeing to scout Cheyenne war parties, he acted in the same manner as generations of Crows that came before him. He should not be condemned for doing what he was raised to do. How many of you remember the pride we felt when we stole Crow horses or killed a brave Crow warrior in battle? We were raised to wage war against the Crow, just as the Crow were raised to wage war against us." Night Crane paused, pleased to see the recognition and honor in the faces of the old ones who could still remember the great Cheyenne war parties against the Crows.

She continued. "My husband does not take innocent lives. He is not a murderer of women and children. I could not love him if I did not know his heart, and if I did not believe, with all my soul, that he has lived for years with the guilt and shame of his actions. Running Wolf desires to commit the rest of his life to making amends. No purpose will be gained from killing him."

Eagle Nest rose to his feet. "Men, women, and children are dead because of your husband. Babies were orphaned. Good people were bereaved because of him. Why should you not grieve as well?"

"I grieve every day for all our people have lost," Night Crane answered Eagle Nest. Turning her eyes back to the council members, she went on. "Honorable Chief and members of the council, I ask that you render a punishment that serves the Cheyenne people. If you find it in your conscience to spare my husband's life, we will surrender ourselves to your service." She paused to take the baby from Michaela holding him up to the council. "We offer our son, New Promise, to the Cheyenne people. He is our promise to work tirelessly on your behalf. Make that my husband's punishment – a life of atonement for his sins."

"I will close with the words of my late, great Chief. 'Although wrongs have been done to me, I live in hopes.' My uncle, Black Kettle, was referring to the wrongs done to us by the whites. Even in the face of those wrongs, he still desired for us to live in peace with the whites. Yes, wrongs have been done to the Cheyenne by the whites, by my husband, and by many others. But, let us live in hopes that the Cheyenne will survive in the same honorable way we have lived for generations. We will not survive by succumbing to revenge. Allow my husband to devote the rest of his days in the service of that survival, as all of you have. Since Washita, I have often wondered for what purpose I was spared. Standing before you, I now believe it was for this moment, to defend my husband and to live out my days in the service of the Cheyenne people." When Night Crane finished, she found it difficult to remain standing. Her impassioned plea had drained all her energy, making her legs wobble and her body sway. Though she had poured everything she had into his defense, she trembled with the fear that it might not be enough. Running Wolf rose up to steady her and helped her sit down. When she was seated beside him, he reached for her hand, squeezing it tight.

By the time Sully finished translating, Michaela dabbed at the water in her eyes, too overcome to speak. Regardless of the outcome, she knew that Night Crane could not have mounted a more compelling defense. She studied the demeanor of the council members who had huddled together to decide the punishment. From where she was seated, she heard an occasional loud word over the hushed voices and observed agitated movements. Throughout the entire proceedings, she didn't recall Cloud Dancing ever looking their way, and watching him now, deliberating with the others, she couldn't read his body language.

Michaela leaned over, whispering to her husband, "Can you understand what they're saying?"

"No, I'm only pickin' up stray words…not enough ta tell," Sully replied as he, too, kept intense focus on the council's deliberations.

At the end of the hearing, Brian had joined his father. "What do you think they're gonna do?"

"I don't know, Brian," Sully replied in a hushed tone.

Fifteen strained minutes followed in which no one spoke, as if voicing an opinion before a decision had been reached would somehow jinx the outcome. Each person devised their own rendering of justice based on the facts presented. Each drew their own conclusions from reading the expressions on the faces of the council members.

Finally, the council returned to their seats. Chief Strong Bow asked Running Wolf to stand, and then he began to speak. "These past years have made it difficult to live in hopes. It is good to be reminded of Black Kettle and his strong desire for peace with our enemy. To bring him forward once more I say, Running Wolf, we are different nations, nations who used to wage war against each other, but it seems you have learned, as I have, that we are one people."

At the positive start, Sully let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and squeezed Michaela's hand. He leaned close to her, repeating the words the chief had spoken, in English.

The chief continued. "The only punishment for contributing to the murder of the Cheyenne is death or exile. If it were the old days, I would exile you and your family to another tribe. Now that we are under the white government's control, exile is not an option."

Night Crane's face lost all its color and she shivered, concluding that they were going to send him to his death. Feeling Michaela's hand on the small of her back, she took several deep breaths and prepared for the worst.

"We can take him hunting…make it look like an accident," a Cheyenne man yelled out. Other men leapt to their feet in support.

Strong Bow stood and held his hands out over the crowd to silence them. When the crowd had calmed, he sat back down and took a long drag on the pipe. "Present times call upon us to devise new punishments, while still honoring the old ways. What I am about to say is the unanimous decision of the council. Any man who goes against his chief, in pursuit of his own revenge, will face severe punishment." The crowd began to murmur possible interpretations of his words until the parallel conversations drowned out the chief's voice.

"Silence," Cloud Dancing demanded. He was on his feet now attempting to subdue the crowd.

Strong Bow resumed communicating the sentence. "Running Wolf, we will spare your life and accept your promise of atonement."

The crowd erupted into whispers, some expressing shock and disapproval, others support. Again, Cloud Dancing quieted the crowd.

When the noise died down, the chief continued. "However, until we are satisfied with the evidence of your promise, you will live in exile in your lodge, only leaving it for works on behalf of the tribe or to meet the obligations of the Indian Agent. You will be an outsider. You will no longer seek the company of others in the tribe. Everyone is to shun you, until such time as I decide your exile is over. You will offer all your horses and other valuable possessions to the survivors of Washita. From this day on, you will hunt for food for the tribe and all but a fraction of your earnings will be given over to the tribe. Your children will be raised in the Cheyenne tradition. Do you understand what is expected of you?"

"I do," Running Wolf replied in a shaky voice.

"Very well. The council is concluded."

Running Wolf felt unsteady on his feet at the generosity of the verdict. Not expecting such mercy, he hoped no one noticed the glistening in his eyes. Stunned that he was now free to return to his lodge with his family, he embraced his wife. When he separated from Night Crane, he drew Eyes Like the Sky into his arms. Regaining some of his composure, he faced Sully and Michaela. "I do not know how to thank both of you," he said, aware of the little struggle in his throat.

"We didn't do anythin'. It was Night Crane's words that swayed 'em," Sully replied.

"You stood beside me when no one else would, despite what you saw at Washita," Running Wolf said to Sully. He directed his gaze toward Michaela. "And you gave Night Crane strength."

"You give me too much credit, Running Wolf. Night Crane is one of the strongest women I know," Michaela replied.

Night Crane took Michaela's hands in hers. "My husband is right. I drew courage and strength from your support and from knowing that once you and Sully understood the circumstances, you no longer despised Running Wolf. I started to believe I could convince them to spare his life."

"You did," Sully said with admiration.

"I wasn't certain at first. I was very frightened."

"Perhaps my deeds may someday earn forgiveness from the Cheyenne," Running Wolf said.

"It seems ta me, 'fore that can happen, ya first gotta forgive yourself," Sully said perceptively.

"It is not over. Many do not agree with the sentence and may cause us trouble. We will need to be careful," Running Wolf said. He was disappointed that they still needed to be on guard, but he didn't think he would know how to live any other way.

"The chief warned them not to disobey him," Brian added.

"Not everyone will listen," Night Crane said.

Michaela glanced over her shoulder to search for Cloud Dancing. She had hoped he might join them after the hearing. With Running Wolf's fate decided, it was time to tackle the rift that separated her husband from his best friend. She noticed Cloud Dancing conversing with Dorothy and the woman who sat on the council. For a moment, they made eye contact, but he quickly looked away, causing her worries to intensify. She turned her attention back to Night Crane. "Why don't we accompany you to your lodge and ensure that you arrive safely?"

"Thank you," Night Crane replied. The six of them began to walk toward the lodge. Several times, Sully glanced backward toward Cloud Dancing. Once, his eyes locked with his brother for a brief, uneasy moment. Before Sully could interpret the expression revealed in them, Cloud Dancing had turned away.

* * * * *

Back in their lodge, Running Wolf enjoyed his first full meal since being taken prisoner by the Dog Soldiers. It was a meager meal of government rations, consisting of dried beef and beans, which he found delicious. Food tasted better and the air smelled sweeter without a death sentence hanging over his head. Even the sight of the dark, musty cabin caused his heart to soar. This evening, he would relish being alive, surrounded by the people he loved most in the world. Tomorrow, they would sort through their possessions, those that hadn't been destroyed, as offerings for the families of the Washita survivors. In another day, they would plan how they were going to live here under the conditions established by Strong Bow. Until he could prove to the chief that he was truly dedicated to their welfare, he would be shunned. No one was allowed to socialize with him, and once Michaela and Sully left, they would lose their only friends. He deeply regretted having lost the respect of Cloud Dancing. But, amidst all he had lost, the most important part of his life was still intact, his family, and that was something he didn't think he would ever have again.

"I never thought I would be so happy to see this place again," Running Wolf said, raising another forkful of beans to his mouth. He ate with one hand as he held New Promise over his shoulder, his other hand gently stroking the baby's back.

Night Crane sat beside her husband, her hand on his arm. More than food or sleep, what met her needs was touch. She sat close to him, held his hand, and stroked his arm for reassurance that he was real. The days ahead would be difficult, but this evening, all that mattered was having her husband by her side and her children close.

Eyes Like the Sky sat across from his father pushing the food around his plate. Only when his mother looked in his direction did he make a half-hearted attempt at eating. He wasn't hungry; he was scared. Having his father home was good, but he didn't feel safe. Questions whirled around in his head. He wondered if his father would be taken away again and if they were still in danger.

Running Wolf noticed his unease. "What is it my son? Something troubles you."

Eyes Like the Sky met his father's gaze. "What's going to happen now?"

"We will live as we were. You will go to school and continue your Cheyenne lessons. I will go to work and do more to help feed and care for the tribe. Your mother will take care of our home and perform duties for the people. After a time, it will get easier," Running Wolf said. Their day to day reality would not be so neat and simple, but Running Wolf needed his son to find comfort in a normal routine.

"No one will speak to us," Eyes Like the Sky challenged.

"They will not speak to your father," Night Crane clarified. "Not everyone will be mean to you, my son."

"Why don't we go away? We can live like before," Eyes Like the Sky said. His tone, and the expression on his face, was pleading. The memory of his beating and the sight of his father being dragged away still haunted him.

"Because this is our home," Night Crane said firmly.

Running Wolf offered an explanation. "I owe it to the Cheyenne people to live among them now, to make amends for my past. Can you understand that?"

Eyes Like the Sky thought for a moment. "Is it because you worked for Custer, and he hurt the Cheyenne, that you need to help them…to make up for it?"

"Exactly," his father replied, pleased. "I hope you will never make the same mistakes I have. But, we all make mistakes. When we do, all we can do is learn from them and direct our future path toward good. Some men never learn from their mistakes and keep making them over and over again. We will not be like those men."

"We need to be careful," Night Crane warned. "Some of the people will be angry your punishment was not worse."

"For a time, we should not go places alone," Running Wolf said, repositioning the baby against his chest.

Eyes Like the Sky contemplated the floor. "I asked Katie and Josef if I could go home with them."

"You did?" his mother said, pained that he would consider leaving her.

"Is that still what you want?" Running Wolf asked, eyeing his son carefully.

Eyes Like the Sky raised his head to meet his father's intense stare. "No, not now. I don't want to leave you, but I'm afraid to stay here. What if those boys come back?"

"I will keep you safe, I promise," Running Wolf avowed.

"I wish Katie and Josef could stay here with us always," Eyes Like the Sky said.

"It is true, life would be better for us if they stayed, but this is not their home, nor do I wish it were. They have a home and a life to return to in Colorado." As Running Wolf said the words, he thought about how much he would miss Sully. Though he knew they weren't as close as they were before he learned of his secret, in time, he believed he could regain his trust and friendship. He regretted that they wouldn't have the time.

"Do you think we'll ever see them again?" Eyes Like the Sky asked.

"I do," Running Wolf replied. "Someday, you will leave this place and can visit with them, and perhaps they will visit us again."

"People return to those they care about and our families care about each other. That will never change," Night Crane added.

Running Wolf rose to lay the now sleeping baby in his basket beside the bedroll he shared with his wife. "It's been a difficult few days. We all need to sleep."

Night Crane cleared the dishes from the table and placed them outside the lodge. In the morning, she would carry them to the river and wash them. Eyes Like the Sky rose from the table to say goodnight to his father. He hugged Running Wolf tight and kissed his mother before retiring to his private corner of the lodge. The children in bed, Running Wolf quietly approached his wife from behind, placing his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.

Night Crane turned around to face him, bringing her hands up to his back. "I did not want to live without you."

Running Wolf leaned in for a kiss. The taste of his wife's lips and the feel of her body molding into his sent his senses reeling. Alone in the tepee, he dreamt of this moment. He dreamt of holding her, kissing her, and loving her. Dreams were all he ever thought they would be. He took her hand and guided her to their bedroll of soft buffalo hides. Running Wolf was scared to sleep, scared to close his eyes, and scared of reliving his days as a prisoner, the pain and mental anguish constant. For a moment, they sat beside each other until his body began to crave physical closeness. He undressed, first removing his buckskins and then his shirt.

Night Crane regretted the small gasp that escaped from her lips at the sight of his bruised body. The bruises had spread like stains on a cloth. His assurance that the pain had lessened offered her only slight comfort. When he lay beside her, she drew him into her arms, kissing one angry purple bruise, then another, until her lips had soothed each one. Running Wolf rolled over her, resting his full weight on his elbows and kissed her fully on the mouth. His kiss was a deep and thorough melding of their mouths. When they broke apart, breathless, she touched his bandaged ribs.

"Is this a good idea," she questioned, her fingertips tracing the outline of the bandage. "I don't want to hurt you."

"It will hurt me more if I can't be with you. I need you," he said, his voice cracking.

"I need you, too," she affirmed. Another kiss silenced them both. Slowly, and carefully, their bodies came together, and they were transformed, each becoming as much a part of the other as their own hearts.

* * * * *

"They're asleep," Michaela whispered to her husband. She and Sully were seated inside the tent on either side of their children. The wolf was curled up beside Josef, the boy's arm draped across the animal's small body. After an evening of answering their children's questions, and easing their concerns about what had transpired at the tribal council, both parents wanted to ensure that the children felt safe and secure as they drifted off to sleep.

Sully exited the tent first, and then turned back to his wife. "Everyone's sleepin'." Michaela emerged from the tent, and when she was at his side, he took her hand. Together they walked to their bedroll which was positioned away from the others for greatest privacy. "Michaela, we gotta talk," he said as soon as they were seated.

Michaela brought her hand to his face and stroked it. "Sully, you're exhausted. You haven't slept in days. We'll talk in the morning? Now, you need to lie down and rest."

"It won't hold," he said. Despite how badly his body longed to lay on the inviting bedroll, he knew he wouldn't rest until he told his wife what he needed to do.

"Very well," she said uneasily, unable to read his mood. "So much has happened in the past few days that we haven't talked about. I know you visited Running Wolf. I have to assume that altered your earlier position. Do you agree with the council's decision?"

"He didn't deserve ta die. At the same time, the Cheyenne couldn't just forget what he did. Strong Bow found the right punishment."

"And, what about Cloud Dancing?" She broached the subject tentatively.

Sully remained quiet for a long moment, his eyes fixed on the trees in the distance. He heard the dry, crisp sound of the wind rustling the leaves.

Michaela reached over to touch his hand. "Tell me."

Sully absently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. Finding it difficult to voice the pain in his heart, he swallowed hard. "He thinks I betrayed the Cheyenne."

Michaela squeezed his hand. "Oh Sully, I'm certain he doesn't believe that. Discovering the truth about Running Wolf stirred up raw emotions in all of us."

It was quite a while before Sully raised his eyes to hers. "There's somethin' I gotta ask ya."

"What is it?" Something about the expression in his eyes caused a hard knot to form in her chest.

"Michaela, I…." He was afraid suddenly to follow through on what he was so sure of. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I…I don't wanna leave."

"Sully, of course we won't leave until you and Cloud Dancing resolve your differences."

"I mean, I want us ta stay…ta live here," he told her, bracing for her reaction.

"Live here?" she repeated. It was as if she didn't understand the words.

He eased closer to her, taking both her hands in his. "This is right for us, Michaela. I know it is. You can be their doctor. I can help 'em hunt an' raise cattle. I could even start a woodworkin' business. The kids fit in here an' have friends. I want us ta build a new life here, near the Cheyenne."

"Never return to Colorado Springs?" The air around Michaela grew heavy and she found it difficult to breathe. On a day when she thought their life might return to normal and they could begin to make plans to go home, Sully had turned her world upside down.

"We can visit," he said, offering a crumb of appeasement.

"What about my practice, all our friends, the children's education?" She pulled her hands from his, sat up stiffly and folded them in her lap.

"Jason can take over your practice. You can be a doctor anywhere, Michaela. The Cheyenne need you more than the folks in Colorado. We've never had better friends than we have here. As for schoolin', the kids can go to the reservation school," Sully argued, drawing on carefully rehearsed responses that he had spent time developing. As he spoke, he was careful to catch the rise in his voice so as not to wake the others.

"Sully, I don't understand. Where will we live? How will we earn money? The reservation won't pay me to be their doctor. Katie is advanced in the school at home. Her education will suffer if we live here," she stressed.

"We'll figure it out," he said, resolved.

"I'm not willing to give up everything again, with no prospects. At least the Yellowstone job made sense. This…"

He cut her off. "Ya didn't wanna do that either. When does what I want matter, Michaela?"

"It matters," she said, wounded by his accusation. "Of course it matters, but staying here doesn't make sense. Sully, you're searching for something with the Cheyenne that isn't there anymore. If they are going to survive, they need to do it themselves. You can't be their white savior."

He turned his back on her in frustration. "That's not what I'm doin'."

"What are you doing, Sully? After Palmer Creek, the Indian Agency won't hire you to work on this reservation. Their future lies with Strong Bow, Cloud Dancing and the others. Night Crane saved Running Wolf's life. We didn't. We need to let them go."

"I can't," he choked out.

Michaela noticed the deeper alteration in his mood and softened her response. "Sully, the Cheyenne will always be our friends. They will remain an important part of our family. I'd even like to visit with them again. But, we can't build a life here. I don't want to watch this place break your heart a little more each day."

"They're my family," he said in a strained voice. "I owe 'em so much."

"I thought we were your family?" she said, her voice barely a whisper.

Sully turned back to her, framing her face in his hands. "You are. You know you are. I don't wanna do this without ya."

"I would support you in this if I knew what purpose it would serve. There is nothing you can do for the Cheyenne that they are not already trying to do themselves. You have important work at home, work that can make a real difference in the lives of future generations. I can't stay here Sully. I can't."

"I can't leave."

Michaela impatiently turned away from him, realizing they were at an impasse. It was a chasm she didn't know how to cross, since she did not want to stay in Oklahoma. "We're not going to settle this tonight. We both need to sleep."

Sully, too, knew there was nothing more to discuss this evening. He reclined across the soft skins, turned his back to his wife, and closed his eyes that had grown heavy from fatigue. Moments after his head hit the skins, he was breathing deeply.

Michaela watched his slow and even breathing for several moments then stretched out beside him. She broke from her nightly routine by not kissing him goodnight, pressing her body against his, or taking his hand. Instead, she remained on her back, staring up at the stars, feeling as if she were lying beside a stranger, their separate universes revealed in the distance between their bodies. Though drained of all energy, she had reached the point at which tiredness itself prevented sleep. Patiently waiting for sleep to claim her, she began identifying the constellations in the night sky, as she considered the choice in front of her. Lose the life she worked so hard to build in Colorado Springs or lose her husband.

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Chapter Thirty | Chapter Thirty-One | Chapter Thirty-Two

Michaela rose early, having gotten almost no sleep during the night. Careful not to rouse anyone, she made coffee and took a seat by the fire. Staring blankly into the crimson flames, she wrapped her hands around the cup as if embracing its warmth. The rare solitude provided her with an opportunity to reflect on her conversation with Sully. Each time she replayed his request over and over in her mind, parsing and analyzing each word, she tried, in vain, to alter its meaning. After more than an hour of unsettled contemplation, the camp began to come alive. Brian was the first to join her for a cup of coffee, followed by Dorothy. By the time the children emerged from the tent, breakfast was already cooking over the fire. Only Sully continued to slumber in a deep unconscious state, brought on by prolonged sleep deprivation and emotional turmoil.

"You seem tired, Michaela. Did you sleep all right?" Dorothy asked, slowly taking a sip of the steaming hot brew.

"Not really," Michaela responded, pausing to pour herself a second cup of coffee. "I suppose my mind couldn't stop thinking about the past few days." Determined to avoid her friend's probing stare, she kept her eyes downcast by stirring the oatmeal.

Brian sat across from his mother drinking his coffee. "Now that Running Wolf's hearing is over, when are we going home? I'm eager to get back so I can make plans for my trip."

Not expecting this question so soon, Michaela startled, dropping the spoon in the oatmeal. It sunk down into the thick pasty substance. She quickly retrieved it, but not before catching Dorothy's concerned gaze boring into her. "Soon, Brian." Regaining her composure, she continued. "I'm going into town today. I want to send Jason a wire. As he's expecting me back any day now, I need to inform him that our return will be delayed."

"When will you tell him we'll be home?" Dorothy held a bowl out for Michaela to spoon the hot cereal while she took a good, hard look at her friend. Michaela's eyes were tinged with red, and dark half-moon shaped circles ringed them like a raccoon. Her shoulders slumped in a posture that suggested defeat. Dorothy expected to find her friend in better spirits after the council hearing. Seeing her now, she wondered if something else had happened since then to alter her usually steady disposition.

"Soon," she said, ladling the oatmeal for Dorothy before filling two bowls for Katie and Josef. Michaela had planned to tell Jason that their trip home was delayed, and as soon as she knew when they were leaving, she would wire him again. At hearing Brian and Dorothy's eagerness to return home, she knew telling them the truth would lead to more questions, for which she had no answers, at least not yet.

"How come Papa's sleeping so long?" Josef asked. He stared with concern in the direction of his father's still form. Despite all the noise from the morning's activity, Sully hadn't stirred.

"He's tired," his mother said simply. At this moment, she had difficulty setting aside her festering irritation with his demand to find sympathy for his worn out state.

"I'd like to come to town with you, Michaela," Dorothy said. Her motivation had less to do with completing errands than in getting to the bottom of her friend's strange behavior.

"All right," she replied. Her agreement was forced and she struggled to hide her disappointment at not being left alone. The day was only a few hours old and already Michaela felt overwhelmed. In the time alone with her thoughts, she had mentally prepared for the day ahead, willing herself to remain composed and natural. That was proving more difficult than she anticipated. Now that everyone was awake, and expecting her to act normally, she found each question and comment grating on her nerves.

"Mama, the wolf seems better today," Josef said, holding out a piece of dried meat for the animal. The wolf inched closer on his forelegs, sniffed the meat, but didn't take it.

"Come on, eat it," the little boy begged, wiggling the meat in front of his nose.

"Josef, he does seem improved today, but we must let him rest so he may regain his strength. His appetite will return once he feels better,' his mother explained.

Katie looked up at her mother. "Can I go to the reservation and visit Live in Hopes?"

"May I," Michaela corrected her curtly. "I'd prefer for you to wait until your father wakes up, and if it's all right with him, it's all right with me."

Brian gulped down the last of his coffee. "I'm going to the reservation soon. I can take Katie."

"I'd rather all of you wait for your father," she said firmly, too overwhelmed to make even the most mundane decision. Unable to endure another moment of small talk, Michaela abruptly rose to her feet. She saddled her horse with rapid, disjointed movements. Dorothy watched with mounting concern as Michaela dropped her saddlebag, spilling the contents onto the ground. Afraid of being left behind, Dorothy rose to saddle her horse for the trip into town. Brian and Katie looked on as their mother gathered the supplies with noticeable frustration, wondering what had caused her irritability. When Michaela finished readying her horse, she walked toward her children, giving each one a kiss on the cheek. She instructed them, one last time, to obey Brian and wait for Sully to awaken. Impatient to leave, she turned around and walked briskly back toward her horse.

Sully stirred, squinting as he tried to open his eyes. He blinked several times at the intrusion of blinding bright light. The heat of the sun told him he had overslept while his back told him he had spent too long on the ground. A cacophony of voices filtered into his mind, telling him everyone was awake and probably had been for hours. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, massaged his lower back and neck before stretching his arms out to the side. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Michaela hurrying in the direction of her horse. He quickly got to his feet. Approaching her from behind, he grasped her arm, turning her around to face him. "Where ya goin'?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Her body stiffened. She had wanted to be gone before he awoke. "Dorothy and I are going into town. I need to send a wire to Jason."

"What are ya gonna tell 'im?" He raked his hands through his sleep tangled hair as he studied his wife. There were deep circles under her eyes and her face was pale and drawn from sleeplessness and worry. He regretted having been the cause of her restless night.

"That our return home is delayed," she said, turning around to leave again.

Sully tightened his grip on her arm to prevent her from leaving. "Is that all?"

Michaela lowered her eyes to the ground and inhaled deeply. "I will stay longer, Sully, for you. But, I don't want to build a new life here. I don't."

He let go of her arm and brought his fingers under her chin, raising her face to his. "Don't decide yet. Promise me you'll think about it."

"I thought about little else all night," she revealed, unable to meet his gaze. She pivoted around, shielding from his sight the tears that threatened to spill from the surface of her eyes.

With her back to him, he tenderly squeezed her shoulder from behind, pressed his lips against the warm back of her head, and then whispered into her ear. "We can make it work. I know we can. We'll all be real happy here."

Hearing that Sully hadn't changed his mind, and knowing that she hadn't changed hers, she had a desperate need to escape the campsite. Rather than continue talking, when she could see no mutually agreeable outcome, she had to do something, anything other than contemplate changing her life. She reined in her emotions and glanced back at him. "Would you stay with the children while I'm gone?"

"Sure." With a slight wave, he watched her walk away, mount her horse and ride off with Dorothy. Disturbed by the pain he saw etched across her face, he remained frozen in place, transfixed by the two retreating figures on horseback. He watched them until they became smaller and smaller, disappearing into the horizon. As he stared off toward the grasslands, he shook off the possibility that she might not stay. When grass was all he could see in the distance, he stepped back toward the campfire. "Any coffee left?" he asked Brian, taking a seat beside him.

"Here," Brian said, handing him the last of the coffee. Noticing that the lukewarm, bitter remains barely filled half a cup, he put on a fresh pot.

"Thank you."

"You want oatmeal?" Katie asked her father.

"That'd be good."

Katie ladled a bowl of oatmeal for her father, handing it to him. "Papa, Mama said I could go visit Live in Hopes if it was all right with you."

With his mind still focused on his wife, it took Sully a moment to register his daughter's request. "Katie, let me wake up some more and then we'll all go to the reservation. I haven't spent much time with ya these past few days. I missed ya."

"I missed you, too, Papa," Josef said. He brought his arms around his back, hugging his father from behind. "You think the wolf's gonna be all right?"

Sully glanced at the young wolf curled up by the fire. "What'd your ma say?"

"He needs rest," the little boy answered.

"Then ya gotta let 'im rest." Sully reached over and scratched the wolf behind his ears, causing the animal to look up at him quizzically. "Joe, if he gets better, he'll wanna go back ta the woods."

"No, I'm gonna take care of him," Josef insisted, protectively placing his arm across the wolf's body.

Sully drew his brows together into a frown. "He belongs in the woods with the other wolves. When he's strong enough, he's gonna join another pack. I want ya ta be prepared."

"Why would he leave?' Katie asked. "Wolf stayed with you."

"Yeah, he won't leave," Josef said, stroking the animal's gray fur.

"That was different. Not all wolves are like Wolf," Sully said, bringing a spoonful of oatmeal to his mouth.

Brian offered an explanation. "Wolves are pack animals. They need to be with other wolves."

"Why?" the little boy persisted.

"They just do," Brian said. "It's their nature."

Sully brought Josef into his lap. "Joe, ya want the wolf ta be happy don't ya?"

"Yeah."

"Then ya gotta let 'im decide where he wants ta live. Ya need ta be prepared ta let 'im go." As Sully said these words, he thought of his wife. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy.

"He's gonna stay, just like Wolf," Josef said confidently. "We'll be his pack."

Sully and Brian shared a concerned look. "Ya saved his life. But ya gotta let 'im choose where he wants ta live," his father told him. "Givin' 'im his freedom is the greatest gift you can give."

From across the fire, Brian noticed Cloud Dancing riding into their campsite. "Hey, Cloud Dancing." Brian stood and hurried over to greet the medicine man.

"Cloud Dancing!" Katie called, jumping to her feet. She ran toward him, hugging him tight. Josef followed behind his sister. Only Sully remained by the fire, sipping his coffee, his stomach twisted in knots.

"Ha Ho," Cloud Dancing said. He ambled toward Sully with an arm around each of the younger children. Noticing that his friend only briefly glanced up to acknowledge his presence, he turned his attention to the wolf. "Who is this?"

"He was caught in a trap," Josef said. "I freed him and brought him to Mama."

Cloud Dancing grimaced. "Where was this?"

"Between here and the reservation," Josef said, returning to the wolf's side.

"It was either the soldiers or the cattlemen," Cloud Dancing muttered to himself, disgusted by what men did to animals. "Is the wolf going to be all right?"

"Mama says he needs his rest to get strong again," Josef said. He sat back down beside the wolf and scratched the top of his head.

"Your mother is a good doctor. Listen to her. Then perhaps this wolf will be for you as Wolf was for your father," Cloud Dancing said. He was surprised by the disapproving looks he received from both Sully and Brian.

"See Papa, even Cloud Dancing thinks he'll stay with me."

The reasons for the stares now evident, Cloud Dancing modified his words. "Josef, he might choose to stay with you, but he also might want to return to the woods. If you love him, you need to leave him free to decide.

"That's what Papa said," Josef replied, his eyes downcast at the thought of losing his new friend.

"Your father is a wise man," Cloud Dancing said, looking directly at Sully.

Sully glanced in his direction. There was so much he wanted to say. Instead, he sat mute, his tongue twisted, uncertain about where to begin.

"Sully, I was hoping we could…could talk," Cloud Dancing said. Registering the chasm that now stood between them, he became concerned that he had pushed him past the point of no return.

"I'll take the kids to the reservation," Brian offered, to be helpful. For the first time, he sensed the uneasy interaction between the two men.

"We'll all go, and when I get the kids settled, I'll come by your lodge," Sully told Cloud Dancing. He tossed the bitter remains of his coffee into the fire and poured a fresh cup.

"I will see you later," Cloud Dancing said. Having no reason to stay, he turned around and headed back to the reservation. He had taken the first small step. Alarmed by the depth of hurt he saw reflected in Sully's eyes, he wondered if it would be enough.

* * * * *

"Michaela, is something wrong?" Dorothy observed her friend staring at freshly picked corn in the local market as if she had never seen it before. From the moment they left the campsite, Michaela only spoke in reply to a question, her responses short and clipped. Throughout the morning, she seemed distracted and disinterested in carrying out their errands.

"I'm fine, Dorothy, just a little tired," she replied. She pulled apart the silky hairs of the husk, examining the corn with little interest.

"I'd say you're more than a little tired, Michaela. Please tell me what's got you so upset," Dorothy urged, with a touch to her arm. Michaela took a deep breath in an attempt to hide her emotions. It was no use. In seconds, pools of hot tears collected in her eyes. "Oh dear," Dorothy said, as she guided her from the market to a wooden bench on the side of the building, away from curious eyes that might pass through town. "Come, sit down and tell me what's wrong."

Michaela brushed her knuckles across her eyes. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You have to talk about it. Is it Sully or one of the children? Please let me help you."

"You can't," she choked out. Michaela leaned forward, pushing her face into her hands. She didn't want to talk about it. Somehow voicing the words out loud would make this problem real, and making it real would make it something she had to deal with. Even more, she didn't want to cry, but once the tears spilled over, there was no way to make them stop.

"Tell me," her friend said, her voice demanding.

Michaela raised her head, taking a few ragged breaths. "Sully wants to stay."

"Stay? You mean longer?"

"For good."

Dorothy brought her fingers to her cheek in an expression of shock. "And you don't."

"I don't," she admitted, shifting in her seat to finally face her friend. "Truthfully, Dorothy, I don't even understand why he wants to stay."

"What did he tell you?"

"That he wants us to build a new life here, helping the Cheyenne," Michaela explained, once again bringing her hand to her face and swiping at the moisture. Spasms of fear shot through her body when she thought about building a future in Oklahoma.

"Why now? What does he think he can do?"

"I don't know," she said. The tone in her voice revealed her bitterness and frustration. "Just last week, he wanted to return home. I can't dismiss the notion that this is somehow related to Cloud Dancing. You saw him yesterday. Did he say anything to you?"

Dorothy reached over and took her hand. "I'm sorry, Michaela. He didn't say anything about Sully. But, I sensed tension between them at the council."

"Sully told me that Cloud Dancing believes he betrayed the Cheyenne. But, I know that's not true."

"You think that's why he wants to stay, to prove something to Cloud Dancing?"

"I've considered the possibility," Michaela said, resting her chin in the palm of her hand.

Dorothy placed her arm across her back. "Cloud Dancing would never accuse Sully of hurting the Cheyenne. The two of them just need to talk and clear up this misunderstanding. Everything will work out, you'll see."

Michaela could not share Dorothy's optimism and changed the topic of conversation. "What about you and Cloud Dancing? You've been spending more time together."

Dorothy accepted her friend's desire to steer the conversation in another direction. "It's gotten easier. Learning about his marriage hurt. I won't lie and say it didn't. But, this is right for Cloud Dancing. I could never stay here, Michaela." As she said those words, she noticed the pained expression on her friend's face and she wanted to snatch them back and swallow them. "I've enjoyed being with him again, as a friend. He told me all about the work he's doing for the children. What we had began with my writing and that's where it's going to end. He's helping me with an article I'm writing about the reservation. When we get home, if I have enough material, I might even write a book. People need to know how the Indians are really living."

"That's wonderful, Dorothy," she said, sitting up straight. "Then you've accepted his marriage?"

"Yes," she said, a little too quickly. "I'm glad Cloud Dancing will have someone to share his life with. I met Two Voices. She seems like a nice young woman."

"I hope they'll be happy. Cloud Dancing deserves some happiness after all he's been through."

"He does." Dorothy hesitated for a moment, deciding to return to what was still unspoken between them. "Michaela, what are you going to do?"

Taken aback that the topic had returned to her, she hesitated, trembling from exhaustion and worry. Her silence was so long, Dorothy contemplated repeating the question. Eventually, with a tired sigh, Michaela answered. "I agreed to stay until Sully and Cloud Dancing repair their friendship."

"And after that?"

"I honestly don't know. I can't live here, Dorothy. I don't think it's right for me, the children and most of all Sully. He can't recreate what he once shared with the Cheyenne." Michaela hesitated as bits and pieces of their conversation invaded her mind. "He doesn't think I care about what's important to him."

"He doesn't mean that," Dorothy reassured.

"I'm afraid he does." There was a vibration in her voice. "He accused me of always having to get my way and he blames me for his decision to turn down the Yellowstone job."

"I recall you told him you'd go."

"Yes, but he knew I didn't want to." Michaela leaned back against the bench, turning her eyes skyward. "Perhaps this is something I have to do for him," she murmured, feeling a tremor at the corner of her mouth.

Dorothy placed her hand over Michaela's. "But, you don't want to."

"No."

"Michaela, I don't mean to make this worse for you, but I'm ready to go home. I've gotten what I came for. Brian's ready, too. Would you mind if I spoke to him about returning home with me?"

"I understand, but could you give it a few more days? By then we'll know how long we're staying on."

"All right. I'll give it a few days. Why don't we buy that corn and head back to the campsite?"

Michaela rose from the bench, facing her friend. "Dorothy, I would like some time by myself. Would you mind returning to the campsite without me?"

"I don't mind, but where are you going?"

Michaela noticed the look of anxious concern on her friend's face. "Not far. I just need time alone to think about all of this. I can't do it with everyone under foot. Please tell Sully I'll be back soon, and let him know I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Michaela," her friend observed.

Michaela looked away from her friend's worried expression toward the ground. "Please, Dorothy. I need this. And don't say anything to Sully about our talk. I need to be the one to speak with him."

"Of course."

"Thank you."

Go to Chapter Thirty-Two....

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