For personal use and select distribution only © by Judith A., October 2006
No Greater
Burden
By Judith A.
Chapter Thirty-Three | Chapter Thirty-Four | Chapter Thirty-Five
The next morning, Michaela and Sully rode at a leisurely pace from the canyon, through the tall, brown prairie grass toward their campsite. They were feeling more settled than they had in days. Wounds had been healed, friendships restored, and a life spared. They were once again standing side by side on solid ground, a foundation which had been strengthened and reinforced by the obstacles that had threatened to steer them off course. Having gotten far more out of this trip than they ever imagined, together they decided that the time had come to go home, back to Colorado, secure in the knowledge that their friends were doing all they could to survive.
As their campsite came into view, the couple shared an amused glance at the first sight of their family. They were engaged in a spirited stick tossing game with the wolf. Eager to greet their children, they brought their horses to a stop, dismounted, secured them near the wagon, and walked hand in hand in their direction.
"Mama! Papa!" Josef hollered and waved. He ran over to them, barreling into his mother at full force, wrapping his arms securely around her waist. Michaela reared back slightly before being steadied by Sully's hand against her back. Katie joined her brother at her parent's side, giving them both a kiss.
Sully drew his daughter into a warm embrace. Glancing over the top of her head, he noticed Live in Hopes standing off to the side, looking slightly uncomfortable. "It's good to see you," Sully said to the boy. "What brings ya out this way? Another lesson?"
Live in Hopes became tongue-tied and couldn't think of an appropriate response. His lessons with Katie had ended a few days ago. They both agreed that spending time together, talking, was the best way for each of them to learn the other's language. This morning, he had come by for the sole purpose of spending time with Katie, but he wasn't sure he should admit that to her father. Finally, he found his voice and offered an excuse. "I…uh…I came to see the wolf."
Michaela noticed the awkward silence and the subtle glances between Live in Hopes and her daughter. At hearing him stutter over his words, she studied the two of them carefully.
Dorothy walked over with two steaming hot cups of coffee. "I thought you could use these."
"Sure could, thanks," Sully said, reaching for the cup and blowing on it before taking a sip.
The sudden thrust of a coffee cup in front of her interrupted Michaela's concentration. Reluctantly, her eyes left Katie to accept the cup. "Thank you, Dorothy," she said cheerfully. Her face was lit up with a radiant smile that was intended to silently communicate to her friend that all was well.
Dorothy nodded in understanding, returning her friend's smile with a relieved grin of her own. "Brian cooked trout for us this morning. Would you like me to see if there's any left?"
Before Michaela had a chance to answer, Brian advanced toward them carrying a plate of fish and biscuits. "We saved you some," he said, noticing that both his parents seemed more relaxed than they had been for several days. Gone were the deep worry lines on his mother's face along with the dark circles under her eyes. Also absent were his father's pain darkened expressions.
"Thanks, Brian, I'm starved," Sully said, reaching for a biscuit and taking a large bite. It tasted delicious, mainly because it was the first food he had eaten since yesterday afternoon.
"The wolf's better," Josef told his mother. He took the stick and tossed it out for the animal to retrieve.
"I can see that," Michaela said, watching him run, pick up the stick in his mouth and trot back, depositing it at Josef's feet. He sniffed the ground, and then looked up expectantly at Josef, waiting for him to toss the stick again.
Josef complied by throwing the stick once more. "Papa said he was gonna leave us to live with other wolves, but he came back. Can we take him home?"
"Well," she began, seeking out Sully's eyes for an appropriate answer.
"Please," Josef begged.
Sully swallowed the food in his mouth before responding. "Joe, he's young. He still might go back ta the woods. But, if he's still here when we're ready ta go home, and he wants ta come with us, you can take 'im home."
Katie's brows were drawn in confusion. "How are we gonna know if he wants to come with us? He can't tell us."
"Katie, he'll tell us in his own way," Brian supplied.
"Brian's right," Sully said, bringing the cup to his mouth for another sip of coffee. "If he hangs around an' settles in the wagon when we're ready ta leave, I'd say he's tellin' us he wants ta come."
"If he's going to be with us, you might want to think of a name for him," Michaela suggested.
"How 'bout Wolf," Josef said, kneeling on the ground to pet the wolf.
Michaela crouched down, placed a hand on his shoulder, and looked her son in the eye. "Sweetheart, I think you should choose a different name. Wolf holds a special place in our family and he should be the only one to bear that name."
"After all, there was only one Wolf," Brian added. He tossed the rest of the uneaten breakfast to the animal before stepping toward the campfire and dousing it. No longer needed for cooking, the fire was adding unwelcome warmth to the already scorching hot day.
"What's wolf in Cheyenne?" Katie asked Live in Hopes.
"Ho'nehe," he replied.
"I wanna pick his name. I found him," Josef said, fearful his sister was taking control. He sat on the ground, lifted the wolf into his arms, and settled him on his lap as he considered suitable names. "What about Trapper, 'cause I found him in a trap?"
"I like it," Katie said, squatting to scratch the animal's head.
"That's a good name," Live in Hopes agreed.
"Trapper it is then," Michaela confirmed, rising to her full height. She noticed how her children doted on the young animal and how he relished the attention.
"Papa, I think he looks like Wolf. You see the white on his chest. You think he's his pup? Maybe Wolf sent him to us."
"Josef, I don't think…" Michaela began in a sympathetic tone.
Sully flashed a look of caution to his wife and cut in. "Joe, Wolf would go away ta hunt an' spend time with other wolves, but I don't think he roamed this far. But, over the years, he probably had lots o' pups. There's really no way o' knowin' for sure if this is one or not." Sully recognized how important it was for Josef to believe that this wolf shared a connection with Wolf, however unlikely a coincidence he believed it to be.
"Well, I think he's his pup. They
look alike and act alike," Josef declared. His faith in Trapper's
connection to Wolf would allow Josef to begin to let go of the burden of guilt
he had been carrying inside since the day Wolf died.
"Is Trapper gonna go away, too, sometimes?" Katie asked. She sat
beside her brother stroking the wiry gray fur on the wolf's back.
"Ya gotta let 'im do what's in his nature. Stayin' with us has gotta be his choice. Ya understand?" Sully gulped the last drops of his coffee and walked over to the fire for another cup. After he filled his cup, he brought the remaining coffee over for his wife.
Josef nodded halfheartedly, unwilling to face the possibility that his new friend might choose to leave. "When are we going home?"
"Real soon. I need ta speak with Cloud Dancin' first," Sully replied.
"I'm glad to hear that," Dorothy piped in. "I'm eager to return to the Gazette. Who knows what kind of mess Preston's left for me to clean up. Since I've already finished breakfast, I'm going down to the river to wash up. Michaela, will you be here when I return?"
"Yes. Sully's going to meet Cloud Dancing, while I stay here to catch up on chores. Later I'd like to visit with Night Crane," Michaela replied.
Katie had been mulling over the news of their imminent departure and sharing sad glances with Live in Hopes. After Dorothy departed, she addressed her parents. "Do we have to leave right away? Couldn't we stay a little longer?"
Michaela studied her daughter carefully, trying to identify the cause of her disappointment. Her eyes roamed from Katie to Live in Hopes and back again several times, an idea forming in her mind. "Your father and I need to return to work and shortly you'll be heading back to school."
"Your ma's right, Katie. We already stayed longer than we planned. It's time ta go home," Sully said.
Katie looked down at the ground thinking about ways to spend more time with Live in Hopes before she left. "Can Joey and me take Trapper for a walk in the tall grass with Live in Hopes?"
"Joey and I," Michaela corrected. "Yes, you may. I want all of you to stay together and don't be gone too long."
"We won't," the children replied in unison. Josef ran ahead with Trapper by his side. Katie and Live in Hopes lingered behind, walking slowly, deliberately putting distance between themselves and Josef.
Sully put his arm around Michaela and watched the children head off through the grass, the wolf at their side. "I didn't expect Katie ta take our leavin' so hard."
"I believe a particular young boy is responsible for that," Michaela said in a lighthearted tone.
Sully's eyes narrowed. "What are ya talkin' about?"
"Live in Hopes."
"They're friends."
"I believe they have a crush on each other."
Sully shook his head. "She's too young."
"She's a little older than Brian was when he had his first crush," she reminded him, gently stroking his arm.
Sully mulled that over in his mind for a while. "It don't bother you?"
Michaela looked up into his eyes. "Why should it bother me?
"You were bothered when it was Brian," he told her. Remembering how Michaela taught Brian about the birds and the bees still caused him to chuckle.
She wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned into him, her breath warm at his ear. "I have learned a few things since then. What I want to know is why it bothers you? You encouraged Brian with Sarah."
"That was different," he said, staring off in the distance where the children had just been.
"How was it different?"
"It just was. I don't like thinkin' some boy is lookin' at my little girl that way."
Michaela lightly laughed, finding her husband's discomfort amusing. "Live in Hopes is far too young to be thinking about Katie in an inappropriate fashion. I think it's sweet."
"I'm not ready for Katie ta start noticin' boys."
She linked her fingers with his. "You weren't going to be the only man in her life forever."
"No wonder Katie didn't seem eager 'bout goin' home."
"Are you?" She searched his eyes for reassurance.
He drew her close, resting his head against hers. "I'm ready."
* * * * *
"You will be leaving," Cloud Dancing said. The two men were in the woods hunting. They walked side by side, their quivers over their right shoulders and their bows ready. Sully had his eyes fixed on the trail searching for game, while Cloud Dancing kept his eyes on his friend, carefully observing his expressions, posture, and demeanor.
Sully's eyes flew to Cloud Dancing, pausing in his steps. "How'd ya know?"
Cloud Dancing stopped walking and faced his friend. "Your eyes shine with a brightness that has been missing these past few days, and you move with an ease I have not seen since you arrived here."
Sully grew quiet, averting his eyes and slumping his shoulders, as if by making himself smaller he could hide the truth that he was happy and at peace with his life, and with their decision to go home. It seemed wrong to feel contentment when the Cheyenne had so little.
Cloud Dancing watched a host of emotions play across his face, disturbed by how easily his mood changed from satisfaction to unease. "There is no greater burden."
Sully regarded him with a steady gaze. "What?"
"Guilt," Cloud Dancing said, pausing for a moment to make sure Sully absorbed his meaning. "There is no greater burden than guilt." He resumed walking, but slowed his pace when he became aware that Sully hadn't moved.
Sully lingered behind, unnerved by his transparency. Where the Cheyenne were concerned, he was consumed by guilt, guilt that he hadn't done enough, guilt that he had too much, and guilt that he was free to leave, choose his own life, and be happy. He and Cloud Dancing were brothers in every way that mattered, yet Sully's life was easier, solely because of the color of his skin. It was unfair, it made him angry, and yes, he felt guilty.
Cloud Dancing waited for Sully to catch up before speaking again. "I should know. It is also within me."
Sully gave him a long, hard sidelong glance. "You have nothin' ta feel guilty about. What's happened isn't your fault. You're doing all ya can for your people."
"You have also done everything you can. It does me no good to see you unhappy. Knowing you are content, with a strong family, pleases me. None of what has happened is your fault."
"It's my people who are doin' this ta you." He felt culpable somehow, but helpless, too.
"You do not think I know the difference between you and them?"
"Course ya do. It's just…I wanted ta do more. I thought if we stayed, we could make a difference, make life more bearable for ya, only what's happenin is too big. I can't stop it. You, Michaela, an' even Brian, helped me ta see that no matter how much I wanted it, we can't go back ta the way it used ta be. You and Strong Bow are doin' all ya can. I know you're gonna keep the Cheyenne alive in the children. What happens in the future is in your hands and theirs. I gotta let go, but it's hard."
"You only need to let go of the guilt and your belief that you owe me more than you have already given. I still need your friendship and the Cheyenne need you to remember."
"You'll always have that." Sully slowed his pace, stopped, and gazed meaningfully at his friend. "Always."
Cloud Dancing lowered his voice to nearly a whisper. "After what came between us, I was not certain."
"Ya never have ta worry 'bout that," Sully said, his blue eyes penetrating Cloud Dancing's brown ones. "I know it was the hate talkin'. Let it go."
Cloud Dancing lowered his eyes to the ground, his face drawn down in weariness and guilt. "I am afraid it is easier to see the foolishness of other men's prisons than to release yourself from one of your own making."
"Seems like guilt's been a burden ta all of us. It's eatin' away at Runnin' Wolf, has been for years. Ya think he'll ever find peace?"
As the two men resumed walking, their minds were on the conversation, not on the game they had set out to hunt. "Peace…no," Cloud Dancing said. "Acceptance is possible. It took great courage for him to come live among us, knowing the risk. I have come to believe he meant the truth to come out, even if he was not aware of it. The burden of carrying his secret was greater than the burden of living with the consequences. I no longer blame him for Washita." Cloud Dancing paused at the sound of broken twig. He listened hard, for in its sound he could tell whether the animal was small or large. It was neither, just a dry branch blown from a tree.
Sully, too, grew quiet and listened for what had drawn Cloud Dancing's attention. They shared an amused grin at the false alarm. "How'd ya get past it?"
"I realize now that Custer already knew where Black Kettle was camped. He had followed the Army's instructions to gather at Fort Cobb for protection. By being turned away, the Army had planned and sanctioned the massacre. Running Wolf and scouts like him were used to cover up Custer's real intent. Running Wolf spoke the truth. He did not kill us and torch our village. That was Custer. He tried to stop it. Though the blame is gone, forgiveness will take time."
"I understand," Sully said. They walked side by side, basking in each other's company, the natural rhythm of their friendship restored. As they talked now, it was as if no shadow had ever fallen between them. "He wants ta help ya. You believe that, don't ya?"
"I do. At first, I did not want to permit it, as if by denying him what he most wanted, I could prolong and worsen his suffering. When my desire for revenge receded, I came to see that his suffering did not help the Cheyenne. More good can come from his atonement."
"Michaela called it harvesting his guilt for good."
"That is the best use for guilt. Has Josef let go of his guilt?
Sully knelt to examine a patch of bent grass. He noticed more grass had been stepped on toward the right, and motioned for Cloud Dancing to follow. "Joe blames himself for Wolf's death. It's hard ta see 'im so upset and not be able ta help 'im."
"Does it help him to know that you do not also blame him?" Cloud Dancing examined the angle of the bend, trying to identify the animal that had passed.
"Some. The new wolf seems ta be helpin' more. Savin' that wolf's life made him feel better. He feels responsible for it, like it's his purpose. Joe's callin' 'im Trapper. Looks like he'll be comin' home with us." Sully hesitated, lowering his voice. "Joe thinks Wolf sent him."
"You do not?" he asked, noting the skepticism across his face.
Sully raised his eyebrows. "It's not likely."
"Now you sound like Michaela," Cloud Dancing said, chuckling. "You, yourself, have had experiences that cannot be reasoned or explained…when you knew where to find Michaela, and me. She has as well. Remember how visions of lilies directed her to you after you fell from the cliff. There are some mysteries we are meant to trust on faith."
"We didn't tell 'im he didn't send the wolf," Sully defended. He knew the world was full of mysteries that defied logic and perhaps this was one of them.
"It will be good for him to care for the wolf." Cloud Dancing read his face and understood what he saw there. "Having another wolf will be good for all of you."
Sully heard the unspoken reference to Wolf's death in his statement. "It's real hard. I still miss Wolf. I don't let on ta the kids, but sometimes I still see 'im and hear 'im. It's gonna be worse when we get home and he's not around. He was with me for so long. He was a part of me."
Cloud Dancing heard the pain in his voice and thought the new wolf would be good for Sully, too. Though he could never replace his beloved companion, he felt, in time, Trapper would assume the same role as protector of all of them. "When will you be leaving?"
"After your weddin'."
"I had wanted to tell you, we would like to be married tomorrow."
"We don't got any other plans," Sully said, lightening the mood.
"Does my brother, and best man, have any advice for me?"
Sully chuckled before growing serious. "Your marriage ta Snow Bird taught me more than I could ever tell you."
"I have asked myself what Snow Bird would think of this union," Cloud Dancing said. He had a far away look in his eyes, a look of remembering.
"She would understand."
"I believe that as well. Sully, answer one question for me. Among all the elements that contribute to a good marriage, what is the one that has done the most to strengthen yours?
Sully thought about the question for a long time. The word love was the first to enter his mind, but he remained quiet, knowing Cloud Dancing's marriage was born out of duty rather than the kind of love he felt for Michaela, the love that had carried them through their darkest days. His love for her had always been there, and while he couldn't imagine a strong marriage without it, there was another ingredient that probably did more to strengthen their marriage than any other. "Talk ta 'er."
Cloud Dancing couldn't guess how Sully would respond. He anticipated the words love, respect, or acceptance. The answer he gave caught him completely off guard, especially knowing Sully's introverted nature. "Talk?" Cloud Dancing needed to repeat it.
Sully gave him a swift grin. "It took me a long time ta learn that we could avoid a whole lotta misunderstandin' if we talked, told each other when somethin' was wrong or when one of us was hurtin'. When we first got married, neither one o' us was any good at communicatin' our feelin's. Now, even when we disagree, the talkin' helps, 'cause we understand each other better. I never thought I'd say this, but talkin' brought us closer together."
"You have both learned from each other and blended your ways. I will remember this advice."
"Cloud Dancin', I hope sharin' your life with someone will ease some of the burden o' livin' here," Sully said sincerely.
"That is my hope as well."
"It's gonna be hard ta say goodbye ta you."
"We are always with each other, here," he said pressing his hand to his chest. "I will not say goodbye to you, for we will see each other again."
"When we come back, I expect ta see little Cloud Dancin's runnin' 'round here," Sully teased.
Cloud Dancing laughed. The laugh hid his deep longing for Sully's words to be prophetic, embarrassed by how desperately he wanted them to come true. It was a wanting so strong and primal, as fierce as his desire for the Cheyenne to survive. It wasn't the way of nature to outlive your wife and children. He was coming upon the sunset of his life. When he left this earth, his greatest desire was to have a child who might carry on his work on behalf of the Cheyenne.
* * * * *
"You have been practicing," Cloud Dancing told Josef, impressed by how far he had thrown the arrow.
"Papa's been helping me," Josef said, pleased by his throw. "Eyes Like the Sky, too. Sometimes I even beat him. But, I can't beat you."
"Joe, Cloud Dancin's been playin' this game since he was younger than you. Takes time," Sully said. He was seated on the ground, leaning against the base of a cottonwood tree, enjoying the sight of his children playing arrow mark with Cloud Dancing.
Katie stepped forward for her turn. She pulled her arm back, and then thrust it forward, letting go of the arrow. It soared through the air straight and far, landing far to the right of the others flat on the ground. "Oh," she said, stomping her foot in frustration. "I thought it would get closer."
Cloud Dancing came to stand behind her. "Katie, you hold your arm as if you were using a bow and arrow. For arrow mark, the throw is different." He took her right arm, moving it to show her the feel of the different throws. "Now try again." Katie took another turn, and this time her arrow landed right next to Josef's, its point straight down with the feathers of both arrows touching.
"Real good, Kates," Sully congratulated, clapping his hands.
"You have both learned quickly," Cloud Dancing praised.
Nea'ese, Katie replied.
Cloud Dancing smiled in appreciation and asked both children in Cheyenne if they wanted to play again. Katie and Cloud Dancing continued to exchange simple Cheyenne phrases while Josef took his turn in the game. "Sully, soon you can teach them how to throw the tomahawk."
"Can we Papa?" Josef jumped up and down in excitement.
Sully chuckled. "When you're a little older, I'll teach ya."
"I can learn now," Katie pressed.
"Me, too. Please, Papa."
"Look what ya started," Sully said to Cloud Dancing, his tone one of mock disapproval.
Cloud Dancing shrugged his shoulders, a mischievous smile on his face.
"I'll teach both of ya in a few years. I'm not ready ta start that battle with your ma just yet."
"What battle?" Josef asked.
"Never mind. Go get your arrows an' throw again," Sully said, changing the subject.
"With practice, both of you will improve. Will you play with your friends at home?" Cloud Dancing asked, as he once again threw the arrow to establish the mark for the children to aim at.
"Yeah!" Josef said, letting go of his arrow. "I'll teach Luke and James. And, I'll beat 'em."
Katie stepped forward for her turn. "Joey, no one's gonna play Cheyenne games with us."
"Why not, they're fun," he said, pleased to have won another round of this game against his sister. All his time playing with Eyes Like the Sky and the other Cheyenne boys had really paid off.
"They just won't," she insisted, moving to retrieve the arrows.
"Well, I'm gonna try," Josef said, taking his arrow from her.
Cloud Dancing placed his arm around Josef's shoulder. "You should try. If you teach them, they might play."
Josef beamed up at Cloud Dancing. "I'm gonna."
"Supper's ready," Michaela called. She made her way up the small incline where the children and Cloud Dancing were playing. When she reached them, she turned toward Cloud Dancing. "Have they worn you out yet?"
He grinned broadly at her. "It is the opposite. They give me new energy and hope."
Josef tugged lightly on the end of her blouse. "Mama, Papa's gonna teach us to throw a tomahawk," Josef said, taking her hand.
"He is, is he?" She gave Sully a questioning stare.
Sully shrugged his shoulders and looked sheepishly at his wife, feigning innocence. "Joe, I told ya, in a few years."
"Then we have a few years to discuss it," she said, winding her arm around his waist and walking back toward the campfire for supper.
One by one, everyone took a seat around the campfire. They enjoyed a satisfying meal of fried trout, carrots, and potatoes. It was their last night at the reservation, and the last meal they would share with Cloud Dancing before they departed.
Throughout the meal, the conversation was lively and cheerful. The children chattered non-stop, showing off to Cloud Dancing all they had learned in their Cheyenne lessons and from spending time on the reservation. In their excitement to share their knowledge with their friend, they hardly touched their food, bringing repeated reminders from their mother to eat. Cloud Dancing was enthralled by their animated descriptions and impressed by all they had absorbed in only a few short weeks.
Brian also shared his news. He told Cloud Dancing about his imminent trip and answered his many questions. Since this was the first his younger siblings had learned of his trip, he answered their questions, too, heartened by their excitement for him.
"Brian," Cloud Dancing began. "Will your travels bring you this way again?"
"I thought I'd first go to San Francisco to see Ethan," he said, pausing briefly for a cautious glimpse at his parents. Michaela and Sully shared a concerned look at the news, each one silently determined to ensure that he was prepared for any potential disappointment he might encounter from attempting to contact his father. "Then I want to travel the coast for a while before heading east to Washington, Philadelphia, New York, and Boston. I'll visit here again when I'm close to Oklahoma."
"It will be good to see you again. You can tell me all that you have seen," Cloud Dancing told him.
Dorothy listened quietly to the conversation, mulling over whether to speak. When there was a natural break, she jumped in. "Cloud Dancing," she began nervously, relaxing when she saw the friendly smile on his face. "I would like to write another book. This one would tell what's happened to the Cheyenne and the importance of preserving your culture. I will draw on some of what I wrote before, but had to burn, and what I've learned here."
"You should write such a book," he agreed, bringing his fork to his mouth for another bite of food.
Dorothy paused to take a sip of tea and to garner her courage. "I was wondering…that is…if you would agree to read it before I send it to my publisher. To make sure I haven't written anything that can hurt the work you're doing here."
Cloud Dancing stilled his fork over his plate, moved by her request. "Dorothy, I would be honored to read your book. Your words can only help us. Thank you."
"Don't thank me until you've read it," she quipped, nervously glancing away from him.
"I do not have to read it to know what it will say," he said sincerely. He looked directly at her until their eyes joined together for a moment in mutual understanding.
"Cloud Dancing," Josef interrupted. "Tell us a story?"
Michaela began to collect the plates and silverware from the meal. "That's an excellent idea. We'd all love to hear a story."
"I would enjoy that." Cloud Dancing thought for a few moments, trying to come up with one he thought they hadn't heard. Josef crawled into his lap to listen to the story while Katie leaned into his side. Cloud Dancing placed an arm around each of the children, holding them close.
Josef looked up at Cloud Dancing. "Ne'hyo."
Sully choked up at hearing his son refer to Cloud Dancing as his father, his Cheyenne father. He had been sitting quietly throughout the meal enjoying the warmth of this cozy, intimate gathering of family and friends. The scene before him was one he wanted to imprint in his mind forever. Cloud Dancing seemed calm and content, as he cuddled affectionately with Katie and Josef. It was the first time, since they arrived at the reservation, that Sully recalled seeing Cloud Dancing so relaxed and genuinely happy. Sully edged closer to Michaela, prepared to listen to the story. He drew her close and rested his chin on her shoulder, pressing his cheek to hers.
"I have one that may be new to you," Cloud Dancing told them. Before he began to speak, his expression took on a far away look as if he was remembering the thousands of Cheyenne before him who told this story in exactly the same way he was about to tell it now. "One day the little mice were having a dance. They were dancing in the elk skull. Wihio came walking along over the prairie, and heard the singing, but could not tell where it came from…"
Chapter Thirty-Four | Chapter Thirty-Five | Chapter Thirty-Six
It was their last day at the reservation. By late afternoon, they would begin their journey home, leaving behind the vast oceans of grasslands, the unforgiving heat, and most of all, their Cheyenne friends, whose futures were so uncertain. Michaela rose early to get a head start on packing their belongings, relieved to find the task on this end was much easier than it had been when they first set out. A little while later, she was joined by Sully, who helped her finish packing, and then together, they loaded the trunk and all their supplies into the wagon.
With everyone awake and ready to leave, and all of their belongings secured, they rode the short distance to the reservation. Upon arriving, the wagon was left in the rear of the clearing behind Cloud Dancing's lodge, where his wedding ceremony would be held in just a few hours. There was one important stop they needed to make before returning for the wedding.
All four adults, two children, and a wolf walked across the reservation toward Running Wolf's lodge. When they reached the front of the lodge, they noticed it was more austere and drab than it had been only a week ago. It had lost all the little touches that had made it a home. Gone were their blankets, the beautiful, decorated robe, wooden carvings, and the pine table they ate their morning meal at each day. All had been given away to the Washita families as reparations. As it was another hot, dry day, with no breeze, Sully was surprised to find that no one was outside and that the door of the lodge was shut. Exchanging a wary glance with Michaela, he knocked on the door. His fears were allayed when the door opened and Night Crane stood before him, a wide grin across her face.
Night Crane stepped outside the lodge to greet them, New Promise in her arms. "It is good to see you. We must stay inside now to avoid the stares and perhaps worse." She glanced uneasily past her friends, across the grassy area, assessing whether anyone was lingering nearby to gawk at them, or to perhaps do something far more menacing. Since the council hearing, they had rocks thrown through their window and insults hurled at them. Satisfied they were safe; she poked her head back inside the lodge and called to her husband, letting him know they had visitors. In seconds, Running Wolf came to stand beside his wife. With a broad smile on his face, he clasped Sully's arm warmly.
Michaela reached for Night Crane's hand. "We came to say goodbye."
Even though they had been expecting the news, Night Crane and Running Wolf shared a silent look of disappointment. With her hand still in Michaela's, Night Crane noticed Katie and Josef looking around for Eyes Like the Sky. She turned her face in their direction. "He is not here. He went with Live in Hopes to the river to catch turtles. But, he will not want you to leave without saying goodbye. If you go now, you can catch up with them."
Josef looked up at his mother with pleading eyes. In the bright morning light, the blue in his eyes seemed to reflect the sky. "Can we, Mama?"
"You may, but come right back after you say goodbye," Michaela said, concerned they would be late for the wedding.
"I'll go with them, make sure they get back in time." Brian thought he should keep an eye on his siblings, knowing how easy it was for children to lose track of time, and how anxious his mother was to stay on schedule. In return, he received a smile of appreciation from his mother.
Running Wolf crouched down to place his hands on Katie's shoulders. "Do we have you to thank for sending our son a friend?"
Katie lowered her eyes to the ground as she felt adult stares boring into her. "I thought they'd like each other," she said in a church-quiet voice, only audible to Running Wolf.
"Thank you. It has made it easier for him here." Running Wolf brought his large arms around Katie and drew her close for a warm embrace. Michaela's eyes misted at hearing the compassion her daughter had shown to her friend. Sully was proud of Katie, but Live in Hopes had impressed him, as well. He faced the more difficult challenge of remaining here and offering friendship to Eyes Like the Sky, when so many of the other children had chosen to ostracize and ridicule him. When Running Wolf released Katie, he noticed a small wolf at her feet, sniffing him, assuring she was all right. "Who is this?"
"Trapper," Josef announced beaming. "Wolf sent him to me. He got his foot caught in a trap and I did what you said. I helped him, and Mama made him all better. Now he's comin' home with us." Josef spoke in a rush. When he finished telling the story, he threw his arms around Running Wolf, sad that the time had come to say goodbye.
Running Wolf held Josef tight to his chest. There was a warm bond between the two of them. He had Josef to thank for bringing their two families together. How different his destiny might have been if they had never met. In the time since he found him lost in the woods, he hadn't seen Josef look so happy. The tiny wolf had started him on the journey to forgiving himself for Wolf's death. "I will miss you, my little friend. Promise me you won't go wandering away from your parents on the way home."
Josef glanced up at him, squinting from the sun. "I promise. I'll miss you, Running Wolf." He hugged him one more time.
"We better go if we're gonna get back in time." Brian reached for his siblings' hands and all three of them headed in the direction of the river to say goodbye to Eyes Like the Sky and Live in Hopes.
Night Crane watched as Brian, Katie and Josef disappeared down the path toward the river. "They have generous hearts. As both of you do. We will miss all of you."
"We'll miss you, too," Michaela said. "Very much."
"When do you leave?" Running Wolf asked. As he looked between Michaela and Sully, a deep sorrow pooled in his chest.
"This afternoon. We can get a half day o' ridin' in 'fore the sun goes down," Sully replied, wishing they had more time together. Since the council, he hadn't visited with Running Wolf as often as he would have liked. He had been absorbed in his own crisis with Cloud Dancing and his concern over Michaela. Their friendship had begun to get back on track, but since it was new, lacking the deep roots he had with Cloud Dancing, it needed more cultivation to recover from being uprooted by Running Wolf's past. "I wish we had more time."
"There would never be enough time. There are no words…" Running Wolf's voice vibrated and then faded into nothing. He found it impossible to come up with the right words to thank Sully and tell him what his friendship meant to him.
Sully rested his hand on his shoulder. "There aren't."
"Sully, have you spoken with Cloud Dancing?" Running Wolf's tone was tentative, almost timid.
Sully read the concern etched across his face. "We're all right. After we leave here, we're goin' ta his weddin'." Sully could almost see his entire body ease at the news.
"I was friends with Two Voices as a girl," Night Crane told them, as she placed the baby down in a basket for his nap. "Perhaps, in time, we may find our way to become friends again."
"Cloud Dancin' ain't as angry and he don't blame ya. Give it time," Sully said, pushing the hair that had fallen in his face over his right shoulder.
Night Crane stared off in the distance. "I said terrible words to him. I meant them when I thought he wanted Running Wolf dead. But after his vote on the council, I wanted to speak with him, to thank him, but I didn't know how."
Michaela placed her hand on her arm. "We all said things we regret."
Sully gave her a look of compassion. "Michaela's right. The past week we all said things we wish we didn't. Words wrapped up in that much hate an' anger are more about gettin' the hurt out than what's real. If you're gonna move on, ya gotta let 'em go. That's what me and Cloud Dancin' did. You'll figure out the right time ta talk ta him."
Dorothy had been standing quietly for some time in nervous anticipation of the wedding. She had come to say goodbye to Night Crane, more for a distraction than any deep sorrow at leaving her behind. Though she had become very fond of the young woman, Dorothy's connection to her wasn't as close as Michaela's. Since they had met the Indian couple, her best friend's bond with Night Crane seemed to grow steadily stronger, sending tiny sparks of jealousy coursing through her. She looked forward to having Michaela all to herself again. But, before she left, there was one question she had for her. "Night Crane, I was wondering….wondering about Two Voices," she hesitated feeling foolish. "Will…I mean…do you think," she stammered, embarrassed by the question in her mind that wouldn't rest until she had an answer. "Will she and Cloud Dancing be happy?"
Night Crane noticed the genuine concern in Dorothy's eyes and wondered why she cared so much. She searched her childhood memories for words that might reassure her. "It is true, Two Voices is younger than Cloud Dancing, but she has been through much. She survived Washita, the loss of two husbands and a son. As a child, she was serious and far older than her years. I do not believe their age difference will matter. They are alike in their losses. Any Cheyenne girl would be honored to be chosen by a man of Cloud Dancing's status. I believe she will be a good wife to him and he will be good to her."
"I'm glad. Thank you." Dorothy found only small comfort in the answer as the jaws of jealousy gripped her once again. Some days it was easier to accept their separate lives. It was particularly difficult today, the day of his wedding. "I hope both of you will be all right here. I know Cloud Dancing, if you do what you said to help the Cheyenne, he'll forgive you in time."
Night Crane gave her a warm, polite hug. "Goodbye, Dorothy. I also believe, in time, it will be easier for us. Thank you for your support." Night Crane then turned to approach Michaela as the tears she had been trying to hold back filled her eyes. "I don't want to say goodbye to you. You have been my good friend, and a true Medicine Woman to me. I would not have been as strong without your support. Go safely and take care of your wonderful family."
Michaela embraced her warmly, awed by how easily she had stepped into her life and taken up residence in her heart. How she would love to have her as a friend in Colorado. "I will treasure our friendship. Please write to us. Perhaps one day we will see each other again."
Night Crane brought her hand to her face, wiping her tears. "I would like that."
With one hand Sully clasped Running Wolf's arm while his other hand was on his shoulder. "Are you gonna be all right here?" he asked, surprised by how hard it was to say goodbye. In a short time, Running Wolf had become a good friend. Though Sully wasn't sure he would ever make peace with his decision to scout for Custer, he had let it go. All that mattered now was the man Running Wolf had become since then, and his commitment to the welfare of the Cheyenne.
"Goodbye, my friend. I will miss you," Running Wolf said, drawing Sully into a bear hug that communicated profound gratitude for his friendship. After a long while, he let go and offered an answer he knew Sully would understand. "All that matters is that Night Crane and I are together, with our children. I will do my best for the Cheyenne and the rest will get easier in time." He paused to regain his composure and lighten the mood. "Travel safely. I will not be there to pull you from a cliff."
Sully chuckled. "We will. Take care o' yourself and your family. We'll see all o' ya again someday."
* * * * *
Cloud Dancing stood in front of his lodge, dressed in his finest clothes for the occasion of his wedding. He wore the wedding shirt that Michaela had tanned and sewn for Sully, and given to him after Washita, as a gift for teaching her about his medicine. His leggings were made of soft elk skin decorated with quillwork and beads and fringed at the bottom. Around his neck, he wore a necklace made of beads and eagle feathers to give him courage on his next journey into marriage. At his side was Sully. He, too, was dressed for the festive occasion, wearing the light tan buckskin shirt that Michaela had made and given to him on their tenth wedding anniversary. On his feet were the moccasins she had given him the other night in the cave. In the bright light of day, they were even more impressive than he remembered.
The sky was an incredible deep shade of blue, the endless expanse broken up occasionally by puffy, white clouds. It was as hot and dry as the days had been throughout July, but the air was clean and everything seemed to sparkle. A small group of elders and their families, and all of Two Voices family were assembled to witness the ceremony. Michaela, Brian, Dorothy, and the children stood to the side, directly across from Sully and Cloud Dancing. Even Trapper was in attendance, as Josef was afraid he would disappear into the woods if they left him alone in the wagon. From the slope of the small hill where they were gathered, a rough-legged hawk rose above the grassy plains, his loud cry seeming to call everyone to attention.
Cloud Dancing was surprised by the extent of his nervousness. Having been married before, he knew what to expect, but it had been a long time, over ten years, since he had shared his life with a woman. He had grown accustomed to his solitary life, and in the past few days had become acutely aware that this union was far different from the one he had entered into with Snow Bird. That marriage, he had chosen for himself, to a woman who understood and complemented him perfectly. This one was for his people, to fulfill a higher calling. Snow Bird had been so different from Two Voices. She was strong, outspoken, and grounded him with her gentle humor. Two Voices possessed a quiet strength beneath her youthful vulnerability and together he was confident they would build a good life working on behalf of the Cheyenne.
Sully's presence calmed his nerves and his support bolstered his confidence. He was grateful his brother could stand beside him as he embarked on this next milestone in his life. It hardly seemed possible that less than a week ago he had dishonored and trampled over all that Sully had meant to him and the Cheyenne. He still felt a cold stab of shame and remorse at his spiteful words. Over the past few days, the time they spent hunting and talking had healed the deep wounds, and restored the bonds of their friendship, as if nothing had ever come between them. He knew the sturdy foundation, upon which their friendship had been built and nurtured through time, allowed it to withstand the impact of such an emotional earthquake, leaving it stronger in its wake.
The booming of the drums carried a song of celebration through the air as Two Voices rode toward Cloud Dancing's tepee on a horse led by her mother. She was dressed in a beautiful doeskin wedding dress, decorated with elaborate beadwork and a breastplate of long ivory porcupine quills. Ornate jewelry decorated her wrists and hands, and a large turquoise stone hung from her neck. In her right hand she held a fan made from the wing of a red-tailed hawk. When the horse came to a stop in front of him, Cloud Dancing helped her to the ground and held out his hand. Her smile was open and bright as she took his offered hand and went to stand beside him. They faced each other with their left hands clasped together in hopeful anticipation of what was to come.
As Dorothy watched the couple standing before each other, she ached with affection for him. It was really over. There could be no more wondering, hoping, or asking what if. A sorrowful resignation settled in her gut as she realized that this trip had delivered the closure she thought she wanted. It hadn't been the outcome of her late night fantasies, but in reality, anything other than a final goodbye was impossible.
Observing the joy on the couple's faces brought a rush of tears to her eyes. She fought hard to control them from spilling over, just as she fought to squelch the hot pangs of jealousy that strangled her insides. The wedding gift she most wanted to give Cloud Dancing was to remain strong and wish him the very best in his new marriage.
Cloud Dancing had brought out the best in her. Dorothy could be petty and selfish at times, her opinion easily swayed by the crowd. But, with Cloud Dancing, she became more open-minded and in touch with a world outside herself. She liked herself more when she was in his company. During the long trip home, she would find a way to embrace what she had learned from having him in her life, and come to terms with the empty void his absence had created.
Strong Bow stood before the couple. Though the Cheyenne were usually married without an officiator, the chief had wanted to be present, and say a few words out of respect for Cloud Dancing's status in the tribe. With their daily life on the reservation a constant struggle for survival, he encouraged the tribe to revel in celebrating the infrequent and hard-earned occasions of happiness.
Strong Bow lit the pipe filled with a braid of sweet grass, inhaled, and then fanned the smoke toward the lodge, offering prayers for the couple. The prayers sounded warm and melodic, filtering through the air like a song. They were prayers for their happiness, for their lodge to be blessed with many children, and that they may enjoy a long life together. Then the pipe was passed around for others to recite a prayer for the couple. After saying a few final words, they were married. Cloud Dancing took both her hands in his and leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers in a brief, affectionate kiss.
Sully was the first to congratulate the couple. He wished Two Voices much happiness with his friend before he turned and drew Cloud Dancing into a warm, tight embrace. "Congratulations," he said, patting him on the back.
Cloud Dancing held onto Sully with all the strength in his arms, unsure when they would see each other again. "Thank you, my brother. It meant a great deal to me that you were able to stand beside me. More than I could ever express."
When they separated, Sully kept his hand on his shoulder. "Glad we could be here." Unable to find the words to say goodbye, Sully fell into silence. They both looked at each other for a long moment, the expressions on their faces communicating more than any words. Finally Sully found his voice. "This ain't goodbye."
Cloud Dancing felt the constriction in his throat. "No, it is not goodbye."
Michaela interrupted them to give her best to the couple and to face Cloud Dancing for the last time before they left for home. "I never know how to say goodbye to you."
He brought her into his arms, hugging her warmly. "It is not goodbye. In my heart, I know we will see each other again. Thank you for all you have done for us and for the medicine."
Michaela hugged him back tightly. "You are more than welcome. Be well." When she stepped out of Cloud Dancing's embrace, she reached for Sully's hand, squeezing it to silently communicate that she understood how difficult this moment was for him. He gave her a faint smile of gratitude. Together they watched as Cloud Dancing said goodbye to Brian and the children, even bending down to scratch Trapper's head.
Dorothy wiped away a tear that had slipped down her cheek, despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. With her heart knocking in her chest, she took several deep, consoling breaths before she joined the others in congratulating the couple. After she offered best wishes to his new wife, Dorothy turned to Cloud Dancing. Several moments of silence passed between them as she struggled to push aside her loss before speaking. "I truly hope you will be happy Cloud Dancing."
He saw the sincerity in her eyes and took her hand in his. "That means a great deal to me."
"Goodbye, Cloud Dancing." A friendly squeeze of his hand was the most intimate contact she was capable of, fearing what being in his arms for the last time might stir.
Cloud Dancing seemed to understand this silent agreement and patted her hand. "Goodbye, Dorothy." As certain as he was that he would see Sully and Michaela again, he was just as certain that this was the last time he would see Dorothy. Though they would continue to care and learn about each other from their good friends, she would never make this trip again to see him and he would never visit Colorado Springs. "Take good care of yourself."
"You, too." She gripped his hand one last time before letting go.
Cloud Dancing accepted the well wishes from the many people in his tribe gathered in attendance. Then he waved goodbye again to his good friends, wishing them a safe journey home. When most of the crowd had drifted away, he turned to his bride, took her by the hand and led her into their lodge to enjoy their first afternoon and night together as husband and wife.
After the couple had retreated into the tepee, Sully ushered everyone to the wagon. When he had lifted Josef into the back to join his sister, he noticed Live in Hopes walking toward them.
"I came to say goodbye," Live in Hopes said to Sully, though his eyes darted around looking for Katie.
Sully patted him on the back, amused by his attempt to hide the real reason he had come. "It was real good seein' ya again. Take care o' yourself." He turned toward the back of the wagon and raised his voice. "Katie, come out o' the wagon. Someone wants ta say goodbye ta you."
Live in Hopes politely said goodbye to Michaela, Dorothy and Brian before Katie and Josef had climbed out of the wagon. He smiled at Katie, but first turned to her brother. "Josef, you're all right for a little kid. Don't forget to practice what you learned in all those Cheyenne classes."
Josef beamed up at the older boy. "I won't."
Live in Hopes withdrew a large rectangular piece of wood from his bag. "I have something for you."
"For me?" Josef said, pointing to himself.
"For what you did." Live in Hopes handed the wood to Josef, revealing an intricate design of the face of a wolf carved on the surface. Under the face were the words, Wolf Helper. "You're the real Wolf Helper."
Tears, that always seemed to be close to the surface when he thought about Wolf, collected in his eyes. This time, though, his sad tears mingled with happy ones because, for the first time since Wolf died, Josef felt like he had done something right. "Thank you. I'm gonna take real good care of Trapper." Josef said, throwing his arms around Live in Hopes and squeezing him tight.
Live in Hopes hugged Josef back. "I know you will." Then he stepped toward Katie, aware of the eyes of her parents on both of them. He held out a colorful beaded necklace for her. "I will miss you."
Katie bowed her head forward so he could put the necklace around her neck. Turning around to reach into the wagon, she withdrew her book, Robinson Caruso, and handed it to him. "We didn't get to finish this one, so I want you to have it and think of me while you're reading it."
"I will." He reached over to hug her.
She kissed his cheek and held him tight, tears streaming down her face. "I'll miss you too," she whispered into his ear.
Sully was moved by the close friendship that had formed between his daughter and Live in Hopes. He felt incredible pride in his children for how they embraced the Cheyenne during their time on the reservation. It was hard to leave, harder than even he had anticipated. He said goodbye to Live in Hopes again and watched the boy walk away, wondering what the future held for him.
After once more settling the children into the back of the wagon, Sully helped Michaela and Dorothy into the front seat. Michaela grabbed the reins while Sully and Brian mounted their horses, trotted to the front of the group, and led the way for the start of their journey home.